Seto sat up the next morning and rubbed his hands over his eyes. Removing
the sheets from on top of him he slung his legs over to edge of the bed and
stared at the floor for a few moments as his body slowly caught up with the
fact that it was time to get up.
"Tea."
The tears started resurfacing in his eyes and he wiped them off with his sleeve. 'No. Mokuba can't see that I've been crying. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just fine.'
Standing he dragged himself over to his dresser where he pulled out his dark outfit and changed before heading downstairs to the breakfast table.
Mokuba was already there, happily munching away at a bowl of cereal and he smiled when he saw Seto in the stairwell.
Kaiba gave a half-hearted smirk and went over to the kitchen counter where he grabbed the pot of coffee and started making the fixing for a cup. Finally setting it up he leaned back on the counter and waited as he stared at the floor.
'I can't go over there. She must hate me. There is no way that she'll ever forgive me. I should just forget it. Go on with things being the way they are and stop fooling myself into thinking that I can change it.'
His eyes narrowed and he curled his fingers into his palms. 'I can't give up that easily. I have to at least TRY. If I don't try I know I'll never forgive myself. And besides, even if she does turn me down it won't be that bad.'
Turning he took the pot out of the coffeemaker and poured a glass for himself that he started sipping slowly as he leaned back against the counter once more.
'Sure. It'll be just fine. Being rejected won't be bad at all. I can handle it. I can handle the fact that I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life with no one in the world to help me out except for myself. I'll be fine taking care of myself. It's not like I haven't already been doing that. I'm fine with my one shot of happiness being held just out of my grasp to taunt me for the rest of my life and to tear my heart out of my chest for a nice game of hackysack. Sure. I'm fine with that. Tea doesn't need to love Seto Kaiba. I don't need her. She doesn't need me. I'm going to be just fine. Just fine. No problem. I'm happy. Yes. Just perfectly, perfectly happy.'
He raised the mug to his lips and took a sip of the warm liquid inside as the tears once again came to rim his eyelids.
"Brother?"
Seto snapped out of his thought process and looked over at Mokuba's concerned face and wiped his eyes with his finger before giving another halfhearted smile. "Just, um, burnt my tongue." The words choked out of his throat and he knew that it was very visible. So he took a deep breath and tried to smile again unsuccessfully. "I'm going to be back late tonight. Don't wait for me. You can get pizza or something for dinner if you want. See ya."
He put the still pretty full coffee mug down on the countertop and turned away from Mokuba as he headed for the door and tried to bury the droplets in his eyes, but a choice few escaped and made their way down to drip off his chin. 'There's nothing wrong. I'm feeling great. good. fine. Everything is just fine. I'm happy.'
******************
After Mokuba had finished eating his breakfast he ran upstairs and pulled out a small book from underneath his bed. Taking the pen out of the binding he bit off the cap and started scribbling in it as he sat on his bed using his leg as a table:
Hey Journal,
It's me again. I was just downstairs and talking to Seto. I think something's wrong with him. Somehow I'm getting the impression that he was crying, but he won't tell me about it. He never tells me anything that might get me worried. I know he's just doing it so that I'll have less stress, but I feel helpless. Seto's always helping me so much and I can never really do anything for him. The last couple of days he's been walking even more than usual, going out early and coming back sort of late. I really think something is wrong. I just wish he'd tell me what it was. Awe well, there's really nothing that I can do. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. If this just blows over then it'll be great, but for now I'll keep smiling and make him think I'm all carefree and happy. It never helps somebody to get sad when they're sad. And Seto tries to keep my life worry free. Later now, I'm going to go back and play Nintendo!
********************
The lump inside Seto's throat had firmly planted itself there as he let the crystalline salt particles dry on his face.
'I can't cry. I can't cry. Only the weak cry. I'm not weak. I'm not weak. I'm happy. Yes, that's it. I'm happy.'
He frowned and clenched his fists as he glared at the grass he was sitting on as another small drop sneaked out of his eye.
'I'm happy. I'm NOT sad. I'm HAPPY!'
Closing his eyes he shook his head and gritted his teeth.
'No I'm not. I'm just so stupid, just so very stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. I don't deserve it. I don't need it. Tea doesn't want me. Tea doesn't want me. Tea does not want me. Get that through your thick skull Seto. She hates you. And you are SUPPOSED to hate her. If you can just get it into the stupid head of yours that you don't like her then you will be happy. Happy.'
However much he had been telling himself that, trying to convince himself that it was really true. It stung and clawed at his heart.
'Cards. I should get more cards. Those help. I gave the others to Mokuba anyway. Cards will make me happy.'
He got up and brushed himself off before heading down the small hill he was sitting on near the baseball field. Wiping more fugitive tears away from his eyes he headed down the sidewalk towards the game shop.
*****************
"Hey Gramps! We're outta pop and I was wondering if you wanted me to get some.. more.." Joey's voice trailed off as he came out of the back and into the main store with an empty can of soda in his hand.
