CAPTAIN NEMO'S LOG

Day 1, London, 1600 hours.

Back in Merry Olde England. Found it even drearier than I left it, and all the people have even worse teeth than I remember if such a thing is possible. Met with M and Quartermain, who was obviously v. impressed with the length of my beard. Could not help preening just a bit. Went with Quartermain, Harker, and Skinner to fetch Gray. Some uninvited guests dropped in, and I got to kick butt kung-fu style. Go me!
Quartermain called me a pirate - the nerve! He'll see a pirate when I slit his throat while he sleeps!
Silly English pig dogs.

Day 2, Paris, 2000 hours.

Arrived in France, Quartermain and country bumpkin went to fetch large beast-creature-monster-thing. It slapped my crew around and roared and generally made a terrible fuss, then shrank down into an adorably sad- eyed half-naked English fellow who whimpered a bit and huddled in a blanket. Feel v. protective all of a sudden.
Tried on new turban - I think the orange suits me best. Might be best to stick with white, though. White is always in.

Day 3, Venice, 1800 hours.

Woke up in grumpy mood and groused at Jekyll. Seemed so distressed that I was ashamed of myself and decided to make it up to him somehow. Asked him which turban he preferred - he claimed blue matched my complexion. Who knew? Threw away all my orange turbans and sent the white ones to be dyed blue.
Yokel Sawyer v. rudely stole my auto-mobile and raced off to stop Venice from exploding. He'd better bring it back with no scratches and a full tank or there will be hell to pay! Shot off some missiles, felt v. nice.

Later.

Ishmael is dead. Damn you Gray! I should have garroted you when I had the chance, you sheep-fucking poncy Pom!
Jekyll v. brave though. Saved the Nautilus and everyone in it. I was most impressed. He returned all wet and dripping and pleased with himself and wearing very little clothing. Emotion overcame me and I temporarily forgot myself when I cried, "Linga bheda chaupaya, eeder ao, hum ho gaye aap ke!"
He blinked at me a couple of times and replied, "Well, you're welcome!"
Obviously Jekyll is unaware that Linga bheda chaupaya, eeder ao, hum ho gaye aap ke! is Hindustani for Sex beast, come here for I am yours now! Cannot decide if this is good thing or bad thing.

Day 4, Mongolia, 1200 hours.
Was worshipping Kali today when I started thinking of all the interesting things I could do to Jekyll if I had six arms. Am pretty sure such thoughts are sacrilegious.
Invaded British Johnny Bull M's lair and liberated many captives alongside Jekyll-as-Hyde. Then really big and ugly monster attacked, starting beating the crap out of him. Became v. irate, sliced monster with long sharp sword, little effect. Hyde turned back into Jekyll and became all scared and wide-eyed and half-naked again. Took opportunity to cuddle with him in corner while awaiting certain death. Am pretty sure that was his hand on my ass.
Somehow escaped anyway and saved the world. Go us!

Day 5, Kenya, 1600 hours.

Quartermain croaked, and funeral fine place to propose to Jekyll. Unfortunately the others accepted too, so I suppose I'll have to put up with them on the Nautilus after all. Can only handle so many English pig dogs, may have to toss a few overboard.