Yes, I have not updated in forever. I am very, very, bad. I'm sorry,
I promise! *Everyone starts to throw rotten fruit with angry faces painted
on them at me* I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!!!! SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*
I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry...
SO MANY REVIEWS!!!! *Hops up and down and screams* THANK YOU ALL! I absolutely adore each and every one of you, and if I could I would beam you all to my house and give you cookies and milk. And some fruit-roll-ups. And maybe sour cream and onion potato chips. ANYWAY, thank you all so much! I am UNIMAGINABLY grateful, and so happy I'm practically bursting out of my skin!
THANKS TO THE EVIL WITCH QUEEN FOR THE COCO BEAN INSPIRATION!!!
WE'RE ALMOST AT 200!!!!!!!! *dies with a blissful smile but is reincarnated to thank her reviewers*
Individual thanks from the most recent reviewers to the very first:
Sokochan - ANOTHER POTO FAN!!! (poto, hehe, interesting abbreviation, huh?) Oh, I'm glad you like drugged out Gandalf. Thank you SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I hope you like this chapter, too!!!
the evil witch queen - Hi ho to you too! THANK YOU for the ideas- they're what inspired me to write this chapter! I was so stuck with writer's block and whatnot, and then your review came along and it was like *poof*! And a little light bulb flickered on above my head. Absolute brilliance. You are a genius. A GENIUS!
normal human being - Wow, you left like 800 reviews! HOORAY! I am OFFICIALLY obsessed with your story. You must UPDATE SOON, or I shall be forced to use drastic measures. You will wake up one morning with a rubber doll of Aragorn on your pillow. Then a rubber doll of Gandalf hanging from your ceiling the next day. And it won't stop until you've seen all nine rubber dolls of the Fellowship. And then, when the ninth day draws to a close...*scary music plays* DUH NU NUHHHHH!!!!
Rosie Baggins - I am hurt! Not....funny....enough? *breaks down and cries* I'm..*sob* sorry....*tear* so sorry.....*cries with reckless abandon and runs away*
Sirius Black - Oh, you HAVE to dye your hair silver. That would be AWESOME. You MUST update your Legend of Lothlórien fic - I cannot wait. Thank for all of your wonderful comments towards my story!!! I absolutely ADORE yours as well - so fantastically well-written!! Don't scream - I updated, look! *points to story* seeeeeeee??? *puts on Queen of Comedy crown* MWAHAHA!! I am a queennnnnnnn! A QUEEN!!!!!! *waves around a golden scepter and hits herself in the head, knocking herself unconscious* Ugh..blue..cheese..?
James Blonde - I am not brilliant. YOU ARE BRILLIANT! Update that Harry Potter story of yours for Aragorn's sake! No really, if you don't update soon, Aragorn here gets it. *points to Aragorn suspended over a vat of lime jello by a licorice bungee cord* THANK YOU FOR SAYING TO UPDATE! That was what inspired me to post this chapter soon soon soon! Thank you!!!! I LOVE YOU (IN A FRIENDLY WAY)!!!!!!!!!
Elvish Firebolt - No worries, I got your change of name. I like it too...Elvish Firebolt. Sounds pretty cool. Yep. Anyway, so glad you still like it. It has been hard, sometimes, to go on... but with courage I persevered. I hope you like this chapter as much as the others! I hoopppeee!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Me - No no! It will not end HERE! Much, much more to do! Yessss preciousssss, yessssssss.....
curseofshadows - OOOO HOORAY! I love you tooooo!!! Of COURSE I will keep going...through rain, or snow, or sleet, or hail, or freaky snowstorms brought on by Saruman, I will KEEP GOING!!!!!!!! Thank you for REVIEWIIINNGG!!!!!
Elendor - your 'sure, I was banned from ONE café, but it was worth it, my god was it worth it.' made me burst out laughing uncontrollably. That one line was in my head ALL DAY, I SWEAR! Yeah, the manager's in internet café's are mean! : ( I love SOUR SKITTLES TOO!!! HOORAY!!! I hope you like this chapter as much as the last ones! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR INCREDIBLE REVIEWS!!