Kaiba looked back over his shoulder from where he was about to go out the door and sent a mild glare at the blonde.
"Um. hey Kaiba. What are you doing here?"
Seto took a few cards out of his pocket and held them up before shoving them back and going out the door.
Joey soon followed after and leaned over to look at his face. "Somethin' wrong dude? Looks like you've been crying."
A low growl came from Seto's chest and he shook his head glaring at the sidewalk.
"Um. okay then. You wanna talk about it?"
'Yeah. Sure. Like you really care Joey. Just shut up and mind your own business.' He shook his head.
"Are you sure?" The blonde raised an eyebrow.
'Yes I'm sure!' Kaiba sent a death glare through his red-rimmed eyes and continued walking as Joey followed along.
"Well at least SAY something."
'No. I'm fine. I'm happy. Happy. I'm h-a-p-p-y, happy.' Another unwanted tear squeezed its way out of Seto's eyes, which he quickly wiped away. He opened his mouth to tell the blonde off but the words choked in his throat and he closed it again.
"Earth to Kaiba? Hello?"
'Leave me alone Joey.' He narrowed his eyes again and tried to burry more unshed tears as he gritted his teeth and attempted ignoring the blonde next to him.
Joey, loosing his ability and tolerance of being ignored, grabbed Kaiba's shoulders and jerked him to face him. "Say something dammit!"
'Leave. Me. ALONE! Just forget it Joey! I'm supposed to be alone. I'm happy this way. It's the way things works and the way they are supposed to be. So forget it and leave me alone. I. Am. Happy!' His narrowed eyes formed slits and he clenched his jaw tight.
"Talk!" Joey gave him a fierce shake but was still rewarded by silence. Shoving the executive backwards away from him he threw his arms up in the air. "What is UP with you dude?!"
'There is nothing "up" with me Joey. Everything is down. But you know what? It's not all that bad. I've accepted that I'm going to be by myself. So just but out and forget it. Here I'll even give you these to shut up.' Approaching the blonde he reached into his pocket and shoved his entire deck into Joey's hands before storming off down the sidewalk.
"What the.?" Joey stared at the cards in his hands and turned it over so he could see the card faces. 'His blue eyes? Why did he give me his blue eyes?' Baffled and confused he stood there blinking for a few moments and then headed off after Kaiba again. "Kaiba! Kaiba, wait up!"
Seto stopped and turned to face Joey who quickly caught up and held out the deck.
"You forgot your cards."
'No I didn't moron. There's no point to duel monsters. There's no point in anything. I'm just an empty shell with nothing to give to the world. Nothing at all.' Another tear managed to squeeze out of his eye and he didn't even bother with it. 'Take them. I don't care. I am nothing and I deserve nothing. I don't deserve Tea. She's too good for me. I am nothing to her. So please just leave me alone to be the pitiful worm I am. I'm happy this way.' Turning again he sent one last gaze over at Joey and left.
*********************
Joey walked back into the game shop with the cards in his hands blinking at them. 'I don't get it. He comes in and is buying cards, and then he goes and gives them to me. along with his Whole deck! What's up with that?'
"Hey Joey. Where'd you go?" Yugi's voice piped up when he noticed his friend walking back into the room and his eyes went down to the cards in Joey's hands. "Where'd you get those?"
Still half lost in his bewildered world Joey sat on the couch and blinked. "Um.. Kaiba was buying some cards, and like, he was upset. So I went to check it out and well.. look." He pulled the rare card out of his deck and showed it to his friends.
Tristan's eyes spread wide. "What did you do? Mug him?"
The blonde shook his head. "No, he, um, gave them to me. And I tried to give them back but he wouldn't take them." Leaning back on the couch he pondered. "It was kinda weird actually."
Tristan snatched the cards out of his hand and shuffled through them. "Holy crap. This IS his deck. And what do you mean he just "gave" it to you?"
"Ya know.. like the voluntary act of putting the cards in my hand and then walking away. Get it?"
"But. Why?" The brunette raised and eyebrow in confusion.
Joey shrugged. "Beats me. He wouldn't say nothin' either. That was the weird thing. But hey, anyway, now I gots me some great cards!" He snatched the deck back from Tristan and shoved it in his pocket with a grin.
Yugi cocked his head curiously. "Joey, you aren't really going to keep the cards are you?"
He shrugged again. "And why shouldn't I? He gave 'em to me."
"Well. I guess so." His violet eyes fell to the floor and worry creased his forehead.
"Yo, whatcha thinkin'? That I'm going to become some crazy possessed power hog? Nah, I'm just gonna use his deck in combo with mine. Then it'll all be the same. 'Cept I'm kinda juiced up. Then maybe I'll have a bit of a chance in a duel with ya Yug."
