Alanna: The First Adventure (in a nutshell)

By: Odango and Mikki

Disclaimer: Yeah, we credit you all with the intelligence to figure out that we own..well, let's see...none of this. All credit goes to Tamora Peirce for her writing genious!!!

Mikki: Wait!!Wait!!! I do own someone!!! I own Briar...he's my husband.**eyes glaze over**

Dango: Right...anyhow...

~***in our defense, it was past midnight when we wrote this so don't blame us! This is typed out as it was originaly written.

One day there was a girl named Alanna who didn't want to be a lady so she switched places with her brother Thom and filled her gaurdians (Corrum Smythson) flask full of brandy so that he was too pissed drunk to notice that 'Thom' was really Alanna.

And then then Corum was all like

"blah blah blah, you can't be a knight cuz cuz your not, like, manly."

And then alanna was like

"Thom like, suckes ass at archery and stuff and i can, like, skin a rabbit with my teeth so you should take me."

And Corrum was all like

"dude, i'm like too shit-faced to find my way home anyways so we'll just like go to the stupid palace."

And Alanna was all like "Yay!"

And few days later alanna and corrum were riding through the bustleing city of corus when george came skipping merrily around the corner singing

"tra la la la,"

and corum said

"awww... I have a hangover why the hell are you so happy?"

and george said,

"cuz i just stole my mothers teeth."

and then alanna went to the palace where she met this ass wanker named ralon (aka joren) who was all like

"i'm going to beat you with a stick, alan of trebond!"

And alanna was all like

"you kiss pigs, ralon of malven!"

and then prince jonathan came along and said

"i'm going to stick my perfect royal nose into everyones buisness. Besides that, kissing pigs gives you AIDS."

and gary was all like

"you don't get AIDS from kissing pigs!"

and jon was like

"yuh-huh! don't you pay attention in CALM class?"

and raoul was all like "duh..."

and then gary was like

"no, silly-billy we don't have calm, we live in tortall!"

and alanna was like "dude, then how're you suppose to know that sexual promiscuity promates the transferance of sextualy transmitted viral infections."

and raoul was all like "duh."

and jon was all like "All this talk about sexual promiscuity meakes me wanna screw something cuz i'm horny."



and ralon of malvon said "maybe i use violence as a way of expressing my internal insecurities

with relation to my homosexual tendancies... jon! screw me!"

and jon was all like "ewwwwwww."



and gary was all like "fa la la, i'm tour guide gary, and i'm gonna show you 'around' the 'palace'



then some years passed and nothing much singificant happened and alanna trained and stuff and then jon

decided "hey, lets disobey every order we ever had and go riding aimlessly through the desert to

our certain doom."



and alanna said "lets go to vegas and get married."



and jon's like "alan, your a guy."



and alanna was all like "oh, right."



and jon was like "so what? i'm the prince, my ideas better, and i'm the prince, so there!"



so they went to the black city where they met the ysandir who were all like "naaarg, we're like evil demons and stuff."



and and alanna was all like "dude, this is trippy, all my clothes are gone."



and jon was all like "dude, alan, that kind of surgery doesn't exist yet."



and raoul was like "duh"



and alanna's like "raoul, you dumbass, you're not in this part"



and raoul was like "duh" and walked off.



oh yeah, and a while ago this guy named fancis died but nobody knew who he was and nobody

cared.

and francis was like "naaarg, i'm like dead and stuff, this sucks mockey balls."



and jon was like "dude, no one cares and we don't have monkeys in tortall."



and alanna was all like "we have jon."



and the ysandir, who were dead, said "yeah, good point."

and alanna laughed because dead and said ryme.



and alanna was just like "why don't we ride to the damned oaisis so we can finish this damn book"



and jon said "ok" and they left.



~the end~

**Yet again, we apologise, flame away!!!****