Title: Twisted Christmas... The X-Men Way

Authors: Disturbed Courtney and Lilith Knight

Disclaimer: We don't own them. We're just giving them the happiness the writers mostly refuse to. *smiling*

Summary: It's Christmas time at the Xavier Institute... Who said it had to be boring?

Rating: Well... there IS bad language, but if you know what the words mean then you've heard them before and it doesn't matter, now does it? :)

Spoilers: X-Men: Evolution up to the newest eps, and the comics... But if you don't know who Remy is and why Rogue has super-strength, invulnerability, and can fly then you are WAY behind.

Feedback: Yes! Tell us how insane we are!!

Comments: We're playing in Courtney's version of the Evolution'verse for this. I like her world. *grins* It's more fun than the cannon one though it runs along more or less the same lines.

Dedication: Who do we wanna dedicate this to? *Lilith looks at Courtney* *Courtney looks at Lilith* *in unison* REMY!!! *laughter*

~telepathic communication~
'thoughts'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the last day before Christmas vacation. When the bells rang hundreds of kids bolted for freedom in unison. Some of the more unique students were especially glad of the vacation because they got to see their parents.

Bobby slammed the locker shut and pumped his fists in the air. "Alriiiight! Winter break is HERE!! Woo-hoo!" He didn't even wait for the others to say a word before he brought his hands together and threw up some fresh made snow. Jubilee and Amara giggled, not caring if anyone saw him. Kitty watched from her locker with Rogue.

"You know," she started. "I'm kind of sad that I'm going home for the holidays... It would've been really cool to see what would happen here."

Rogue smirked in return. "Or are ya just gonna miss Lancey-poo?"

Kitty blushed a bit and shut her locker. "Maybe that's a little bit of it. But the whole Institute is my family, too."

Rogue looked into her locker, shuffling around some things. "Yeah, Ah know whatcha mean, Ah guess." Her eyes glanced on one of the photos of Remy she had up. "Oh shit, he's prob'ly waitin' foh me. Betta get goin'." She shut her locker and started walking away. "See you back at home."

Jubes watched her go. "They are SOO cute together."

Rahne nodded and laughed. "I'm glad I don't get like that though."

Amara giggled. "You don't? And I suppose you and Sam are 'just friends', right?"

Both Sam and Rahne both flushed a deep red and denied it vehemently while the others laughed.



Outside, Jean tightened her coat around her. She unconsciously wondered for a moment if she should go get a ride with Duncan but seeing Scott on his way changed her mind. She stood up from leaning on his car and smiled at his arrival. "Hey, Scott. Could you have taken any longer? I just about froze my toes off," she joked.

"Sorry about that. I needed to talk to Taryn for a second."

Jean's expression turned plain from the previous lighthearted smile she had. "Oh... Guess she's disappointed you're going to Hawaii for a couple days."

"Yeah. She'll get over it though. We're going to spend some time together after the holiday."

Jean just nodded, fighting to keep her expression from turning cold. "I see. Well, Duncan's got some big Christmas surprise for me later. It should be interesting."

Now it was Scott's turn to internally frown. "Cool," was all he could manage to say as he unlocked his door. The two got in the car and sat in silence for a moment.

Jean was about to open her mouth, but she was interrupted by the now thankful sound of Kurt teleporting in. He pulled his hat over his ears even lower. "Since when did it get so cold?? Put some heat on already!" He reached up from the backseat to push the buttons on the dashboard.

Unfortunately what he hit was the radio sending music blasting through the car at earsplitting decibels. Cries of shock and pain rang out through the car for the instant before Kurt managed to shut off the music. "Um... Sorry?" he offered sheepishly.

Scott glared at him, ears still ringing and flipped the correct switch for the heater. "Leave. The. Buttons. Alone."

Kitty phased through the door into the car. "Brrr. It's cold."

Kurt grinned at her. "What? Lance can't warm you up?"

Kitty blushed for the second time that day and smacked Kurt. "Kuurt! Shut uuup!!"

