~* Author's Note*~ Yes, this story IS complete insanity. Just how I like it
lol. If anybody has any crazy requests or ideas for this story, don't
hesitate to ask! I'll practically ALWAYS put them in! Great! Well, with
that said, read and review! I LOVE REVIEWS, THEY MAKE MY DAY, I LOVE THEM
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!
The next day, the fellowship had stopped in a field when Pippin put down his pack (which had gotten suspiciously huge), and it fell down in the grass with a CLANK!!! Everybody stared.
"Pip, Mr. Whiskers wants to know what's in your pack." Said Merry suspiciously, tugging on the 'collar' made of grass and leaves he had put on Mr. Whiskers earlier that day.
"Tell Mr. Whiskers I could care less." Said Pippin. Merry frowned and whispered Pippin's message in Mr. Whiskers' ear. Then he stayed still, his head cocked to one side, as if he was listening to Mr. Whiskers' response for about 5 seconds.
"Mr. Whiskers says that's not very nice." Merry finally said.
"Yeah Pippin, What IS in your pack?' asked Aragorn. Then he got a wild gleam in his eye. "Could it be….butter you're trying to hide from me?" he whispered.
"Aragorn, I told you, CHOCOLATE-" but Legolas, with his elfin skills, had already slunk off with Pippin's pack and opened it to reveal cans and cans and cans and cans and cans…..of Slim Fast.
"PIPPIN!" Legolas burst out, "When I showed you that Oprah episode about addictions yesterday, I thought WE CLEARLY DECIDED that you wouldn't drink Slim Fast anymore!!" said Legolas angrily.
"Besides," said Sam, "Where'd you get them all?"
"FromtheelvesinRivendell" muttered Pippin.
"What?" asked Merry. "Mr. Whiskers couldn't hear."
"FROM THE ELVES IN RIVENDELL, OK? YES! THEY DRINK SLIM FAST TOO! SO I JOINED A SLIM FAST CULT THERE AND AFTER WE DID OUR SECRET SLIM FAST ORGIES THEY GAVE EVERYONE A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF SLIM FAST!!!!" Pippin screamed. Everybody's mouths hung open. (including Mr. Whiskers.)
"What- What 'Slim Fast Orgies'? " asked Frodo in a singsong voice. (he can't stop singing. In fact, the whole time this chapter has been going on, he's been singing Britney Spears' 'Oops I Did It Again' to himself.) Pippin still looked angry.
"WE HAD TO DANCE AROUND A SCALE WEARING NOTHING BUT CLOTHES MADE OF EMPTY BOTTLES OF SLIM FAST THEN GET A RITUALISTIC SLIM FAST TATOO TO PLEASE THE GOD OF SLIMNESS THEN WEIGH OURSELVES AND FALL OPON THE FLOOR SCREAMING OUR THANKS TO THE GODS.!! OK? YOU JUST HAD TO KNOW!!" burst out Pippin.
"Mr. Whiskers and I are SHOCKED." Said Merry. Legolas sighed.
"Its ok Pippin. I used to be obsessed with my hair, and my looks, But then, it all changed when this girl told me I should….I should…."Legolas looked like he was about to cry, "SWITH TO HERBAL ESSENCES!" Legolas burst into tears and ran away screaming 'Why? Why?!" Throughout all this, Gandalf has gotten into a trance-like state by smoking his weed and occasionally started making small talk to his hat, which he had named Mrs. Leathery The Hat. Gimli sat quietly, braiding his beard. Merry sighed.
"Mr. Whiskers, I'm sorry you had to go through all this. You can go over to Gandalf now and play with your friend Mrs. Leathery The Hat." Merry put Mr. Whiskers down, but as Mr. Whiskers was stuffed he just stood there and didn't go anywhere near Mrs. Leathery The Hat. But Merry didn't seem to notice. He just called out over in Gandalf's direction, "Have fun with Mrs. Leathery The Hat!" Boromir turned to Pippin.
"Slim Fast….tattoo?" Pippin groaned and pulled of his shirt to reveal a tattoo of a Slim Fast can on his shoulder with the words 'Nutritious and Delicious' around it. Boromir shook his head. Aragorn was going through everyone's packs to search for butter, but was finding rather….interesting things inside. Inside Legolas', not surprising, was a complete set of all of Dr. Phil's books and some taped Oprah episodes. In Pippin's was Slim Fast cans, magazines, promo offers, a weight watcher's guide, and a book called 'Living Healthy With Slim Fast.' Then, Aragorn got to Sam's. He unzipped it…..AND PULLED OUT A PORN MAGAZINE WITH ALL OF THE GUY'S HEADS CUT OUT AND REPLACED WITH A PICTURE OF FRODO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Frodo, who had seen the pictures when Aragorn pulled it out, was startled out of the chorus of 'I Will Survive' and started to scream and run away as fast as he possibly could.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!"