Yugi gave a smile at his friend and shook his head. "No. It's not that. It just doesn't seem very much like Kaiba to do that sort of thing. We all know he's very attached to his blue eyes. It's just strange that he'd give them up so easily, that's all." He shrugged carelessly and smiled again before looking over at Tea. "Don't you think so?"
"Huh? What?" Tea's head jerked up from staring at the floor to staring at her friends, obviously been lost in her own thoughts.
"Did you hear ANYTHING that we just said?" Joey questioned.
"Oh, um, not really. but I gotta go anyway. See ya!" Quickly getting up she left her three friends staring after her and Joey looked to the other two.
"Did I miss something?"
Tristan grabbed him in a headlock and messed up his already hopeless hair. "Knowing you you'd miss if this house fell down on your head."
Joey tried to yank his head out unsuccessfully and then set to trying to stretch out Tristan's face instead in hopes to achieve freedom that way.
Yugi just rolled his eyes. "You guys." He smiled and would have enjoyed the moment more if the worried look on Tea's face could've made its way out of his thoughts.
********************
"Brother!" Mokuba vaulted over the back of the couch and grabbed onto Seto's legs. When he received barely any reaction to the gesture he looked up at his older sibling. "Something wrong?"
Kaiba gently unlatched Mokuba's hands from around him and shook his head to the question before heading towards the stairs.
Mokuba's brow furrowed and his expression became more worried. "Aren't we gonna play our game?"
Just before Seto disappeared behind the wall he shook his head again and then went away.
"Um. okay then. I guess I'll. see you later then." The younger Kaiba talked to the open air behind his brother and then heard the doorbell ring. Breaking from his worried mood he ran over to the door and opened it.
"Tea? Heya! What are you doing here?" His face smiled at the surprise of her. It had been a long while since she had visited.
Tea looked worried and was wringing her hands distractedly and trying to peek glances inside. "Um, hey. Is your brother home?"
"Sure! Come on in. I'll go get him." Flashing another smile he swung the door wide before running off the fetch Seto.
*****************
'I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. I don't deserve anything. I'm just a pathetic, stupid, sniveling little shrimp. who deserves nothing.. But I'm happy with that. I'm happy. It's the way things are supposed to be because I am nothing. I deserve nothing. I am nothing.'
Seto sat on his bed, leaning against the headboard as his legs curled into his chest and he silently drove himself further and further down.
'Nothing. That's what I am. I'm a grimy slug and I deserve to be. I'm a microscopic flea put on this earth to be ignored and given nothing to live for. And I'm happy. I am nothing, and I'm happy with that. Life is the way it should be because I am nothing. I'm nothing. I'm absolutely nothing, just worthless pond scum that's good for nothing more than being pond scum.'
He'd beat his legs for a few minutes, but had found that he didn't even have the heart for that. He didn't want to do anything except what he was doing now. Convincing himself of what he was, driving it into his skull until there was no other possible thing that he could believe except for what he was telling himself.
'I don't deserve anything. Everyone deserves more than me. I'm just stupid, idiotic, pathetic Seto who only deserves to be pounded into the dust. I am nothing. I am nothing. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm noth-'
"Seto?" A muffled voice came from behind the door and Kaiba got up and opened it to stare down at Mokuba.
Mokuba looked up at his brother's distressed face a moment and then at the floor. "Um, someone's here to see you."
Kaiba shut the door behind him and wandered down the stairs without saying a word to Mokuba who went and disappeared into his own room.
********************
'Why am I here? I've told myself over and over again that it's not my problem. Oh well, just my guilty conscious. Once I see everything is fine I'll leave again. It was stupid to come over here in the first place. I know that nothing's wrong, and besides. It's not even my problem.'
Tea twiddled her thumbs as she sat on the couch waiting downstairs. Until the somber figure came into view at the end of the stairwell and she flashed a nervous smile.
"Eheh, hey Kaiba. What's up?"
********************
'Tea? Tea?! What is TEA doing here? Oh god. Oh my god. Seto you stupid idiot. Just leave right now. Tell her to leave. You're no good for her. She's better than you and you know it. Why would she like a pathetic insect like me anyway? There's no reason why she should. I was a fool to ever think I was even remotely good enough for her in the first place. But oh god. What is TEA doing HERE? Of all the people. of all the places. Why Tea? Why here?'
********************
'Why is he just standing there? He hasn't even moved! I mean he should at least have said 'hello' or something. Oh, he must hate me. I never should have come. What were you thinking you stupid girl Tea? Coming to Kaiba's house. Tcha! THAT was a good idea.'
********************
'She's staring at me like some sort of alien. I knew it. She still hates me. Of course, what was I thinking? Of course she hates me. I HATE myself! I HATE myself! God I'm such an idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!'
********************
Tea slanted her head as she saw Kaiba lean his head against the wall and softly start banging it. Breaking out of her frozen state she walked over and shyly took him away from the wall.
"Um. you're going to give yourself a headache."
She flashed a very small smile and then went to sit over on the couch and stared at the cushions.
