~*Mean Mister Mustard*~
By Mr. Crash
***
Based on the song "Mean Mister Mustard", off the Abbey Road album. Written by John Lennon.
***
*Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park,
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper.*
Ganondorf sat in his room, thinking. He'd successfully taken over the Gerudos, but now, could he manage them? It seemed as if nothing he planned would happen without _some_ slipup.
After reaching the age of thirty-five and rightfully claiming the throne as his, ambassadors from all the major races approached him and tried to get him to sign treaties with them. His first impulses had been to capture them and hold them for ransom, and he told this to his top advisor, Nabooru. She disagreed strongly, saying that if he did that, then all the races would declare war on the Gerudos, and that they would enter a war they couldn't win. He'd have to parley with them for now, until more power was his.
Also, resources had run low. Amazingly, even the simplest of things were running low. Like paper. 'How the HELL did we get low on paper?' he wondered. No one had informed him of this, or of the fact that wood was also low. Now, he was going to be forced to go into trading with the Hylians and Zoras. The main things that Gerudos traded were horses. Horses were the specialty of the desert people, and a well-bred Gerudo horse fetched a tall price.
*Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes.
Keeps a ten bob note up his nose.*
There came a knock at his door. "Come in," he said. In stepped Helen, who was Captain of the Guard.
"Hail, my king," she said, snapping a smart salute.
"What's the trouble?" Ganondorf asked, curious. He rarely spoke with Helen, and found her to be surprisingly strong-willed and quick-witted. The few conversations he'd had with her had always been interesting, because she never spoke to him unless there was something to speak about.
"Sir, it seems as though several Hylians were trying to climb the perimeter fence. They were armed with swords, daggers, and a bottle of poison."
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, what colors are they wearing?"
"No colors or insignias of any kind were found on them. They are just wearing gray wool tunics."
"Well, have them killed immediately."
*Such a mean old man, such a mean old man.*
"Well, hello there, Pamathia."
*His sister Pam works in a shop,
She never stops,
She's a go getter.*
Pamathia, better known as Pam, looked up from the forge. She pulled her goggles off and smiled happily at the king of the Gerudos. "Hail, my king! How are you?"
As she stood up, Ganondorf couldn't help but admire her beauty and grace, considering she'd been working in the forges all her life. Sweat covered her face, and her great muscles flexed slowly.
"So, is my horse ready?" he asked.
"Certainly!" she responded with a smile. "I put my best effort ever in to this horse." With a wave of her hand, she led him over to the stables.
In the back of the stables there was one stall with an enormous black horse. It had a lovely silver trim, and great, steel eyes looking out. It emanated a tremendous intelligence about it, and when Ganondorf made eye contact, he felt as though he was being studied. It was amazingly unnerving.
"So, what makes the fittings so special?" he asked. "What makes this your best work ever?"
"Well," she began, "I fitted all the horseshoes just right, crafting them perfectly out of the metal you supplied me with." Ganondorf smiled to himself.
Some time ago, he had ridden into the desert, hoping to find some solitude. To his surprise, he came across a fault in the earth. Stones were melting from the heat from the fault, and the metals inside the rocks, such as copper and nickel, mixed together. He found a pool of the mixed metals. Most of it was liquid, but there was some metal that had cooled, and was in a solid form. Merely for amusement, he blasted it with his powers, but was shocked to find that it was merely scarred. After a bit of testing, he soon realized that this mixture was the hardest material he'd ever encountered.
"Oh, by the bye, have you come up with a name for the metal?" He'd always been poor at naming, and had been unable to think of something to callthe metal upon it's discovery. When he'd presented her with the metal, he'd asked her to think of a name.
She grinned. "How about...steel?"
A thoughtful look crossed Ganondorf's face. "Steel...I like the sound of that."
She looked delighted. "I also designed the armor for the horse. I made it perfectly, using the steel. I'll show it to you back at the forge." She paused. "Oh, do you by any chance have more of that steel stuff? It's an amazing material; hardest and most durable metal I've ever encountered. I think I could make some deadly things with it; swords, arrows, axes..."
