A/N: Hello again! This chapter heralds the appearance of Tak (belonging to Jhonen), Jaime and Tweek (belonging to Jaime) and Kat23a once more.. and I believe she belongs to herself. Also, much thanks to Aubri and Kat for the insanity inspiration from a long time ago.. (I'm glad I save all those RPG logs ¬.¬) Anyway, on with the story!

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Yeah, it's pretty easy to handle, and it has good weight and balance try it. Tif handed the black sword to KidK. The gypsy took it by the handle carefully.

I don't like weapons a whole lot, she said, testing out the sword's handle. It just was never something my family encouraged.

gypsies, Tif said, taking the sword back. An artsy lot.

Yes. Utterly filthy, the minstrel said, marching up to them. Now listen to ZIIIIM! He whipped out his fiddle and placed it under his chin, his pose imperious. Tif gazed at him for a long moment, then leaned down and poked him hard in the midsection.

Everyone looked up at the resounding squeak that echoed from the impact. Zim's expression looked halfway between intense horror and utter rage. YOU DARE TO SQUEEK MY AMAZINGNESS!? he ranted, and set the bow to the fiddle-strings, beginning to play madly and very fast. Within a moment, he had KidK and JC's glazed stares on him, although Tif turned away in disgust, and a confident grin spread across his face. Yes, he was in control.

Dib looked up from the campfire, fighting off the hypnotic waves of music. He found that the more he fought it, the easier it became, and it didn't cloud his mind very much at all anymore. He munched thoughtfully on a hard piece of waybread, watching as the minstrel started strutting around in a circle, yelling for KidK and JC to follow him. Both did, KidK dancing, and JC snapping pictures.

What's up with that little bard, anyway? Tif said, sitting down at the fire next to Dib. For once, she wasn't wearing that odd smile.

He's insane, Dib said grumpily, poking at the fire with a stick. He's going to expose our whole quest, and he wants to rule the world himself! I don't know why Aubri wants him around.

Wizards know best, Tif said. The smile was back. Dib shivered slightly, and took another bite of his waybread.

I'm not a wizard, Aubri put in, sitting down on Dib's other side. And as for Zim, he's useful in his way. There is no endeavour of this sort without risk, and although he might increase that risk, he might also add substantially to the chance of completing it successfully.

Dib poked at the fire again. He's just so annoying.

Stop flashing your idiotic HUUUUman lights at ZIM!! Zim's voice carried over to them from a short distance away. Dance like the stink-slave you are before the might of ZIIIIM's fid-ill!

Aw, but you're just such a postcard! JC said. A moment of silence ensued, quickly followed by hideous screams from the minstrel. Dib sighed. She was probably hugging the stupid green being again.

Dib started to take another bite of his waybread, when it was snatched suddenly from his hand. he quickly pivoted in a sitting position to face his assailant, only to see the little green dog munching happily. Oh go away Dib gave the dog a shove and turned back to the fire, glaring into it moodily. If he hated that minstrel more than anything, his dog came awful close to the same level

GIR trotted over to Tif and latched itself onto her boot again. I loves you, shinies it cooed quietly, and giggled. The weaponsmaster stared.

Excuse him, Aubri said with a sigh.

No need, she said with a smile, and pushed the little dog off of her boot. Watch the goods there, boy.

GIR giggled louder. I'ma PANCAKE! it squeeked happily, then took off into the encroaching darkness, towards the screams of its master.

Charming little beast Tif said absently.

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It was only a small village along the road and while that had its disadvantages, it was suitable. The worst part was that it was a human village. They were prone to staring at anything new, and an Irken passing through their wretched little parish was definitely something to be stared at. But they were decent folk, honest, unassuming, and hard-working. Just the kind to leave her alone about her business.

Tak paused in the darkening shadows of the largest building in the vicinity; something called the Soggy Waffle Inn. Her dark clothing kept her more or less unnoticeable, although there was nothing she could really do about the glow of her deep purple eyes. Or those of her assistant'—a small, deep blue cat curled around her ankles, its red eyes casting back and forth through the darkness.

