What's that, Mr. Alien?
"Nothing to be of your concern, you worthless, pathetic Earth-dweller. I
spit upon you like a sidewalk, just as I step all over you like a
sidewalk!"
"You want me to kill Brittany? Okay. If you really want me to..."
"Shut up, you moronic fool."
"What's that? You want me to use an ax? You want me to cut off her head?
Okay."
"No! Do not, you imbecilic Earth creature!"
"What's that? You want me to boil her severed head? I s'pose if you say
so..."
"Yes, Earth scum. That is exactly what I want you to do."
"I thought so...."
Harry awoke with a shock. Had he really told a girl named Chelsea to kill
another girl named Brittany? Of course, this might have been another
possessed dream, like the ones he had been having at Hogwarts School of
Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Yes, he had told her that.
Because he was possessed by aliens.
No, Harry thought. When he had these dreams before, he had been Lord Voldemort, not an alien. Although... Harry told him self... Well, maybe Lord Voledemort was an alien... Voldemort did look exactly like an alien. A snakelike alien. Yes. That must be it.
(The following faces represent what the alien smiley faces look on AIM) Like this: :-o
Or sometimes this: :-(
And maybe this: :-*
But never this: :-D
Bhum, bhum, bhum.... Only when he was around Malfoy did look like a kissing, snakelike alien. Well, it's settled. He's a gay snakelike alien. Harry laughed at that thought. The only question left is: does Malfoy return his feelings? Yes, of course Malfoy does. Harry was tearing in his eyes. Ha, ha, ha! Well, he won't go out with Pansy Parkinson, he always hangs with his boyfriends, Crabbe and Goyle. Harry's conclusion: gay. It would explain a lot. Yes. Yes it would, Harry thought to himself. Malfoy hates Harry because Harry always fights with Malfoy's lover. Harry started laughing so loudly that his Uncle, Vernon Dursley, had flung his door ajar and was yelling at his to shut his trap. Speaking of gay.... "Shut your trap, you bloody broken record!" Vernon shouted at Harry. "Why in bloody HELLo operator are you laughing so loudly?" Uncle Vernon asked, outraged. "Oh just to go to a gay bar and calm down" yelled Harry. "Actually... Do you know a snakelike vampire looking dude?" he asked Uncle Vernon slammed the door closed so hard that Harry's walls shook. Darn, Voldemort must have gotten to him. They're probably going out too. Another reason Malfoy must hate Harry; his uncle was the other man Harry sighed. Everyone had a girlfriend or boyfriend or homosexual-friend but him. It made him so sad sometimes Oh, I get it now, Harry told himself. You no speaking of girlfriends, that girl he told to kill was pretty. "Haven't you noticed that Harry's has been talking to himself a little too often lately?" said a womanly voice from in the kitchen. Yes, thought Harry. He is talking to himself a lot. Harry grew angry at these words coming from Aunt Petunia's mouth. "How dare you!" he shouted. "I'll kill you!" he yelled at his aunt. "Now wait a minute!" yelled his uncle "I'll kill you too," said Harry. "Harry, stop," said his cousin. "I'll kill you while you sleep," was Harry's reply. So, in a fit of pitiless rage, took his Bee-Bee Gun and shot at Aunt Petunia. Lucky for Harry, he missed. If Harry had hit Aunt Petunia he would surely have been killed by Uncle Vernon. But now he was going to be killed by Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. He managed to get one shot that hit Dudley. But it just sank into his stomach, doing no damage through all the layers of lard Dudley was taking a crap in the toilet. He had been in there for over twenty minutes, making desperate groans. "Ewe! What did you eat, Dud?" asked Harry after he got a whiff through the gun hole in the door. "I mean, Ickle Diddykins," Harry said. "Shut up! If I wasn't crapping, I would kill you!" "Oh, but I'll kill you," said Harry in a maniacal tone. "I can't die on the toilet!" said a frightened Dudley. "Eugh! I wouldn't go in there even if you paid me! I'll wait until you come out." "This is the last crap of your life," said Harry in a calm tone, "I'll let you enjoy it. And lay off the Mexican food! Whe-ee!" Harry sat outside the bathroom door for hours and hours. "It smells like a garbage bin full of green diarrhea from a baby. "Dudley, are you done yet?" asked Harry with a slight tone of anger. "No, you can't rush a crap like this one," was Dudley's reply. "Wait just a minute, okay? I'm almost a quarter of the way there!" said Dudley. "Ewe! That one sounded like it splattered!" said Harry. "It did a bit," said Dudley. There was some splattered poo near the edges of the door. "Ewe! It touched me!" screamed Harry. "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry. "Something's crawling in it, SOMEHTING'S CRAWLING IN IT!!!!!" he yelled. "Oh that's just a worm my friend dared me to eat. Don't worry," said Dudley reassuringly. