Chapter Two

Disclaimer: All apply…yada yada yada!

Sango sat happily against the trunk of an old tree, petting Kirara and shoving her face with what appeared to be gummy bears. Apparently she had snatched a bunch from the ground and made a run for it, so she could enjoy them in peace. But, when she was running over, she too had shrunk into a little girl.

"I wonder where my friends are…oh well! I have you, Kirara, and my gummy dollies!" Sango cried, now positioning her gummy bears on the grass in two rows.

Sango picked up an orange one, calling it Miroku, and a yellow one, which she called herself, Sango. She appeared to be playing out a mock wedding with her gummy bears. She hummed to herself as she acted out the entire ceremony. When she was done, she gathered them up, split them into two groups, and gave half to Kirara.

"There you go, kitty!" she giggled, tossing gummy bears all over the youkai.

Kirara sniffed is suspiciously, then lapped up a few. Just when she swallowed them, the youkai fell onto its back, feet in the air.

"Kirara? Did you like the gummies?" Sango asked, leaning over Kirara, who looked as if she might be dead, "KIRARA!!"

Her shrill scream echoed across the valley before her and five huge, turquoise tortoises (whoa, alliteration!) with orange shells moaned and started to climb out of a nearby lake. They appeared to be chanting, something along the lines of, "Kitty killer, kitty killer…get her!"

Sango shrieked, grabbed the immobilized Kirara, and made a run for Kaede's hut. She looked over her shoulder to see them stampeding after her, at an incredibly slow pace. The little girl continued to run, the hut getting closer and closer.

She burst in, expecting to see the old, welcoming hag, but was instead met with the eyes of one of those crazy squirrels. She ripped her eyes off of it, only to find that the entire shack was filled with the vermin. Hugging Kirara tighter, she closed her eyes, waiting for something to happen…

***

Kikyou was dragging Inuyasha further into the village, looking for a suitable house to "live in". The little hanyou continued to grumble and snort as he watched his feet drag in the dirt. He'd get them back, both of them. But not now, later…

"This is it!" Kikyou cried, dropping Inuyasha and turning to him, "Stay here, hubby, while I secure our new home!"

She then glided over to the house, through the wall, and proceeded to spook the living daylights out of whoever was in there. Two men, in their underwear, and a scantily clad woman burst out the door, screaming. They soon fled the village.

"Perfect!" Kikyou cooed, rubbing her little pale hands together once more.

"Grr," grumbled Inuyasha, then getting a not-so-bright idea, "Hey! Since I hafta do this, umm, can I get my mommy's old dolly so we can pretend to have a baby?"

At the mention of this, Kikyou's devious, brown little orbs for eyes glowed, "A baby? Why, yes. But we are in no need for a synthetic, raggedy old mock baby. We can have a real one!"

After proclaiming this, Kikyou popped back into her adult form and stool tall and shadowy over Inuyasha, who was still a little kid. She put a slender hand to her mouth and cackled. Inuyasha sat stock still, little dog-ears plastered to the sides of his head.

Little Miroku crawled out from under the bed of the abandoned house. "Hey! Looks like it wore off. Let's make a run for it!"

Inuyasha nodded and scampered behind Miroku out the doorway, between Kikyou's legs. Kikyou howled and dove at them, but they somehow managed to get away, due to a strange looking bird swooping up the insane dead miko. The strange think was that this bird already had what looked like a miko trapped in its gigantic claws. Youkai these days…

The two little boys now walked along calmly.

"So," Inuyasha asked, wishing he had more gummy bears, "What have you been doing?"

Miroku eyed the black bows tied into Inuyasha's long hair for a second, then shrugged and replied, "Forced to play little girl games with Kagome. It woulda been kinda fun, but she didn't have any orange clothes!"

Inuyasha tried desperately to pull the silly ribbons out of his hair, but it was futile. "Well, at least you weren't playing house with Kikyou. I think I know what 'house' is now and I never wanna play it again."

***

Kagome stood over her backpack, which was now totally empty, for the contents were strewn all across the grass.

"MIROKU!! You get back here! How dare you leave me when we were just getting to the good part?! MIROKU!!!" She screamed, her small voice echoing into the valley.

The tortoises heard her shrill cry, and stopped going after the shack that Sango was in. They slowly turned and made their way towards Kagome, who angrily stuffed all of her belongings into her pack and stomped off to find Inuyasha.