*********************
'What? She CARES?! No. She doesn't care. I know she doesn't. It's just Tea being Tea and not wanting people to hurt themselves. Shit! I didn't mean to start doing that! Now she must think I hate her even more, and she must hate ME even more for hating her. Right, heh, what does she care about dumb old Seto Kaiba? She doesn't. I should just stop fooling myself and go back upstairs and let her get the hint that she should leave. Because I know she hates me, and if she didn't hate me then she would've said so and not just stood there gaping at me. Stupid Seto! Stupid Seto! Why did you ever think that she did in the first place?'
Without noticing it his feet had traveled him over so that he was sitting down on the couch next to Tea and he was holding his face as he rested his elbows on his thighs. When he finally noticed it was when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and he let go of his face to stare over at Tea.
'What are you doing Tea? You know we're supposed to hate each other. Loathe each other. It's not supposed to work this way. I-. I-.'
Falling back into his hands he shielded his face and tried to hide the tears that had started coming out of his eyes between his fingers.
'Tea. Please let go. Please take your hand away. It's too painful. I miss you, and I don't want you to leave again. but I know it's for the best. Oh please, just leave me alone in my misery. I love you, and it hurts so much. It hurts so much to let you go.'
"Are you okay?"
Seto nodded slowly. 'Please go Tea. I'm begging you. Find happiness with somebody who deserves it. not somebody like me.'
"You sure?"
Another nod. 'Please. just go. I am nothing. I'm worthless. I'm a pathetic worm who should be buried in all my solitude. I don't deserve to live. I deserve to die. I deserve to die. I am nothing.' Without realizing it he had moved one of his hands over the other's wrist and started sinking his nails into the skin.
"Uh. Kaiba." Tea reached over and took his hand away from it. She was confused at why as soon as she did this he looked away and grimaced. "Oh sorry, did I hurt you?"
'No. You didn't. I just. please leave Tea. I'm nothing. I'm no good for you. You shouldn't even be wasting your time on someone like me. I'm nothing. nothing at all.' Seto continued looking away from her and shook his head slightly before she turned his head back around and stared at his face worried.
"You know. You don't look so good."
'What do you mean I don't look so good? I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm happy being nothing. I'm no good for you Tea. Please just go. If you won't, I will. You deserve better than me. Angel's deserve the world, not what shouldn't even be alive.' Seto slowly stood from off the couch and took his hand away from Tea's sending her a tearful glance before heading back up to his room.
******************
"Um. well. Okay then." Tea stood up in confusion. 'Why isn't he saying anything? Not any 'hello', not even a 'go away', or a 'leave me alone'. Why?'
Slowly developing more worry in her mind she made her way up the stairs after Seto a few minutes later.
Knocking on the door gently she quietly spoke through the door.
"Kaiba? Are you in there?"
There was no answer so she opened the door a crack and peered in.
"Kaiba?"
The room was dark, very dark. Tea noticed this as she walked in. The curtains were drawn over the windows and the only way that she could make out the huddled form in the corner was by the shivering breaths coming from him.
Cautiously stepping forward in the gloomy atmosphere she made her way over to him and kneeled down. "Um, Kaiba?"
There was no response from him so she gave his shoulders a gentle shake. "Kaiba? Are you okay?"
There was still no answer so she shook him a little harder. "Come on. answer me. Please?"
Nothing.
"Seto.?"
She caught a glimpse of his body tensing and slid into the small space next to him in the corner. "Are you at least going to say something?"
********************
Kaiba shook his head and stood up. 'Please leave Tea. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. Not even your concern.'
He started heading over towards the balcony and Tea followed him until he was almost through the door when she yanked him back and pushed him against the wall and voiced warily, "Kaiba."
Seto's eyes locked into hers. 'What do you think I'm going to do Tea? Jump? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd never want to make you sad. I'd never do that to-.' He cupped his hand over the one she had on his shoulder and gave a longing sigh. 'I'd never do that to somebody I love.'
*****************
'What?' Tea stared at his hand over hers and blinked a few times then stared at his face. 'Seto. What wrong with you? I know something's wrong. But you aren't saying anything. I can't help if I have no clue of what's going inside that head of yours.'
"Kaiba, please tell me what's bothering you?"
'You're looking at me so strange. Like you need something and- Hey!'
*****************
Seto had scooped Tea up in his arms and was walking her out of the room and down the stairs.
Upon reaching the front door he put her down on the outside and stared at her blankly.
'Tea. You need to go. I can't have you here. It's too painful to even look at you knowing that I don't deserve it. Please just go.'
He gave her hand a little squeeze and locked eyes with her for a split second before closing the door behind her and heading back towards the stairwell.
******************
Back up in his room he traveled over to his bed and lay down on it staring at the ceiling and shaking his head as his thoughts lingered on Tea. 'Angel's need no worries little princess. Don't waste your time on me.'