Leaning up against the wall, Tak watched the few remaining humans go about their business. Many of them glanced in her direction nervously, but none were inclined to pay her more attention than that. And a good thing, too. She had to lay over here for a few days, at least until the laughable little quest group' showed up. It was her duty to stop them, and preferably Tak smiled coldly, her gloved fingers running against the handle of the dagger in her boot.

Her master willed it to be so, and so she would carry it out. There was no question of skill. Tak knew she was good the only thing was, the co-rulers of the kingdom did not. Where they would not recognize her skill, the Dark Lord did, and she was ready to prove it as many times as he deemed necessary. Although she doubted it would take much of her talent to take down this particular opposition. After all, she had a well-trained weaponsmaster as the main lead-in. But Tak was determined to save one individual of the group for her wrath alone. A haughty, insolent, over-scheming minstrel. He wanted to overthrow her master? She would show him just how an extension of such a force of evil worked another cold smile spread across her face, and she reached down to lightly pat the head of the cat which sat rigidly at her side.

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IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP, DIB-BEAST!!! the boisterous voice nearly in his ear wrenched Dib from sleep, a scream jumping from his throat as he sat up lightning-quick, looking around wildly. His vision finally focused on Zim, standing arrogantly a couple of feet away.

The look on your pathetic Dibbish FACE!! snickered the minstrel. He turned away, whipping his fiddle up to his chin. And now! Follow Zim! He started playing, a delighted grin plastered across his face.

Oh, shut up groaned Dib, pulling his blanket over his head.

Cut it out, he heard Tif say, and he peeked out just in time to see her jab the minstrel in the side. He couldn't help snickering, himself, at the squeak that echoed from the little green being.

STOP THAT!! Zim ranted. OR I SHALL SIC MY DOG-SLAVE ON YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN FILTH-SELF!!

It's still early, Aubri said, stepping past Zim to finishing tying his supplies to his horse. It might be a good idea to not yell.

Yeah, what he said. Dib pulled himself up and got to work rolling up his bedthings. He worked as quickly as he could—even he was aware that he'd overslept. He turned around to grab the rope to fasten his things, only to be met with a pair of wide eyes at very close range.

It's a snaaaaaaaaaaake whispered the minstrel's little dog, moving its face closer to Dib's.

Dib fell backwards from the little creature. You stupid little green thing!! Despite his anger at the dog's foolishness, he still found himself glancing around for snakes.

Lighten up, said Tif, and she stepped over, picking up GIR and the rope. She tossed the rope roughly to Dib. Have a snake. Her boots hit the dirt loudly as she walked off towards her own mount. At least she was taking the dog Dib sighed, and taking the rope, resumed packing.

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But I'm sure it's not a cat. It's only pretending to be a cat! the little dragon said insistently, his nose aimed at the faint footprints around the Soggy Waffle Inn. His tail lashed through the dust, his concentration intent.

Tweek, even if it's not a cat Jaime smiled slightly to herself. I'm sure it's not important now come on it's the waffle special today, this is why you dragged me out of the house so early remember?

Tweek's head snapped up, his eyes aglow. He leapt from the ground, flaring his wings to give himself lift enough to perch on the healer's shoulder, his claws dugging into the loose cloth of her robe. She patted his neck with one hand absently. He was very young, not much over a hundred years old a veritable infant among dragons. But he had his wise points, and he was a wonderfully interesting companion. Jaime stepped into the Soggy Waffle Inn, only to be accosted immediately by the cheery owner.

Hel-lo! the very short, blond woman said to Jaime. We don't get your kind around these parts much do have a seat, and that cute little dragon, too. She fixed Tweek with a beaming smile, which he eagerly returned, though his sharp eyes roved beyond her for signs of food.

sure, Jaime said. She went over to a table and slid into a chair, and Tweek launched from her shoulder to the chair opposite.

said the dragon, his eyes hungrily fixed on the plates of waffles that other customers were eating. How are things in the kingdom these days?