Saint Kitty - chan - OMG I'm glad you like it! Yes, I think A LOT of people will never think of LOTR the same way again after reading this, LOL. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like the new chapter as much as the others!!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - are you related to the other 'me' who also reviewed? Just wondering, = ). THE BEST FIC YOU HAVE EVER READ?! *passes out* THANK YOU!!!! Yeah, its really really random. BUT I'm GLAD YOU LIKE IT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!
Jedi - Hobbit - I UPDATED, just...not..very..soon..*hides* LOL, I'm glad you like Mr. Whiskers. I had a stuffed cat named Mr. Whiskers once and, PRESTO!!! Mr. Whiskers. I hope you like this chapter too, and I LOVE your name, jedi-hobbit, LOL. I can just PICTURE Merry with a light saber. LMAO.
PATIENCE101 - Ah, finally ONE PERSON who will not be mad that I haven't updated in forever because you have PATIENCE!! (I hope) I'm SO HAPPY you think its funny!! I hope you like this one just as much! = ) THANK YOU!
reanna - Yep, a weird chapter, and I'm weird too, of course! : ) How else could I write such weird stuff? I TRIED to update soon, I really, really did, and I had such GOOD INTENTIONS....but ALAS! ANYWAY, at least its here now, and I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again! : ) : )
Catreen Dragonsword - Your insane reviews always cheer me up! = ) And now I have some insane things to say to you : PURPLE POPTARTS WITH BANANA CREAM FROSTING!! WHERE HAS ALL THE INSANITY GONE? INTO HERSHEY'S COOKIES AND CREAM, A MOUTH FULL OF INSANITY IN EVERY BITE!! FLYING RAINBOW MONKIES!!! *face turns red and passes out*
Black cat - I TRIED TO UPDATE SOON!!!! *sobs* LOL, I have no idea how I thought of Shakira OR the butter!! These kinds of things seem to pop into my head! I'm glad you liked it though. I'm so happy you think its funny, because when I first started this story, I thought everyone would hate it!! You're an AWESOME reviewer, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Seiji - Aww, I hate computer glitches! I hope you like it so far though, and I hope you were able to read the rest! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!!
The Famous Chibi - Cola - I think this chapter may be even more disturbing. *hushed silence* Yeah, with Shakira and Britney Spears..I keep using blonde pop stars!! Freaky with a capital F! Oh yes, and the dreaded Mary Sue( SHE WAS BLONDE TOO! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!) I wanted to kill her SO BAD, but I guess she disappeared after the Shakira idol was destroyed, LOL. UPDATE YOUR STORY NOW CHIBI! Or I may be forced to do...bad..things...WE ARE THE WEIRD FANGIRLS!!! HOORAY!!!
Lotr Fan - You stayed up all night reading it?! What a compliment! = ) THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I wrote more! Please..don't..kill..me...
Sakura - There's more butter in this chapter, Don't worry!!! Awww, I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you like this chapter too! THANK YOU!
*IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT* Hey, if you guys want to give me your e-mail addresses I'll e - mail you when I update! = )
And, without further long thank you's that were almost as long as the actual chapter, I give you :
Chapter Sixteen : Captain CocoSnuff, The Coco Bean Army of Death, and Blue cheese?!
After luring Aragorn away from his room of butter, the Fellowship had stopped for a small break. A little while ago Sam had slunk into the bushes with a mysterious duffel bag, and the Fellowship desperately DID NOT want to know what he was doing with it. Then -
"GONNA GET DIRRTY! IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR MY ARRIVAL, UH!" Sam had appeared out of the bushes wearing a catholic schoolgirl's outfit with pink pigtails, with his shirt tied up revealing a very hairy stomach with a red tattoo of 'I love Frodo' in a circle around his bellybutton. Frodo, his eyes wide and terrified as he halted in singing 'All The Things She Said', tried to bolt into the forest, but Sam was quicker.
