Okay, just so everyone knows, I would probably never have written the um…scene…um…yeah, in this chapter, if it weren't for the constant teasing of my sister, who thinks it's oh-so-funny that I'm too shy to write anything that's like…um…you know…wow, I sound vaguely like Meryl at this point.  So there's sex, okay!  I wrote a sex scene!  Not the most graphic one, but look Jade!  Hahahaha!  I told you I could.  So yeah, there's sex here.  Don't read it unless you're um…don't you need to be over 17?  Yeah!  So…no kids!

Psst…Jade, Nishikado just bet Akira that I'd never be able to write this chapter in one sitting…will Akira finally win???

*****

Take My Hand

Part 5

*****

Have you ever run from the inevitable?  It's a pointless endeavor, but we've all done it at least once.  Think of the reports you've put off until the last possible minute, knowing you'd have to do them eventually anyway.  Why would you do this?  Why would anyone put off doing something that needs to be done?  And in the end, the report isn't the painful torture you imagine it to be in some moments.  It's a happy release from the constraints of responsibility.  When you can say honestly that all your work is done, you feel a lot better about it then when you can feel the reminder of that report digging around in the back of your mind.

But somehow, the situation I was in was altogether separate from an overdue report.  I needed to keep the situation in perspective.  Not everything can be equated to mundane situations like that.  Not everything is simply a situation to be analyzed.  Some things just happen when they're ready to, and there's no way you can explain them.  No matter how you analyze and compare.  It was like that with Vash and I.

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I suppose I knew beforehand that it was time to move on, to let things expand.  I had plenty of warning, both from him and from myself.  My resistance was weakening in favor of whatever you call the force that draws two people together.  Attraction, lust, love, call it what you will, it was beating me down.  Somehow, the idea of sex didn't seem quite so terrifying anymore.  I would kiss him goodbye as I left for work, and somehow, I would feel a need to just call in sick instead of leaving him.  The feeling wouldn't go away until I'd left the apartment and was halfway to work.  I'd keep wanting to turn around.  Sometimes, I'd get out the door, and that last kiss just wasn't enough.  I'd go back in for another.  He'd tease me about it, but I know he felt it too.  Maybe more strongly than I did, even, maybe not.  It wasn't only that.  At night, whenever we slept together, which was almost every night, I seemed to be ridiculously aware of his body and how it felt against mine.  I even wriggled against him sometimes, seemingly innocent enough, just to see what reaction I'd get.  Needless to say, I don't think Vash was a big fan of this malicious little hobby of mine.  After all, at the time I had no intention to follow through and, good man that he was, he'd never try to force me into it.

I loved the feel of his skin.  I'd slip my hands under his shirt so often, tracing those little circles on his flesh.  Every time I hit his skin without warning, he'd always make this little noise that drove me crazy.  I wanted him to make it again, but of course, I couldn't tell him this, and so it was a rare enough occurrence.  And then, there was my terrible first attempt at intimacy.  We'd been cuddling on the couch, settling down to sleep, when I got the brilliant idea to go a little too far.  I was drawing my little circles on his back, and then my fingers bumped against the waistband of the lounge pants he'd worn to bed.  For some reason, instead of the typical blush and revising my territory to at least an inch away from the waistband procedure I usually went through, I got this ridiculous idea.  Now, in my defense, it seemed like a good enough plan at the time, but I obviously had not had very much experience with men.  The idea was, if I was eventually going to have sex with Vash, wouldn't it be good if I knew what I was getting myself into?  Now, it was true enough that I'd gotten a rough estimate of his size from my repeated teasing, intentional and unintentional.  But you see, you get a much better idea of measure if something is in your hands rather than pressed against your back!  So I thought it might be a good idea, just so I could get used to it, to kind of…well…I groped my boyfriend.

The immediate reaction from him was a sharp gasp and a stiffening of his entire body.  And then I giggled.  I think I need to clarify that I was not giggling at him or at his size.  First of all, I had nothing to compare him to, and secondly, his reaction wasn't exactly funny.  The thing of it was that I was suddenly very nervous.  It was…really hard!  I mean, when my hands first got there, it seemed to be okay, and that was fine with me, but then it got more…you know…and the idea of me fitting that thing in me…it just didn't seem like a very forgiving task.  So I was scared and nervous, and because of that, I giggled.  Vash's hands moved fast, pushing me away from him as he hissed sharply at the tug it caused.