Why are you asking me? Jaime said. I know as much as you do.

Lots of dark things around Tweek said thoughtfully. Like her. He swiftly pointed a claw towards the other end of the room. Jaime cocked an eyebrow at him, but turned to look. He was pointing to one of those green beings, relatively short, with glowing purple eyes in the shadows. Jaime felt a tingle across her spine even seeing the being from the corner of her eyes.

she said, turning back to Tweek, but by that time, their waffles had been served, and Tweek forgot everything else in his syrupy heaven.

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Please stop complaining, Aubri said with a sigh for what seemed like the millionth time. Dib would say the same thing himself, but likely in less kind words. So he kept quiet, sitting up on the mule's pack and using his telescope to scan the horizon for any more encroaching evil bandits or demons. There were less trees here, but there will still an amount enough of them to hamper a clear view.

BE SILENT!! Zim snapped back at Aubri, and pulled his pony's head up by the reins. Zim does what ZIM wishes!! His mount snorted, laying back its ears. The minstrel didn't seem to notice, instead kicking the pony until it started doing an approximation of Zim's own high-stepped march. Although, the effect was lost somewhat by its severely irritated expression.

KidK said, watching this from above on her own horse. Why don't you um play your fiddle? Ivy, sitting behind her, grabbed ahold of her arm nervously.

Don't do dat the child mumbled.

Hm? Don't do what, sweety? KidK looked at Ivy in perplexion.

The fiddle she said, a little more bravely. It's scary.. an'..

You do not wish the fiddle of ZIM, smeet!? The minstrel challenged, glaring up at the child. She shrank back.

I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! howled the minstrel's dog. It waved its small black arms energetically from its perch on top of Tif's head. The weaponsmaster rode calmly, and quite unemotionally, her back straight and her gaze the same. But Dib thought he saw the beginnings of a smile at the little dog's antics.

Of course YOU do, GIR!! snapped Zim, and huffily picked up his fiddle. And all the rest of you disgusting stink filth stupid beast monkies do AS WELL!! He began playing.

Stop it, said Aubri again.

Don't make him stop, whined JC. Oh! Oh wait.. let me She snapped a picture of the minstrel's high-stepping pony.

Can I see that? Dib said curiously from JC's other side. He set his telescope down and leaned closer to her from the mule.

My camera? But but

Come on! I just want to you know see how it works.

But I showed you! See? she snapped a picture of Dib.

he yelped as the bright flash hit his eyes. Cut it out!!

But now you're immortalized!

he said tightly, recovering his grace and balance on the mule's pack. I'll be immortalized anyway, once I SAVE THE WORLD!

You will do no such thing, Dib-larva! the minstrel called, and played louder.

Aubri sighed harshly, and kicked his horse into a trot, pulling ahead of the group. Before anyone could say another word, a loud yell cut through the air, and everyone's gaze snapped sharply to its source.

STOP RIGHT THERE!! the voice rang out, and Aubri's horse froze in mid-step. Dib stood up on his mule's pack to get a better look. There was a ragtag warrior standing in front of Aubri, holding a sword under one arm and hefting an orc battle axe with both hands. She was wearing various pieces of worn armor, that clashed terribly, and an orc's helmet that was too big for her.

The axe pointed waveringly at Aubri up on his horse. SHOW ME PROOF YOU ARE NOT WORKING FOR THE SPAAAAAM!!! the warrior hollered.

Aubri stared down at her, lifting one eyebrow. A moment of silence passed.

Yes, the spam, the warrior finally said, visibly straining to keep the heavy axe trained on him.

We're not working for the spam, Aubri said. Another moment of silence then he said, You look like a bunny with no ears! Dib stared. Zim stared. JC stared. Ivy stared. KidK stared. Tif stared. The strange warrior did not waste time staring.

You look like a walrus with no teeth! she countered.

You look like a cat with no whiskers, he replied.

A book with no spine!

A crab with no feet.

A car with no ripped upholstery!

A mushroom with no rust.

A cereal with no frosting!