"MOVE YOUR ASS, I LIKE THAT!" Sam sang in a horribly off pitch warble, dirty dancing around Frodo. However, Frodo was able to slink away and Sam, trying to run after him, knocked headlong into a large, suspicious- looking tree. The tree shook from the impact, and from its branches dropped hundreds of strangle looking brown balls that smelled vaguely of chocolate. The Fellowship crowded around the small pile.
"Butter?" Aragorn said hopefully, poking one with a stick. The brown thing squeaked, and opened two large black eyes.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, jumping into Gandalf's arms.
"Oh Aragorn, I never knew you felt this way." He said with a suggestive wink. Then he scowled. "NO MRS. LEATHERY! I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU! What, are you saying I can't even LOOK at other people now?" He listened with a frown. "You're being ridiculous!" he listened again. "WELL AT LEAST I NEVER HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A SHINY REFLECTIVE TOASTER!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn screamed again, running to his pack where he had kept a tub of butter from the Sleazy Carrot Juice bar and eating some to calm down.
"Hello!" said a round ball bouncing forward wearing a blue hat. "I am the leader of The Coco Bean Army of Death, Captain Cocosnuff. We are going to rule Middle Earth! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHA, MWAHAH....ahem." The Fellowship stared. The little brown ball was the size of Pippin's big toe.
"And, umm, how will you rule Middle Earth exactly?" asked Boromir.
"Simple! We will turn into Kit Kat bars and be bought by all the people of middle earth because of our chocolaty goodness. When they try to eat us, we will hypnotize them with our Coco Bean Mind Trick!" said Captain Cocosnuff. He bounced up and his eyes turned into black and white swirly pinwheels, spinning around and around and around and around and -
"Yes master...." Boromir muttered, drooling slightly.
"Hahahaha! We already have one under our control!" said Captain Cocosnuff. "Now come along, my Coco Bean slave, let's begin to take over Middle Earth!" He jumped onto Boromir's shoulder, and the entire Coco Bean Army hopped away into the forest.
"Take over Middle Earth by turning into Kit Kat bars?" said Sam.
"NO! WE CANNOT LET THEM! I LOVE KIT KAT BARS! THEY CANNOT BE EVIL, no, no, please no..." said Gimli frantically.
"What are we going to do?" said Sam.
"I think I have a plan." Aragorn whispered huskily.
*Meanwhile..*
"I think I have a plan." Said Captain Cocosnuff, in his secret Coco Bean Hideout.
"A plan." said Boromir, wildly chewing on a bar of chocolate.
"The Coco Bean Army will hide under your hat. You will go back to those hairy people and give them a piece of blue cheese as an offering of peace. Then we will jump out, hypnotize them, and use them as pawns! MWAHAHA! MWAHAHA, MWAHAHAH..ahem."
"Hairy people..cheese..yes...master.." Boromir said, taking the blue cheese and putting on a pink feathery hat. The Coco Bean army jumped under it and he left the secret Coco Bean Hideout to carry out Captain Cocosnuff's evil master plan.
*Back With Everyone Else..*
"Ok. Here's the plan. Gimli will make an elaborate net out of Sam's porn magazines and the hair from his beard. Then, Frodo will hop out of the bushes wearing butter camouflage fatigues and round up the army using Legolas' Oprah collection on DVD and Gandalf's pot. Finally, using my dirty hair as a whip, I will throw the porn - hair net onto the Coco Bean Army of Death and we will save Middle Earth!"
Aragorn looked around expectantly.
".....why don't we just give them blue cheese as an offering of peace and then throw them into an empty bucket?"
"OK!" said everyone. Oh course, there was a major flaw in their plan. They had no blue cheese. Finally, they tied Aragorn to a tree and mixed some of his butter with Gandalf's blue hallucinatory pot. They looked at the result.
"I'm scared Mr. Whiskers." Said Merry, hiding behind Frodo.
"It looks KINDA like cheese." Said Gimli.
"Or something in a horror movie you see before you die."
