Oh my god, I can't believe I lived through the writing of that last chapter. Oh my god…I was blushing so much the whole time…I hope I did okay. Anyway, let's forge on ahead to chapter six! Wow…I'm still blushing, and it's like a day later. I'm such a wuss. Man, it isn't like I don't know about…okay, let's just write now.
*****
Take My Hand
Part 6
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If I knew how euphoric it would feel to be in a complete relationship with Vash, I would've taken the last step a long time before I did. After our first night together, he lost all his compunctions about me needing time and space to decide on where the relationship should go, and it was wonderful. He moved his few belongings, mostly the clothes I'd bought for him, into my room. He never waited for me to come out on the couch at night. Instead, he always joined me in bed.
And he didn't always wait for me to make the first move, though he still had respect for my decisions. If I didn't feel well or anything…well, I think you understand. It was nice, not feeling as though I was always the one to decide what happened but still managing to not end up being totally powerless in the course of our relationship. I let myself be swept away, doing as my emotions dictated, never questioning where I might end up. It was chaotic, it was unpredictable, and it was the first time my life had ever been that way. I loved it.
There were times when I needed his support, when I was overworked and I felt extremely stressed out, and I would rely on him to help me keep things in perspective. He never failed me, but I wondered what would happen if things went the other way. What if he needed me to be strong for him? Would I pass the test? Maybe he already needed me, but I didn't see it. All of this caused me to worry when I was assigned to go verify an insurance claim. It wasn't a long trip. I'd only be gone for a few days, but it was the first time I'd miss a night with Vash ever since I'd found him on the streets so long ago. I didn't doubt that I could handle the short separation, but Vash worried me. He wasn't overtly dependent, but I got the feeling that he gained a lot from my presence. Perhaps it was selfish of me to think myself so important, but I knew for a fact that though he acted as though he was over the pain caused by the circumstances of Knives' death, I knew better. At least if I was there, I could take care of any problems right away. But maybe everything would be okay…
As it was, I was understandably tense when I returned. I was torn between feeling completely terrified as to what state he might be in, though he had assured me nearly a thousand times that he'd be just fine without me there, and being giddy with the eager need to see him again. It had only been a few days, but I missed him with all my being. My eyes, my lips, my mind, all of me missed him and couldn't wait to be with him again, despite the questionable state he might be in when I returned to him. And so, I was ambivalent in my feelings as I opened the door that rainy Friday afternoon.
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"Vash!" I called out, a tightly nervous smile on my face. "I'm home!" There was a long silence, and I felt a sinking sense of dread. My absence really had hit him hard, I thought. But then I heard the sound of movement down the hall, hurried and urgent, several objects falling to the ground as someone came running at me top speed, nearly knocking me down when he reached me, his arms going around me immediately and scooping me up against him so quickly I lost my breath. After my initial shock dissipated, I smiled, wrapping my arms around him as well, happy to see that he seemed to be undamaged by my short absence, but glad to see that he had missed me. I giggled, feeling a bit foolish as I blushed at his overzealous show of affection. "I missed you too." I told him, not being able to hold back the smile his expression demanded of me.
"You were gone too long." He told me, his smile warm and loving. "It was so boring here."
"You could have gone out." I suggested, almost forgetting that he never went out until the words left my mouth.
"No…not really." His face sank slightly, and he let me down.
"Vash…" I figured it was about time I broached this subject. "Why is it that you insist on staying in all the time? I mean, I don't mind it I suppose, but it is a bit strange. And somehow, I don't believe it's the bounty, since that never bothered you before."
"I don't like it out there." He spoke after a long pause. "There's too many people who I need to apologize to, I feel guilty whenever I see them. It makes me…" Vash's eyes were wet with unshed tears. I immediately felt like the world's worst girlfriend. I'd left for three days, and when I came back, the first thing I did was make my boyfriend cry? Really great.