"Sorry." I told him, feeling a bit sheepish.

"You know, it hurts when you just…never mind." Vash got up and went to the bathroom.  I wondered if it was a physical hurt or an emotional one that he was referring to, but I supposed that it was probably a bit of both.  Maybe he felt like I was rejecting him, teasing him like I was, but completely unwilling to follow through.  So I guess I knew even then that I'd eventually stop being scared.  I didn't really want to hurt Vash like that, and it seemed silly to keep putting it off.  It wasn't going to be less painful if I waited longer.  And maybe it wouldn't really hurt that much.  So I knew it was coming, and I didn't dread it.  I wasn't exactly ecstatic, and I was still wary about it, but at least I wasn't that scared anymore.

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It was a normal enough evening, I suppose.  I'd just come home, and after Vash's customary kiss and our little mundane conversation of the day, I was ready to have some dinner.  Unfortunately, Vash informed me that it wasn't quite ready yet.  Apparently, he needed to boil some pasta and then everything would be ready.  I didn't mind, as he wasn't always completely done with dinner when I came home.  Instead of busying myself watching the news, I decided to help him.

"Anything I can help with?" I asked, smiling as I followed him to the kitchen.  He whirled around, surprised to see that I followed him like that, but he laughed slightly at my offer.

"Is boiling pasta a two-person job?" he asked me.  It wasn't an insult.  It was as though he honestly wanted to know.

"It is now!" I assured him.  "Just let me wash my hands…"

"Do you even know how to do it?" he asked.  "You're never in the kitchen…"

"You know, before you came along, I could cook for myself perfectly well.  Not that I don't appreciate it, but I do know how." I told him, rinsing the soap off my hands and reaching for the towel Vash offered to dry them off.

"Who's better?" he wanted to know, a playful grin on his features.  "You or me?"

"At cooking?" I raised an eyebrow, setting down the towel.  "You should be able to judge as well as me.  After that last time Millie and I had to save you from your selflessness, I did almost all the cooking."

"The eggs?" he wrinkled his nose.

"No, that was Millie." I giggled.

"How do I know that you aren't lying and saying that so that I think you're a good cook, when really it was Millie doing all the cooking?" Vash teased.

"Do you honestly think Millie's a better cook than me?" I pouted slightly.  "I mean, come on!  Give me some credit.  You know I'm not domestically ignorant.  Remember how I fixed your coat?  That was hard, but I did a damn good job."

"I always wondered about that.  You'd sit up all night working on that thing, but you didn't really want to finish it." He moved forward, hugging me loosely.

"When I finished it, I knew you'd leave.  I wanted to be able to tell you…how I felt first." I admitted.  "Obviously that didn't quite work as I planned it."

"We're here now." He kissed my forehead and I beamed up at him.

"That's what you've taught me, Vash." I told him, reaching up to touch the side of his face.  "No matter how much you plan something, in the end, it's all up to destiny.  Plus, it helps if you've got the guts to do what you need to."

"So," he leaned down slightly, his smile fading a bit, his eyes catching mine.  "Now you've got me.  After all that failed planning, we still ended up together.  What will you do now?"

"This." I told him, going up on my tiptoes so that I could reach him, pressing my lips to his.  It was meant to be a short, chaste kiss.  But somehow…it, well…it escalated.  Before I knew it, we were both grasping at each other, breathlessly exchanging long, deep kisses.  I suddenly needed desperately to feel his skin, so I moved my hands down to the bottom of his shirt, my fingers scrambling to get underneath the black fabric.  And there was that sound, that sound I loved.

"Vash," I decided that it was time to end the waiting game.  We continued to kiss, but soon enough, he was taking over, pressing his lips to my jaw and my throat.  He really liked my throat, I'd noticed.  Not that I could complain.  It felt great.

"Hrm?" he answered, making a soft noise of pleasure as my fingers moved up and down his back.  He was entirely occupied with my throat, and I think he forgot that we were supposed to be boiling pasta.