"Or a dancing zucchini." Everyone stared at Pippin.
"Wait! I hear something rustling in the woods!" said Legolas. The Fellowship all ran into the forest clearing where they heard the sound.
There was a brick well alone in the middle. There seemed to be a scratching sound coming from inside. Then...A HAND APPEARED OUT OF THE WELL!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed. "IT'S THE GIRL FROM 'THE RING'!!! DON'T LET HER GET Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." He ran away in to the trees and disappeared. The Fellowship stared nervously. There was a munching sound. Then another hand appeared, holding what looked like....a chocolate bar?
"BOROMIR!" everyone yelled. Boromir pulled himself out of the well, wearing a pink feathery hat, and still eating the chocolate. "What are you doing here?"
"Hehehe, here, doing, hehe. Blueeeeeeeeee cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." He said, handing Gandalf melted blue cheese.
"It must be from Captain Cocosnuff as an offer of peace!" Gandalf whispered.
"Blueeee cheeseeeeeeeee." Boromir agreed, drooling. Then, suddenly, THE ENTIE COCO BEAN ARMY OF DEATH POPPED OUT FROM UNDER THE PINK FEAHERY HAT BOROMIR WAS WEARING!
"AH!" screamed Merry. "Don't look into their eyes!"
"THE BUCKET!" Gandalf yelled. "WHERE. IS. THE. BUCKET?!" A few feet away, Sam was again wearing the catholic school - girl's outfit but with a blue shirt, pigtails, and admiring his reflection in the shiny bottom of the steel bucket. Boromir saw the blue shirt and immediately went insane.
"BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CHEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, knocking into Sam and sending the bucket flying. The bucket flew through the air in slow motion, until landing directly on THE COCO BEAN ARMY OF DEATH!!
"Yey! Boromir! YOU CAUGHT THEM!!" everyone yelled.
"....blue cheese..?" said Boromir.
Merry hugged Mr. Whiskers tightly. Captain Cocosnuff was scary. And the Coco Bean Army of Death. And he never wanted to hear 'blue cheese' again.
*Author's Note (THE LAST ONE, I SWEAR!)* OH PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!
SO MANY REVIEWS!!!! *Hops up and down and screams* THANK YOU ALL! I absolutely adore each and every one of you, and if I could I would beam you all to my house and give you cookies and milk. And some fruit-roll-ups. And maybe sour cream and onion potato chips. ANYWAY, thank you all so much! I am UNIMAGINABLY grateful, and so happy I'm practically bursting out of my skin!
THANKS TO THE EVIL WITCH QUEEN FOR THE COCO BEAN INSPIRATION!!!
WE'RE ALMOST AT 200!!!!!!!! *dies with a blissful smile but is reincarnated to thank her reviewers*
Individual thanks from the most recent reviewers to the very first:
Sokochan - ANOTHER POTO FAN!!! (poto, hehe, interesting abbreviation, huh?) Oh, I'm glad you like drugged out Gandalf. Thank you SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I hope you like this chapter, too!!!
the evil witch queen - Hi ho to you too! THANK YOU for the ideas- they're what inspired me to write this chapter! I was so stuck with writer's block and whatnot, and then your review came along and it was like *poof*! And a little light bulb flickered on above my head. Absolute brilliance. You are a genius. A GENIUS!
normal human being - Wow, you left like 800 reviews! HOORAY! I am OFFICIALLY obsessed with your story. You must UPDATE SOON, or I shall be forced to use drastic measures. You will wake up one morning with a rubber doll of Aragorn on your pillow. Then a rubber doll of Gandalf hanging from your ceiling the next day. And it won't stop until you've seen all nine rubber dolls of the Fellowship. And then, when the ninth day draws to a close...*scary music plays* DUH NU NUHHHHH!!!!