"NO NO WAIT MR. FRODO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN EXPLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Sam after him. Merry pulled Mr. Whiskers away from his thrilling playtime with Mrs. Leathery the Hat and hugged him close. It had been a long, disturbing chapter.
The next day, the fellowship had stopped in a field when Pippin put down his pack (which had gotten suspiciously huge), and it fell down in the grass with a CLANK!!! Everybody stared.
"Pip, Mr. Whiskers wants to know what's in your pack." Said Merry suspiciously, tugging on the 'collar' made of grass and leaves he had put on Mr. Whiskers earlier that day.
"Tell Mr. Whiskers I could care less." Said Pippin. Merry frowned and whispered Pippin's message in Mr. Whiskers' ear. Then he stayed still, his head cocked to one side, as if he was listening to Mr. Whiskers' response for about 5 seconds.
"Mr. Whiskers says that's not very nice." Merry finally said.
"Yeah Pippin, What IS in your pack?' asked Aragorn. Then he got a wild gleam in his eye. "Could it be….butter you're trying to hide from me?" he whispered.
"Aragorn, I told you, CHOCOLATE-" but Legolas, with his elfin skills, had already slunk off with Pippin's pack and opened it to reveal cans and cans and cans and cans and cans…..of Slim Fast.
"PIPPIN!" Legolas burst out, "When I showed you that Oprah episode about addictions yesterday, I thought WE CLEARLY DECIDED that you wouldn't drink Slim Fast anymore!!" said Legolas angrily.
"Besides," said Sam, "Where'd you get them all?"
"FromtheelvesinRivendell" muttered Pippin.
"What?" asked Merry. "Mr. Whiskers couldn't hear."
"FROM THE ELVES IN RIVENDELL, OK? YES! THEY DRINK SLIM FAST TOO! SO I JOINED A SLIM FAST CULT THERE AND AFTER WE DID OUR SECRET SLIM FAST ORGIES THEY GAVE EVERYONE A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF SLIM FAST!!!!" Pippin screamed. Everybody's mouths hung open. (including Mr. Whiskers.)
"What- What 'Slim Fast Orgies'? " asked Frodo in a singsong voice. (he can't stop singing. In fact, the whole time this chapter has been going on, he's been singing Britney Spears' 'Oops I Did It Again' to himself.) Pippin still looked angry.
"WE HAD TO DANCE AROUND A SCALE WEARING NOTHING BUT CLOTHES MADE OF EMPTY BOTTLES OF SLIM FAST THEN GET A RITUALISTIC SLIM FAST TATOO TO PLEASE THE GOD OF SLIMNESS THEN WEIGH OURSELVES AND FALL OPON THE FLOOR SCREAMING OUR THANKS TO THE GODS.!! OK? YOU JUST HAD TO KNOW!!" burst out Pippin.
"Mr. Whiskers and I are SHOCKED." Said Merry. Legolas sighed.
"Its ok Pippin. I used to be obsessed with my hair, and my looks, But then, it all changed when this girl told me I should….I should…."Legolas looked like he was about to cry, "SWITH TO HERBAL ESSENCES!" Legolas burst into tears and ran away screaming 'Why? Why?!" Throughout all this, Gandalf has gotten into a trance-like state by smoking his weed and occasionally started making small talk to his hat, which he had named Mrs. Leathery The Hat. Gimli sat quietly, braiding his beard. Merry sighed.
"Mr. Whiskers, I'm sorry you had to go through all this. You can go over to Gandalf now and play with your friend Mrs. Leathery The Hat." Merry put Mr. Whiskers down, but as Mr. Whiskers was stuffed he just stood there and didn't go anywhere near Mrs. Leathery The Hat. But Merry didn't seem to notice. He just called out over in Gandalf's direction, "Have fun with Mrs. Leathery The Hat!" Boromir turned to Pippin.
"Slim Fast….tattoo?" Pippin groaned and pulled of his shirt to reveal a tattoo of a Slim Fast can on his shoulder with the words 'Nutritious and Delicious' around it. Boromir shook his head. Aragorn was going through everyone's packs to search for butter, but was finding rather….interesting things inside. Inside Legolas', not surprising, was a complete set of all of Dr. Phil's books and some taped Oprah episodes. In Pippin's was Slim Fast cans, magazines, promo offers, a weight watcher's guide, and a book called 'Living Healthy With Slim Fast.' Then, Aragorn got to Sam's. He unzipped it…..AND PULLED OUT A PORN MAGAZINE WITH ALL OF THE GUY'S HEADS CUT OUT AND REPLACED WITH A PICTURE OF FRODO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Frodo, who had seen the pictures when Aragorn pulled it out, was startled out of the chorus of 'I Will Survive' and started to scream and run away as fast as he possibly could.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!"
"NO NO WAIT MR. FRODO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN EXPLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Sam after him. Merry pulled Mr. Whiskers away from his thrilling playtime with Mrs. Leathery the Hat and hugged him close. It had been a long, disturbing chapter.
