After the traumatizing experience about if Legolas was a girl or not,
the fellowship was more than happy to continue on their quest to find the
secret butter springs and the anti-slim fatness antidote. And so, Aragorn
whipped out his trusty map once more.
"Hmmmmm, ok, it says here that we have to pass over the marijuana fields, go north towards crackhead desert, go through ecstasy valley, and then to Viagra falls." Everyone blinked. "VIAGRA FALLS????" He turned the map over to the back, which had pictures of naked women polishing a wizard's staff. The top read 'PLAYWITCH'.
"That's MINE!" said Gandalf, snatching the map away. "Here's YOUR map." He said, giving a crumpled piece of paper back to Aragorn. Aragorn opened it.
"Right then. It looks like we have to head east into the broccoli flatlands." He looked around and lowered his voice. "Now, what you may see may horrify, stun, weird-out, scare, even sicken you, but remember, if you die, Legolas, I get your computer, Gimli, I get your stereo, Merry, I get your collection of Star Trek action figures, and Gandalf, I get your weed. That shit is GOOD!" He clapped his hands together. "Okay. Off we go!" The Fellowship of the butter set out, walking through an open field. Loud LOTR music begins to play in the background.
"CAN YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?" the music stops abruptly. "Thank you."
~*~
It was night. There's no sound, not even a solitary cricket chirping in the background. The fellowship, having entered the broccoli flatlands, tries to stay close together. They walk, but stop when they see a huge tree looming in the distance. Aragorn shines his flashlight on the tree. Hanging on every branch are stalks of broccoli in the shape of kitties.
"W-What does this mean?" Merry asked, holding Mr. Whiskers.
"I don't know…." said Aragorn, pensively, continuing ahead. A twig snaps behind Merry.
"…Aragorn?" He turns around. Aragorn is gone. He keeps walking. "D- Don't worry Mr. Whiskers, it'll all be ok." Something rustles in the bushes. "Legolas?" Legolas isn't there anymore. He goes on, staring into the darkness. Another twig breaks. "Gimli? Gandalf? Boromir? Sam? Frodo?" Merry realizes that he is alone. He takes out his flashlight and aims it into his face. "I'm-I'm just so scared…. I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to open them…. I can FEEL the broccoli…. watching me, waiting to get their green, chloroplast-filled fingers around my neck…..I'm just so sorry…..so sorry………" he looks up to see broccoli in the shape of kitties hanging everywhere. He screams and screams and screams and screams and screams……and runs into a house in front of him. He goes up the stairs hearing voices, yelling
"MERRY!!!!!!!!!! MERRY!!!!!!!!" He goes up more and more stairs, green shapes of broccoli on the walls, and comes to a room filled with nothing but broccoli! BROCCOLI EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! He yells for help……..and faints.
~*~
Merry woke up screaming, "THE BLAIR BROCCOLI!!! THE BLAIR BROCCOLI!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GOING TO GET MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn shook him awake and Merry stared.
"Oh Aunty Emm, Aunty Emm, I had a horrible dream……. We weren't in Kansas anymore…." He looks at everybody and points to them. "And you were there, and you were there and you were there….." Legolas slaps him on the head.
"It WASN'T a dream you idiot, we're NOT in Kansas, AND ARAGORN IS NOT AUNTY EMM."
"Oh. I remember now…..But YOU GUYS ALL DISAPPEARED!! WHERE WERE YOU!!!???" Boromir shrugged.
"We went to McDonald's. "
"'We love to see you smile!" Frodo sang. Yes, Frodo is indeed still unable to shut up. He was singing Bootyliscious this whole time with Sam joining in to say "FRODO can you handle this? I don't think he can handle this!"
"YOU WENT TO MCDONALDS?!" roared Merry.
"Yep. I ordered a quarter pounder with cheese meal, Sam got the chicken nuggets 'big kids' meal, Frodo got the cheeseburger kids meal but first threatened a lawsuit against McDonald's saying that were discriminating against hobbits because they didn't have a mushroom sandwich meal-"
"AND YOU DIDN'T BRING ME BACK SOMETHING?????????!!!!!!!!!!!" Everybody looked guilty. Merry sighed. It seemed like the only one in the Fellowship of the Butter that really cared about him was Mr. Whiskers. Well, and Sam, but not really in a platonic way….he hugged Mr. Whiskers close. He had almost gotten eaten by broccoli, and it had been a long, extremely scary chapter.
~*Author's Note*~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR NOT UPDATING!!!!!!!!!! WE JUST MOVED TO A NEW CITY ( see my bio thingy) AND MY COMPUTER HASN'T BEEN UNPACKED UNTIL LIKE YESTERDAY AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTEERNET UP AND…………..*Sigh* Its been really sucky and I don't really like it where I'm living now and I had to leave behind all my friends and it….just….royally….bites. Oh well. Anyway……….please review. Its really one of the only things keeping me going…..as always, thank you so much for reading my insane stuff. Seriously. I really, really, appreciate it, from the bottom of my sad little heart. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
"Hmmmmm, ok, it says here that we have to pass over the marijuana fields, go north towards crackhead desert, go through ecstasy valley, and then to Viagra falls." Everyone blinked. "VIAGRA FALLS????" He turned the map over to the back, which had pictures of naked women polishing a wizard's staff. The top read 'PLAYWITCH'.