Rosie Baggins - I am hurt! Not....funny....enough? *breaks down and cries* I'm..*sob* sorry....*tear* so sorry.....*cries with reckless abandon and runs away*
Sirius Black - Oh, you HAVE to dye your hair silver. That would be AWESOME. You MUST update your Legend of Lothlórien fic - I cannot wait. Thank for all of your wonderful comments towards my story!!! I absolutely ADORE yours as well - so fantastically well-written!! Don't scream - I updated, look! *points to story* seeeeeeee??? *puts on Queen of Comedy crown* MWAHAHA!! I am a queennnnnnnn! A QUEEN!!!!!! *waves around a golden scepter and hits herself in the head, knocking herself unconscious* Ugh..blue..cheese..?
James Blonde - I am not brilliant. YOU ARE BRILLIANT! Update that Harry Potter story of yours for Aragorn's sake! No really, if you don't update soon, Aragorn here gets it. *points to Aragorn suspended over a vat of lime jello by a licorice bungee cord* THANK YOU FOR SAYING TO UPDATE! That was what inspired me to post this chapter soon soon soon! Thank you!!!! I LOVE YOU (IN A FRIENDLY WAY)!!!!!!!!!
Elvish Firebolt - No worries, I got your change of name. I like it too...Elvish Firebolt. Sounds pretty cool. Yep. Anyway, so glad you still like it. It has been hard, sometimes, to go on... but with courage I persevered. I hope you like this chapter as much as the others! I hoopppeee!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Me - No no! It will not end HERE! Much, much more to do! Yessss preciousssss, yessssssss.....
curseofshadows - OOOO HOORAY! I love you tooooo!!! Of COURSE I will keep going...through rain, or snow, or sleet, or hail, or freaky snowstorms brought on by Saruman, I will KEEP GOING!!!!!!!! Thank you for REVIEWIIINNGG!!!!!
Elendor - your 'sure, I was banned from ONE café, but it was worth it, my god was it worth it.' made me burst out laughing uncontrollably. That one line was in my head ALL DAY, I SWEAR! Yeah, the manager's in internet café's are mean! : ( I love SOUR SKITTLES TOO!!! HOORAY!!! I hope you like this chapter as much as the last ones! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR INCREDIBLE REVIEWS!!
Saint Kitty - chan - OMG I'm glad you like it! Yes, I think A LOT of people will never think of LOTR the same way again after reading this, LOL. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like the new chapter as much as the others!!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - are you related to the other 'me' who also reviewed? Just wondering, = ). THE BEST FIC YOU HAVE EVER READ?! *passes out* THANK YOU!!!! Yeah, its really really random. BUT I'm GLAD YOU LIKE IT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!
Jedi - Hobbit - I UPDATED, just...not..very..soon..*hides* LOL, I'm glad you like Mr. Whiskers. I had a stuffed cat named Mr. Whiskers once and, PRESTO!!! Mr. Whiskers. I hope you like this chapter too, and I LOVE your name, jedi-hobbit, LOL. I can just PICTURE Merry with a light saber. LMAO.
PATIENCE101 - Ah, finally ONE PERSON who will not be mad that I haven't updated in forever because you have PATIENCE!! (I hope) I'm SO HAPPY you think its funny!! I hope you like this one just as much! = ) THANK YOU!
reanna - Yep, a weird chapter, and I'm weird too, of course! : ) How else could I write such weird stuff? I TRIED to update soon, I really, really did, and I had such GOOD INTENTIONS....but ALAS! ANYWAY, at least its here now, and I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again! : ) : )
Catreen Dragonsword - Your insane reviews always cheer me up! = ) And now I have some insane things to say to you : PURPLE POPTARTS WITH BANANA CREAM FROSTING!! WHERE HAS ALL THE INSANITY GONE? INTO HERSHEY'S COOKIES AND CREAM, A MOUTH FULL OF INSANITY IN EVERY BITE!! FLYING RAINBOW MONKIES!!! *face turns red and passes out*
Black cat - I TRIED TO UPDATE SOON!!!! *sobs* LOL, I have no idea how I thought of Shakira OR the butter!! These kinds of things seem to pop into my head! I'm glad you liked it though. I'm so happy you think its funny, because when I first started this story, I thought everyone would hate it!! You're an AWESOME reviewer, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Seiji - Aww, I hate computer glitches! I hope you like it so far though, and I hope you were able to read the rest! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!!