Evan jumped into the car bringing with him a rush of cold air. "Wazzup, my homies?" Everyone on the car turned and looked at him. "What?" He looked around, confused. "What??"

"Nevermind. Let's just get back home. I still have to pack anyway," Scott said. There was a chorus of agreement as he peeled out of the parking lot.



Rogue pulled her gloves on tighter and pulled the collar up on her trench coat. The cold wasn't getting to her; she just did it out of habit. She waited patiently for Remy, kicking her feet in the less-than-half-an-inch of snow. She thought she had been late getting to the motorcycle, but it seemed Remy had been held back for who knows what. She watched as Scott's car drove away from the school, followed closely by the Jeep driven by Bobby.

Shoving her hands in her pockets, she finally saw Remy come out of school. He caught her eyes and smiled warmly. "What took ya so long?" she asked when he was close enough.

"Damn English teach had a stick up her ass t'day. I fell 'sleep in class, an' she kept me back. All I can say is dat I hope she likes de charged chalk I t'rew behind me on m' way out." He grinned.

Rogue just shook her head, not surprised at all by his actions. "Ya ready ta go then?" Behind him, she saw the silver PT Cruizer pull out of the parking lot with Sam behind the wheel, the other new recruits with him. Remy nodded in response, tugging lightly on his similar trench coat to make it looser for driving. He climbed on the motorcycle, which Xavier gave him as an early Christmas present, as he had with the other students and their new transportation. Rogue slid behind him and wrapped her arms around his stomach. She rested her head on his back, feeling his warmth through the jacket.

"Let's go," she said, smirking. She loved the power of this bike. It seemed up to par with Logan's treasured motorcycle in speed and handling.

Remy responded by revving it up and speeding out of the parking lot. On their way out, they passed quickly by Lance and the other Brotherhood members. Rogue waved in an almost friendly matter before they were gone in a flash of wind and snow.

"Hey, Remy? Ya don't think Lance had any hard feelin's 'bout what happened earlier, do ya?"

"What? Dat I kicked his ass cuz dat bastard almost drowned y'?"

"Yeah, that."

"Nah."

"The black eye is startin' ta turn yellow... Ah guess it's gettin' better. Ah'm surprised Kitty didn't get on yoah ass 'bout it."

He turned to grin demonically. "It's all 'bout de charm, chere."



BACK AT THE MANSION...

There was a huge Christmas tree standing in the in corner of the entrance foyer of the mansion. A really, REALLY huge one... twenty feet high at least.

"And WHY did you get a tree that big, Logan?" The professor was gazing in shock at beautiful, though enormous tree.

"You did say to get them whatever they wanted, Charles." Logan was highly amused.

"How did they even get it here, let alone in the house?" The professor was not.

"Rogue did the lifting, and the half-pint phased it through the wall." The professor buried his head in his hands. "Well, you're always telling them to use teamwork."

"We need Christmas music to decorate!" Bobby said while sliding down the railing of the stairs, boom box in hand. He pressed a button and music started blasting out. It was "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al Yankovic. There was cheering from the kids who were assembled around the as yet undecorated Christmas tree. The professor groaned and retreated to the study for some much-needed aspirin. Logan walked off to do his lone wolf thing.

"Question... How are we gonna get up there ta put on the ornaments?" Sam asked. There was much pondering about that. It was cut off as Rogue and Remy entered through the front door, shaking snow off their clothes.

"Hey, Rogue, how'd you like to help us decorate the tree?" Roberto asked.

"Um... Let me think... No. Ah dragged the damn thing in here. That was mah contribution."

"Sorry, mes amis. We got bet'er t'in's t' do."

"Oh, yeah? What?" Ray challenged.

"Dat's f'r us t' know an' y' t' wonder an' obsess 'bout." Remy smirked as they went up to Rogue's room and shut the door.

"I know! To Jean! Onward!" Bobby shouted. They all tramped up the stairs and stopped outside Jean's room. "Jean! We neeeeed you. Heeeelp us."

