Oh, goshness! I'm so sorry I didn't explain! (heheheh) Yeah right! I'm not revealing ANYTHING to you guys! (Besides, it gives me an upper hand!). Ok.now to answer reviews.

Esca-lover: Ok, the reason why Balgus is alive and the whole Dilandau issue will soon be solved (probably with chapter eight ^_^ heh.sorry, I know it drags along.) Yes, I have seen the Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaea movie (I'm so pleased to say that I OWN IT!! Who-hoo for Cevvy-chan!!!!). I'm so sorry for confusing everyone! (even though there's a part of me that isn't! mwuhahaha!) No, I'm not confused at your review (I usually read reviews ten times over just because I love them so much!).

Sereneblaze: OMG! I love you! You added my story to your list! Muchos gracias!!!! Yes, well, the only reason that I am good is because it took me so long to update chapters, so in that time (while I was reading other fanfics) Much knowledgeable I became, Padwon! (don't ask.tooooo much sugar today) Poetic? Hmmm.I never considered it to be like that, but that's very complementing! Thanks!

Sailor Hope: I love writing mysteriously (if you can't tell already.). I believe it gives people a thought to come back and read more (kind of addictive, you know?). That way I get more reviews! (See, my intentions are now clear!) Anyways, I'm glad to know that my readers connect to the characters!

Opalwings: Thank you so much for all your reviews and such. It means a lot to me that you like my story (since I'm such a fan of your work). I'll be looking forward to the completion of Beneath Two Moons (Something every Escaflowne fan should read)!

Oh, and the story line hasn't really been set in yet, but it certainly will in this chapter. I'm sorry it's taken so long, guys! Thank you to all my reviewers and those who have read my story from the start (That means you, Niffer, SabineballZ, and Fushizen na!). Oy, it's been so long since I've really started writing on this story, so some of my original twists I have changed to other twists (as you all have most likely recognized from Chapter six.) I've kind of been lazy and left my original writing style from the beginning behind, and I want to incorporate it again somehow.hmm..oh well! I'll think of something! Anyways, I'd better get on with the show, ne? You guys are getting restless, I'll bet!

One more thing, I think I might of misspelled certain things, so please, if anyone catches them, tell me in your review (which I know you'll write, ne?). Thanks. (Oh yeah, Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne!)

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I'll Cry Instead

By Cev

Chapter Seven: You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

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I once watched the rain

As it fell on my eyes

And washed my cold tears away.

Weren't you that angel?

That watched over me?

When my life came crashing down?

*******************************************************

Hitomi looked up, her green orbs wide and questioning. Who the hell was this new man?

"Hey Hitomi," The black-haired man grinned, his bright blue eyes shining in amusement. This was NO time to be amused, Hitomi thought.

"GADESS!" Allen yelled, knocking down the final guard and running to them.

"You traitors!" Fiena bellowed, his eyes ablaze as he held Gadess's knife in his good hand. He threw it expertly at Gadess, but the man simply caught it, and shoved it into a sheath on his side.

"You're the goddamn traitor," Gadess said coolly, smirking at the bloody king.

Fiena glared at him with hatred, "Guards!"

Gadess gulped slightly, and ran towards them, picking up Hitomi and slinging her over his shoulder, being sure to slam his boot into Fiena's bleeding hand. The King cursed loudly, and managed to draw a thin line of blood from Gadess's knee with his sword before the man sped off towards Allen. The crowds of people that were backed up along the walls of the throne room flinched and stared in awe of the men and the woman that had so easily defied this terrible man.

Allen took Hitomi from Gadess and slung her over his shoulders despite her complaining; she was in no fit state to fight back. They ran along the corridors, followed by a few men and women, who seemed all to be different from the other crowds of servants and of the court. They all carried weapons of some sort, and as they ran, guards repeatedly attacked. "Shit," Allen swore, gripping Hitomi tightly. She flinched, her body was covered in bruises and scars, and he wasn't helping it.

"This way!" A maid shouted, directing the small crowd of rebels to a tiny door in the side of a tall corridor made of stone, pointing with her bloodied and worn sword. Hitomi watched in the blackness that blanketed through them in horror as the maid closed the small door they climbed through, and a sword pierce through her from behind. She smiled at the group and waved her goodbye.

"The woman!" Hitomi breathed into Allen's ear.

"Forget it. Sara's done her part, we cannot go back!" Allen said gruffly, trying to climb through the rocky passageways they passed through. Hitomi was getting heavier every moment he ran forward, and they still had a long way to go.

"We're almost there!" An old man shouted through the blackness, his bright orange torch a flicker to Hitomi. Her eyes were blurred and her head felt heavy. But she had to stay awake. For where ever they were going, she knew that she had to stay awake.

"Ready the guymelefs!" Gadess roared over the men and women, "Pilots, take as many as you can with you!" The now large group scattered through a very large rocky dome, that reminded Hitomi of the large limestone caverns from Earth.

Allen returned Hitomi to Gadess, "Take care of her. I'll have to take Schezarade. You know where we're headed?"

Gadess smiled mischievously, "Yes, and I think a certain someone will be very happy to see our little friend here."

Hitomi grunted, being pushed back and forth between the two was becoming annoying. And what the hell were they talking about?

Allen's eyes darkened, "Things are going to be different than we expected, Gadess," Allen set a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Be careful. Oh, and thanks."

Gadess grinned, "Hey, what are right-hand men good for?"

Allen nodded with a weak smile, and ran off through the crowd to Schezade, but not without one last glance at Hitomi.

"Come on, then," Gadess said, carrying Hitomi to his horse, "We'll be in the safety of friends soon, Hitomi, and then we'll explain everything." He sat her in front of them, and they galloped off through one of the main passageways leading off from the great cavern, where most of the crowd was running through. Or 'stomping', as the girl would more like to put it. Hitomi's heavy lids were certainly awakened when she saw the huge, odd, robot-looking things that she assumed were those 'guymelefs', carrying a few passengers in their hands.