"Vash," I spoke in a soothing tone, reaching out for him, letting him collapse against me and knowing that he was crying on my shoulder yet again. It was strange that he cried so much more than me, but I'd grown used to it so long ago that it didn't surprise me, but it still worried me since I cared for him so much. "Vash, please, I was just asking." I sighed loudly, not meaning to let him catch my frustration, but it was a hard thing to not be able to ask the one you loved a simple question without being bombarded by an emotional breakdown. It was true that Vash had a lot of issues he had to work out, but was it really necessary for him to be such a baby about it? "Come on, I didn't mean anything by it. Just…stop crying, okay?" I knew that my voice held more than a note of impatience, but I didn't care.
"S…sorry." Vash sniffled slightly, backing away faster than usual. I noted the hurt look on his features and realized that he was too perceptive not to sense how frustrated I was by his overly emotional behavior. "I'll…um…I made dinner." He pointed to the kitchen, looking a bit upset still. I wondered if he was still upset about the question or if it had to do with my reaction to his tears, or maybe it was both. I didn't really want to dwell on it, as it seemed he was feeling better, or at least a bit better, than he was before. So I joined him for dinner, not thinking it highly odd when he listened to the story of my trip without much comment or further inquiry. He didn't tell me about anything that happened while I was gone, but I assumed he was just tired, as he looked a bit weary by the end of the meal.
Okay, maybe I wasn't quite that oblivious to his injured looks all through dinner, so I was a bit concerned by the end of the meal. But I had no reason to be guilty. Not really. I did, however, help him clear the table, all the while trying to get a few words out of him. "Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine." He assured me, but it wasn't very convincing when he was obviously pouting.
"You look upset." I pointed out the obvious.
"I'm not." He told me, turning on the water to wash the dishes.
"Are you tired at all?" I asked, wondering if it would be completely out of line for me to hug him at this point.
"A little." He answered. "I'll go to bed after this."
"Why don't you let me do it?" I offered. "I slept on the way home today, so I'm not really that tired yet."
"I can do them." He reminded me.
"So can I." This was getting a bit annoying.
"Fine." He turned and left the kitchen, a definite huff about him as he walked. Great, now he was going to be mad at me while pretending not to be mad. That sounded like it would be lots of fun. I finished the dishes in a hurry, wanting to join him in bed before he fell asleep. Maybe I could patch things up a bit. However, when I went to my room and changed into my nightgown, I noticed something quite wrong with the bed when I slid into it. It was empty.
Great. So on my first day back, we'd managed to start our first fight, but I was confident about the progress of the disagreement. He would give up on it soon enough, not being able to resist joining me in bed. I had nothing to be guilty about, after all. I may have been a bit short when he'd gone into his fit, but seriously, was I expected to put up with his constant emotional breakdowns? Wasn't it just a bit ridiculous? Anyone could see the logic of my position, and soon enough Vash would give up on his little grudge.
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It's really amazing how stubborn some men can be. Not only did he refuse to join me in bed, he began a passive aggressive campaign against me. He wasn't kissing me when I left for work or when I came home. He wasn't making me breakfast in the morning, and though he still made dinner, he was going out of his way to make dishes that he knew I didn't care for or simply hated. I retaliated by ignoring his behavior, making my own breakfast, and eating the dinner anyway just to show him that he couldn't beat me this way. He wanted me to yell, to get angry, to be the instigator, but I wouldn't give him that much.
It was hard to maintain, though. I missed the way he used to shower me in affection. I missed his warm body against mine when I woke each morning or went to sleep each night. I didn't want to be the first to give in, but it was unbelievably hard to maintain myself. After a while, I couldn't even remember why we were fighting, and all I could grasp onto when I tried to figure it out was the idea that if I gave in, I'd be losing, and I didn't want to lose.
And then, after a while, I couldn't even think of that any longer. We'd been fighting for about a month and all I could think of was how I missed him acting how he once had. So one night, unable to sleep on my own, I got up and went out to him in the living room. "Vash." I didn't know if he was awake, but I hoped that he was, selfish though it might be.
"Hnn…" he groaned, rolling over, his eyes opening and closing slowly as he took my face in. "What?" he asked.
"I can't sleep." I told him, hoping he'd take that as an apology.
"Me neither." He answered after a few moments, sitting up completely and stretching. "This is stupid." I didn't have to ask him what he was referring to.
"Why did this even start?" I asked him.