((Okay, that wasn't especially the best last part. but hey ^_^ I tried! And it's a new chapter for you besides. Keep reviewing now!))
"Tea."
The tears started resurfacing in his eyes and he wiped them off with his sleeve. 'No. Mokuba can't see that I've been crying. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just fine.'
Standing he dragged himself over to his dresser where he pulled out his dark outfit and changed before heading downstairs to the breakfast table.
Mokuba was already there, happily munching away at a bowl of cereal and he smiled when he saw Seto in the stairwell.
Kaiba gave a half-hearted smirk and went over to the kitchen counter where he grabbed the pot of coffee and started making the fixing for a cup. Finally setting it up he leaned back on the counter and waited as he stared at the floor.
'I can't go over there. She must hate me. There is no way that she'll ever forgive me. I should just forget it. Go on with things being the way they are and stop fooling myself into thinking that I can change it.'
His eyes narrowed and he curled his fingers into his palms. 'I can't give up that easily. I have to at least TRY. If I don't try I know I'll never forgive myself. And besides, even if she does turn me down it won't be that bad.'
Turning he took the pot out of the coffeemaker and poured a glass for himself that he started sipping slowly as he leaned back against the counter once more.
'Sure. It'll be just fine. Being rejected won't be bad at all. I can handle it. I can handle the fact that I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life with no one in the world to help me out except for myself. I'll be fine taking care of myself. It's not like I haven't already been doing that. I'm fine with my one shot of happiness being held just out of my grasp to taunt me for the rest of my life and to tear my heart out of my chest for a nice game of hackysack. Sure. I'm fine with that. Tea doesn't need to love Seto Kaiba. I don't need her. She doesn't need me. I'm going to be just fine. Just fine. No problem. I'm happy. Yes. Just perfectly, perfectly happy.'
He raised the mug to his lips and took a sip of the warm liquid inside as the tears once again came to rim his eyelids.
"Brother?"
Seto snapped out of his thought process and looked over at Mokuba's concerned face and wiped his eyes with his finger before giving another halfhearted smile. "Just, um, burnt my tongue." The words choked out of his throat and he knew that it was very visible. So he took a deep breath and tried to smile again unsuccessfully. "I'm going to be back late tonight. Don't wait for me. You can get pizza or something for dinner if you want. See ya."
He put the still pretty full coffee mug down on the countertop and turned away from Mokuba as he headed for the door and tried to bury the droplets in his eyes, but a choice few escaped and made their way down to drip off his chin. 'There's nothing wrong. I'm feeling great. good. fine. Everything is just fine. I'm happy.'
******************
After Mokuba had finished eating his breakfast he ran upstairs and pulled out a small book from underneath his bed. Taking the pen out of the binding he bit off the cap and started scribbling in it as he sat on his bed using his leg as a table:
Hey Journal,
It's me again. I was just downstairs and talking to Seto. I think something's wrong with him. Somehow I'm getting the impression that he was crying, but he won't tell me about it. He never tells me anything that might get me worried. I know he's just doing it so that I'll have less stress, but I feel helpless. Seto's always helping me so much and I can never really do anything for him. The last couple of days he's been walking even more than usual, going out early and coming back sort of late. I really think something is wrong. I just wish he'd tell me what it was. Awe well, there's really nothing that I can do. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. If this just blows over then it'll be great, but for now I'll keep smiling and make him think I'm all carefree and happy. It never helps somebody to get sad when they're sad. And Seto tries to keep my life worry free. Later now, I'm going to go back and play Nintendo!
********************
The lump inside Seto's throat had firmly planted itself there as he let the crystalline salt particles dry on his face.
'I can't cry. I can't cry. Only the weak cry. I'm not weak. I'm not weak. I'm happy. Yes, that's it. I'm happy.'
He frowned and clenched his fists as he glared at the grass he was sitting on as another small drop sneaked out of his eye.
'I'm happy. I'm NOT sad. I'm HAPPY!'
Closing his eyes he shook his head and gritted his teeth.
'No I'm not. I'm just so stupid, just so very stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. I don't deserve it. I don't need it. Tea doesn't want me. Tea doesn't want me. Tea does not want me. Get that through your thick skull Seto. She hates you. And you are SUPPOSED to hate her. If you can just get it into the stupid head of yours that you don't like her then you will be happy. Happy.'
However much he had been telling himself that, trying to convince himself that it was really true. It stung and clawed at his heart.
'Cards. I should get more cards. Those help. I gave the others to Mokuba anyway. Cards will make me happy.'
He got up and brushed himself off before heading down the small hill he was sitting on near the baseball field. Wiping more fugitive tears away from his eyes he headed down the sidewalk towards the game shop.
*****************
"Hey Gramps! We're outta pop and I was wondering if you wanted me to get some.. more.." Joey's voice trailed off as he came out of the back and into the main store with an empty can of soda in his hand.
Kaiba looked back over his shoulder from where he was about to go out the door and sent a mild glare at the blonde.