"No, but I can certainly get more. By next week's time, I'll have some for you."
"Wonderful!"
*Takes him out to look at the Queen,
Only place that he's ever been.
Always shouts out something obscene.*
"Ha!" With a great shout, he spurred the horse into a gallop.
What a fast runner! Truly, this was the best horse he'd ever ridden. It's strides were very long, and it covered ground amazingly fast. Granted, it would lose some speed once it was outfitted with all the armor, but for now, riding this beautiful, graceful animal gliding over the ground, unfettered by armor or weapons, Ganondorf felt simply magnificent.
It'd been too long since he'd last been out riding, with the wind whipping his hair. Ganondorf had spent too much time cooped up in his castle with books and spells. He wanted to live!
Despite being only thirty-five, Ganondorf felt fifty. Oddly, he actually knew what it was like to feel fifty. Spells kept him healthy and youthful in appearance, and even kept him young physically as well, but even they weren't without limitations. Every time he turned fifty-one, the clock would turn back on his life, and he'd be a thirty-year-old again. Then, he'd age twenty years, and become thirty again. In fact, he was closing on seventy right now, though only a few knew it. It was a very odd process.
He came to an oasis as he rode around the desert. Dismounting, he wandered around the pool as his horse drank deeply. The wizard looked around, admiring the beauty of the land. With a deep sigh of satisfaction, Ganondorf smiled. All was right with the world.
*Such a dirty old man, dirty old man.*
***
How'd you like those first two? If feedback is positive, I'll post a third. I've already got an idea worked out...
I really liked writing these two chapters. As I said in the summary, they're intended to be character sketches, little slice-of-life fics that let you see deeper into the minds of various characters, and see what their life is like. My idea for the third chapter is Link, and the song is...well, I want to keep it a secret. If I can just motivate myself, I'm sure it'll be out soon.
Hope you enjoyed.
~Mr. Crash
By Mr. Crash
***
Based on the song "Mean Mister Mustard", off the Abbey Road album. Written by John Lennon.
***
*Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park,
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper.*
Ganondorf sat in his room, thinking. He'd successfully taken over the Gerudos, but now, could he manage them? It seemed as if nothing he planned would happen without _some_ slipup.
After reaching the age of thirty-five and rightfully claiming the throne as his, ambassadors from all the major races approached him and tried to get him to sign treaties with them. His first impulses had been to capture them and hold them for ransom, and he told this to his top advisor, Nabooru. She disagreed strongly, saying that if he did that, then all the races would declare war on the Gerudos, and that they would enter a war they couldn't win. He'd have to parley with them for now, until more power was his.
Also, resources had run low. Amazingly, even the simplest of things were running low. Like paper. 'How the HELL did we get low on paper?' he wondered. No one had informed him of this, or of the fact that wood was also low. Now, he was going to be forced to go into trading with the Hylians and Zoras. The main things that Gerudos traded were horses. Horses were the specialty of the desert people, and a well-bred Gerudo horse fetched a tall price.
*Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes.
Keeps a ten bob note up his nose.*
There came a knock at his door. "Come in," he said. In stepped Helen, who was Captain of the Guard.
"Hail, my king," she said, snapping a smart salute.
"What's the trouble?" Ganondorf asked, curious. He rarely spoke with Helen, and found her to be surprisingly strong-willed and quick-witted. The few conversations he'd had with her had always been interesting, because she never spoke to him unless there was something to speak about.
"Sir, it seems as though several Hylians were trying to climb the perimeter fence. They were armed with swords, daggers, and a bottle of poison."
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, what colors are they wearing?"
"No colors or insignias of any kind were found on them. They are just wearing gray wool tunics."
"Well, have them killed immediately."
*Such a mean old man, such a mean old man.*
"Well, hello there, Pamathia."
