"Okay people!" said Sam. "A one, a two, a three four five!" The
entire fellowship, along with Mulder, Mr. Chubby Cheeks, and Britney Spears
burst out in a loud chorus of "I Will Survive!"
"I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive!!!! I've got all my life to give, I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive, I wiiiiiiiill suuuuurviiiiveeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they all sang, as Britney pushed herself to the front of the group and ripped off most of her clothing while doing slutty dance moves. The song ended, and Mr. Chubby Cheeks cleared his throat loudly. Britney was still dancing, and the guys were collecting a giant puddle of drool on the floor.
"Uh, Brit, honey, its over now, ok?" he said. She opened her eyes, surprised.
"Oh, well, they should like, stop the music or something, when the song like ends, so I, like, know." She said, crossing her arms. Merry blinked. The music HAD stopped. He pulled Mr. Whiskers aside, trying to talk to Gandalf, who was engrossed in a conversation with Mrs. Leathery The Hat.
"Yes Mrs. Leathery, I know what you're saying. I DO think Aragorn's right eye is bigger than his left." He paused, as if listening to what Mrs. Leathery The Hat was saying. "What? I thought you said it was his RIGHT eye. " He listened again. "Well now you're being just RUDE!" he shouted to the hat. Merry hesitantly tapped on his shoulder.
"Uh.Gandalf?" he asked timidly. Gandalf glared at him.
"Can't you see I'm in the middle of a conversation here!!!!" he said, turning back to Mrs. Leathery The Hat. "No, quite frankly I DON'T AGREE!!" he yelled to Mrs. Leathery The Hat. He threw the hat to the ground. "You're so NEEDY all the time, it's always me, me, ME, and I'm TIRED of it!" he glared at the motionless hat on the ground. "Fine, go run off with Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster if you want, I guess he'll be able to satisfy you better than I CAN!" Gandalf stalked away, muttering to himself. Merry blinked a couple of times. Mrs. Leathery the Hat was going to run off with Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster?
Meanwhile...
~*~
"You see Britney, I really honestly think you'd make a good porn star." Said Mulder. Britney just stared at him, obviously at a loss for words, which happened quite often when you have the average IQ of a dancing carrot, like she did. Aragorn glanced at Mr. Chubby Cheeks.
"Mulder seems to know a lot about porno movies. Which is ok, I mean I myself have a collection of them, including classics such as "Free my Willy, "Here comes the Keister Bunny", "Who Let the Strippers Out"-"
"Get to the point Aragorn." Whispered Mr. Chubby Cheeks back to him.
"Anyway, is he" Aragorn lowered his voice even more, "in the business?" Mr. Chubby Cheeks sighed.
"Well, first you have to understand, Mulder is a very depressed and mentally unstable man right now. He is suffering from Post-Traumatic Fangirl Stress Disorder, and now, after meeting Britney, I'm afraid he may also be a victim to PBSTD, or Post Britney Spears Trauma Disorder. But, in answer to your question, the answer is yes."
"You mean, Mulder is..a porn star?"
"Unfortunately, he is. His most famous move is called the over-the- shoulder-Mulder-holder, the viewers love it. After the X-Files went off the air, he is now starring in a porno film called "The Triple X Files" and resorting to illegal drug trafficking just to pay the rent. " Aragorn sighed.
"Heavy stuff. He and Gandalf would get along great."
Back with Gandalf, Merry, Mrs. Leathery The Hat, and possibly the arrival of Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster...
~*~
Gandalf sat crying in a corner, his head in his hands, sobbing. Legolas came over and sat down next to him to see what was wrong, awkwardly patting his shoulder.
"Umm, there.there, Gandalf, what's bothering you?" Gandalf looked up at him with eyes red with tears, or maybe it was from his pot.
"It's.*sniff* Mrs. Leathery The Hat. We- we were talking about how one of Aragorn's eyes was bigger than the other."
"Oh yeah, the right one?"
"Yeah, and-and we started arguing, and then she..she." his lower lip trembled and he burst into tears again. " SHE SAID SHE WOULD RUN AWAY WITH MR. SHINY REFLECTIVE TOASTER!!" Gandalf continued sobbing, and pointed to Mrs. Leathery The Hat, who was sitting next to a very shiny and reflective toaster. Legolas shook his head.