The Famous Chibi - Cola - I think this chapter may be even more disturbing. *hushed silence* Yeah, with Shakira and Britney Spears..I keep using blonde pop stars!! Freaky with a capital F! Oh yes, and the dreaded Mary Sue( SHE WAS BLONDE TOO! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!) I wanted to kill her SO BAD, but I guess she disappeared after the Shakira idol was destroyed, LOL. UPDATE YOUR STORY NOW CHIBI! Or I may be forced to do...bad..things...WE ARE THE WEIRD FANGIRLS!!! HOORAY!!!
Lotr Fan - You stayed up all night reading it?! What a compliment! = ) THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I wrote more! Please..don't..kill..me...
Sakura - There's more butter in this chapter, Don't worry!!! Awww, I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you like this chapter too! THANK YOU!
*IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT* Hey, if you guys want to give me your e-mail addresses I'll e - mail you when I update! = )
And, without further long thank you's that were almost as long as the actual chapter, I give you :
Chapter Sixteen : Captain CocoSnuff, The Coco Bean Army of Death, and Blue cheese?!
After luring Aragorn away from his room of butter, the Fellowship had stopped for a small break. A little while ago Sam had slunk into the bushes with a mysterious duffel bag, and the Fellowship desperately DID NOT want to know what he was doing with it. Then -
"GONNA GET DIRRTY! IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR MY ARRIVAL, UH!" Sam had appeared out of the bushes wearing a catholic schoolgirl's outfit with pink pigtails, with his shirt tied up revealing a very hairy stomach with a red tattoo of 'I love Frodo' in a circle around his bellybutton. Frodo, his eyes wide and terrified as he halted in singing 'All The Things She Said', tried to bolt into the forest, but Sam was quicker.
"MOVE YOUR ASS, I LIKE THAT!" Sam sang in a horribly off pitch warble, dirty dancing around Frodo. However, Frodo was able to slink away and Sam, trying to run after him, knocked headlong into a large, suspicious- looking tree. The tree shook from the impact, and from its branches dropped hundreds of strangle looking brown balls that smelled vaguely of chocolate. The Fellowship crowded around the small pile.
"Butter?" Aragorn said hopefully, poking one with a stick. The brown thing squeaked, and opened two large black eyes.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, jumping into Gandalf's arms.
"Oh Aragorn, I never knew you felt this way." He said with a suggestive wink. Then he scowled. "NO MRS. LEATHERY! I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU! What, are you saying I can't even LOOK at other people now?" He listened with a frown. "You're being ridiculous!" he listened again. "WELL AT LEAST I NEVER HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A SHINY REFLECTIVE TOASTER!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn screamed again, running to his pack where he had kept a tub of butter from the Sleazy Carrot Juice bar and eating some to calm down.
"Hello!" said a round ball bouncing forward wearing a blue hat. "I am the leader of The Coco Bean Army of Death, Captain Cocosnuff. We are going to rule Middle Earth! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHA, MWAHAH....ahem." The Fellowship stared. The little brown ball was the size of Pippin's big toe.
"And, umm, how will you rule Middle Earth exactly?" asked Boromir.
"Simple! We will turn into Kit Kat bars and be bought by all the people of middle earth because of our chocolaty goodness. When they try to eat us, we will hypnotize them with our Coco Bean Mind Trick!" said Captain Cocosnuff. He bounced up and his eyes turned into black and white swirly pinwheels, spinning around and around and around and around and -
"Yes master...." Boromir muttered, drooling slightly.
"Hahahaha! We already have one under our control!" said Captain Cocosnuff. "Now come along, my Coco Bean slave, let's begin to take over Middle Earth!" He jumped onto Boromir's shoulder, and the entire Coco Bean Army hopped away into the forest.
"Take over Middle Earth by turning into Kit Kat bars?" said Sam.