"Vash," I sighed slightly.  It was so hard to talk clearly when he was doing that to my neck!  "Let's…go…" I pulled at him slightly, hoping that I was headed in the right direction.

"Where?" he asked briefly before moving back to my mouth for a few moments.  When I managed to win control, I lunged upward just enough to catch his earlobe in my mouth.  I knew already how sensitive his ears were, and that was my intention.  He gasped and I let go of his ear, looking at him dead on.

"To my room." I breathed.  He didn't really know what to say to that.  Poor guy.   He's living with the woman he loves all this time, and she's absolutely terrified of the idea of anything besides kissing, and then one day she comes home from work and decides that she wants more than that.  A lot more.  He was understandably confused.

"Are…you sure?" he asked, even though I was still dragging him toward my room.  Not that he could tell, what with his face in my neck and all.  But I think he got the message that we were going that way.

"I'm sure." I told him.  He'd obviously been waiting for that.  Suddenly, he lifted me up and the last few steps toward my room were over in no time.  I'd obviously held back for maybe a little too long.  But I was ready then, that's all that really mattered.

We were still kissing, and so we fell blindly onto my mattress.  It was strange, having Vash on my bed.  The entirety of our physical relationship as well as a good portion of our emotional relationship had taken place on my couch, and now we were in my bed for the first time.  I realized suddenly that I'd not slept in my bed for at least a month.  Funny what you'll do for love.

Honestly, I expected Vash to turn into some scary, mean monster when I finally agreed to sex.  Okay, so I'd let the stories I'd heard become a bit…exaggerated.  But he was the same Vash I'd always known, just in a different situation.  He was understandably eager, pulling at my clothes and not wanting to stop kissing me the whole time, and when I think of it now, it was very adorable, in it's own sex-starved fashion.

He spoke to me the whole time, though it was hard to understand him, since his mouth seemed not to want to separate from my skin.  I got the gist of his words though.  He was trying to tell me not to worry, that he'd be careful and other such assurances.  It was a bit hard to believe he'd be calm when it came to it, considering the fact that he couldn't stop kissing me for two seconds, but I was reassured.  Plus, I might've been a bit distracted by all the kissing.

I was making my own bid for eagerness, working on getting Vash's clothes off.  Do you know how hard it is to get a shirt off of someone who will not stop kissing your neck?  It's really hard.  I finally yanked it up so hard that I think I ripped it a bit, but hey, I got it off.  Also, I'd never realized before that when you're that distracted and desperately want to work a button and zipper, it is a nearly impossible task.  Finally, he had to help me.  The only reason this didn't bother me was because he got so lost in my bra that I had to bat his hands away to do it myself, because he was more hindrance than help.

So eventually, we managed to get to an acceptable state of undress, but I still wonder whether or not it's okay to wear socks when you're doing that.  I mean, socks aren't very romantic, but they don't really get in the way.  Also, since it takes time to get them off, isn't it better to just leave them on?  We seemed to think so.  I was underneath him, not because he wanted to be on top, but because I had no idea what I was doing and figured that from the bottom, I could fake knowing better.  And no matter how eager he was, Vash remembered the whole time to let me have anything I wanted so that perhaps the act would be less frightening.  Funny, now that we were both mostly naked, rocking our hips against each other and kissing constantly, it didn't seem like it would hurt very much.

And then I felt something so good, I couldn't even make a noise to express how it felt.  It felt so good that it almost hurt, and I gasped before latching my mouth onto Vash's shoulder, not caring that I was biting him.  I realized faintly that it must be Vash's hand, down between my legs.  I don't know what he was doing, but it felt damn good.  I rocked into him, wanting more, whimpering a bit when he seemed hesitant to comply.  But that steady pressure building down inside continued to grow, and when it was too much, it was like my whole world exploded in a million tiny sparks of light.  And it was really hard to breathe.  I couldn't move for some time as I caught my breath, but when I recovered, I decided that this whole sex thing was a lot better than what I'd heard.  I wanted more, and I wasn't about to rest until I got it.

