Disclaimer: I don't know Lord of the Rings, I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own Pepsi (but my editor does!), and I don't own some other things in this chapter. I DO co-own Yasaaf!

Rated PG for: Disturbing images and a bad word. *gasp!*

AN: Did this take me too long? I hope not. I like fan service, although I don't seem to dish it out too much. Maybe this will change your mind. *grin* ^_^

Oh yes, a word to Elven Pickle: Did you read the entire story before insulting it? If so…*points and laughs* you wasted part of your life reading something that you hated! HAHAHAHAHAHHA! *ahem* I have an analogy for you. Comparing Harry Potter to Lord of the Rings is like comparing…(are you ready for it?) Lord of the Rings to Harry Potter! Yay! On with the story!

Chapter Seven!! *song and dance routine*

The party was set up more quickly than the first time, and managed to carry on for a good ten minutes or so before any difficulties popped up (two elves got into an argument over a bottle of Pepsi), and another half an hour before a second difficulty popped up (the same two elves arguing over a new bottle of Pepsi). All in all, it was a success. In order to keep Galadriel from crashing it, the party resulted in being quieter, calmer, and not quite as long as the previous one. Of course, this didn't stop Fred and George from continuing a long time after it was supposed to have ended.

Which about brings us up to where all the fun started. It was maybe three in the morning, give or take a few minutes, and all occupants still in the tree house were asleep. With the obvious exception of Fred and George.

"It's quiet," George murmured.

"Too quiet," Fred agreed.

"What do you say we liven the place up?"

"How?"

George grinned, and crept over to the DJ stand, nudging the sleeping elf away from it. "Let's see…what would give our friends a nice wake up call? How about…" a grin crept up on his face and he was about to push the play button, when frenzied scratching on the door stopped him.

"Who the-? Surely not old mum," Fred pondered, heading over to the door, and putting his ear up against it. (No, he did not use a cup. They don't work, despite all the hype that movies give them! Forget everything else that says otherwise! I only speak the twuth!)

On the other side he thought he could detect the faint mutterings of some pathetic creature. It sounded something like, 'My preciousss, the preciousss is here, and we must takes it from the nasty hobbitses…'

"Well?" George prompted.

"Sounds like a schizophrenic, obsessive compulsive child with a speech impediment," Fred replied with a shrug. Whoever it was couldn't pose that much of a threat, not if they didn't have enough sense to turn the handle on the door. So…Fred opened it.

On the front porch was crouched a creature that looked like a very hideous balding baby. It snapped to attention, it eyes squinting at the faint light. "Preciousss!" It hissed.

"Psycho…right." Fred rolled his eyes. He then noticed that the creature was clutching something close to its chest. They looked like blue hair rollers. "You coming in or not?"

The thing looked around furtively and ducked inside, hissing in disgust at the drunken elf to his right. George looked curiously at the thing and started laughing hysterically. "What is that?"

"Gollum…my precioussss…we likes the dark, yes we does."

"Shut up or go back to the looney bin," Fred muttered at it, although he had to admit, the pitiful thing was rather funny.

Wiping tears from his eyes, George turned purposefully back to the stand, when he was interrupted a second time, by a loud pounding on the door. Fred didn't have to press his ear up to the wood this time; the person wasn't trying at all to be quiet. In fact, it sounded as if they were trying to wake up the entire forest.

"LET ME IN!" They roared. Fred's hand froze in front of the handle and the twins both gasped softly.

"You don't think it's…"

"Lockhart?" George finished. "That stupid git!"

Before Fred could think of a spell to cast, the door burst open, nearly knocking him to the ground. Indeed, there was Lockhart, his hair amuss and fire in his eyes. He just happened to have his memory and was at Hogwarts for…some reason, and Gollum, having found the window had traveled through the school, searching for something that he could substitute for his lost 'preciousss'.

"Where are my hair curlers?" He asked, his veins bulging out of his neck, and his wide eyes searching the large room.

"I think the ugly baby thing has 'em," George pointed to Gollum, who was crouched in the corner. Somehow, all this commotion managed to wake up only one person. A certain very pretty-ful elf named Legolas, who sat up and blinked once before fully awake.

His hair, of course, was gorgeous and he stared curiously at the hyperventilating Lockhart. "What's going on?" he asked, then spotted Gollum. "Bad Hobbit-like creature!" He scolded, "Give Legolas the hair curlers!"

Gollum hissed and spat and squinted some more, but finally gave in when Legolas threatened to touch him. Then he shrieked like a banshee and tore off into a darker corner, muttering about his lost precious. Legolas picked up the baby blue rollers and looked that them. "These belong to you?" He asked Lockhart, making an offer to hand the two rollers over. Lockhart nodded eagerly and dove for the rollers, clutching them.