"NO! WE CANNOT LET THEM! I LOVE KIT KAT BARS! THEY CANNOT BE EVIL, no, no, please no..." said Gimli frantically.
"What are we going to do?" said Sam.
"I think I have a plan." Aragorn whispered huskily.
*Meanwhile..*
"I think I have a plan." Said Captain Cocosnuff, in his secret Coco Bean Hideout.
"A plan." said Boromir, wildly chewing on a bar of chocolate.
"The Coco Bean Army will hide under your hat. You will go back to those hairy people and give them a piece of blue cheese as an offering of peace. Then we will jump out, hypnotize them, and use them as pawns! MWAHAHA! MWAHAHA, MWAHAHAH..ahem."
"Hairy people..cheese..yes...master.." Boromir said, taking the blue cheese and putting on a pink feathery hat. The Coco Bean army jumped under it and he left the secret Coco Bean Hideout to carry out Captain Cocosnuff's evil master plan.
*Back With Everyone Else..*
"Ok. Here's the plan. Gimli will make an elaborate net out of Sam's porn magazines and the hair from his beard. Then, Frodo will hop out of the bushes wearing butter camouflage fatigues and round up the army using Legolas' Oprah collection on DVD and Gandalf's pot. Finally, using my dirty hair as a whip, I will throw the porn - hair net onto the Coco Bean Army of Death and we will save Middle Earth!"
Aragorn looked around expectantly.
".....why don't we just give them blue cheese as an offering of peace and then throw them into an empty bucket?"
"OK!" said everyone. Oh course, there was a major flaw in their plan. They had no blue cheese. Finally, they tied Aragorn to a tree and mixed some of his butter with Gandalf's blue hallucinatory pot. They looked at the result.
"I'm scared Mr. Whiskers." Said Merry, hiding behind Frodo.
"It looks KINDA like cheese." Said Gimli.
"Or something in a horror movie you see before you die."
"Or a dancing zucchini." Everyone stared at Pippin.
"Wait! I hear something rustling in the woods!" said Legolas. The Fellowship all ran into the forest clearing where they heard the sound.
There was a brick well alone in the middle. There seemed to be a scratching sound coming from inside. Then...A HAND APPEARED OUT OF THE WELL!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed. "IT'S THE GIRL FROM 'THE RING'!!! DON'T LET HER GET Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." He ran away in to the trees and disappeared. The Fellowship stared nervously. There was a munching sound. Then another hand appeared, holding what looked like....a chocolate bar?
"BOROMIR!" everyone yelled. Boromir pulled himself out of the well, wearing a pink feathery hat, and still eating the chocolate. "What are you doing here?"
"Hehehe, here, doing, hehe. Blueeeeeeeeee cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." He said, handing Gandalf melted blue cheese.
"It must be from Captain Cocosnuff as an offer of peace!" Gandalf whispered.
"Blueeee cheeseeeeeeeee." Boromir agreed, drooling. Then, suddenly, THE ENTIE COCO BEAN ARMY OF DEATH POPPED OUT FROM UNDER THE PINK FEAHERY HAT BOROMIR WAS WEARING!
"AH!" screamed Merry. "Don't look into their eyes!"
"THE BUCKET!" Gandalf yelled. "WHERE. IS. THE. BUCKET?!" A few feet away, Sam was again wearing the catholic school - girl's outfit but with a blue shirt, pigtails, and admiring his reflection in the shiny bottom of the steel bucket. Boromir saw the blue shirt and immediately went insane.
"BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CHEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, knocking into Sam and sending the bucket flying. The bucket flew through the air in slow motion, until landing directly on THE COCO BEAN ARMY OF DEATH!!
"Yey! Boromir! YOU CAUGHT THEM!!" everyone yelled.
"....blue cheese..?" said Boromir.
Merry hugged Mr. Whiskers tightly. Captain Cocosnuff was scary. And the Coco Bean Army of Death. And he never wanted to hear 'blue cheese' again.
*Author's Note (THE LAST ONE, I SWEAR!)* OH PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!
