*Author's Note* Such wonderful, wonderful reviewers I have! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am so happy that you like the story and have stayed with it so long! I am just SO LUCKY TO HAVE REVIEWERS LIKE YOU!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! = ) Personal thanks to all of the reviewers of the last chapter, from the most recent to the very first :



Elendor : Oh, thank for all those great comments about me and my story!!! HOORAY!!! *does a happy dance * I hope your home life gets better! Mine isn't that great either. = ( A comic GENIUS?! That is so NICE!!! When I read that, I almost PASSED OUT from happiness! I am just so OVERWHELMED by your wonderful comments! You are SUCH a nice, wonderful person!!! Thank you SO MUCH for adding me to your favorites, you ROCK! Thanks again for all of your support!!!

Firestorm : You choked on POWERADE?!!! LOLOL OMG I am SO SORRY to hear that! I'm glad you're feeling better though! = ) Even though you almost died, you still like my story. One of the best compliments I could ever receive, LOL.

Catreen Dragonsword : I'm glad you love it and are still reviewing! Your reviews mean so much! I'm glad this story cheers you up! I hope you like this chapter!!!! I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope!!!!!

The evil witch queen : Yes, it is quite scarily insane, isn't it? *looks around proudly* OOOOO I'm so happy you love it!!!! I LOVE YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!

James Blonde : OOO IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU'VE EVER READ?! *passes out from the happiness of it all* If you live for this story, I LIVE FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!!! YEY!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

Eibbor N : Happy Holidays to you, too! I'm so glad you love it!!! Thank you for continuing to REVIEW!!!!!! YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Black cat : YEY YOU THINK ITS FUNNY!!! HOORAY!!!! I updated as fast as I could!!! I hope you like this chapter as much as the last one!!!!

Mirkwood Princess Melnoleiel : OOOOO ALL THE NICE THINGS YOU SAID!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!! I'm glad you like it, I was scared nobody would!!! I wrote more, I hope you like it!!!!! Ack! Evil butt munches that haven't EVEN WATCHED THE MOVIE!!! *passes out*

Cassiopeia : Oh, I'm glad you like Aragorn's butter obsession. When I was writing this story I tried to think of the silliest thing he could be addicted to, and butter immediately came to mind! There's LOTS more of it in this chapter, so I hope you like it!!! ^_^

Jedi-hobbit : OOO yey you love it and think its funny! I hope you like this one as much!!! No star wars but...pea headed elves that are really freaky and SEEM like they could be in a Star Wars movie..I think! = )

Reanna : Yes, it has, alas, been ages since I had last updated. But I'm TRYING to get better. It was only 18 days this time!!! Ok, that still sucks but I'm trying!!! = ) I hope you think this one was worth the wait too!!!!!!!

Chibi - Cola : Yes, I completely agree..it WAS one of the most disturbing chapters yet! Wait..read this one..it may be even MORE disturbing MWAHAHA!!! I TRIED to update soon, I really did! I love Leggy and Annakin too! = ) WE ARE THE WEIRD FANGIRLS!!!

Draco Fluff : I'm glad you love this story and think its great!!!! Yep, I read ALL of your stories, and they were really good, too! Keep it up!!! I hope you like this chapter of mine!!!

Ryouluver4evr : Yep, very very weird. OOO I know, Leggy IS a poor thing! But oh well. It's for a good cause!!! = )



I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT HOLIDAY SEASON AND HAS A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!



Chapter Fifteen : The Fair Pea Headed Elves, Uruk-Carrots, And Aragorn Loves Butter Too Much!

After the Fellowship's strange encounter with Annakin and Gollum, they decided to continue to the realm of the fair Pea Headed Elves. Aragorn was suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms. Everyone he saw looked like large tubs of Land O' Lakes brand butter.

"Butter...ah, sweet, sweet, butter...salted or unsalted...oh pleaseeeeee pleaseeeee...butter...." His eyes widened as they focused on Legolas. Legolas' blonde hair must have reminded him of light, fat-free butter, because he started to drool.

"Legolas...come here Legolas...Legolaaaassss, hehehehe..I don't want to hurt you..." He said with a dangerous chuckle and a wild gleam in his eye.

"Ummm...Aragorn? Are you o.k., because you're kind of freaking me o- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn pounced on Legolas and started to try to eat his hair.

"Butter butter YES! Butterbutterbutter..." He mumbled crazily, gnawing on Legolas' hair.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!" Legolas screamed. Gandalf grabbed Aragorn, but Aragorn, lost in a world of butter, tried to lick his staff.