She ran to Kaede's shack, which was quivering violently. She could hear snarls and hissing noises, along with scratching. Then she heard Sango scream. She ran in.

"Kagome, help!" A little Sango cried, trying to fend off the rabid squirrels, "They want Kirara's body! WAA!"

At Kagome tried to smack the squirrels with her insanely large backpack, the herd of tortoises crept closer. They grunted and scoffed at how they had to travel so far only to end up in the same place. But they still wanted revenge for the death of a fellow youkai.

They burst through the door with black silk bonnets tied to their heads, courtesy of Kouga's Always Fitting Tight and Sexy line of clothing, manufactured especially for youkai with social problems.

The rabid squirrels immediately stopped attacking the girls, who shrieked in horror at the sight of the tortoises. One squirrel bounded up to the leader of the group, and tugged quickly on the strips of silk securing the bonnet around his head.

"You have the exclusive hand-fashioned bonnet from Kouga's Always Fitting Tight and Sexy company!" the squirrel gasped, "Where on earth did you GET those?!"

Thinking the squirrel was trying to tease him, he let out his feelings in one gruff statement: "I have problems, okay?! I am just getting help, like everyone tells me to!!"

Sango and Kagome stare, and the effects of the gummy bears begin to wear off. Sango actually starts to wonder why there are thirty rabid squirrels snarling in Kaede's hut, accompanied by seven orange and turquoise tortoises with black silk bonnets tied to their heads. She shrugged it off and looked for her loyal pet, which was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is my Kirara?" She asks, glaring at each and every youkai in the room, "Which one of you took her?"

The lead tortoise shifted from foot to foot. "Well…don't get angry at me, sweet darling, ripe as the plums picked from trees in the spring, but you killed her."

Sango, not believing him for one minute and ignoring the horribly corny installment of metaphorical poetry, kicked the lead tortoise, sending him flying out of the shack. He bellowed piteously as he crashed into a nearby shrub, his brand new bonnet flying into the air. He seemed to have survived the blow, but he was now sobbing shamelessly as he rolled back and forth on his back, crying out his bonnet's name.

"Cornelius! Cornelius, come back to me!"

***

Inuyasha and Miroku wandered until they found Kagome and Sango, who were desperately searching for Kirara.

"What is in your hair?" Kagome managed to ask through her giggles.

"You look like a girl!" Sango chuckled, temporarily forgetting about her long-lost pet.

Inuyasha frowned angrily. "It's not my fault, okay? Kikyou sent these at me like darts and I couldn't move!"

Sango cocked an eyebrow. "Kikyou did?"

Kagome eyed Inuyasha strangely, who had also reverted back to his older form. "What exactly were you doing with her, anyway?"

Inuyasha arched his pointer fingers to make a steeple. "Well…she wanted to play a game, I think. What did Kikyou—"

The hanyou was cut off when the wind picked up, howling, and the skies suddenly grew dark. Kikyou suddenly dropped out of the sky, courtesy of a giant flying bird overhead.

She brushed herself off and stood to face them. "Why, thank you so much, especially you, Inuyasha dear, for repeating my name three times in the course of three minutes! Now I am mortal. Muahahahaha!"

Lightning crackled against the sky when she let out her peels of joyous laughter. Everyone stared in horror. Kagome looked like she was about to explode with rage, when her body suddenly deflated, much in the manner that a balloon would. Her limp body slid to the ground.

Sango gasped, but suddenly that same bird swooped down and grabbed her around the middle, taking her high into the sky. She screamed for Kirara and her money that she had won from the best-constructed weapons contest, which had evidently taken place in her absence, and somehow she knew she had won, or thought she did.

"Perfect, perfect! Don't you see, my love? I am mortal, and your other love interest and her friend are no more! We were meant to be!" Kikyou sang, running in circles around Inuyasha so fast that he had no means of escape.

Inuyasha tried leaping out of her reach, only for Kikyou to run in his path. Apparently in exchange for her deathly powers she had gained tremendous speed and endurance.

He gave up and plopped down into the grass, hopeless and now prey to whatever the now-mortal Kikyou had in store for him, a tantalizing piece of hanyou meat everyone seemed to want.

Oh, the possibilities.

*-*

Well, better, worse, stupid? Please let me know!! ^_^ I do plan to write more, so look forward to the next chapter!