The thought of that King couldn't be shoved out of her brain, either. She didn't even know this place, didn't even know where she was, but she knew that his presence was wrong, in so many ways.

Hitomi gulped nervously, what kind of hell had she been dropped into?

They had been chasing after the crowd for some time now, and Hitomi felt as if they were losing themselves in the forest. Orange and red light gleamed from behind them, and loud booms and explosions could be heard. Hitomi knew that her outbreak had caused all of this, and that all of this was her own fault. She was so stupid. This wasn't any dream. She was trying to deny it, but she knew it was real, as real as the pain that emitted from her bones every time the horse's hoofs beat against the ground.

Gadess noticed her tense face and reddening eyes, and he said softly, "I know there's a lot of confusing things going on, but everything has changed a lot since you've last been here."

"Since. . .since I've last been here?" She stammered out, trying to make sense of it all. A lot had happened in just these short few days when she had found herself laying in that stupid clearing!

Gadess looked at her quizzically, "Yes, but we've organized a rebellion. Austria has been our home more of late, it seems, but we've all gathered in the forest these past few weeks. But we'll probably be heading back to Austria, seeing how everything that was holding us to Fanelia has dropped. So much for spying. Fanelia seems as if it's cursed, all of these damn wars. . . everyone will be glad to see you, though, it'll be a nice laugh to see the looks on their faces when we come galloping through there!"

"Who is 'we'?"

Gadess smiled, "All of the Crusade crew, Austria's royals, a few people from Fanelia that weren't infected, and the few others that slipped past the disease. It's hard to explain, and lengthy, so I'd think it would be better for someone else to relay to you just what exactly has been going on."

Hitomi said nothing, but just kept staring forward, watching the backs of people and their horses. The guymelefs had stayed behind, rightly so, though, they were so big, and the mindset of this group seemed to be one thing: Hide. What was this disease Gadess was talking about? Hitomi shook the thought from her head, it would be revealed to her later, and she already had dozens of other things on her mind.

Night crept upon the travelers within one hour of their hastened escape, and many were wounded. Hitomi's body had long ago fell captive to sleep, with Gadess as her support. His dark eyes scanned the weary group with sadness. The fruits of the effort to reclaim Fanelia had rotted away yet again. He sighed inwardly, knowing that Lord Van would not be happy with this news, especially after so much hard work was put up to sneak in the Rebels into the Fanelian Castle, especially Allen. But now that Hitomi was back, he wondered, things would definitely change, just like it had three years ago. So, there was still light, in so much darkness.

He chuckled to himself. Oh, yes, things certainly were going to get interesting!

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In the middle of the night, Hitomi was nudged awake by Gadess, who himself was about to fall off the horse from exhaustion. The girl looked up to him questioningly with her green orbs, seemingly to have lost her abrupt and unreasonable anger as before when she was at the castle. Gadess tilted his head forward, and Hitomi stared at what he was motioning to. The group had slowed to a light pace, and among the trees and thick brush of the forest tents, it seemed like hundreds of them, circled in and out of the trees, surrounding at least a dozen of large fires. They looked makeshift and small, with a few larger, much longer ones, where many of the people from the group that escaped the castle were heading. Bloodied humans and odd- looking animal-like people were coming in and out of one larger tent, and it looked to be an infirmary of some sort. It seemed that the arrival of the group had raised every person from the camp like a foot crushing an ant bed, and people were running in haste from everywhere, gathering supplies, trying to help the injured, and find out just what had happened to make them all arrive so unexpectedly.

Gadess helped Hitomi from the horse, leading her to the large tent. One woman, who was going back and forth between the injured, grabbed Hitomi away from the tall soldier that saved her. Hitomi looked back at him, she being hauled through a passage of the tent. Gadess smiled, and waved, "I'll be back for you later!" he reassured, and Hitomi followed the woman, who, to her realization, was covered in fur, and had alert, large fuzzy brown ears bobbing on the top of her head as she walked.

The cat-woman sat Hitomi on an empty bed, lifting her shirt. Hitomi blushed profusely, trying to pull it back down. The woman growled, "Do you want help or not? There are many that need me all ready, so bear the embarrassment or go on without proper examination!" Hitomi, startled, dropped her arms and didn't move again. She stared in front of her, at the rows and rows of cots that filled the tent, with women, men, and younger assistants milling about from bed to bed, trying to rush their efforts so as to get to the many others who were waiting for medical assistance outside in and out (a very large crowd, that blocked off the sight at both open ends of the tent).

"Well, you're one of the lucky ones." The woman finally said, who was now bandaging Hitomi's wounds and bruises.

The girl looked at her in surprise. She sighed, and looked at the ground. "It's my fault."

The soft golden eyes of the cat-woman gently locked gazes with Hitomi. She had heard that almost every day, "Then you'll just have to make up for it, eh?" She answered, smiling softly at Hitomi.

Hitomi fell silent, and the woman hoped she had helped. She wrapped the final cloth around Hitomi's shoulder, and gently set a simple black shirt and a long, tan skirt, made from a thick material in Hitomi's hands, and set her other dirtied clothes beside her. "The lake is near, you should go and wash. Be sure to keep your bandages dry, I've already cleaned most of your wounds. I noticed Gadess was with you, tell him to take you to get food, you looked starved."

Hitomi nodded, thanking her quietly, and pulling her new clothes on delicately, wincing from her wounds as the material brushed across them. She inhaled their scent, and scrunched up her nose. They smelled like Iodine. She looked over at the dirty, bloody, and torn remnants of what was the navy shirt and black dress that she wore before. Not taking a second glance back at the sickly sight of blood and amputated limbs, Hitomi headed straight for the exit, her spot on the cot taken the moment she got up.

Hitomi squeezed the crowd at the exit of the tent, and finally reached uncrowded air, breathing deeply, but immediately regretted it, for the dust and dirt being kicked up by a running boy invaded her nose. After coughing and spitting out what she could, Hitomi searched up above the heads of men and women, trying to catch a glimpse of Gadess.