The door opened a crack. "What do you want?"

"None up us can reach the top branches. How about you use your TK?" Evan suggested.

"No." The door shut.

"Ve have vays of making you cooperate." Kurt grinned, exaggerating his accent for effect. He whispered to the others quickly. The giggled and nodded. "One... Two... Three..." They began to sing a very loud, very off-key version of "Jingle Bells." The door opened almost immediately.

"Alright, ALRIGHT! I'll help. Just, please, stop singing." She sighed, resigned, as they dragged her downstairs.



A while later, after helping a bit with the tree, the curiosity became too much for them and Jubilee and Bobby were crouched outside Rogue's room, listening intently.

"What do you think they're doing in there?" Jubilee asked in a whisper.

"Well, they can't... you know. Can they?" Bobby whispered back.

Inside, Rogue was hovering right next to the door and above the floor so her footsteps couldn't be heard on the other side. She flew back over to her bed and nodded to Remy, letting him know that the others had indeed followed them up. She smirked and looked between him and the door. "Mmm... Remy..." she started in a low voice. "Just a li'l lower, ahh Gawd that's it..." She fought to keep her voice from smiling as much as her face was.

Remy grinned back wickedly. "Y' like dat, chere?" He watched, amused, as Rogue tried (so far successfully) to keep from laughing even as she blushed a bit. He loved it when she blushed. It was absolutely adorable.

"Ya know Ah do. Ooh!" Behind the door there was a thump and furious whispering. They both almost lost it then. It was just so damned funny.

"Oh, my GOD!" Jubilee hissed. "They're actually doing it!"

"They can't be! They must be faking," Bobby hissed back. There was a moan then a gasp and a rhythmic creaking of the bed began from inside the bedroom.

"Well, it sounds pretty freaking real to me!"

"What are you guys doing?" Kitty asked from behind them.

Both jumped, startled, then dragged her down next to them and told her "Shhh!"

Kitty just glared between the two of them for a moment before she heard the noises coming from within. Then her face paled. "They aren't doing what I think they're doing, are they?"

Jubilee looked at her with a wrinkle to her nose. "What else could they possibly be doing?!" She whispered loudly.

"Ick... I share that room with her, too..." Kitty shivered, disgusted.

"Hey," Bobby piped up. "How about you peek in and see what's going on?"

Kitty's eyes widened at his suggestion. "You've gotta be kidding me. Seeing something like that is, like, definitely not on my list of things I have to complete before I die."

"Aww, Kit, please!" His eyes begged like a puppy. "Just this once!!"

"What'll I get in return?" She challenged.

"Umm... Jubes, a little help?"

Back inside the room, Remy was actually rubbing Rogue's shoulders a bit, in between making the bed noises. "Y' t'ink dey fell for it?" He murmured close to her ear.

"Mmm... don't care if they did..." she smiled lazily against his massage. She heard another bump outside and her smile brightened. "More company. Any guesses on who?"

Remy listened intently for a second to the hushed voices behind the door. "It's Kitty."

Rogue let out another loud moan for show. "All the better. If Ah know Bobby, he's talkin' her inta phasin' in."



Jubilee frantically thought of a bribe. "I'll lend you any of my clothes that you want." Kitty shook her head. "Cds?"

"You, like, want me to, like, look in THERE to see if they're doing THAT and you tell me I can borrow your stuff? No way." She got up to leave.

Bobby caught her wrist. "Wait. Aren't you at least a LITTLE curious?"

"NO." He wasn't gaining any ground there.

"Come on. Bobby and I will do all your chores for a month." Kitty hesitated. "Two months!"

"Hey!"

"Do you want to know or not?"

He gave out a semi-loud sigh, which was followed by another thump on the bed. That decided it for him. "Alright. Two months. Just do this for us," a slight glare from Jubilee, "Okay, mostly me, but please!"