*His sister Pam works in a shop,
She never stops,
She's a go getter.*
Pamathia, better known as Pam, looked up from the forge. She pulled her goggles off and smiled happily at the king of the Gerudos. "Hail, my king! How are you?"
As she stood up, Ganondorf couldn't help but admire her beauty and grace, considering she'd been working in the forges all her life. Sweat covered her face, and her great muscles flexed slowly.
"So, is my horse ready?" he asked.
"Certainly!" she responded with a smile. "I put my best effort ever in to this horse." With a wave of her hand, she led him over to the stables.
In the back of the stables there was one stall with an enormous black horse. It had a lovely silver trim, and great, steel eyes looking out. It emanated a tremendous intelligence about it, and when Ganondorf made eye contact, he felt as though he was being studied. It was amazingly unnerving.
"So, what makes the fittings so special?" he asked. "What makes this your best work ever?"
"Well," she began, "I fitted all the horseshoes just right, crafting them perfectly out of the metal you supplied me with." Ganondorf smiled to himself.
Some time ago, he had ridden into the desert, hoping to find some solitude. To his surprise, he came across a fault in the earth. Stones were melting from the heat from the fault, and the metals inside the rocks, such as copper and nickel, mixed together. He found a pool of the mixed metals. Most of it was liquid, but there was some metal that had cooled, and was in a solid form. Merely for amusement, he blasted it with his powers, but was shocked to find that it was merely scarred. After a bit of testing, he soon realized that this mixture was the hardest material he'd ever encountered.
"Oh, by the bye, have you come up with a name for the metal?" He'd always been poor at naming, and had been unable to think of something to callthe metal upon it's discovery. When he'd presented her with the metal, he'd asked her to think of a name.
She grinned. "How about...steel?"
A thoughtful look crossed Ganondorf's face. "Steel...I like the sound of that."
She looked delighted. "I also designed the armor for the horse. I made it perfectly, using the steel. I'll show it to you back at the forge." She paused. "Oh, do you by any chance have more of that steel stuff? It's an amazing material; hardest and most durable metal I've ever encountered. I think I could make some deadly things with it; swords, arrows, axes..."
"No, but I can certainly get more. By next week's time, I'll have some for you."
"Wonderful!"
*Takes him out to look at the Queen,
Only place that he's ever been.
Always shouts out something obscene.*
"Ha!" With a great shout, he spurred the horse into a gallop.
What a fast runner! Truly, this was the best horse he'd ever ridden. It's strides were very long, and it covered ground amazingly fast. Granted, it would lose some speed once it was outfitted with all the armor, but for now, riding this beautiful, graceful animal gliding over the ground, unfettered by armor or weapons, Ganondorf felt simply magnificent.
It'd been too long since he'd last been out riding, with the wind whipping his hair. Ganondorf had spent too much time cooped up in his castle with books and spells. He wanted to live!
Despite being only thirty-five, Ganondorf felt fifty. Oddly, he actually knew what it was like to feel fifty. Spells kept him healthy and youthful in appearance, and even kept him young physically as well, but even they weren't without limitations. Every time he turned fifty-one, the clock would turn back on his life, and he'd be a thirty-year-old again. Then, he'd age twenty years, and become thirty again. In fact, he was closing on seventy right now, though only a few knew it. It was a very odd process.
He came to an oasis as he rode around the desert. Dismounting, he wandered around the pool as his horse drank deeply. The wizard looked around, admiring the beauty of the land. With a deep sigh of satisfaction, Ganondorf smiled. All was right with the world.
*Such a dirty old man, dirty old man.*
***
How'd you like those first two? If feedback is positive, I'll post a third. I've already got an idea worked out...
I really liked writing these two chapters. As I said in the summary, they're intended to be character sketches, little slice-of-life fics that let you see deeper into the minds of various characters, and see what their life is like. My idea for the third chapter is Link, and the song is...well, I want to keep it a secret. If I can just motivate myself, I'm sure it'll be out soon.
Hope you enjoyed.
~Mr. Crash