She found him, with his back turned to her, a tall figure that stood out from the rest of the crowd. His black hair was disheveled and looked a bit dirty, and she wondered what had happened. A short woman stood next to him, a very hard sight to miss, credited to her bright, short tuft of pink hair, and big tan and black ears that were pricked up, listening to him intently. He was surrounded by a group of men and few women, all encircling a long table with a bright lamp on top to help with the dark night, but Hitomi couldn't see what the fuss was about. She shoved herself through the crowd, and walked through the few tents separating them.

A woman with blonde hair and violet eyes was now speaking to the small group, with a tall man beside her, his brown eyes contemplating what she was saying behind circle spectacles. Hitomi went unnoticed by them all, and crept up behind Gadess, unsure if she should interrupt.

"Hitomi!" yelled a huge voice from behind her, and suddenly the whole camp seemed to tense and contract at the outburst. She turned to find Gadess waving to her and standing amongst a group of men and a fire. She was startled, unsure why their had been two Gadesses standing around. Looking back to the man she had mistaken for the soldier, she noticed an abrupt difference in their character, even from behind the man. It seemed the night was playing tricks on her eyes.

The group that she had been nearing froze, and all eyes turned to her. Hitomi muttered an inaudible sound, which reminded one of something like a 'meep'.

The girl with violet eyes had stopped speaking long ago, and the man beside her stared at her with a shocked gaze behind his glasses. The cat-girl with pink hair had turned to look at Hitomi with wide blue eyes, as if it was so unbelievable she was standing there.

". . .what?" A voice whispered. Hitomi looked at the back of the man she thought was Gadess, along with everyone else that had previously stared at her. The real Gadess was behind Hitomi, wondering silently what was wrong.

The man turned his face slowly, and Hitomi gasped, taking a step back.

Dark pools of wine. . .

Immediately, a great image of a brown dragon flashed through Hitomi's mind, but all she could see were those eyes.

Swirling rich mahogany, as if chocolate had been dyed in red wine.

That comforting warmth at the bottom of that stare, pulling her into a white bliss.

Hitomi stood, transfixed by his piercing gaze. The man was now fully turned around, looking confused and exasperated, as if all the air had been knocked clear from his lungs. "Hitomi?" He breathed, taking a step towards her. She stumbled between another step back, still unable to see anything but him.

"She's BACK!" The pink-haired cat-girl chimed, oblivious to the situation, pouncing on Hitomi as if she was a mouse, and pulling her from her reverie.

Before Hitomi could utter another word, the whole group of people came toward her, happily bombarding her with an onslaught of hugs and welcomes, of curious questions and wonderings,

"When did you get here?"

"How have you been?"

"How did you get here?"

"Who brought you here?"

"How long have you been on Gaea?"

Hitomi was silent and frowning, a dark blot amongst the pure and happy faces of these people.

"Hitomi?" The pink-haired feline asked worriedly, releasing her grip on her arm, noticing Hitomi's uncomfortable stance.

Hitomi looked wide-eyed at the cat, "Who are you?" She whispered, trying not to be so rude. "Where's Allen? Gadess?" Hitomi backed away from them, trying to reach for Gadess, and trying to peel her eyes from that man's ensnaring chocolate orbs.

"Hitomi! Don't be silly! You've known all of us for a long time, what, are you trying to pull a joke on us?" Gadess asked heartily, patting Hitomi on the back.

Hitomi looked up at him with confusion, and anger rising in her voice, "What are you talking about? I've only met you today!"

Gadess went limp, ". . . what do you mean?"

"Have you forgotten everything? Did you want. . .?"

Everyone turned to the speaker, who had been standing quite still as everyone had fawned on the returned Hitomi. He tried to control the despair in his voice, and the heartbreak in his eyes, but this was too much to bear.

Hitomi was tripping over her words, "I don't know what. . ." He was staring at her with such a force; her vocal cords were frozen.

"Lord Van," The cat-girl beside him started, putting a hand on his shoulder. He roughly shoved it away, and dropped his head in defeat, staring at the ground.

"Gadess!" Another voice shouted, sharply interrupting the reunion. Allen came, walking regally through the crowd to reach them, a disturbed look on his face.

"Allen!" A tall blonde beside the man that the girl called 'Lord Van'. "What's wrong?"

"Celena," Allen ran to hug the girl, but it was brief when he turned to the rest of them, "Hitomi's forgotten everything, she doesn't remember us or Gaea at all," he explained gently, "I think she's been infected by the disease."

"But how can that be?" The pink-haired cat girl asked, "She was on the Mystic Moon!"

"Mystic Moon?" Hitomi inquired gently, but was ignored.

"I don't know," Allen said, "But I think her forgetting was something different than what the others have been going through with the disease. Maybe like what happened with Balgus."

Van flinched at the mention of the name, but Allen went on, "Hitomi had been attacked by Dilandau and the new Dragon Slayers," at this the whole group stood in shock, and even Van was lifted from his reverie to acknowledge it, his eyes dark and fists clenching.

". . .but we came across them while coming back from Freid, when they were taking me and other to join Fanelia. Dilandau knows she's back, and now Fiena has captured him, he'll know exactly who Hitomi is, because I don't think Fiena is going to take Dilandau prisoner. We can probably expect to be seeing him much more."

Hitomi shivered a bit, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Allen was talking about those men from the forest, and she NEVER wanted to stumble across them again.

"This is very bad," said Celena hoarsely, "All of Zaibach's soldiers left over from the war are flocking to that damnable man! And who knows who's controlling Fiena? We still have yet to know what's behind this disease!"

Allen gave her a gentle squeeze on his sister's shoulder, "Millerna," he said, looking up to the blonde, "Any news from Austria?"

Hitomi watched as a small smile gently bloomed on Millerna's face, "My family's ready to give as much help as they can, but we have to keep things low key from now on. We'll need to leave for Palas tomorrow night. We're holding a meeting, and the representatives from all of the Rebel groups from all over Gaea will be there."