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Harry yelled, "THAT'S NOT A WORM, THAT'S A MAGGOT!! AND THERE'S A WHOLE COLONY OF THEM!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Then Harry woke up, only to find that what had happened.... .knocked Harry out. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Harry. But he still had a bit of poop on his left hand. "OH NO!! I THOUGHT THAT WAS CHOCOLATE!!!" Harry exclaimed. .and there was still groans coming from the bathroom. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" But then a miracle happened. He heard the toilet flush! And in a cloud of gas Dudley came out. But then he heard gurgling noised one usually hears when one's toilet is clogged. "That was a big one, said Dudley, "Go fix the toilet, Harry!" Dudley then decided that it was time to give Harry a swirly. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" yelled Harry. "Oh, you baby! Be quiet and cooperate. It's just a swirly!" "Alright," Harry said, smiling at the astonished look on Dudley's face. Harry knew that the fumes would kill both himself and Dudley instantly. Let's go then," said Dudley. "Dum, dum dee dee dum," Harry, as wise as he is, took in a deep breath and held it, so that he was not to inhale the fumes. But Dudley was not so lucky. First he started coughing Then gasping for air. Bhum, bhum, bhum.... Harry looked around. The dramatic music came from nowhere. But it didn't matter because Dudley had fallen 2 the ground. He was not moving And neither was Harry. He had held his breath for so long, he passed out. "Stupid git," said Remus Lupin from outside the window. Suddenly, he saw his parents. And then a big hairy hand grabbed him "Did you think we were going to let you die after only 14 years of torture?" asked his uncle, "And- Oh, dear God, what is that horrid smell?" Suddenly, both Lupin and Vernon began to hurl. ...on each other. Harry dodged out of the way to avoid being covered in puke. But when he was out of the room, he found his aunt with his Bee-Bee Gun pointed at him What do I do, he wondered. But he didn't have time to think of anything. His aunt said, full of rage, "You killed Ickle-Dudders. I'LL KILL YOU!!! And she shot. For the second time he saw his parents, but then they disappeared as he went down to HELLo operator. And guess what his punishment was? What was it, Harry thought. A whole mansion of nothing but maggot-crapping Dudleys. .and gas "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Harry yelled in horror.
Because he was possessed by aliens.
No, Harry thought. When he had these dreams before, he had been Lord Voldemort, not an alien. Although... Harry told him self... Well, maybe Lord Voledemort was an alien... Voldemort did look exactly like an alien. A snakelike alien. Yes. That must be it.
(The following faces represent what the alien smiley faces look on AIM) Like this: :-o
Or sometimes this: :-(
And maybe this: :-*
But never this: :-D
Bhum, bhum, bhum.... Only when he was around Malfoy did look like a kissing, snakelike alien. Well, it's settled. He's a gay snakelike alien. Harry laughed at that thought. The only question left is: does Malfoy return his feelings? Yes, of course Malfoy does. Harry was tearing in his eyes. Ha, ha, ha! Well, he won't go out with Pansy Parkinson, he always hangs with his boyfriends, Crabbe and Goyle. Harry's conclusion: gay. It would explain a lot. Yes. Yes it would, Harry thought to himself. Malfoy hates Harry because Harry always fights with Malfoy's lover. Harry started laughing so loudly that his Uncle, Vernon Dursley, had flung his door ajar and was yelling at his to shut his trap. Speaking of gay.... "Shut your trap, you bloody broken record!" Vernon shouted at Harry. "Why in bloody HELLo operator are you laughing so loudly?" Uncle Vernon asked, outraged. "Oh just to go to a gay bar and calm down" yelled Harry. "Actually... Do you know a snakelike vampire looking dude?" he asked Uncle Vernon slammed the door closed so hard that Harry's walls shook. Darn, Voldemort must have gotten to him. They're probably going out too. Another reason Malfoy must hate Harry; his uncle was the other man Harry sighed. Everyone had a girlfriend or boyfriend or homosexual-friend but him. It made him so sad sometimes Oh, I get it now, Harry told himself. You no speaking of girlfriends, that girl he told to kill was pretty. "Haven't you noticed that Harry's has been talking to