"GET SOME ROPE!!! WE HAVE TO TIE HIM UP BEFORE HE EATS ONE OF THE HOBBITS!!"

**

So Aragorn, tied up, still muttered 'butterbutter' to himself as the Fellowship went through the woods. Gandalf looked at the map and giggled.

"Oops, wrong map, hehe." He said as he hastily put the 'Playwitch' back in his pocket. "Now...it seems we are almost there.."

"Hey look Mr. Whiskers. There's a giant pea!"

"Merry, have you been smoking some of Gandalf's pot?" Boromir asked suspiciously.

"Wait, I think I see a giant pea too...." Said Sam. Frodo started to sing 'There's a pea in the road' to the tune of 'I could have danced all night' from My Fair Lady.

"There's a peaaaaaaa in the roadddddd, yes there's a peaaaaaaaa in the roadddddd, that is verryyyy round and greeeeeeeeennnnnnnn....."

"IT IS A GIANT PEA!" said Gandalf. He and the Fellowship ran over to it. But it was not just a pea, IT WAS A PEA HEADED ELF! The elf had a normal, lithe looking body dressed in mossy green, but the head....the head was giant, and very green, and very much like a pea. Which would explain the name 'pea headed elf'. The elf had fallen and couldn't get up because of the weight of his head. It rolled over and started at the fellowship with green, pea-looking eyes.

"You must.pea..help me..pea..please...the uruk-carrots came..pea..they turned..pea..our fortress of..pea..Minas Pea into..pea..a..." Here the pea headed elf choked. "Please..pea..go to...pea..Minas Pea, you must..pea...must save...pea..itttttttttt......." The pea headed elf passed out from too much blood rushing to its pea colored head.

"It said the uruk-carrots came, and turned their fortress of Minas Pea into something." Said Gandalf, who was smoking a joint made of peas.

"We must go and help them, don't you think Mr. Whiskers?" asked Merry.

"We will not abandon the pea headed elves to death and torment. LETS HUNT SOME PEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn said, coming out of his schizophrenic butter world. Or so the fellowship thought...

*scary music plays*

** They continued on through the woods with leaves colored the same green as peas, when they heard voices up ahead. They ducked behind a tree and looked ahead at a sight stranger than even the pea headed elf.

The creatures looked like normal uruk-hai from the neck down, but their heads were giant and orange, and in the shape of carrots.

"Oi!" said an uruk-carrot to the head uruk-carrot. "We've had nothing to eat for three days! I need food!"

"Wait. We need to join the rest of the uruk-carrots at Minas Pea." Said the head uruk-carrot.

"I'm hungryyyyyyyy.." Whined the other uruk-carrot. It pounced on the head uruk-carrot and tried to eat the uruk-carrots carrot-like head.

"Quickly," Gandalf said. "Let's go while the uruk-carrots try to eat the other uruk-carrot's carrot-like head!"

The fellowship snuck by the uruk-carrots. It was a few minutes later that they saw it. Minas Pea. But it had been transformed into a SLEAZY CARROT JUICE BAR!!!!!! They slunk up to a pea headed elf in chains that was standing by the door letting people in. Aragorn waved a stick of butter in front of his face.

"Tell us what's going on here, and I'll give you the butter." He hissed. Merry hugged Mr. Whiskers. The pea headed elves and the uruk- carrots were freaky.

"Gandalf?" he whispered. "Why is Aragorn offering that pea headed elf butter?"

"Butter is used as currency in the realm of the pea headed elves."

"Weird."

"Tell us what you know!" Aragorn said. The pea headed elf looked around to see that nobody was watching and slipped the butter into his robes.

"Alright. The uruk-carrots stormed Minas Pea. They turned it into a sleazy carrot juice bar. All of the pea headed elves were enslaved and made to dance on tables while singing 'Whenever, Wherever' by Shakira. The uruk- carrots worship Shakira like a God. There is only one way to defeat the uruk-carrots.."

The Fellowship looked on expectantly. The pea headed elf cleared his throat.

"I'll tell you for more butter." Aragorn handed over another stick of butter.

"They have an idol of Shakira made of carrots in the back room. Cut off the head of it and the uruk-carrots will be destroyed."

"Ok. Let's go." Aragorn led the way into the sleazy carrot juice bar.

There were dozens of wooden tables. On about half of them pea headed elves were chained and dancing to 'whenever, wherever.' while the uruk- carrots cheered. The rest of the Fellowship went to find the idol of Shakira made of carrots while Aragorn secretly slunk over to the bar. An oily looking uruk-carrot cleaned the tabletop.

"What do you want." It growled at Aragorn.