"Good," the man with brown hair and glasses said from behind her, "We're finally getting the organization and services we need."

"There was another thing Eries wrote," Millerna said, inching her way forward to 'Lord Van', "Van?"

The man hadn't said a word since Allen had come, and didn't seem very inclined to change that. He kept his eyes downcast and hidden beneath his dark, unruly black hair.

Hitomi felt as if her whole soul had been shattered and thrown away when she looked at him, "I'm sorry!" She blurted out, causing confused faces to stare at her. Van just stood there, unsure of what to say or do. With his whole heart, all he wanted to do was take her up in his arms and fly away, leave everyone else behind and let it be to just the two of them, alone and together. But now that was impossible, all this time of patient waiting for her return was all for naught. How could he tell her how he'd felt for four years when she didn't even remember? How had he let this happen?

He stared at her with disbelief in his eyes. Hitomi was still and shivering, like a rabbit that had been cornered by a lion. Why had she said that? Some subconscious idea had made her lips moved, and forced her vocal chords to work. Hitomi's hands clapped around her neck.

Her voice. . .

That screaming again.

Someone's trying to call her. Someone's trying to reach her. . .

A dark blanket, darker than the night, engulfed her eyes as she stood, blind and entranced.

"You remember ME, though, don't you, Kanzaki?"

Hitomi shook her head in disbelief, trying to hold back her tears, "Shut up . . . just STOP! This is all ridiculous, stupid and untrue! I'll never believe in YOU!"

"You know you have to, Hitomi." She said, grinning maliciously, "You know it's true, but you can't accept it, can you? Why not? Is it because of what happened on Earth?"

Hitomi's heart wrenched, "Just shut up, you goddamn devil. I told you to before. . ."

"You told me?!" She laughed, as if it were a joke, "Like I'd ever listen. You killed them, not me, little girl. It was your fault."

Anger covered Hitomi's features, "You idiot! It wasn't ME!"

A soft smile embedded itself in her features against the blank black, "I may be a moron, but I'm not blind. I saw what happened."

Hitomi's eyes went wide with shock, and her whole body felt cold. This was unreal! "kuro. . . . KURO!"

As the last syllable was released from her screaming throat, Hitomi's serene form was abruptly switched into the cold body with wide eyes, the exact same look that was present in her dream, as if her soul had been reclaimed from another dimension, and her body was roughly taken by its rightful owner. Hitomi looked around with those same wide eyes, expecting surprised people to surround her because of her screaming, but none came. It was as if nothing happened at all. Her shaking hand rubbed her temples, and she groaned, the back of her throat beginning to burn. "I thought I was over that. . ." she whispered.

Suddenly, the young woman was aware of her surroundings, and of the sheets and blankets that covered her, and of the warm, if not hard, board supporting her flat back. She felt a soft cushion behind her, and smiled with security through the dark. She was home, she knew it. Something felt right in here. She just had to be home. . .

"HITOMI-CHAN!" a cat-girl screeched from her side, startling her and making her fall off the cot onto a soft thing on the ground to her side with a thud, and an uncomfortable grunt from whatever she landed on.

. . .or maybe not.

"Van-sama? What in Gaea are you doing down there?" Merle asked, looking over the bed at the squashed Van beneath the red-as-a-tomato Hitomi.

"Merle, why must you always do that to people?" Van asked groggily.

Merle just grinned, "Because it's fun!"

Hitomi, suddenly struck by her rudeness, scrambled off of the man, and kneeled beside him, bowing low. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" She managed to rasp out, her head nearly banging on the dirt ground because of her bow.

"It's okay. . .don't worry about it." Van said, trying to pull her up, but she remained there, as stiff as a board.

"I'm really sorry. My name's Hitomi Kanzaki, I'm not sure how I got here, but-"

"I know who you are, Hitomi." Van said, with a sadness weighing his words down. He gently held Hitomi by her shoulders and lifted her with strong arms, "I've known you for a long time," He added with a struggled smile, "But you don't know me anymore."

Hitomi gulped down a large amount of air, knowing deep inside (against denial's wishes) that despite all of these out-of-this-world things that were going on, that Allen (whoever he was), was right, and that somehow, she knew that though all of these people didn't spark one memory from her, they did light one match of gentle feeling and warmth in her heart (that cursed thing that was hidden so deeply in her mind).

The other half of Hitomi, the kind, energetic and optimistic one, smoothly emerged from her walls, and took over. "Well, we can always start with names, can't we? I know I don't remember, but at least," she paused, trying to fight back her unhappiness, "at least we can try again." She almost choked on her words. Was she really coming to believe all of this mess? Hitomi shook her head, all of it was like some corked bottle of wine that she was staring at through the glass, and she knew that if she took that cork off and drank it all down she'd be drowning in new fears and new hurt. Tears gathered in her eyes when she looked over at Van's concerned face. What was it about him?

Her words sunk deep into Van, and reclaimed the hope that he had lost when Allen came bursting into the crowds, telling them what Van had dreaded the most. He gently ran his thumb beneath her eyes to wipe away her tears. Surprised green eyes stared at the gentle and loving movement, and he quickly drew his hand away. His heart was bursting with things he wanted to say, he wanted to tell her how much he had missed her, and how he was so damn angry and upset that she never communicated with him. He looked her over, despite her blush, noticing how much she had grown. Her cute, young face from before was slowly being taken hostage by mature features, and her whole frame seemed to have taken a sharp turn into a woman's form. He smiled gently when he noticed her still short hair, although it looked like a hack saw had done the pleasure of cutting off the bottom, leaving it to fall in jagged pieces against her skin. His smile faded considerably, though, when he noticed how abnormally thin and pale she looked. He took her hand, and while she flushed, examining how fragile and delicate she appeared. "Have you been malnourished?" He asked gently.

"No, don't be silly, I'm fine." She said, reclaiming her hand. Hitomi was trying hard, she felt that for some reason she wanted to make them all believe that she was the joyful and well person that she had hidden away. And even though it was hard doing that on Earth, with her family and Yukari and Amano, just being in the vicinity of the high-strung cat-like girl and this troubled black-haired man made her worries wash away, leaving a clean surface.

