Ch 5-

I went out again, today.  The weather's finally getting nice here in Jersey.  It's about frickin' time, too.  I've been stuck inside all winter, only going out for the most basic things like doctors' appointments, the emergency room a few times, and Hooper did take me out to 2Senza Ristorante for my birthday.  Oh!  And there was the time that I snuck outside to take a leak off the balcony onto the neighbor-lady's stupid flowers.

Hooper wasn't happy about it, but he didn't lecture me.  I swear that I saw his lips curve into a brief smile as I was doing it.  He doesn't like the neighbor-lady either.  She called him a pedophile.

I mean, Hooper?  He's harmless.  He's gay, yes, and he's very proud of that.  He's also one of the world's comic book geniuses.  He has designed himself a double life, and everyone believes that he's the extremist black man, who wants to enslave and/or kill the white man.  Hooper never really believed it; he just got people interested in buying his stuff.

That's how I met him.  I was curious about his real attitudes, and then Holden told me that Hooper wasn't really a hater.  I guess that was when I realized that I liked him.  He was really sweet to me for some reason.

I used to get these…  images… at night when I was curled up next to Hooper.  He would usually be asleep, and his soft snores would send me to sleep.  Before I did sleep, though, I'd begin to think that Holden only went with Alyssa to get back at me.  Like he really loved me and deliberately tried to make me jealous.  He's like a teenage girl, for crying out loud!

Every time I think that, it makes me sad.  Sad because I realize that I really loved Hooper.  Sad because Holden didn't love me then or now.  Sad because I can't be with either of them ever.

Anyway, I went out this morning on another walk.  I saw Jay and Silent Bob again.  I mentioned the meditation to Bob, and he smiled and nodded.  He then took me aside and told me, "It'll do him some good."  Strangely enough, Jay was chasing squirrels.  He would get to the point where he almost caught one, and then he would trip.

Seriously, that boy is too lanky for his own good.  I've talked to Bob about it, and he admits that Jay eats way more than Bob does, but Jay is energetic.  He's even known as a 'sonic boom with dirt'.  I asked why Jay was chasing squirrels, and Bob just chuckled.  Jay's always been like that.  He does stuff without worrying about what others will think of him.  He's Jay and no one can take that from him.

I continued on down the road, stopping to look into the window of the Stash.  Brodie sat at the counter, reading the latest issue of Spider-man.  What a dork.  I bang on the window and he looks up and gives me the finger.  I can't help but laugh.  Brodie is also one of those humans that don't care what others think.  And I love him for that.

Come to think of it, I didn't even tell Brodie I had cancer.  I should have, but I never did.  I wanted one friend that didn't pity me, and Brodie was that friend.  I'm sure he's heard it by now, and maybe he thinks that it's just a rumor.  I know that I have to come clean with him, but I'm afraid he'll get mad at me for not telling him.  He's one of those guys that gets upset over trivial crap, and so I wonder if he'll really get pissed off because I withheld information.

Naaah.  Brodie's not that kind of guy.  I've made up my mind to tell him the next time I go out.  The way the news keeps talking, I'll be able to go out every day.  No rain, snow, sleet, or other generally shitty weather.  It should be nice and warm, and I'll be less susceptible to diseases.

I swear I'm going to tell Brodie.  I owe it to him.