"Um. hey Kaiba. What are you doing here?"
Seto took a few cards out of his pocket and held them up before shoving them back and going out the door.
Joey soon followed after and leaned over to look at his face. "Somethin' wrong dude? Looks like you've been crying."
A low growl came from Seto's chest and he shook his head glaring at the sidewalk.
"Um. okay then. You wanna talk about it?"
'Yeah. Sure. Like you really care Joey. Just shut up and mind your own business.' He shook his head.
"Are you sure?" The blonde raised an eyebrow.
'Yes I'm sure!' Kaiba sent a death glare through his red-rimmed eyes and continued walking as Joey followed along.
"Well at least SAY something."
'No. I'm fine. I'm happy. Happy. I'm h-a-p-p-y, happy.' Another unwanted tear squeezed its way out of Seto's eyes, which he quickly wiped away. He opened his mouth to tell the blonde off but the words choked in his throat and he closed it again.
"Earth to Kaiba? Hello?"
'Leave me alone Joey.' He narrowed his eyes again and tried to burry more unshed tears as he gritted his teeth and attempted ignoring the blonde next to him.
Joey, loosing his ability and tolerance of being ignored, grabbed Kaiba's shoulders and jerked him to face him. "Say something dammit!"
'Leave. Me. ALONE! Just forget it Joey! I'm supposed to be alone. I'm happy this way. It's the way things works and the way they are supposed to be. So forget it and leave me alone. I. Am. Happy!' His narrowed eyes formed slits and he clenched his jaw tight.
"Talk!" Joey gave him a fierce shake but was still rewarded by silence. Shoving the executive backwards away from him he threw his arms up in the air. "What is UP with you dude?!"
'There is nothing "up" with me Joey. Everything is down. But you know what? It's not all that bad. I've accepted that I'm going to be by myself. So just but out and forget it. Here I'll even give you these to shut up.' Approaching the blonde he reached into his pocket and shoved his entire deck into Joey's hands before storming off down the sidewalk.
"What the.?" Joey stared at the cards in his hands and turned it over so he could see the card faces. 'His blue eyes? Why did he give me his blue eyes?' Baffled and confused he stood there blinking for a few moments and then headed off after Kaiba again. "Kaiba! Kaiba, wait up!"
Seto stopped and turned to face Joey who quickly caught up and held out the deck.
"You forgot your cards."
'No I didn't moron. There's no point to duel monsters. There's no point in anything. I'm just an empty shell with nothing to give to the world. Nothing at all.' Another tear managed to squeeze out of his eye and he didn't even bother with it. 'Take them. I don't care. I am nothing and I deserve nothing. I don't deserve Tea. She's too good for me. I am nothing to her. So please just leave me alone to be the pitiful worm I am. I'm happy this way.' Turning again he sent one last gaze over at Joey and left.
*********************
Joey walked back into the game shop with the cards in his hands blinking at them. 'I don't get it. He comes in and is buying cards, and then he goes and gives them to me. along with his Whole deck! What's up with that?'
"Hey Joey. Where'd you go?" Yugi's voice piped up when he noticed his friend walking back into the room and his eyes went down to the cards in Joey's hands. "Where'd you get those?"
Still half lost in his bewildered world Joey sat on the couch and blinked. "Um.. Kaiba was buying some cards, and like, he was upset. So I went to check it out and well.. look." He pulled the rare card out of his deck and showed it to his friends.
Tristan's eyes spread wide. "What did you do? Mug him?"
The blonde shook his head. "No, he, um, gave them to me. And I tried to give them back but he wouldn't take them." Leaning back on the couch he pondered. "It was kinda weird actually."
Tristan snatched the cards out of his hand and shuffled through them. "Holy crap. This IS his deck. And what do you mean he just "gave" it to you?"
"Ya know.. like the voluntary act of putting the cards in my hand and then walking away. Get it?"
"But. Why?" The brunette raised and eyebrow in confusion.
Joey shrugged. "Beats me. He wouldn't say nothin' either. That was the weird thing. But hey, anyway, now I gots me some great cards!" He snatched the deck back from Tristan and shoved it in his pocket with a grin.
Yugi cocked his head curiously. "Joey, you aren't really going to keep the cards are you?"
He shrugged again. "And why shouldn't I? He gave 'em to me."
"Well. I guess so." His violet eyes fell to the floor and worry creased his forehead.
"Yo, whatcha thinkin'? That I'm going to become some crazy possessed power hog? Nah, I'm just gonna use his deck in combo with mine. Then it'll all be the same. 'Cept I'm kinda juiced up. Then maybe I'll have a bit of a chance in a duel with ya Yug."
Yugi gave a smile at his friend and shook his head. "No. It's not that. It just doesn't seem very much like Kaiba to do that sort of thing. We all know he's very attached to his blue eyes. It's just strange that he'd give them up so easily, that's all." He shrugged carelessly and smiled again before looking over at Tea. "Don't you think so?"