Merle waited for Van to re-introduce them, but when he gave no answer (probably due to his worried and engrossed expression, she thought), she took it upon herself, "I'm Merle Fanel. He's Van Fanel."

"You two are married?" Hitomi asked, with an alien emotion biting at her words.

"Oh, hell no!" Merle said, turning red and waving it off, but Hitomi's whole body seemed to lift from the ground a few feet.

"Merle!" Van said sternly.

Merle clapped her hand to her mouth, smiling sheepishly, "No, I'm just the adopted sister." Van reached out to impose an earned noogie on Merle, but the trio was interrupted by voices outside of the tent.

"Merle! Van-sama! There you are!" Celena said as she entered, shaking her head, "Keeping Hitomi from resting, I see." Merle gave her a small smile.

"How are you feeling, Hitomi?" Millerna asked, the blonde dipping down to come into the tent, with a tray in her hands. The tall brown-haired man from before followed her into the tent with a basin of water in his hands, peering at Hitomi with smiling brown eyes.

"I'm okay, I just had a strange. . ." Hitomi began.

"Vision? Dream of the past, perhaps?" Merle asked, nearly knocking Hitomi over from shock.

"How did you. . .?"

"We all know of your little 'interludes'." Allen said from behind Gadess, who had just entered, and chuckling annoyingly. The tent was becoming very crowded, but Hitomi didn't feel smothered.

Millerna sat the tray beside Hitomi, one filled with VERY appealing-looking food, and Millerna smiled at Hitomi's hungry stare, "You should really eat, Hitomi, you looked as if you've been starved." Hitomi rolled her eyes at the overly repeated statement, but nodded her head vigorously, and attacked the food without another word. Millerna laughed and took the basin from the man beside her, setting it down on the table, dipping a cloth in it, and ordering Hitomi to look up at her. She did so while Millerna cleaned the open cuts on Hitomi's face, but the girl was stuffing a leg of some meat into her mouth, chewing vigorously, making it very difficult.

Van watched with a smile on his lips. He knew that she had forgotten, and that was a bad thing, but it didn't happen because of her accord, and besides, just having her back was enough, memories or not. 'One way or another,' he silently vowed, 'I'll tell you, even if you never remember.'

"Oh!" Merle exclaimed, when everyone had found someplace to rest in the tent, and Allen had lighted a few lamps, "Hitomi, this is Dryden." She said, pointing to the man with long, dark brown hair, "Millerna's husband."

"Nice to see you again." Dryden said, smirking. Hitomi nodded, smiling in her greeting. She was beaming with happiness for some strange reason, with all of these people here.

"Um," Hitomi said, pausing from her carnivorous pursuit to give her enough time to pull a few sentences together, "So, what exactly is happening here? This planet, it's called, Gaea, right?"

The seven others glanced around towards one another, trying to prod others to explain.

Celena took responsibility, and sighed heavily, her face dropping into a frown. "It happened six months ago," She started, wringing her hands uncomfortably. Hitomi urged her gently to go on with a nod, but Van interrupted her before she could begin.

"I was in Freid to settle diplomatic matters," Van said, sitting himself beside Hitomi with a sigh, "While I was there, a force attacked Fanelia."

"Fanelia? As in Fanel?" Hitomi asked, making the connection, but wondering why this young man would be involved in such things as royalty (and why she hadn't made the connection earlier). He certainly didn't look like the type involved in such matters, he rather resembled a worn soldier, regardless of his young age. But the similarity between the two names could not be mistaken.

"Lord Van is the real King of Fanelia." Merle said firmly, but no one noticed Hitomi's relieved face. "He was there in the prospect of Freid and Fanelia's joint to become Allies."

"But something was wrong with Duke Chid. The Duke of Freid." Allen said, eyeing Hitomi, "You knew him. He's just nine years old now. The disease seems to have taken him, and he refused Van."

"What's this disease you all keep talking about?" Hitomi asked, taking a big chunk out of a fruit that reminded her of an apple.

"Some weird disease started to take over everyone! It was so awful!" Merle said with passion, "I led those who managed to stay unaffected into the forest, so we could travel to Austria, one of our allies, for refuge. We were taken in, but it seems as if the disease has spread over all of Gaea!"

"This virus," Millerna took over, blotting some blood from Hitomi's forehead, "Somehow erased everyone's memory of Fanelia, and replaced it with a new one. Everyone affected with it seems to have forgotten Lord Van, and replaced Harlan Fiena as King. We don't know who this man is, but we don't think he's behind all of this."

Hitomi froze upon hearing these words, but gulped down her anxiety. There was no way her stupid nightmares had anything to do with it all. Although. . .

"He's just a lucky punk that happened to stumble into someone's grand scheme plans." Celena snarled, interrupting Hitomi's train of thought.

"I knew there was something wrong with that," Hitomi muttered.

"What?" Van asked. What was that comment supposed to mean?

"Never mind." Hitomi said, waving it off, "But whatever happened to me, it can't be the same thing."

"No," Dryden sighed, scratching the stubble on his chin thoughtfully, while receiving questioning stares from every person present, "It must be something similar that happened to Balgus, as Allen mention yesterday."

"Yesterday? How long have I been out?" Hitomi asked.

"At least a whole day." Celena said.

"Balgus? Wait, I met him in the forest when I first arrived here, isn't he working for this Fiena guy?" asked Hitomi. She certainly was confused, all of this information, and all at once.

"Lord Van's old advisor." Merle said, gently nudging the tense Van, "He died four years ago, but somehow he appeared when all this commotion started. He doesn't remember Van or anybody, though, all he knows is Fiena." Van stiffened, but calmed down after receiving a small smile from Hitomi. Besides, it wasn't as if the real Balgus was alive. This one was just new memories placed inside a shell of a human that just happened to be Balgus. It sort of looked as if they, the enemy, were mocking Van by using his old sensei against him.