Kitty smiled with satisfaction, but then it faded. "Fine. I'll do it. I don't suggest going in with me though. I know what Rogue's like and she'll totally flip if anyone would ever, ever do this. But with me... she might be, like, more understanding. It is MY room too after all." She cringed as she heard another moan.

Not wanting to waste anymore time and to get this over with, she stood up and made herself intangible. Then she peeked her head into the room, where she not only saw a fully dressed Rogue and Remy, but they were grinning at her entrance. Rogue immediately put a finger up to her lips, while Remy mouthed, "Play along," to the confused freshman.

"Kitty! What the hell is yoah problem bustin' in here! There's somethin' called knockin'!" Rogue nodded towards her to continue.

Kitty grinned and then shrieked. "Oh my god! I, like, had no idea! Aah!" She quickly phased out and leaned against the wall opposite the door. Bobby and Jubilee were waiting with their eyes wide. "I never, ever, want to see something like that ever again. I'm totally scarred for life now..." She let out a shudder for good measure. Then she started to get up. "Excuse me while I, like, go gouge my eyes out with a spork." She stumbled away, holding her giggles in till she was out of ear shot.

She was gasping for air and tripping down the hall she was laughing so hard. Totally oblivious to her surroundings she ran right into Scott. Scott, of course, only saw that Kitty was gasping, red in the face, and couldn't walk straight.

"Kitty! Kitty, are you okay?"

Kitty decided to have a little more fun and maybe help Scott lighten up at the same time. "No! The horror. Oh, God, make the images stop!!" She clutched his shirt and buried her face in his chest to hide the huge smile on her face.

"What? Tell me."

"Rogue... Remy... They were... They were, like... DOING it!!!!! IN MY ROOM!!!"

"Oh, God!" Scott took off down the hall, not seeing Kitty collapse against the wall giggling uncontrollably.

Jamie walked by and saw Kitty who sitting on the floor, back against the wall, laughing. "What's so funny?" Kitty opened her mouth and tried to speak but couldn't stop giggling long enough long enough. "Okaaaay..." He shook his head, wondering if everyone who lived here was nuts.

Scott made it down to Rogue and Kitty's room, his eyes catching Bobby and Jubilee on the floor by the door. He thought about asking them what they were doing there, but instead of being Captain Obvious, he marched straight up to the door and knocked. "Rogue? Remy? What's going on in there?" he asked as calmly as possible.

Rogue choked on her giggle and looked to the door. "Umm... nothin' Scott..." She looked to Remy. He just grinned.

"Strip an' get under de covers."

"What?!"

He shrugged. "Can' blame me f'r tryin'. Jus' get under de covers." She nodded, actually partially obliging him by taking off her outer layer. Remy pulled off his jeans and sweater in record time and pulled an extra blanket off of Rogue's bed and wrapped it around his now only boxer clad body. He turned to grin at Rogue and she bit her lip, not only keeping in her laughter but also enjoying the view.

Remy held the blanket in place at one hip and walked over to the door, swinging it open. "C'n I help y', mon ami?" he asked darkly, as if Scott interrupted something that couldn't be started up ever again.

Scott internally gulped while Jubilee and Bobby's jaws dropped from their position on the floor. "I just heard things..."

"Well, den y' best be movin' on, don' y' t'ink? We're obviously not in de mood f'r people peekin' in an' checkin' up on us."

Scott glanced over Remy's shoulder where Rogue was lying comfortably in the bed with a cynical smile on her face. "Do ya mind? Ah think we'd like ta finish up." She then glared down to the two teens on the floor, who didn't even wait for a warning. They scrambled off the floor and fled in separate directions. Scott looked like he was ready to go too. "Wait a sec there, Scott. Let Kitty know that the room is gonna be off limits foh another half hour. At least." She glared more daggers at him and his face turned as red as his glasses.

"Uh-huh," was all he could say. He muttered his apologies and shut the door for Remy. Remy pressed his ear up to the door and when he was sure Scott was gone, he collapsed down in a new fit of laughter. Rogue squealed with delight as well.