By now, Gred and Forge were both by the DJ stand talking amongst themselves. "Him and that ugly thing should really get to know each other I think they'd get along," Fred murmured. George nodded heartily.

Now, I'm not implying that our sexy elf has no respect for hair care products, but even he was looking at the grown man a little oddly. He had never really met humans who were so…strange before. Most men stood proud and tall and took the occasional bath. This one was obsessed with looking pretty, especially his hair, which, Legolas noted with distaste, was in complete disarray. "You know, they're just hair curlers," he said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth then Lockhart had leapt to his feet and was glaring daggers at his previous savior.

"WHAT!? JUST HAIR CURLERS!? BLASPHEMY!" He roared, effectively waking everybody else in the room.

"Erm…" said Legolas.

However, before the rabid Lockhart could pounce on the doe-eyed Legolas, two figures poofed! ™ into the room. Who were they? Why, none other than Yasaaf and Abu! (Long story, I'm just delivering semi-fan service.)

"Don't fight, it is not God's will," Abu said wisely.

"Yes!" Yasaaf agreed, "Instead, you should have some type of contest! Solve it peacefully! Go USA!" He grinned and the two poofed! ™ away.

Still half-asleep and very confused Ron muttered, "What the hell?" With a quickly added "-o!" after receiving a glare from Hermione.

"A contest. Okay, how about an archery contest?" Legolas suggested.

"No! A prettiest signature contest!" Lockhart shot back.

"How about…" Hermione spoke up, "a contest to see who's sexier." Ron and Harry looked curiously at her. No doubt the two of them would love the idea, but Hermione was suggesting it. Harry shook his head. This was just getting too bizarre.

Legolas shrugged in agreement and Lockhart puffed out his chest.

Match #6: Gilderoy Lockhart vs. Legolas Greenleaf

Announcer #2: Hello and welcome to match number six! This contest is a no brainer, and I don't even know why we're bothering to have it, but why not! In corner number one, from Harry Potter's world is Gilderoy Lockhart. A blue eyed, blonde haired git, who is a flaming Narcissist.

In corner number two from Middle Earth, and the obvious winner is Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, and the hottest elf wearing a tuxedo eva! He is also blue eyed and blonde haired, but he is pretty and modest. And the entire Fellowship would have died if it weren't for him, but do they give him recognition? NO! cough *aragorn* cough Don't interrupt the others…er…display please. Let the match BEGIN!

"Ooh! Ooh!" Lockhart squealed, bouncing up and down like a schoolgirl. "I wanna go first! Let me go first!"

"Okay," Legolas amiably agreed.

"Cool!" Lockhart exclaimed, smoothing his hair the best he could. Then he turned to the twins and ran up to them, whispering something excitedly. The two of them smiled back and snickered when he turned around. "I present to you…Gilderoy Lockhart!" he boomed, "Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of the Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile!" He waited for applause, and when he didn't receive any, he coughed and motioned for George to start the song.

"We have to hear him sing?" Harry groaned, grabbing his pillow and holding it firmly over his head while rolling around in torture. The song hadn't even started yet and his eardrums felt like they would split. If Lockhart wasn't embarrassed, Harry would be embarrassed for him.

"You are so beautiful…!" Lockhart started. The collective audience, including Hermione gagged and all conveniently found earplugs.

"This is supposed to prove he's sexy…how?" Ron shuddered.

The Hobbits were all huddled up in the corner, their hobbity eyes opened wide, and fearing for their little Hobbit lives. Finally, after a few minutes of excruciating torture, the song ended and everybody cheered. Not for Lockhart of course, they were just glad that the song had ended.

Legolas sat in thought for a minute, then had a quick word with Fred and George. Nobody stuffed in their earplugs, but they were hovering, just in case. After all, none of them had ever heard the elf sing before. He could be horrendous. It wasn't probable, but it was possible.

The pulse of the song started and then Legolas launched into a full out singing and dancing routine to "I'm too sexy". (What? You were maybe expecting something ugly?) He had to stop before it was all the way over, sadly enough, because he was still a little drunk off the Pepsi, and Fred's and George's playful jests of, "Take it off! Take it all off!" Were taken all a little too seriously. He was restrained before he became indecent and was forced back into his clothes. (You were hoping it was all coming off weren't you! Sorry this is a children's story, you perverted rabid fangirls! Teehee, I'm a hypocrite, I was hoping the exact same thing.)

"Well, who won?" Lockhart asked. All of the guys in the room looked around shiftily, not daring to answer. So Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Legolas won, you go back to Hogwarts with your hair curlers," she announced.

Lockhart's lower lip trembled, then his eyes scrunched up, and finally he burst into tears. The winner of the contest was given the pleasure of dumping him outside.

Not like normal men at all, Legolas decided, dumping the wailing package outside.

~~~~~~~~~~

More coming soon to a theater near you!