"We're going to have to figure this out later," Dryden said, sitting up from his chair, "Everyone needs to get ready for Palas tonight. Hitomi," His gaze was directed to her, "I know that you are in no circumstance to come, but I think you need to travel with us to Austria. Especially because of your memory loss."

Hitomi nodded her head, chewing and swallowing the last piece of bread, silently contemplating the new information she'd just received, and the idea of travel tonight. The notion didn't sound very appealing, especially since she was dead tired, even after her sleep (probably due to too much of it, she thought).

"So how much time do we have, your highness?" Van asked, sarcasm encasing his whole voice as he smirked at Dryden.

Millerna giggled at this comment as Dryden glared at Van, making her hand slip and press hard into one of Hitomi's gashes, causing the girl to cry out and push the princess, making her fall backwards and off the cot, while everyone erupted into fits of laughter.

While Dryden helped his wife from the ground, Allen recovered from his hysterics, and glanced at Hitomi, locking her gaze. "By the way, Hitomi," Allen said, smiling, "Thanks to you my horse has been quite frantic with me."

"Yori's here?" Hitomi asked.

"Yori? Well . . . if that's what you call him . . . but he's just outside and-"

Before the Caeli could say anything more, Hitomi had jumped to her feet and dashed out of the tent, despite Millerna's angry voice and Allen's confused stare. Van immediately followed with a concerned look, but the group watched on from the sidelines as the chocolate horse nuzzled the ecstatic Hitomi with his warm, black nose. Hitomi greatly returned his attention by hugging his neck, and letting the horse nibble at her hair, making many happy noises and pawing the dirt with his hooves. "Judging from your attention I guess you missed me, huh?" Hitomi playfully asked, scratching Yori's ears. He nudged her in the shoulder and Hitomi looked around.

"No wonder!" Allen said with a bit of annoyance. "This darn horse has infatuation with you!"

Merle wiggled her ears, and nudged Hitomi in the side, "A horse and a human. Hitomi, I knew you were weird but-"

"Merle!" Hitomi said, punching the cat girl in the shoulder.

Merle laughed, but gently rubbed Yori's neck, "Do you need help for the trip?"

Hitomi smiled warmly and the two began to chatter away happily, all the while hugging Yori.

"We'll be leaving, hopefully, in an hour," Dryden said to the rest. He cocked his eyebrow at Millerna, taking the bloody bowel from her, "I know you travel with your whole room, Millerna, but maybe you could b ready within that time?"

Millerna grinned, knowing exactly what Dryden was getting at, "Well, it depends. I really need some help."

Dryden gave an over-exaggerated sigh, and grinned at her with his laughing eyes glittering, "I guess I could be of some assistance. You're such a hassle!"

Millerna merely laughed, and grabbed the bowel he was holding away from him, walking away with Dryden on her heels towards their tent. Allen rolled his eyes at the scene, smiling, but scoffing at Hitomi, "Now I'm going to have to get a new horse. Just great. . ." But Celena punched him in his chest, and they too left, Allen's left eye twitching slightly, trying not to rub the spot where she had landed her 'playful' attack. Damn her strength. . .

"Come on, Hitomi, we have to get you some proper attire if we're going to Austria." Merle said, trying to drag the girl away from the horse, but Yori simply followed along. Gadess and Van were close behind, deep in conversation.

Merle smiled when she caught a look at Van, and the loving gaze from him to Hitomi as she gently hugged the horse while walking along, a gaze which the young honey-haired girl failed to notice, she being too involved with 'Yori'. She knew what he was thinking, and despite all that had happened, Merle was relieved. Soon, she knew, Van would return to his normal, playful self, with or without Hitomi's memory.

***

Allen had given up his claim on Yori, despite Hitomi's arguments. To Van's distaste, the two seemed to be close, and too much for his liking. He watched them from a distance as the small group of travelers tied their baggage to the horses. The group would travel straight toward Austria, and anyone asking questions would be informed that Dryden Fassa, representative of Austria, were coming back from Tserna through Fanelia, in which his business their was of a trade agreement, and Millerna Fassa was just along for pleasure with some of their friends. The trip would last at least five days, and Van was eager to get back to Palas and start working on the plans. He had to concentrate, but Hitomi's sudden appearance had changed a lot of things, especially now that Dilandau and Feina knew she was here. And her being with Allen wasn't helping his mood. He silently slapped himself for being pigheaded. Pigheaded? He laughed inwardly. That's what Hitomi would have called it. But it didn't matter; Allen was to marry Eries within a moon. Van smiled. The knight certainly did take a liking to the Aston women. That still didn't change the fact that she was always with him, and he desperately wanted to change that situation.

"Thank you," Hitomi said happily to Allen, clutching Yori's reins. She knew that Allen giving up his horse was a big deal. You didn't see people from earth freely giving up their cars to people. But then again, one couldn't compare horses to cars. "And not just for that," she said quickly, before Allen could open his mouth to say something back, "I mean for helping me back at the castle, and dealing with me. It's just all of this is rather sudden, and even the idea of all of it is quite hard to believe. I know I wasn't exactly . . ."

"Ladylike?" Allen finished for her, laughter in his voice. Hitomi growled a bit, but he smiled even more, "I guess it is sudden, but you're just going to have to trust us, Hitomi."

Hitomi nodded, smiling gently. Her sadness seemed to be ancient history. For the longest time she could always remember crying over the stupidest things on Earth. Birds, those stupid tarot cards, and the stupidest of them all, dragons. Hitomi suddenly remembered her dream about Kuro, and his grasp on the reins tightened considerably. Why had she dreamed of her now? Hitomi inwardly shook the thoughts from her brain. They were just stupid dreams. Stupid nightmares.

"About. . .'Yori', is it? It's no big deal. He likes you too much. I can't take him away from something he loves." Allen grinned wickedly, and lifted his eyes to look straight at Van, "Besides, Lady Fate has decided, it seems, that no one can take away something someone loves." And with that he went off.