"I don't remember." He answered, sounding dead tired as he stood up in front of me, looking down with a measured gaze. "Can we stop it yet?"
"I'm sorry." I told him, lunging forward and letting his arms envelop me. For some ridiculous reason, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn't even know what we were fighting over, but apparently I was now going to cry about it as well.
"So am I." Vash's voice cracked a bit, and I realized that he, too, was crying. That was a bit reassuring. "Let's never fight again."
"Yeah." I agreed, knowing that probably wasn't all that possible, but hoping that we could pull it off. "But first, let's go to bed." He smiled, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me there. Maybe it was because I'd been alone for so long, or maybe it was because we were so committed to our new resolution to never again fight, but to always be happy. Whatever it was, we were up until sunrise making up. It had been our first fight ever since we became a couple.
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"Vash, I'm…what the?" I stopped in the middle of my greeting as I entered the dark apartment. Why was it so dark? It was light enough outside and usually the apartment was lit in the cheerful way that Vash and I liked best. "Honey?" I didn't think of the endearing term as it slipped from my mouth. It was Vash I was talking to, and there was no reason to be embarrassed or hide any of my feelings from him. "Are you here? Why is it so dark…" I drifted off, setting down my briefcase, still totally puzzled as I shed my coat and hung it up, using the light from the outside hall to guide me as I moved toward the kitchen. I could smell something cooking, I was sure, so perhaps he was here. Just then, I heard the front door slide shut, and I whirled in surprise, but I saw nothing in the dark hallway behind me, so I moved on. I was sure I could make out a bit of light in the kitchen…
"Oh gods…" I gasped, utterly speechless as I reached the entry. There on the table was a dinner set out elegantly on two plates with a single candle in between the plates. The counter had several additional candles placed along its length so that I could see where I was going. "Vash…" I knew immediately who had prepared such an elaborate setup, and I could feel my cheeks redden in a deep blush, embarrassed and flattered at all the trouble he'd gone to. I could see now how the apartment was so dark. He'd pulled all the shades and curtains, turned off all the lights, and let the candles become the only source of light. But where was he?
"You're home, then." His voice reached me before he did, silky smooth and warm as the arms that encircled me from behind. "I was starting to wonder if you'd be late."
"Oh…I stayed a bit to talk to my boss about…" I shook my head. Even in this situation, I was so comfortable with Vash, I fell easily into our old patterns and habits. "What is all of this?"
"Like it?" he asked, and though he sounded happy, I caught a tinge of fear in his voice. He must have worried that all his work would be for nothing if I wasn't able to appreciate it. "This isn't all I did, you know."
"I love it, but…what for?" I asked, turning to face him and inadvertently blocking his attempt to kiss my neck in the process.
"Your birthday." He sounded a bit worried, as though he wondered if he'd gotten the day wrong. "It's today, isn't it?"
"Oh…I almost forgot." I sounded a bit ashamed at my own lack of knowledge. "I'm glad I have you to remind me, though. This is much better than the birthday cards mother sends…" I leaned upward, catching his lips in a slow, unhurried kiss. After breaking it, I raised a dark eyebrow at him. "So, what's for dinner?"
"Your favorite." He smiled slightly. "I made nothing but dessert."
"Well, you really do know me then." I giggled slightly, leading him to the table, allowing him to pull out my chair as I admired the various dainties on my plate surrounding a ridiculously huge piece of cake. "Mmm, chocolate." I licked my lips, waiting for him to sit as well before we both attacked the "dinner" with a vengeance.
"Is it good?" he asked me, having finished before I could. I wiped a bit of frosting from my lip and nodded.
"You made all this?" I asked. "It must have taken all day."
"It wasn't bad." He told me. "I was doing it for you." This inspired a blush that burned to the roots of my hair. I turned my face down, hoping that he couldn't see my reaction to his comment in the dim lighting.
"Thanks, Vash." I told him, trying to keep my voice dignified. "This is the best present I've ever had."
"You think this is your present?" he asked, looking a bit surprised. "Well, it's a part, I guess. But it's not done yet."
"Really?" I couldn't help but feel pleased at this. "There's more?"