A banana with no salt!

A ROOM WITH NO MOOSE!!

A skeleton with no bones! called JC helpfully.

A cheese without salsa! Aubri responded.

A sandbox with no dead leaves! said the warrior. Her eyes were wild. A chew toy with no ranch dressing! A football with no paperclips!! A slinky with no knots!! A MUFFIN WITH NO GARGANTUAN HEAD TO CRASH INTO!!

Right here! called JC, pointing to Dib.

Dib said. Come on, JC! This.. um.. person.. is crazy!! Can't you see that!? There IS no muffin!!

Yeah I know JC said dejectedly. I miss muffins

How can you miss those terrible thi—wait, what is a muffin, exactly?

It's like a cupcake with no sugar.

A figgin with no raisins.

A WORLD CONQUEST WITH NO DOOM!! the minstrel put in.

An elephant with no jelly! called the warrior.

Okay okay!! Dib said, waving his arms as if to ward off the incoming suggestions. I don't care what a muffin is! Can we just go?? He turned to look back at Aubri, frustrated.

Aubri was grinning. Dib didn't think he could remember ever seeing his mentor really smile but Dib looked back down at the warrior, whose axe was wobbling badly in her grip.

What's your name? Aubri asked her.

she said simply, and finally let the axe drop with a loud thump to the road. Dib glanced nervously at the group behind him. Tif was rolling her eyes, GIR was smiling giddily perched on her head, KidK was watching and hiding a laugh, Ivy was going the same, and Zim was sitting with his arms crossed, pouting.

Where are you headed, Kat? Aubri asked.

Potatoes do not field these questions! she yelled suddenly, and started trying to drag the axe back up into an upright position with little success. I see your moose, and I RAISE you two badgers!!

There was silence for a moment. Then Aubri spoke up again. I see your two badgers, and I raise you an orca, and two cloves!

Kat gasped sharply and struggled harder with the axe. CLOVES!! My only natural enemy! But little do you know I am secretly S'MORE GIRL!! Created in a girl scout campout gone HORRIBLY WROOOONG!!! I THROW SQUOOSY GOO AT YOU!!! Dropping the axe, she started doing a weird sideways dance.

JC said thoughtfully.

Oh man.. Dib groaned, and buried his face in his hands.

What is this!? WHAT!?! huffed the minstrel. THIS IS MADNESS!

Eat my dorsal fin, vile land-worm! Aubri was calling.

Kat laughed evilly. YES!! FEEL my wrath, oh ye of little hair bows!

was Aubri's reply. FEEL THE WRATH OF MY TEN-TON BOWS!! I smother thee with the lambs of acrobat! JUICE!

HAH! You foolish, spray with juice, when all Ubekistanian weasels KNOW that only VITAMIN-D FORTIFIED MILK HOLDS THE KEY TO GALACTIC CONQUEST! I believe that kazoo is half a note flat. YOUR ROBE DOESN'T MATCH YOUR HAT!! Gimme gummi bears.

YOU ASPIRE TO KILL MY GUMDROP! Sack of weasel milk, filled with the creamy seeds of Jericho! TASTE MY GUMMI WRATH!!!

Kat paused then, her eyes watering. Your ferret truly touched my innermost colon, she said, sniffling. Ah feel for ya, bruddah. GO NOW! Take your bedsheets of woe and sweaty feet to the laundromat of happiness! GUMMI SAVERS!

Tif turned to Dib, looking extremely incredulous. What in the nine hells is this? Some kind of bizarre wizard lingo?

I have no idea stammered Dib.

I AM NOOOT A WIIZAAARRD! came a hollered reply.

AND NEITHER AM IIIIIIIIII! came another.

Dib groaned and covered his ears as the fast-paced bantering continued.

snapped the minstrel.

Play that.. your.. play your fiddle.

Heh? Why? I mean.. OF COURSE!! The minstrel launched into an energetic song, and the group breathed a collective sigh of relief at having something else to focus their hearing on. There was probably not much they could do, except wait this out.

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