Chapter Three
Disclaimer: All apply…yada yada yada!
Kikyou chuckled as she stood over Inuyasha, who couldn't help but forget about the recent mortifying image of Kagome literally deflating to the ground. He frantically looked for a sign of Miroku, but found none. He had barely enough time to wonder if the gods, if any at all, really did hate him.
"Inuyasha, you may look frightened, dear love, but I, the newly-born mortal, Kikyou, know better!" she cackled once more, waving her fleshy arms about crazily.
"P-please, Kikyou…I'll give you more gummies!" Inuyasha croaked out, edging away.
She licked her lips in malicious pleasure. "But, Inuyasha, darling, I already ate all of the red ones, which were the only color my morbid personality would allow!"
Inuyasha squeaked, now totally forgetting about his silly black ribbons in his hair.
"But…I'll tell you what, hanyou prince!" Kikyou said, grinning as she thought of her deeper, newfound mortal desires, "You don't have to play 'house' with me."
As sudden sweet thoughts of sugar plumb youkai fairies invaded the hanyou's mind, Kikyou absent-mindedly kicked the sagging pile of deflated Kagome essence aside and made a grab for Inuyasha.
He looked, horror-struck, at the lump on the grass that was once Kagome as Kikyou clasped a hand on his shoulder. She hummed a tune frighteningly similar, if not in fact, Maki Gotou's "Uwasa no Sexy Guy" and sank on her knees beside Inuyasha.
Inuyasha's eyes rolled back into his head, knowing he'd prefer the image of the youkai fairies dancing in his mind's eye to witnessing first-hand whatever this psycho woman was doing to him.
He felt a sand-papery sensation on his cheek, and reluctantly cracked open one eye. Kikyou was licking—no—grooming him! Inuyasha tried to move, but found that her newfound mortality had obtained a combination of kitty and restraint power.
"Kikyou…" Inuyasha murmured, silenced by Kikyou shoving a confiscated black silk bonnet with the unmistakable tag of Kouga's Always Fitting Tight and Sexy company into his mouth.
Miroku suddenly appeared from behind, and let rip a scream that was horribly girly. He stomped his feet at hyper speed and dashed off. Kikyou immediately stopped.
"Karkou? Whafs khoin on?" Inuyasha managed to get out.
All the newly-treasured blood drained from her face, and she fell to the ground, stiff as a board. Right away, Inuyasha sprung up to his feet, free from the kitty spell. He poked the now-still Kikyou from what he thought was a safe distance, then yipped in fright as he soul slid out, shrieking and spitting in what had to be fury. Inuyasha pulled the slimy bonnet from his mouth, and threw it to the ground hastily, flipping his tongue frantically to rid his mouth of the taste.
Kikyou sped in fast circles over the startled hanyou's head. "No, no, no!! Argh!!! I CAN'T be dead!!"
Inuyasha subconsciously rubbed his cheeks as he continued to stare.
"Just when I was brought back to life, that damn monk just had to go and literally SCARE me to death!!" Kikyou bellowed, then stopped abruptly.
She held her throat, then suddenly puked up a slimy red mess, which could not be mistaken for anything else but the red gummy bears that she had consumed earlier. Then, to Inuyasha's relief, Kikyou spontaneously evaporated, (ooh, you wanted her to combust, didn't you?) probably to join Shippou's soul, wherever it was.
Inuyasha just wasn't having a good day, with the living or the dead.
***
Sango kicked her feet in midair, as the giant bird continued to soar high over the lands. She suddenly shouted: "Free Willy!", then immediately felt embarrassed to discover no signs proving her to be part of any species of whale. She sighed wearily, and then a new wave of uncharacteristic greed washed over her.
"I want my prize money!!" she whined, pounding her fists in futile effort on the bird's enormous talons.
"Warble, snarble, skeeeep!" the bird replied stupidly.
"NO! Prize money! I know I won that weapons contest! Drop me off," she hissed, then hastily added as her brain kicked in and the bird slowed down, "at Kaede's village!"
The big bird honked in what she hoped was compliance, but it didn't change its course. Sango huffed another not-so-almighty sigh, and resorted to studying the purple and puce colored feathers of the bird.
"I wish I had some more gummy bears," she muttered, and without warning, the bird released her, handing her over to be dealt with gravity.
