THE JOURNAL OF. MR. DORIAN GRAY

DAY 1. Place: London, England. Feeling: V. pretty

Was having an unusually pretty day until I discovered my portrait was missing. V. bad, v. bad indeed. Silly evil man appeared, claimed to have stolen it for the nefarious purposes of blackmailing me. Wanker.

DAY 2. Place: London, England. Feeling: Still pretty damn pretty.

Mina and her harem showed up. Am prettier than all of them, even Mina. I showed them to my study and fondled my stick. Was feeling onset of terminal ennui when silly evil man and his cronies appeared. I beat the hell out of several cronies with my stick and Mina ate someone. Was shot in chest, will be sneezing bullets for weeks. Have agreed to join their League alongside Mina, some grizzled old fart, dusky man who appears to be eaten alive by his beard, invisible chap, and an American with bad hair.

DAY 3. Place: Paris, France. Feeling: Eyebrows sore.

Was plucking Brow Hair of Doom when Quartermain and Sawyer brought ape-thing onboard Nautilus. To my relief, it was not prettier than me by any means. In the commotion, stabbed Skinner and got blood sample. Am *so* naughty!
Prancing around with my stick. Prance prance prance!

DAY 4. Place: Onboard Nautilus. Feeling: V. sexy.

Slipped vial of Dr. Jekyll's serum into my pants and went to see Mina. She snarled at me a bit but she knows she cannot resist my sexy self. Dr. Jekyll watching from doorway, but fled before the show really got started. Pity, I always enjoyed having an audience. Afterwards terminal ennui set in and I returned to my quarters to fondle my stick some more. Took comfort in knowing I was not only the prettiest, but also the sexiest. Go me!

DAY 5. Place: Venice, Italy. Feeling: Traitorous!

Being traitor rather fun, actually. Got to leap from moving vehicle and shoot some random fellow. Everyone v. surprised when I stole Nemo's mini-ship thingy and sped off. Must have become more excited than I thought because I could have sworn I heard breathing in the background. I'm sure it was an echo or something.

DAY 6. Place: Mongolia somewhere. Feeling: Dead.

Well, damn. On the bright side, have never been dead before, so terminal ennui has finally gone.