Hitomi watched him curiously as he bounced away, obviously very happy with his comment. Hitomi turned around to prod Merle with a questioning stare, and the cat merely laughed heartily, shaking her head. Van just buried his flushed face into the saddle of his horse, turning away from the oblivious Hitomi.

But she shrugged it off, and looked towards Merle, who had been looking over their supplies that were piled in the carriage. "Don't you have anything different?" Hitomi asked.

Merle rolled her eyes. That woman could just not be pleased. "For goodness sake, Hitomi, you're not a man! You cannot go waltzing around in pants all over Gaea!"

"Well why the hell not?" Hitomi asked rudely, lifting the fabric of her tan skirt as if it would better prove her point, "How can I ride a horse in this stupid skirt . . .thing?!"

Merle laughed, "What? You riding a horse all the way to Austria with those injuries by yourself? I don't think so. You're going to be in the carriage."

"It's not like those are any better," Van butted in, a plan formulating in his mind, "In fact, riding on a horse just might be better. Someone would just have to ride with Hitomi. For support, of course."

Merle glared vehemently at Van, knowing exactly what was going through his hormone-crazed head. "I'll do it!" Chimed Gadess, who had been setting a lamp in the carriage. He received a heated glare from both Van and Celena, the latter slapping him quite hard on his back. He yelped in pain, "Why'd you do that?!"

"Aren't you coming with Allen and I, sir?" Celena said, drawing out her last three words.

Gadess grinned playfully, "But Celena, my dear, I got a clear impression yesterday that you were quite upset with me."

Celena snorted, something that caused Hitomi and Merle to giggle, "And I am."

"I guess I should make in up to you?" He asked innocently, shuffling his way to hover just slightly above her. Celena flushed red, but smiled, and was about to answer him, but Allen came storming back to the group, with a dark frown across his features. Gadess and Celena had jumped away from each other, and the light mood that seemed to grace them this evening was cut off.

"Bad news." Allen said, addressing Van.

The sense of dread emancipated from Allen and infected all those present around him, and Van's eyebrows knitted together, "What's wrong?"

"Dilandau is in Palas."

"What?!" Gadess yelled angrily, "How can that be? Fiena had just-"

"It's true," Dryden walked up to the carriage, a thoughtful Millerna walking with him; "He and his lapdogs have become a rather nosy nuisance there, too, as Crider says."

"Some idiot leaked information." Merle snarled.

"Well, the bigger we get, the more dangerous it becomes." Van said, pulling out a dark brown hat from his saddlebag, and turning it in his hands.

"We're going to have to cancel," Celena said, "There's just no way we can pull it off with Albatou there!"

"No." Van said calmly, looking up to his friends, "We're going to do this. It's too important to just throw aside because of that pyro."

"Extra precautions?" Allen asked, "That's not going to do anything."

"I have a plan." Van said secretively, smiling slightly, the wheels already turning in his head.

"Care to share, your majesty?" Dryden asked, smirking slightly.

Van growled slightly at Dryden, "Not yet."

"Let's go then," Allen said, directing his attention to Gadess and Celena. "We'll meet up with you all in two days at Raton. Do you know which inn?"

Dryden nodded, "Don't do anything rash."

"He's talking about you Celena." Gadess smirked, receiving yet another hard blow in the back from the blonde. Rolling his eyes at the two, Allen mounted his (new) horse swiftly, followed by Celena and Gadess, the two still bickering. The threesome disappeared amongst the trees; the only thing giving them away was Celena's raised voice, making a very rude comment to none other than Gadess, Hitomi was certain.

Van pulled his hat over his black hair, pulling it down over his eyes, "I don't think we'll be getting much entertainment for the next two days." He said lightly, but then glanced at Hitomi with a sly smirk, "I guess that leaves you and me, partner."

For some reason, Hitomi did not want to go jumping on a horse with Van. She looked over at Merle. "I'm going with the other carriage," she said, pointing to the one behind Dryden and Millerna's. Hitomi watched Dryden and Millerna climb into theirs, Millerna giggling over something Dryden had whispered in her ear. No way was she going in there.

Hitomi made her way confidently over to Yori, pulling him up alongside the carriage, and glaring as another man with straw hair and light brown eyes, Crider, mounted Yori, but his apologetic smile didn't compensate. Van watched in amusement as she tried to get on his own horse with difficulty, no doubt because of her skirt. He gently moved her to the side, and mounted easily. Then, to her surprise, bent down and scooped Hitomi up, setting her in front of him, with both of her legs swung over to his right. She shifted uncomfortably in his arms once they started to move, and Van peered down from the shield at disguise of his hat at her blushing face. He smiled softly, gently nudging her, and she curled her left leg slightly, so that she faced the front, her back leaning against him. His smile broadened. He had to settle for half of a Hitomi, but the position they were in wasn't so bad. He breathed in the scent of her hair momentarily, and noticed how she tensed. "It's okay."

Hitomi looked up at him with curiosity, and the minute she found his smile, she relaxed and leaned against him. She certainly was comfortable, despite the often pang of pain in her ribs. She turned around again to study his features, but he kept his gaze ahead on the dirt road, still smiling. Hitomi frowned slightly. He had said he had known her for a long time. How long? She wondered. And when she did know him, what was their relationship? He certainly was an oddball when it came to the way he looked at her. It was very different from when Allen, Dryden, or Gadess looked at her.

"Something on your mind?" He asked, looking down at her with those piercing wine eyes.

Caught off guard when she locked gazes with him, Hitomi ended up tripping on her words, "Um . . . n-nothing . . ."