"That's MINE!" said Gandalf, snatching the map away. "Here's YOUR map." He said, giving a crumpled piece of paper back to Aragorn. Aragorn opened it.
"Right then. It looks like we have to head east into the broccoli flatlands." He looked around and lowered his voice. "Now, what you may see may horrify, stun, weird-out, scare, even sicken you, but remember, if you die, Legolas, I get your computer, Gimli, I get your stereo, Merry, I get your collection of Star Trek action figures, and Gandalf, I get your weed. That shit is GOOD!" He clapped his hands together. "Okay. Off we go!" The Fellowship of the butter set out, walking through an open field. Loud LOTR music begins to play in the background.
"CAN YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?" the music stops abruptly. "Thank you."
~*~
It was night. There's no sound, not even a solitary cricket chirping in the background. The fellowship, having entered the broccoli flatlands, tries to stay close together. They walk, but stop when they see a huge tree looming in the distance. Aragorn shines his flashlight on the tree. Hanging on every branch are stalks of broccoli in the shape of kitties.
"W-What does this mean?" Merry asked, holding Mr. Whiskers.
"I don't know…." said Aragorn, pensively, continuing ahead. A twig snaps behind Merry.
"…Aragorn?" He turns around. Aragorn is gone. He keeps walking. "D- Don't worry Mr. Whiskers, it'll all be ok." Something rustles in the bushes. "Legolas?" Legolas isn't there anymore. He goes on, staring into the darkness. Another twig breaks. "Gimli? Gandalf? Boromir? Sam? Frodo?" Merry realizes that he is alone. He takes out his flashlight and aims it into his face. "I'm-I'm just so scared…. I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to open them…. I can FEEL the broccoli…. watching me, waiting to get their green, chloroplast-filled fingers around my neck…..I'm just so sorry…..so sorry………" he looks up to see broccoli in the shape of kitties hanging everywhere. He screams and screams and screams and screams and screams……and runs into a house in front of him. He goes up the stairs hearing voices, yelling
"MERRY!!!!!!!!!! MERRY!!!!!!!!" He goes up more and more stairs, green shapes of broccoli on the walls, and comes to a room filled with nothing but broccoli! BROCCOLI EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! He yells for help……..and faints.
~*~
Merry woke up screaming, "THE BLAIR BROCCOLI!!! THE BLAIR BROCCOLI!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GOING TO GET MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn shook him awake and Merry stared.
"Oh Aunty Emm, Aunty Emm, I had a horrible dream……. We weren't in Kansas anymore…." He looks at everybody and points to them. "And you were there, and you were there and you were there….." Legolas slaps him on the head.
"It WASN'T a dream you idiot, we're NOT in Kansas, AND ARAGORN IS NOT AUNTY EMM."
"Oh. I remember now…..But YOU GUYS ALL DISAPPEARED!! WHERE WERE YOU!!!???" Boromir shrugged.
"We went to McDonald's. "
"'We love to see you smile!" Frodo sang. Yes, Frodo is indeed still unable to shut up. He was singing Bootyliscious this whole time with Sam joining in to say "FRODO can you handle this? I don't think he can handle this!"
"YOU WENT TO MCDONALDS?!" roared Merry.
"Yep. I ordered a quarter pounder with cheese meal, Sam got the chicken nuggets 'big kids' meal, Frodo got the cheeseburger kids meal but first threatened a lawsuit against McDonald's saying that were discriminating against hobbits because they didn't have a mushroom sandwich meal-"
"AND YOU DIDN'T BRING ME BACK SOMETHING?????????!!!!!!!!!!!" Everybody looked guilty. Merry sighed. It seemed like the only one in the Fellowship of the Butter that really cared about him was Mr. Whiskers. Well, and Sam, but not really in a platonic way….he hugged Mr. Whiskers close. He had almost gotten eaten by broccoli, and it had been a long, extremely scary chapter.
~*Author's Note*~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR NOT UPDATING!!!!!!!!!! WE JUST MOVED TO A NEW CITY ( see my bio thingy) AND MY COMPUTER HASN'T BEEN UNPACKED UNTIL LIKE YESTERDAY AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTEERNET UP AND…………..*Sigh* Its been really sucky and I don't really like it where I'm living now and I had to leave behind all my friends and it….just….royally….bites. Oh well. Anyway……….please review. Its really one of the only things keeping me going…..as always, thank you so much for reading my insane stuff. Seriously. I really, really, appreciate it, from the bottom of my sad little heart. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