"Come on. I'll show you." Vash was wearing a smile that I'd begun to recognize as his attempt at being seductive, and I could feel my cheeks immediately suffuse with blood. He stood, pulling out my chair and helping me up. I followed him down the hall into the bedroom, where he'd placed countless candles all over the room, all of them twinkling like hundreds of stars surrounding us in the small room. I looked all around the room before I noticed that the bed was covered in rose petals. I gasped in surprise and whirled to face Vash.
"How…how'd you do this?" I asked him. Surely I hadn't had all these candles and roses hidden somewhere in the house.
"I got a job." He told me. "That little diner down the street. I wait tables some days."
"But…I thought…you didn't like to…you know." I didn't want to broach the subject of his antisocial behavior again, as it had caused a fight last time.
"I care more about you than I do about that." He assured me. "Besides, you don't want me to be a bum forever, do you?" he joked slightly, his slow, sexy smile returning. "Do you like it?"
"Of course." I hugged him tightly. "I love it, Vash." I didn't want him to see that his words had brought tears to my eyes. He really cared that much about me? "I love you." I told him. "Vash, I love you…so much."
"How much?" He asked. I could tell he was only joking, but I pressed against him, sliding my hand under his shirt slightly.
"I'll show you." I answered, my voice a bit lower than usual.
"Mer…" He only ever called me that when he couldn't think straight…when we were in the bedroom, basically. So I knew I had his attention now. Smiling, I tugged his shirt hem downwards, pulling him in for a kiss. While I had his mouth busy, I let his hands wander, pulling him back toward the bed all the while. A familiar warmth clenched at my insides as we tumbled into the mattress, causing rose petals to billow about us in a sweet smelling cloud. I could have fallen apart, I could have melted and never become myself again in that moment, but I wanted nothing more than to stay with Vash, to keep him in the place I was at, and so I was one piece for him, solid and unaltered for him. I was everything he wanted and needed and in that moment I knew it was true.
"Vash," I wanted to somehow communicate this epiphany to him, but somehow, I couldn't think of the words to say. I could only concentrate on becoming closer to him, as close as possible. My fingers plucked at the shirt keeping him chest from me, and soon enough I had it off, tossing it to the floor as my impatient hands moved on to the always challenging puzzle of his pants. All the while he pulled and worked at my clothes. He wasn't in any hurry, I could feel that much, but he wanted them off of me in a timely manner. Finally, we succeeded in our ends, and by this time soft caresses and sweet kisses had worked us both up to a feverish heat, each of us not willing to waste much more time in the accomplishment of our goal. And soon enough, I longed for something beyond his knowing touches, and I reached down, guiding him to where I wanted him. I didn't have to prompt him for him to know what to do.
"Gods, Mer," his voice grated the words out as though it was a struggle to speak, the words followed by a tight moan as he began to move in me slowly, carefully, as though he still was scared of hurting me after all the times we'd been together. I reached for him, my grasp fumbling to pull him closer, deeper, ever toward me, making us as though we were one. Our breaths were halted and gasping, unintelligible syllables sometimes dropping from our lips to join the noise of our irregular breathing. The pace, so leisurely at first, almost spontaneously doubled and went on continuing to gain speed until at last we reached what we'd been striving for, and in our triumph, collapsed spent on the mattress.
Our limbs entangled still, we let our breathing become slow and regular, occasionally exchanging soft kisses or whispered endearments. And then Vash shifted, rolling off of me so as not to smother my small body underneath him. I followed his movement sluggishly, cuddling up to him as he worked at pulling a blanket over us. Finally, he succeeded in his end, sparing a few kisses to my throat and mouth before settling back down and wrapping his arms around my petite form. I readily accepted his embrace, encouraging the affection with a few kisses of my own, aimed vaguely for his collarbone.
"Happy birthday." He was smiling. I could hear it in his voice, right along with that content exhaustion that always filled his tone after we'd made love.
"Love you." I answered.
"Love you too." He ended the weak attempt at speech with a long yawn. We fell asleep in that room, surrounded by candles and rose petals. Surprisingly, nothing caught fire. Not that I would have cared at that point. I was in heaven.
*****
The End (Of Part Six, That Is)