Back with the rest of the fellowship, Mulder, and Britney..
~*~
"You see, being a porn star is a great career choice. You get flexible hours, plenty of vacation days, and good pay." Mulder was saying to Britney.
"I don't know." Said Britney, twirling her hair.
"Oh c'mon-" started Mulder, but Gimli stood up.
"I think she said NO, pretty boy." He said threateningly. Instantly a hush descended over everyone. Mulder walked over to him.
"Oh yeah? You gonna do something about it?" he pushed Gimli on his shoulder. "You gonna FIGHT me?"
"Yeah, I think I am." Said Gimli, pushing him back. Mulder held out his hands.
"C'mon little man! BRING IT ON!!!" he said, slugging Gimli across the face. Gimli hit him back. Everyone started wildly clapping and cheering, as Gimli and Mulder started to bitch slap each other. Even Mrs. Leathery The Hat and Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster came to watch. Finally, Mulder tripped on Gimli's knotted floor length beard, and knocked himself out when he hit his head on a rock.
"THE WINNER!!" cried Aragorn, holding up Gimli's hand. Everybody jumped up and down cheering, and Britney ran over to Gimli.
"OOOOO You're, like, MY HERO!!" she said, covering his face with kisses. Then, just like last night, a HUGE UFO POPPED OUT OF THE SKY!!! A green beam came out of it, and in the light five aliens that looked just like Britney Spears materialized.
"CAN YOU LIKE, PLEASE TAKE US TO YOUR, LIKE, LEADER?" the asked in unison.
TO BE CONTINUED..
~*Author's Note*~ OMG, I am so so so sorry for delaying this chapter for so long. FF.net has been crazy, up one day, down the next, the down for a realllly long time. I know we've ALL been fan fiction deprived, and I'm truly really sorry for waiting so long to upload this chapter. And you guys who have reviewed my story, ESPECIALLY the ever-faithful Chibi-Cola, you guys are so awesome. Hey Chibi-Cola, how would you feel about guest- starring in the next chapter of this fic? AND ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE REVIEW!!! I live off them, I shall DIE without them!! Thank you all very much! ^_^
"I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive!!!! I've got all my life to give, I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive, I wiiiiiiiill suuuuurviiiiveeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they all sang, as Britney pushed herself to the front of the group and ripped off most of her clothing while doing slutty dance moves. The song ended, and Mr. Chubby Cheeks cleared his throat loudly. Britney was still dancing, and the guys were collecting a giant puddle of drool on the floor.
"Uh, Brit, honey, its over now, ok?" he said. She opened her eyes, surprised.
"Oh, well, they should like, stop the music or something, when the song like ends, so I, like, know." She said, crossing her arms. Merry blinked. The music HAD stopped. He pulled Mr. Whiskers aside, trying to talk to Gandalf, who was engrossed in a conversation with Mrs. Leathery The Hat.
"Yes Mrs. Leathery, I know what you're saying. I DO think Aragorn's right eye is bigger than his left." He paused, as if listening to what Mrs. Leathery The Hat was saying. "What? I thought you said it was his RIGHT eye. " He listened again. "Well now you're being just RUDE!" he shouted to the hat. Merry hesitantly tapped on his shoulder.
"Uh.Gandalf?" he asked timidly. Gandalf glared at him.
"Can't you see I'm in the middle of a conversation here!!!!" he said, turning back to Mrs. Leathery The Hat. "No, quite frankly I DON'T AGREE!!" he yelled to Mrs. Leathery The Hat. He threw the hat to the ground. "You're so NEEDY all the time, it's always me, me, ME, and I'm TIRED of it!" he glared at the motionless hat on the ground. "Fine, go run off with Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster if you want, I guess he'll be able to satisfy you better than I CAN!" Gandalf stalked away, muttering to himself. Merry blinked a couple of times. Mrs. Leathery the Hat was going to run off with Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster?
Meanwhile...
~*~
"You see Britney, I really honestly think you'd make a good porn star." Said Mulder. Britney just stared at him, obviously at a loss for words, which happened quite often when you have the average IQ of a dancing carrot, like she did. Aragorn glanced at Mr. Chubby Cheeks.