"Vash," I finally breathed, panting strongly.  "Now." I was aware of a note of pleading in my voice, but it didn't bother me.  Whatever he'd done had felt great, but I knew that it wasn't over, and if that first thing had been so good, I reasoned that the rest of it must be even better.  I don't know why everyone had always told me how scary it was, because it seemed to be going really well to me.  Maybe it was just Vash.  He was different from most men, after all.

"Are you sure?" he asked me, but I knew from the strained look on his face that if I said no, he'd be extremely hard-pressed to stop at this point.  It was sweet of him to ask, though.  I nodded, smiling and giving him a soft kiss.  "Okay…this'll hurt." He warned me, glancing down at where his hand had just been.  I could not make myself look there.  I knew that I was having sex with him, so it shouldn't matter, but it just seemed very embarrassing to look down there.  Plus, I was pretty sure that if I looked at him, I'd lose my nerve.

There was a pause, and then I could feel him there, pushing into me slowly, as though he was trying to be as gentle as possible.  I closed my eyes, feeling a welling up of fear that had apparently been waiting for this moment to appear.  I knew that I had no physical virginity due to my years of adventurous missions and rough travel, but it did hurt.  Just as everyone had said it would, it felt almost as though I was being pulled in two from inside.  I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, and I could feel myself grimace in pain, a soft cry escaping my throat.  It wasn't the most pain I'd ever felt, but it hurt in a way I'd never felt before.

"I'm sorry." Vash kissed my eyes, and I realized that a few tears had leaked out as I had experienced the inevitable pain.  "I'm sorry, Meryl." He told me softly, giving me all the time I needed to recover, to become used to the feel of him inside me.  It was different, that was for sure.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine…just…" I offered him a weak smile.  "That hurt."

"I told you." He didn't sound smug, he sounded upset.  "I tried to be careful."

"Thank you." I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.  "I'm glad it's you, Vash.  I'm so glad I waited…"

"Me too." He agreed.  "But it was really scary." He admitted.  "I didn't know for sure…I didn't want to hurt you."

"It's okay." I told him, noticing that the pain had almost entirely disappeared.  Moving my hips experimentally, I nodded for Vash to continue.  "Keep going."

"Alright." He nodded back.  I noticed then that his arms were shaking.  It was almost as though it was hard for him to hold himself up, but that couldn't be it.  Then maybe…it was the waiting?  I wouldn't make him wait anymore.  I let him set the pace, moving over me slowly, his eyes glued to my face as though searching for some vestigial sign of pain, but I honestly didn't feel it anymore.  All I could feel was that sweet pressure, building, always building.  I think that when I made a soft noise, somewhere between a wordless moan and his name, he started to believe that I was having a good time.

I think that when I started to rise to meet his rhythm, he became convinced.  And then he finally started to go faster, and both of us started to lose coherent thought.  I was gasping and moaning, and he kept making these low grunt noises, and in the end, the pressure was too much.  We called out to each other then and after riding out the waves, we both collapsed, Vash falling on top of my body.  Both of us were sweaty and panting and a bit messy, but we didn't care.  There was a feeling that surged in both of us then, something like feeling as though you were complete, feeling like you'd found whatever bits of you that weren't there when you were born.  And we were both way too tired to get up and end it.  So we lay there for about five minutes before Vash, scared of crushing me to death, rolled off of me, pulling me against him and making a vague attempt to cover us both with a blanket.  This was a fruitless effort as we were both lying on top of the blanket, and he soon stopped trying, but there was an effort, nonetheless.  After about fifteen minutes, my feet started to get cold, so I moved both of us enough to accomplish the amazing feat that had eluded Vash's ability.  When we were both snuggled underneath my thick comforter, my brain started to send me messages, albeit at a slightly slower pace than usual, but I eventually realized that we hadn't had dinner yet.

"Vash," I spoke up.

"Hmm," he was falling asleep, I could tell.

"I've never boiled pasta that way before." I teased him.  It was cruel, as he was too weak to retaliate, but I didn't think it was completely uncalled for.  "It was fun.  Let's do that again."

"Mm-hmm." He agreed.  Soon afterward, we both fell asleep, for the first time, in my bed.  After that, he always slept in my bed.

*****

The End (Of Part Five, That Is)