"Huh? What?" Tea's head jerked up from staring at the floor to staring at her friends, obviously been lost in her own thoughts.
"Did you hear ANYTHING that we just said?" Joey questioned.
"Oh, um, not really. but I gotta go anyway. See ya!" Quickly getting up she left her three friends staring after her and Joey looked to the other two.
"Did I miss something?"
Tristan grabbed him in a headlock and messed up his already hopeless hair. "Knowing you you'd miss if this house fell down on your head."
Joey tried to yank his head out unsuccessfully and then set to trying to stretch out Tristan's face instead in hopes to achieve freedom that way.
Yugi just rolled his eyes. "You guys." He smiled and would have enjoyed the moment more if the worried look on Tea's face could've made its way out of his thoughts.
********************
"Brother!" Mokuba vaulted over the back of the couch and grabbed onto Seto's legs. When he received barely any reaction to the gesture he looked up at his older sibling. "Something wrong?"
Kaiba gently unlatched Mokuba's hands from around him and shook his head to the question before heading towards the stairs.
Mokuba's brow furrowed and his expression became more worried. "Aren't we gonna play our game?"
Just before Seto disappeared behind the wall he shook his head again and then went away.
"Um. okay then. I guess I'll. see you later then." The younger Kaiba talked to the open air behind his brother and then heard the doorbell ring. Breaking from his worried mood he ran over to the door and opened it.
"Tea? Heya! What are you doing here?" His face smiled at the surprise of her. It had been a long while since she had visited.
Tea looked worried and was wringing her hands distractedly and trying to peek glances inside. "Um, hey. Is your brother home?"
"Sure! Come on in. I'll go get him." Flashing another smile he swung the door wide before running off the fetch Seto.
*****************
'I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. I don't deserve anything. I'm just a pathetic, stupid, sniveling little shrimp. who deserves nothing.. But I'm happy with that. I'm happy. It's the way things are supposed to be because I am nothing. I deserve nothing. I am nothing.'
Seto sat on his bed, leaning against the headboard as his legs curled into his chest and he silently drove himself further and further down.
'Nothing. That's what I am. I'm a grimy slug and I deserve to be. I'm a microscopic flea put on this earth to be ignored and given nothing to live for. And I'm happy. I am nothing, and I'm happy with that. Life is the way it should be because I am nothing. I'm nothing. I'm absolutely nothing, just worthless pond scum that's good for nothing more than being pond scum.'
He'd beat his legs for a few minutes, but had found that he didn't even have the heart for that. He didn't want to do anything except what he was doing now. Convincing himself of what he was, driving it into his skull until there was no other possible thing that he could believe except for what he was telling himself.
'I don't deserve anything. Everyone deserves more than me. I'm just stupid, idiotic, pathetic Seto who only deserves to be pounded into the dust. I am nothing. I am nothing. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm noth-'
"Seto?" A muffled voice came from behind the door and Kaiba got up and opened it to stare down at Mokuba.
Mokuba looked up at his brother's distressed face a moment and then at the floor. "Um, someone's here to see you."
Kaiba shut the door behind him and wandered down the stairs without saying a word to Mokuba who went and disappeared into his own room.
********************
'Why am I here? I've told myself over and over again that it's not my problem. Oh well, just my guilty conscious. Once I see everything is fine I'll leave again. It was stupid to come over here in the first place. I know that nothing's wrong, and besides. It's not even my problem.'
Tea twiddled her thumbs as she sat on the couch waiting downstairs. Until the somber figure came into view at the end of the stairwell and she flashed a nervous smile.
"Eheh, hey Kaiba. What's up?"
********************
'Tea? Tea?! What is TEA doing here? Oh god. Oh my god. Seto you stupid idiot. Just leave right now. Tell her to leave. You're no good for her. She's better than you and you know it. Why would she like a pathetic insect like me anyway? There's no reason why she should. I was a fool to ever think I was even remotely good enough for her in the first place. But oh god. What is TEA doing HERE? Of all the people. of all the places. Why Tea? Why here?'
********************
'Why is he just standing there? He hasn't even moved! I mean he should at least have said 'hello' or something. Oh, he must hate me. I never should have come. What were you thinking you stupid girl Tea? Coming to Kaiba's house. Tcha! THAT was a good idea.'
********************
'She's staring at me like some sort of alien. I knew it. She still hates me. Of course, what was I thinking? Of course she hates me. I HATE myself! I HATE myself! God I'm such an idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!'
********************
Tea slanted her head as she saw Kaiba lean his head against the wall and softly start banging it. Breaking out of her frozen state she walked over and shyly took him away from the wall.
"Um. you're going to give yourself a headache."
She flashed a very small smile and then went to sit over on the couch and stared at the cushions.
