Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing involving either Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. I do, however, own the song that Fred and George sing, no matter how horrid it is.

Rated PG for: An almost bad word, and insulting other people's mothers.

AN: SHEESH! There's simply no apology for how long it took me to get this chapter out. There really isn't. So a simple "I'm sorry, here's a chapter" will have to do. Also, I have the next few planned out, so I should have a few more scheduled ones as extra apology.

Also, I'm sure all of you knew already that there is no way this thing could actually take place following that actual Harry Potter timeline, but I'd just like to say that…I know there is a person alive in this chapter who shouldn't be. I'm still deciding whether or not to actually get rid of them. But while they're here (still refraining from using the name, just in case) let's enjoy. In fact, I hope you all overly enjoy this chapter and accept my most sincere apologies.

Chapter Thirteen (Also called: The chapter that shouldn't be, because the match doesn't pertain to the title of the story, and adds nothing to the plot, but it was fun to write, so it's here just because)

"Let's have a look at it again."

"Yes, let's. Hermione, please, show us again."

"Good idea boys, I'd like to have another look as well."

Fred, George, and Ginny smiled innocently at Hermione, who was trying very hard to concentrate on the book she was reading. "You've seen it a thousand times already, I imagine you have the name memorized by now." She flipped the page.

"Oh, come on 'Mione!" Fred drew out her dreaded nickname for such a long time that you could have said all of Aragorn's names and still had time for tea.

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, but other than that she gave no sign that she was ready to relent to the begging.

"Ten sickles that Hermione lasts until the end of the book," Harry muttered from across the room.

"You're on," Ron murmured back.

Ever since Fred and George's movie had won a grand total of five Academy Awards they had delighted in forcing Hermione to show them the valentine whenever they pleased.

However, to the relief of whoever sent her the valentine (as if you haven't guessed who it is already) the twins decided not to divulge the coveted information. They decided it was more fun to drive Hermione up the wall asking to see it again, then proceed to taunt the entire room with the fact that, "We know something you don't know!"

At first the taunts had resulted in many groans and pleadings of, "Just tell us already!" After a few weeks though, the teasing seemed to loose some of its pizzazz and nobody particularly cared.

In fact, at the time the story is right now, the many deaths of Boromir were more invigorating then trying to figure out just who had sent Hermione that valentine.

"Listen, Hermione, darling, honey, we would love to beg you all day, but we have previous engagements, and our patience is wearing thin," George grinned at her.

"So if you find that we have coughing fits-"

"Because of our terrible allergies-"

"And somebody just happens to find out just who sent you that card-"

"Which you really appreciate more than you pretend to-"

"Then it really won't be our fault-"

"It'll be yours."

Hermione slowly and deliberately flipped another page and succeeded in ignoring the twin's little spiel.

Galadriel announced the breakfast was ready, which was enough incentive for Hermione to actually put down her book. However, it wasn't enough to get Fred and George to stop with their constant pestering, a sly comment or two occasionally thrown in by Ginny.

She was about ready to finish the last of her pancakes when Fred and George burst out into song. (Think: really bad imitation of a country singer)

"Hermione got a valentine!

She thinks that it's really fine!

She always says, but doesn't really think that

The guy who sent it is a great prat.

Even though all we know he is,

That little-"

"Okay!" Hermione exclaimed, slamming her fork down on the table. "I'll show you the valentine! Just please, stop singing!"

The twins exchanged high fives, then proceeded to congratulate themselves and their little sister.

At the other end of the table, Ron, Sirius, and Legolas all gave cries of triumph. Harry, Gandalf, and Gimli all reluctantly gave up the money.

She returned shortly, toting the behemoth of a card with her. "Come here you three," she sighed, while the trio all got up, laughing amongst themselves. Once they had crowded around her, she opened it up and let them have a good long look at it, before snapping it shut, and walking purposefully out of the room.

Then, sure enough, "We know something you don't know!"

Boromir got purposefully to his feet, but almost immediately slumped over onto the table, effectively spearing himself with his butter knife.

"Will you ever shut up about that?" Harry asked, annoyed at losing the bet.

"Probably not," Fred and George said at the same time.

"Why can't you just tell us who it is and torment whoever sent it to her?"

"But then ickle Harry," Fred gasped.

"You might be the one who gets teased," George added, eyes wide and nodding.

Harry's face turned red despite himself. "I did not send Hermione that valentine!" he protested.

Ginny smiled, "Well, they can't very well admit that, now can they? After all, narrowing down suspects would make it easier to deduce who actually did send the valentine and they wouldn't have any ammo."