"Then why do you keep watching me?" Van asked, mirth shining in his eyes. He wasn't for certain how she felt, and he knew she couldn't possibly love him with as much as a force that he loved her, but he was certain that there was something there, in her subconscious memory. He watched her eyes cloud over with confused emotions, and studied her gently. His urge to just clasp his arms around her then and there and release everything that had built up was beginning to grow violent in his nerves, pushing him to the very edge and driving him mad. This was very unsettling, especially since she had only gotten back two days ago. He couldn't believe that she was here on Gaea, much less sitting right in front of him, and very close. Everything he wanted to say and do was filling up inside, and he knew that soon it would all overflow and would scare her off, and she would disappear again, leaving Van to cope with his emptiness in the hole he fell into when she wasn't in his life. He had to keep himself in control, especially since, in this circumstance; she didn't know him at all. How would she be able to fathom such strong feelings from a stranger? That one single thought brought a dark, depressive mood to loom over his mind. Yes. Hitomi was here. She was back. But she was a shell, like Balgus.

Hitomi looked up at Van, watching his eyes change with potent and contradictory emotions. She sighed in defeat. She couldn't help looking at him; she wanted to memorize his face. A slight blush crept across her cheeks at the thought, but soon she returned serious again, and looked up at him. "What was our relationship?"

Van nearly fell off the horse in surprise at her question, "Um, come again?" he asked, once he had recomposed himself.

"How did we know each other?" She asked, looking up at him, "How did I meet you? From before, when I didn't forget."

Van laughed a little, remembering the night with the dragon quite clearly, but as he looked down at her, he saw the desperate look in her eyes. "Has anyone told you anything?" He asked with concern.

"Not really," Hitomi said, contemplating this and then adding, "And I don't see how I can be so calm right now, either. Just two days ago I was ready to bite off anyone's head if they came within my sight. And here I am accepting everything everyone says like it's all true . . ."

"So what? You think this is all one very big lie?"

"Pretty much," Hitomi said with a smile, "Or did, anyway. But seeing the earth in the sky certainly does wipe away any notion that I'm not here in a different world. Dilandau, the dungeon, and everyone else does contradict and clear away any doubt I have that this is some dream." She looked up through the treetops, a small glimmer of the earth and moon shining down on them in the evening sky, lighting their path. A light breeze cooled her face, and taking a deep breath she took in the smell of something that reminded of sandalwood, pine trees, an open field of grass, and the cool touch of dewdrops in the morning, like the kind that made your feet wet when you raced out across the lawn to get the morning paper for your dad. Hitomi cast her eyes downward, and she closed them, hoping and praying that she wouldn't cry again.

"What's wrong?" Van knew that look. She was going to cry again, the very last thing he ever wanted to do. When would he ever be able to bring a real smile to her face, "Hitomi . . ."

Hitomi looked up to him, her tears gathering, "My family . . ."

"You're worried about them? They're safe and sound on the Mystic Moon," seeing Hitomi's frown, he added, "The earth."

"They're probably worried about me," She whispered out, as if saying it took so much energy, "But they told me that I had left from home for a long time before, as if I had disappeared. And that's what I mostly believed, that that was the time,"

"When you were here." Van finished. Hitomi nodded, and went solemn again, her thoughts flooding with Mamoru's goofy grin, her father's gentle voice, her mother rushing her out of bed for school in the morning, Yukari and Amano the night before they left. Those dreaded tears were coming again. She couldn't help herself. She had this terrible feeling that she'd never see any of them again. She felt warmth around her shoulders, and when she opened her wet eyes, Van was hugging her gently, but kept his attention on following the carriage in front of them. This gesture just made it worse, and she set her head on his shoulder, crying softly into his red, long- sleeved tunic.

Hitomi knew that she was probably doing the stupidest and most childish thing in the world, crying on him, and she had just met him. But Van was so warm, and so gentle. She felt privileged, in a way, when he spoke to her with a soft, loving voice, something that was so uncharacteristic if she looked at him, but sounded so sweet.

Van looked down at the distraught angel in his arms, and how her breathing had become even and slow, and that her weight had mostly been distributed to leaning against him, her sobs long dead. He released a breath of air he didn't realize he was holding, and gave Hitomi a gentle squeeze, but stayed with his arms encircling her protectively. He could only imagine what she was feeling right now. And her question had really caught him off guard. If he were to answer it truthfully, he'd have revealed everything and ruined it all. He pondered through all of the possible answers that he might give her if she answered the question again, but pushed the thoughts aside as he hugged her again, this time more for himself. He kept on needed some reminder that she was indeed here, and not some invisible ghost haunting him. He smiled sadly. This was going to take a while . . .

******************************************

Whew! Time to give Ms. Left and Ms. Right a long-awaited break, don't ya'll think? (aheheh) I made Allen say 'you all', and I wanted so badly to type 'ya'll'. But I can't see Allen being a kicker. I'd probably die laughing if I ever saw it, though *imagine, Allen Schezar in chaps and spurs. Sccccaaary~~*. Anywho, I'm currently working on a new story, called "Sing A Lullaby". It's an Esca fanfiction, so, unfortunately, "I'll Cry Instead" is going to go on hold for a while. Plus, I just finished the whole outline for "I'll Cry Instead", and I'm probably going to end up writing a freakin' novel. I never thought it would end up being as long as I'm planning, so it's kinda scary, you know? I do want to complete it, and I won't break it off and never come back to it, ok? *grumbles* Too many Esca authors do that, and it pisses me off! So many wonderful ideas are left unfinished! But life gets in the way, and I'm sad to say that my writing does not come first in my priorities (not during the school year, anyway). Anyway, this chapter was pretty much dedicated to Hitomi and Van, and some foreshadowing towards the future *cue corny horror music*. I really need feedback on this chapter; I really want to know if I presented the curve in the relationship well enough. I found that I had to struggle the last part of the chapter out, and it's hard for me to express Hitomi's point of view in words, especially with her major change in behavior. (Her animosity certainly has died down, for instance). The only reason I'm insecure is because I think it seems rushed, but who knows? R & R, pwease!!

Love and hope,

Cev

P.S. Everyone go read "Secrets and Lies" by Gillian2282. Wow. Such an amazing story. VxH, and VERY VERY good.

Next Chapter: Nights in the inns with Van become confusing and frustrating. A visit to Palas proves to be fatal to all parties involved, and Hitomi uncovers interesting answers to Kuro, along with other disturbing information regarding her dreams.