himself a little too often lately?" said a womanly voice from in the kitchen. Yes, thought Harry. He is talking to himself a lot. Harry grew angry at these words coming from Aunt Petunia's mouth. "How dare you!" he shouted. "I'll kill you!" he yelled at his aunt. "Now wait a minute!" yelled his uncle "I'll kill you too," said Harry. "Harry, stop," said his cousin. "I'll kill you while you sleep," was Harry's reply. So, in a fit of pitiless rage, took his Bee-Bee Gun and shot at Aunt Petunia. Lucky for Harry, he missed. If Harry had hit Aunt Petunia he would surely have been killed by Uncle Vernon. But now he was going to be killed by Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. He managed to get one shot that hit Dudley. But it just sank into his stomach, doing no damage through all the layers of lard Dudley was taking a crap in the toilet. He had been in there for over twenty minutes, making desperate groans. "Ewe! What did you eat, Dud?" asked Harry after he got a whiff through the gun hole in the door. "I mean, Ickle Diddykins," Harry said. "Shut up! If I wasn't crapping, I would kill you!" "Oh, but I'll kill you," said Harry in a maniacal tone. "I can't die on the toilet!" said a frightened Dudley. "Eugh! I wouldn't go in there even if you paid me! I'll wait until you come out." "This is the last crap of your life," said Harry in a calm tone, "I'll let you enjoy it. And lay off the Mexican food! Whe-ee!" Harry sat outside the bathroom door for hours and hours. "It smells like a garbage bin full of green diarrhea from a baby. "Dudley, are you done yet?" asked Harry with a slight tone of anger. "No, you can't rush a crap like this one," was Dudley's reply. "Wait just a minute, okay? I'm almost a quarter of the way there!" said Dudley. "Ewe! That one sounded like it splattered!" said Harry. "It did a bit," said Dudley. There was some splattered poo near the edges of the door. "Ewe! It touched me!" screamed Harry. "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry. "Something's crawling in it, SOMEHTING'S CRAWLING IN IT!!!!!" he yelled. "Oh that's just a worm my friend dared me to eat. Don't worry," said Dudley reassuringly. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Harry yelled, "THAT'S NOT A WORM, THAT'S A MAGGOT!! AND THERE'S A WHOLE COLONY OF THEM!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Then Harry woke up, only to find that what had happened.... .knocked Harry out. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Harry. But he still had a bit of poop on his left hand. "OH NO!! I THOUGHT THAT WAS CHOCOLATE!!!" Harry exclaimed. .and there was still groans coming from the bathroom. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" But then a miracle happened. He heard the toilet flush! And in a cloud of gas Dudley came out. But then he heard gurgling noised one usually hears when one's toilet is clogged. "That was a big one, said Dudley, "Go fix the toilet, Harry!" Dudley then decided that it was time to give Harry a swirly. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" yelled Harry. "Oh, you baby! Be quiet and cooperate. It's just a swirly!" "Alright," Harry said, smiling at the astonished look on Dudley's face. Harry knew that the fumes would kill both himself and Dudley instantly. Let's go then," said Dudley. "Dum, dum dee dee dum," Harry, as wise as he is, took in a deep breath and held it, so that he was not to inhale the fumes. But Dudley was not so lucky. First he started coughing Then gasping for air. Bhum, bhum, bhum.... Harry looked around. The dramatic music came from nowhere. But it didn't matter because Dudley had fallen 2 the ground. He was not moving And neither was Harry. He had held his breath for so long, he passed out. "Stupid git," said Remus Lupin from outside the window. Suddenly, he saw his parents. And then a big hairy hand grabbed him "Did you think we were going to let you die after only 14 years of torture?" asked his uncle, "And- Oh, dear God, what is that horrid smell?" Suddenly, both Lupin and Vernon began to hurl. ...on each other. Harry dodged out of the way to avoid being covered in puke. But when he was out of the room, he found his aunt with his Bee-Bee Gun pointed at him What do I do, he wondered. But he didn't have time to think of anything. His aunt said, full of rage, "You killed Ickle-Dudders. I'LL KILL YOU!!! And she shot. For the second time he saw his parents, but then they disappeared as he went down to HELLo operator. And guess what his punishment was? What was it, Harry thought. A whole mansion of nothing but maggot-crapping Dudleys. .and gas "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Harry yelled in horror.
