A LITTLE NOTE: I've never written a Remus fic. I've always connected more with Sirius, so don't shoot me if this is awful. Also you must remember, I don't put something there that isn't supposed to be. So if a fact is wrong, something seems OOC its for a reason and all will make sense at the end. PS that's a huge hint.

SUMMARY: Remus returns to Grimald Place after Sirius's death for the first time, filled with dread and pain. But what has made him so afraid to face all the people he loved again? What is he keeping from everyone?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from Harry Potter.

RATING: five stars!! *****...... okay, really its PG-13 for angst ~^

Chapter One- Grimald Place Again

Remus stepped into the dark hallway of Grimald Place. It was the second time he had never thought he'd see himself there again. He had only been there a few times before, once when James, Remus, and Peter had gone on a rescue mission to save Sirius from his own family. Then when he had been called back into the Order, nearly twelve years after it had ceased to exist, he had found himself there again, waiting for news, doing what he could to stop Voldemort before the entire world knew he was back. Then Sirius had died and the house was empty again, the Order had met a few times but Remus had stayed back, it was only a month after Sirius's death, the middle of July. How could he be expected to come back so soon?

Remus didn't have the guts or the nerve to return to the house, where remnants of his best friend were everywhere. He was the last standing Marauder, and he had lost his chance. He had planned on telling Sirius everything that night, when they got word that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna were down in the Department of Mysteries. And once again, he had chickened out, lost his nerve, and hadn't told anybody anything. Sirius had died that night, at the hands of his own cousin, and there was Remus, left alone with no one to tell and talk to. Of course, there was Dumbledore, but he felt that he couldn't tell Dumbledore anything, not until at least, Harry knew.

But Harry was a different matter entirely. All those times when he'd been in the office with Harry teaching him The Patronus charm and he'd almost slipped. Harry told him he had heard his father when the Dementors got too near, that was just plain hell for Remus. He was keeping a Secret from the entire world and the only people who knew were dead, Remus was alone in the world with no one to tell his secrets to, and Harry was under his constant watch, he was spying on the one person who'd be affected most by this secret. It was almost as bad as teaching him again.

Remus gingerly walked forward, careful not to wake Sirius's mother. There was an extremely painful lump in his throat and though he attempted to swallow it, it was pretty pointless, the lump was firmly planted and wouldn't budge.

"Sirius, what'd I do to be left alone? Why am I the last Marauder? The last one who ever deserved it." he trailed off. If only I had died like I was supposed to, if only I had taken it like a man, he was furious with himself over something he knew that had been done for the best. Another voice in the back of his mind snickered, Oh shut it, whose here to hear you moan? Remus stuffed his hands in his robe pockets, his pale skin seemed paler with the darkness of the hall. He rose up the flight of stairs to the second floor to where Buckbeak was still waiting to be fed by Sirius. He heard from Tonks that they had heard him moaning in the upstairs bedroom for Sirius, much like he had for Hagrid three years ago. Remus shoved open the door and a noisy Buckbeak looked hopefully up, only to turn away squawking loudly. "Know how you feel Beaky," murmured Remus in the middle of a bow. Buckbeak reluctantly bowed and Remus walked over to pet the hippogriff on the neck.

"Hullo Remus," said a woman's voice behind him. There stood Nymphadora Tonks, her hair a deep shade of mauve, her forehead lined with concern. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon." Remus stood up to face the young Auror, a weak smile on his lips.

"Guess I've got more in me than I thought," he said, in a would-be cheerful voice. She smiled back at him, her eyes dancing with weariness. It had been a long night apparently. The ministry was fully aware now that Voldemort was back but they outright refused to believe that the cleared Death Eaters from so long ago were really back to Voldemort. Thus, Lucius Malfoy and several others were around every corner trying to stop the Order of the Phoenix from completing it's mission.

Remus ran his fingers through his prematurely gray and sand colored hair, an old habit that he hadn't rediscovered in years. He hadn't really had a reason to feel so nervous or scared, but the longer he was in this house the more he worried. He had to tell someone the truth, now.

"Tonks." he trailed off. Did he really want to go as far to tell Tonks? He'd known her for a while, but was she the person he should entrust with the truth that could change the course of the world? No!, he thought, Harry must know first. "Never mind," he whispered. She looked at him worriedly, nodded, turned around, and shut the door behind herself. Remus shuffled around the room, contemplating what to do, worrying himself into a state of complete panic.

"STOP! Your only going to make things worse! You've lived with the truth for fifteen years, what will another few weeks do?" he yelled to no one in the room, hoping that the walls were thick. He collapsed into the nearest chair, running his fingers through his hair again, giving him a slightly windswept look. He was at a desk, though he hardly realized it, and the desk was covered in dust. Littered with trash, dead rats, and a few spare bits of parchment, there was hardly anything worth looking at. He put his head down in exhaustion, his head landing on something sharp. He shot up, rubbing his forehead, and looked down to find a small, gray mirror. His head had hit a protruding nail that the mirror sat beside. He recognized the mirror, it had belonged to himself when he was back in school. It was useful, especially for talking the others during detentions.

"Harry," Remus whispered. Harry had the other mirror. He had given them back to Sirius so that he could give one to Harry. He looked at the mirror and saw his reflection staring back. It wasn't what it used to be and that was for damn sure. He sighed, now was his chance. He took the mirror up into his hands, looked into it and concentrated. "HARRY POTTER!" he said firmly, the mirror glowed a brilliant white as he knew it would. Hundreds of miles away, Harry's mirror glared too.

The mirror was sitting on Harry's nightstand, propped up, one of his few memories of Sirius. The photo album was sprawled out to the page of his parents and Sirius on their wedding day. It was obvious he was not taking Sirius's death well. He had hardly spoken to his friends and even his aunt and uncle were beginning to think something was seriously wrong. not that they particularly cared. He had fallen asleep looking at the photo album, feeling sorry for himself, he knew it was his fault no matter what Dumbledore said, and he hadn't been smart enough to at least look at the mirror when he had gotten it. Harry almost smashed the mirror to bits but he couldn't. Not only was it the last thing he had of his Sirius, but it had belonged to his Dad too.

Harry was asleep, his glasses askew on his face. He was tossing and turning, dreaming about Cedric and the graveyard, Sirius and the veil, the Death Eaters, Voldemort, he had to stop it all. Had to wake up. But he couldn't escape the dreams that night, he wasn't allowed to wake up. But someone was shining a light in his eyes, he swatted at the light, not affecting it in the slightest. In the middle of Voldemort's high cackle laugh he shot up, looking around the room in alarm, finally awake.

He looked over at the mirror, his eyes wide with excitement. Only one person could be trying to contact him using the mirror, it must be Sirius. Don't be stupid. Sirius is dead, said a voice in the back of his head. And he knew it was right, but he was hoping that there was some chance that it was Sirius. He sat up in bed, straightened his glasses, and threw his legs over the side of his bed. Harry picked up the mirror, looked at it wondering what he was supposed to do.

Then the mirror shouted his name, "Harry!" It was a voice he recognized but wasn't exactly sure who it was. Then the light receded and he saw the face of his old professor Remus Lupin.

"Lupin?" Harry said, slightly disappointed.

"Yes Harry, I need to tell you something very important. are you sitting down?" Lupin's voice shook and Harry looked down where his reflection should be with worry.

"Yes." said Harry in a weak voice. Remus took a deep breath and began his story.

Hehee, I'm evil, cliffhangers!! :P