"It's not very hard to narrow down the suspects without any clues," Harry said hotly. "I didn't send it, Arwen and Galadriel obviously didn't, Sirius didn't, because that would be disgusting, I'm sure Gollum couldn't make something like that without drooling all over it or biting it to pieces or something, Gandalf obviously didn't send it, Boromir can't stop dying long enough to do anything, Aragorn is already involved in a relationship, neither you, Fred, or George sent it, otherwise you wouldn't derive so much entertainment from it, Gimli, well, he has a crush on Lady Gaddy here, and I'm fairly certain that Pippin can't spell Hermione's name." Harry took a deep breath after his huge run-on sentence. "Therefore we are left to guess either Merry, Sam, Frodo, Legolas, or Ron."

A smile formed on Hermione's face. "Wow Harry, very good reasoning."

"I'm not finished yet," Harry replied. "With these five candidates we can reason out-"

"The love life of a Mudblood, how terribly fascinating."

All of the people from Harry's world immediately tensed and grimaced at that all too familiar drawl.

Ron's face went bright red and he gripped the glass he was holding so hard that it started to break. "Malfoy," he growled out through clenched teeth.

"Very good Weasel King," Draco Malfoy drawled (for as it is well known, he does almost nothing else but drawl and smirk, although he occasionally struts).

If at all possible, Ron's face went redder than before. "What exactly, are you, doing, here?" he demanded, his voice oddly strained with huge pauses between words.

"I know you all miss me terribly, so I decided to come visit. Then tonight we can all join hands and sing praise songs while roasting marshmallows over a fire." He replied sarcastically with something that could almost be referred to as wit. "Or if you prefer, we could just sit in the dark. I wouldn't want your parents to go into debt for a year after buying a marshmallow or two."

As usual, Draco's comments succeeded in winding Ron up. Harry, however, found that without the usual threats of Crabbe and Goyle sniggering stupidly behind his back, he was much less intimidating. Therefore, his insults could be taken casually, and the second he went too far, Harry could simply punch him in the face and not get sent to the hospital wing himself.

"You-" Ron started, but Malfoy cut him off.

"As a school prefect, I'm here to see why you are off of school property on a Saturday morning. I'm also here to take you back to Professor Snape so he can properly dock Gryffindor the few house points they've gained this year and send you, Weasley, back to that shack that you like to call a home."

The glass in Ron's hand shattered, and he made a move to leap across the table and strangle Draco with every ounce of strength he possessed, but Harry grabbed the back of his robes.

"Your threats are empty Malfoy," Hermione said calmly, "Professor Dumbledore said we could be here."

"Ah yes," a pronounced smirk appeared on Malfoy's face, which they had been expecting from the moment he walked into the room. "Well, your Mudblood loving Dumbledore cannot simply bend school rules like that. I'll be sure to tell Professor Snape about this so we can take this case to the Ministry and-"

"What case?" Harry jumped in. "There isn't a case. Dumbledore is the Headmaster, as a prefect – no matter what your swollen head has led you to believe – you don't have the authority to override him."

Everybody in the room, whether or not they understood what was going on, sent triumphant looks Draco's way.

"Allowing students to be in harm's way?" he asked, "I think that the Ministry must intervene if the Headmaster is putting his pupils in dangerous situations."

"Dangerous?" Hermione snapped. "What about this place is dangerous?"

Looking immensely pleased with himself, Draco pulled out his wand. Ron lunged forward, but Harry promptly pulled back on the fistful of robes he was holding onto, causing Ron's robes to rip terribly. It did pull him back momentarily though, which is what Harry had been aiming for.

"Accio!" Malfoy said clearly. Nothing happened for a second, and then…Gollum came zooming into the room, fighting ferociously against the ropes that were holding him.

"Let us go, preciousss, let us go!"

Shocked, Harry let his grip slacken, and Ron, free of restraint, leapt over the table and tackled Malfoy. "You bas-"

"Ron!" Hermione gasped.

"Let go of me, Weasley," Malfoy snarled at him.

Ron had Malfoy pinned to the ground, a hand on each shoulder, holding him against the floor. "No way. You're not going to get away with this."

"How cute, let me guess, protecting that girlfriend of yours?"

Ron's face which had turned red long before, contorted horribly. "Malfoy, I swear, I'm going to-"

"Aww, was it you who sent her that valentine? Is the Weasel King in love with the bushy haired Mudblood?" his voice was mocking and dripping with disdain. "Talk about a match made by Lucifer himself."

"You call Hermione that, that swear word one more time, and I'll curse your face off, Malfoy."

"Don't call her what? The M word?" Draco gasped. "You'll curse my face off? Oh no, I'm soooo scared. You couldn't hex to save your life Weasley, why don't you get off of me, and if you're so intent on being threatening let that little Mudblood-"

The look that crossed Ron's face was so terrifying that Malfoy almost forgot to be cool and collected. "YOU'RE DEAD, MALFOY!"

Match #10: Ronald Weasley vs. Draco Malfoy

Announcer #1: Hey folks, and welcome to the match! In corner number one, from Harry Potter's world, we have Harry's best friend! Incredibly tall, red-haired like all Weasley folk, and a master at chess, I give you Ron Weasley!