"Do you have butter?" Aragorn said, pushing some carrot slices across the countertop. The uruk carrot looked at the carrot slices.

"Sure, we got butter. Lots of butter." Aragorn eyes the bar hungrily and rather crazily. "I can give you butter. But..for a couple extra carrot slices you can have a butter experience that you've never imagined." Aragorn laid another handful of carrot slices on the bar.

"Give it to me." He whispered huskily.

**

The remainder of the Fellowship went in the dank hallways of Minas Pea.

"How are we going to find the idol of Shakira made out of carrots Gandalf?" said Gimli.

"It's easy!" he said, jumping forward. "Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. Follow follow follow follow follow the yellow brick road!!!! Lalalalala..." He sung as he skipped merrily into the darkness.

"Uh oh." The Fellowship said.

"He must have gone insane from smoking all those peas." Said Pippin sadly.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Legolas. "Oh, if only Oprah were here." Sam looked down at the ground.

"Hmmmm, a playgirl..." he muttered. "With all the guys heads cut out and replaced with a picture of Frodo?! What luck!" he hugged it to his chest and went into the shadows.

"Sam? Sam, where'd you go?" Merry said.

"NO!!! IT IS MY OWN!!! MY PRECIOSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!" Sam hissed. Then silence.

"Sam? SAM!"

"There's only 6 of us left to find the Shakira idol." Said Gimli. Merry hugged Mr. Whiskers. They continued on the endless hallway. Then..a voice. Sweet, and haunting, with laughter like the ringing of hundreds of tiny, silvery bells. THE DREADED MARY SUE!!!!!!!

"Come into the light......." The sweet voice beckoned.

"DO NOT LISTEN TO IT!!!" Legolas cried.

"Come...you will meet with what you have always dreamed....if you just come with me........" The rest of the Fellowship, unable to resist the beautiful voice, stepped into the sparkling light. Then...a beautiful woman. Long, curling blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, in a dress as white as snow. She smiled.

"Come...." Frodo, his eyes wide, followed her with Pippin, Boromir, and Gimli. She rested a slender hand on Frodo's shoulder.

"Will you not also come, sweet elf and good hobbit?" she whispered. "I have heard that the set of Oprah is near...I know the way.." Legolas, zombie-like, followed her. "And you, Merry?" she asked. Merry clutched Mr. Whiskers.

"NO!! I WILL NOT COME WITH YOU!!!" The Mary Sue suddenly changed. Its dress grew smaller, its skin blacker, its head...oranger? IT HAD TURNED INTO AN URUK-CARROT!!!!

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME!!!!!!!!!!!" It bellowed. Merry ran and ran and ran...when he struck something that smelled of carrots. It was the Shakira idol!!!! Footsteps were behind him. The uruk-carrot was gaining fast..

*in slow motion*

"IIIIIIIIII WILLLLLL GEETTTTT YOUUUUU LITTTLEEEEE HOBBITTTTT!!!!!" The uruk-carrot runs with its arms outstretched.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Merry runs for the Shakira idol. The uruk-carrot body-slams into Merry.

"MRRRRRR. WHISKERSSSSSSSSSSS YOUUUU AREEEEE OURRRR ONLYYYYY HOPEEEEEEE.." Merry throws Mr. Whiskers. Mr. Whiskers flies through the air. He hits the head of the Shakira idol. Shakira's head slowly falls and thuds to the ground.

*end of slow motion*

Suddenly, the uruk-hai disappeared. The black rooms filled with sunlight. Merry picked up Mr. Whiskers and made his way to the front. The pea headed elves were free!!!!! They turned off the Shakira music and their chains dissolved. The remainder of the fellowship gathered around Merry.

"We're sorry Merry! We'll never be seduced by the Mary Sue again!" they said. Everyone was happy. Until-

"....Where's Aragorn?"

**

"Mmmmmm. Butter, butter so good.." A voice mumbled from the other side of the door.

"You go in." said Sam.

"No you go in." said Boromir.

"No you go in."

"No you."

"No you."

"YOU!"

"YOUUU!!!"

"SHUT UP!!! I'LL go in." said Gandalf. He opened the door timidly. "Aragorn? Araaaaaaagorn..?" Then they saw him. He was lying in a pool of butter, with several empty tubs scattered around. He had sculpted two girls in thongs out of butter, and had on a crown that said, 'the butter king.'

**

Merry sighed. This chapter had been really, really scary. Mr. Whiskers had saved the day, there had been Pea headed elves, uruk-carrots, and idols of Shakira. But he hoped he would never have to see the Mary Sue again. That was the scariest of all.

*The Last Author's Note, I Promise* Oh PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!