"Mulder seems to know a lot about porno movies. Which is ok, I mean I myself have a collection of them, including classics such as "Free my Willy, "Here comes the Keister Bunny", "Who Let the Strippers Out"-"
"Get to the point Aragorn." Whispered Mr. Chubby Cheeks back to him.
"Anyway, is he" Aragorn lowered his voice even more, "in the business?" Mr. Chubby Cheeks sighed.
"Well, first you have to understand, Mulder is a very depressed and mentally unstable man right now. He is suffering from Post-Traumatic Fangirl Stress Disorder, and now, after meeting Britney, I'm afraid he may also be a victim to PBSTD, or Post Britney Spears Trauma Disorder. But, in answer to your question, the answer is yes."
"You mean, Mulder is..a porn star?"
"Unfortunately, he is. His most famous move is called the over-the- shoulder-Mulder-holder, the viewers love it. After the X-Files went off the air, he is now starring in a porno film called "The Triple X Files" and resorting to illegal drug trafficking just to pay the rent. " Aragorn sighed.
"Heavy stuff. He and Gandalf would get along great."
Back with Gandalf, Merry, Mrs. Leathery The Hat, and possibly the arrival of Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster...
~*~
Gandalf sat crying in a corner, his head in his hands, sobbing. Legolas came over and sat down next to him to see what was wrong, awkwardly patting his shoulder.
"Umm, there.there, Gandalf, what's bothering you?" Gandalf looked up at him with eyes red with tears, or maybe it was from his pot.
"It's.*sniff* Mrs. Leathery The Hat. We- we were talking about how one of Aragorn's eyes was bigger than the other."
"Oh yeah, the right one?"
"Yeah, and-and we started arguing, and then she..she." his lower lip trembled and he burst into tears again. " SHE SAID SHE WOULD RUN AWAY WITH MR. SHINY REFLECTIVE TOASTER!!" Gandalf continued sobbing, and pointed to Mrs. Leathery The Hat, who was sitting next to a very shiny and reflective toaster. Legolas shook his head.
Back with the rest of the fellowship, Mulder, and Britney..
~*~
"You see, being a porn star is a great career choice. You get flexible hours, plenty of vacation days, and good pay." Mulder was saying to Britney.
"I don't know." Said Britney, twirling her hair.
"Oh c'mon-" started Mulder, but Gimli stood up.
"I think she said NO, pretty boy." He said threateningly. Instantly a hush descended over everyone. Mulder walked over to him.
"Oh yeah? You gonna do something about it?" he pushed Gimli on his shoulder. "You gonna FIGHT me?"
"Yeah, I think I am." Said Gimli, pushing him back. Mulder held out his hands.
"C'mon little man! BRING IT ON!!!" he said, slugging Gimli across the face. Gimli hit him back. Everyone started wildly clapping and cheering, as Gimli and Mulder started to bitch slap each other. Even Mrs. Leathery The Hat and Mr. Shiny Reflective Toaster came to watch. Finally, Mulder tripped on Gimli's knotted floor length beard, and knocked himself out when he hit his head on a rock.
"THE WINNER!!" cried Aragorn, holding up Gimli's hand. Everybody jumped up and down cheering, and Britney ran over to Gimli.
"OOOOO You're, like, MY HERO!!" she said, covering his face with kisses. Then, just like last night, a HUGE UFO POPPED OUT OF THE SKY!!! A green beam came out of it, and in the light five aliens that looked just like Britney Spears materialized.
"CAN YOU LIKE, PLEASE TAKE US TO YOUR, LIKE, LEADER?" the asked in unison.
TO BE CONTINUED..
~*Author's Note*~ OMG, I am so so so sorry for delaying this chapter for so long. FF.net has been crazy, up one day, down the next, the down for a realllly long time. I know we've ALL been fan fiction deprived, and I'm truly really sorry for waiting so long to upload this chapter. And you guys who have reviewed my story, ESPECIALLY the ever-faithful Chibi-Cola, you guys are so awesome. Hey Chibi-Cola, how would you feel about guest- starring in the next chapter of this fic? AND ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE REVIEW!!! I live off them, I shall DIE without them!! Thank you all very much! ^_^