*********************
'What? She CARES?! No. She doesn't care. I know she doesn't. It's just Tea being Tea and not wanting people to hurt themselves. Shit! I didn't mean to start doing that! Now she must think I hate her even more, and she must hate ME even more for hating her. Right, heh, what does she care about dumb old Seto Kaiba? She doesn't. I should just stop fooling myself and go back upstairs and let her get the hint that she should leave. Because I know she hates me, and if she didn't hate me then she would've said so and not just stood there gaping at me. Stupid Seto! Stupid Seto! Why did you ever think that she did in the first place?'
Without noticing it his feet had traveled him over so that he was sitting down on the couch next to Tea and he was holding his face as he rested his elbows on his thighs. When he finally noticed it was when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and he let go of his face to stare over at Tea.
'What are you doing Tea? You know we're supposed to hate each other. Loathe each other. It's not supposed to work this way. I-. I-.'
Falling back into his hands he shielded his face and tried to hide the tears that had started coming out of his eyes between his fingers.
'Tea. Please let go. Please take your hand away. It's too painful. I miss you, and I don't want you to leave again. but I know it's for the best. Oh please, just leave me alone in my misery. I love you, and it hurts so much. It hurts so much to let you go.'
"Are you okay?"
Seto nodded slowly. 'Please go Tea. I'm begging you. Find happiness with somebody who deserves it. not somebody like me.'
"You sure?"
Another nod. 'Please. just go. I am nothing. I'm worthless. I'm a pathetic worm who should be buried in all my solitude. I don't deserve to live. I deserve to die. I deserve to die. I am nothing.' Without realizing it he had moved one of his hands over the other's wrist and started sinking his nails into the skin.
"Uh. Kaiba." Tea reached over and took his hand away from it. She was confused at why as soon as she did this he looked away and grimaced. "Oh sorry, did I hurt you?"
'No. You didn't. I just. please leave Tea. I'm nothing. I'm no good for you. You shouldn't even be wasting your time on someone like me. I'm nothing. nothing at all.' Seto continued looking away from her and shook his head slightly before she turned his head back around and stared at his face worried.
"You know. You don't look so good."
'What do you mean I don't look so good? I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm happy being nothing. I'm no good for you Tea. Please just go. If you won't, I will. You deserve better than me. Angel's deserve the world, not what shouldn't even be alive.' Seto slowly stood from off the couch and took his hand away from Tea's sending her a tearful glance before heading back up to his room.
******************
"Um. well. Okay then." Tea stood up in confusion. 'Why isn't he saying anything? Not any 'hello', not even a 'go away', or a 'leave me alone'. Why?'
Slowly developing more worry in her mind she made her way up the stairs after Seto a few minutes later.
Knocking on the door gently she quietly spoke through the door.
"Kaiba? Are you in there?"
There was no answer so she opened the door a crack and peered in.
"Kaiba?"
The room was dark, very dark. Tea noticed this as she walked in. The curtains were drawn over the windows and the only way that she could make out the huddled form in the corner was by the shivering breaths coming from him.
Cautiously stepping forward in the gloomy atmosphere she made her way over to him and kneeled down. "Um, Kaiba?"
There was no response from him so she gave his shoulders a gentle shake. "Kaiba? Are you okay?"
There was still no answer so she shook him a little harder. "Come on. answer me. Please?"
Nothing.
"Seto.?"
She caught a glimpse of his body tensing and slid into the small space next to him in the corner. "Are you at least going to say something?"
********************
Kaiba shook his head and stood up. 'Please leave Tea. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. Not even your concern.'
He started heading over towards the balcony and Tea followed him until he was almost through the door when she yanked him back and pushed him against the wall and voiced warily, "Kaiba."
Seto's eyes locked into hers. 'What do you think I'm going to do Tea? Jump? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd never want to make you sad. I'd never do that to-.' He cupped his hand over the one she had on his shoulder and gave a longing sigh. 'I'd never do that to somebody I love.'
*****************
'What?' Tea stared at his hand over hers and blinked a few times then stared at his face. 'Seto. What wrong with you? I know something's wrong. But you aren't saying anything. I can't help if I have no clue of what's going inside that head of yours.'
"Kaiba, please tell me what's bothering you?"
'You're looking at me so strange. Like you need something and- Hey!'
*****************
Seto had scooped Tea up in his arms and was walking her out of the room and down the stairs.
Upon reaching the front door he put her down on the outside and stared at her blankly.
'Tea. You need to go. I can't have you here. It's too painful to even look at you knowing that I don't deserve it. Please just go.'
He gave her hand a little squeeze and locked eyes with her for a split second before closing the door behind her and heading back towards the stairwell.
******************
Back up in his room he traveled over to his bed and lay down on it staring at the ceiling and shaking his head as his thoughts lingered on Tea. 'Angel's need no worries little princess. Don't waste your time on me.'
((Okay, that wasn't especially the best last part. but hey ^_^ I tried! And it's a new chapter for you besides. Keep reviewing now!))