Remy finally controlled himself and looked up to Rogue who was leaning on her elbows, gazing down on him. "Dat was tres magnifique, chere. Didn' t'ink y' had it in y'."

"Oh? So now Ah'm not only a lightweight, but Ah'm a wuss? Ah see how it is." She gave a small, crude smirk and rolled over so she was watching him get up upside-down. She reached for her shirt which she had discarded near the bed and half slipped it on so it was hanging off her neck. "Hey, Remy?"

"Oui?"

"Ya don't think they took it serious, do ya?"

"Scott looked ready t' shit his pants out o' embarrassment, chere. An' Popsicle an' Jubes looked pretty convinced as well."

She paused for a moment as Remy stood up fully, the blanket slightly sliding down even further to fully show his abs. She shook her head lightly to escape her trance. "Now they'll think twice 'bout the whole 'no touchy' thing." He sat down on the edge of the bed, staring down at her.

"Damn straight." He tickled her through the blanket over her stomach and soon she was laughing hysterically once again.

By the tree downstairs, Jubilee was all but screaming out the events that had just taken place upstairs. Logan just happened to be coming back from his outing to hear the words "I swear I know what I heard. They were doing it!" from Jubilee.

"Who was doin' what," he asked in a low growl from the door.

Jubilee whipped around in surprise. "Umm, did I say that?" He only narrowed his eyes. "How about this... Why don't you go check for yourself!" She said this only to get the Wolverine away from her and her gossiping ways, not to get Rogue and Remy in trouble. "Rogue and Kitty's room. All I gotta say is be careful."

He snorted. "Right." And he went up. No more than half a minute after he was up the steps, a constant giggling could be heard from the top of the steps. Jamie looked up the steps to see Kitty still laughing. He shook his head once again and hooked his thumbs towards her.

"Anyone know what's up with her?" The others glanced up and saw her too. She felt the eyes on her and looked forward.

"Oops." She smiled and phased out of sight.

Logan walked briskly to Rogue's bedroom door, immediately hearing the laughter from inside. "Remy!! Ah swear... if ya don't stop... raht now..."

"Wha' y' gon' do, chere?" He chuckled and continued tickling her.

Logan, always one up for kicks, didn't bother knocking. He unsheathed his claws and brought the door down. Rogue and Remy heard the door come down and instantly they were up and five feet away from each other.

"What were you two doing in here?" Logan growled.

"Nothing," They answered in unison, trying to look innocent. Logan, with the natural suspicion all adults have toward teenagers, was inclined to doubt their truthfulness. He kept an eyebrow raised in question, his eyes noticing Rogue's shirt still hanging about her neck. She followed his stare and noticed it as well. She hastily pulled it on and smiled sweetly. He did nothing but growl.

"You can't honestly think we did anythin', Logan. This is ME we're talkin' about," Rogue defended. "Bobby and Jubes couldn't mind their business so we gave 'em some food foh thought. Simple," she added sourly. She wasn't going to get down on her hands and knees and beg him to listen to her.

Logan considered her answer slowly. It did make sense after all... Even though Rogue and Remy have had their moments of fun, they wouldn't do something completely disastrous. 'Sorta.' Logan snorted internally. "Fine. So you made some shit up about having sex and teaching the new kids about eavesdropping?"

"Well, if y' put it dat way, y' make us sound like we're de bad ones in dis." Remy grinned.

Logan ignored the comment but relented on the issue. "As long as you're joking. Better hope it doesn't get 'round to Charles though. Jubes is downstairs blabbing away about what 'happened'."

Remy put an arm around Rogue. "Let her. At least dey'll know some people in dis place know how t' get deir act t'get'er an' do... stuff." Then he coughed 'ScottanJean' into his hand quickly. Rogue let out a short laugh but then sobered for Logan. He cracked a smile.

"You're off the hook. Come downstairs and see the tree. The others worked hard on it." He left the room.

TBC...