And, in corner number two, also from Harry Potter's…wait. I thought this story was supposed to be Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings. We're not supposed to have fights between people who have fights everyday at Hogwarts! I mean, that makes this chapter pointless, neither side pulls ahead either way, no clever parallels between the stories are made! The only thing that – okay, wait a minute…

All right, um, well, I've just been informed that, well, er, ANYWAY, in corner number two, also from Harry Potter's world we have the young Draco Malfoy! Granted, he may be a jerk and a half, and possibly evil, but all the girls just can't resist this one! (*Hermione and Ginny both wear equal looks of disgust*) Pale, blonde, and giving off that bad boy vibe, the…is he the challenger or champion? Or does it even matter?

Please, refrain from use of any of the Unforgivables, we don't want any more breakouts from Azkaban. Let the match BEGIN!

"I'm shaking in my little space boots," Draco retorted, feeling much less confident than he looked.

"When I'm finished with you-" Ron snarled, "-not even your mother will want to look at you."

"My mother-" Malfoy started indignantly, but this time it was Ron's turn to cut him off.

"What about your mother? She tried to sell you to gypsies when you were a child but they refused to take you? She went fishing and tried to throw you back? She told you that you were a pompous git and you went to your room and cried?"

It seemed, that for once in his life, Ron had succeeded in getting Malfoy royally pissed. "What about your mother, Weasel? She had you and immediately lost IQ points?"

"Well at least my mother wasn't so stupid as to name any of her children 'Draco'."

A tinge of pink crept into Draco's face.

"I'll give her this, though, Malfoy, at least she was smart enough to stop after one."

Malfoy grabbed his wand, but not before Harry yelled, "Expelliarmus!" from across the room. He caught all the wands that flew towards him, then threw Ron's back. Ron caught it, and touched it against Malfoy's forehead, causing him to flinch.

"What? Does my wand, so filled with the powers of good burn you?"

Draco didn't say anything.

"Well?"

"Actually, Weasley, I'm trying to keep rather still so you don't blast my head off." The normal drawling, mocking tone from his voice was gone. Draco Malfoy was being…honest.

"Smart move," Ron snapped, though he let the wand off a little. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"Please get off of me." The hint of drawl had returned, but immediately dropped, when Ron glared at him. "I'm…dear gods, I'm sorry," he spit out, the words obviously causing him a great amount of pain. "I'm sorry for insulting you, and insulting Granger here, and saying untrue things about all of you. I'm sorry for threatening the removal of house points, and your expulsion from the school. And, in the name of Merlin, I'm sorry that I said your parents couldn't afford to buy a few marshmallows."

Completely satisfied with the apology (after all, it was a real apology coming from MALFOY, what else could you want?) Ron stood up, and being his lovable and generous self, helped Malfoy up. Harry then reluctantly handed him back his wand.

Now, under normal circumstances, they would all shove Malfoy out the door, but, my friends, this story works in mysterious ways, which means that he was allowed to stay, like he would actually WANT to. What can I say, people seem to love the witty sarcasm that he always seems to ooze whenever anybody but JK Rowling writes him.

Anyway, the little fight ended, and soon so did breakfast, and shortly after, so did Boromir's life (again), and everything returned to normal.

Hermione picked up her book, but was prevented from reading it, when Harry took a seat beside her. "Well," he said, without preamble, "what about Ron this morning?"

"I know," she said, "I've never seen him so angry before. It was really scary, honestly, I've never been more frightened before. He just wasn't…he wasn't Ron, and you know, he never changes. It was a bit disconcerting. I mean, he's never gotten the better of Malfoy."

Harry shrugged, "I think he was finally fed up of Malfoy insulting you all the time. He may have seemed different, but I think he was still the same. After all, he was just being a loyal friend, wasn't he? And if there's one thing Ron is, it's a friend."

Hermione smiled. "Yes, I suppose you're right Harry. You've gotten awfully smart lately."

"Yeah well…"

Her smile became more pronounced. "Say, we never got to finish hearing your reasoning behind the valentine I got sent."

"Ah, well," Harry looked around furtively, then leaned and in a whispered in his ear.

She was absolutely beaming now. "You know, you're absolutely right Harry. Congratulations." Hermione shot looks at Fred and George across the room. "Just please, don't tell them you know. I don't think anybody else should know quite yet."

"Sure thing, Hermione. I'll let you get back to reading." Harry stood up, and wandered across the room to where Ron was exasperatedly playing a game of chess with Boromir (he kept slumping over onto the board, causing the pieces to scatter everywhere).

Feeling quite happy, she opened her book and began to read, uninterrupted. For a few minutes, anyway.

"Say Hermione…"

"Let's have a look at that valentine again…"

~~~~~~~~~

Next chapter: Will I ever stop being annoying, and actually come out and say who sent Hermione that valentine? Will any new and really cool people show up so they can fight and create a match? Will Malfoy be witty and sarcastic?

Find out next chapter when the exciting adventures of Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings continue! ^_^