Sango let out a high-frequency click, then covered her mouth as she fell to her doom. She's not part whale…She's dolphin! How could she be so stupid?!
"Yay! Flipper!" she shrieked as the forest grew larger below her.
The youkai taijiya-gone-insane landed in a youkai nest perched high in the crotch of some three. Having nothing better to do, she studied the nest. She cold figure out what kind of nest it was, she was a youkai taijiya, after all!
She was alone, among a mass of twigs and sticky blue mud. Upon closer inspection, she spotted out clumps of purple gummy bears lining the outside of the nest. Sango poked one, her greed temporarily forgotten.
"Oooooooooh, gummies," she mumbled, transfixed by the purple mass of sugar and gelatin.
Sango was interrupted from her gleeful clicking when the tree she was in began to shake. She stopped clicking and suddenly was able to hear Miroku's high-pitched screams. He was shaking the tree violently, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Sango, Sango," Miroku shrieked.
The slacking youkai taijiya bent to look down ad the distraught monk. "Whaat, Houshi? I'm busy! I need to find some water…"
"Sango, Sango, bo bango, banana fana fo fango, fee fi mo mango," Miroku garbled out in song, "SANGO!"
A youkai strangly resembling what a cross between a unicorn and dolphin would look like suddenly sprang up from the ground, tap danced, then grabbed the hysterical Miroku and galloped off, now continuing Kikyou's passionate stanza from "Uwasa no Sexy Guy".
Sango leaped from the nest, landing unharmed by some freakish twist of nature, and ran off to chase the pair, screaming, "Flipper, wait!!!"
***
Inuyasha strolled along, enjoying his freedom from Kikyou, apart from not being able to detach the black ribbons from his hair, which had to mean something bad. He sighed and tried not to think about it.
He sped up, back to the village, to maybe still try to recover his mommy's old dolly, which he never knew was still existent after 50+ years of wear and tear. His collision with childlike fantasies and scarring experiences after eating the gummy bears had brought that piece of information to the front of his mind. He stopped to howl gleefully at the sun, then for some reason stopped, feeling as though something wasn't quite right about that. Hmmm…
A pair of squirrels suddenly ran up to him, and scampered up his pant legs. He shrieked and danced about, knowing he had to look something like that girl in the red dress from that movie Kagome had made him watch once. Though, he didn't have the hair. Nope, not at all.
"Aiyayayaya! You have problems, sir hanyou! Let us help, let us help!" the squirrels chirped from under his kimono and hakama, "The ribbons guided us to you!"
"What the hell!? What ribbons?!" Inuyasha barked out, still dancing.
One squirrel poked his head out from the slit of his kimono on his arm, "Ah, he is in the first stage: Denial!!"
The second squirrel ran up from his kimono to sit on his head. "Yes, yes, denial! You poor dear! We'll have to thank the kind person who tagged you for us!"
Inuyasha was able to stop dancing, kind of like how those damn sugar plumb fairies were dancing in his head earlier. "The hell?! I don't need to be tagged, dammit! Get off of me! I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!"
The first squirrel slapped his face with his tiny hands, and sung, "There's nothing to feaaaaaaaaar, my dear, for we only wish to help!"
"Yes, please, let us help! Let it allllll out!" the second squirrel sang along, clutching the hanyou's haori as Inuyasha thrashed about in frustration.
An hour and twenty-seven minutes later…
"I just…just…really, REALLY wanted those gummies," Inuyasha sobbed out. The first squirrel, affectionately nicknamed "Face-rag", turned around on Inuyasha's shoulder so he could blow his nose into his tail.
"Claw-lip", the other squirrel, was rubbing Inuyasha's ears soothingly. "There, there, let it all out."
"And…I really wanted my mommy's doll. But SHE took it away, I know it!" Inuyasha hissed, wiping his face and standing up suddenly, knocking both squirrels to the ground.
Face-rag and Claw-lip jumped on him again, but were incinerated by Inuyasha exploding robot-style once more as his feelings reached the limit. He was immediately regenerated by some magical means, and bounded off, in search of Kikyou's soul and of his dear dolly. Some gummies would make him feel better too.
"Somewhere, over the rainbow! Where gummies frolic! There's a bitch-soul named Kikyou, who'll hand over my doll…" Inuyasha sang as he ran about.
Since the hanyou was too excited and angry to watch where he was going, he ran into none other than Kagome, who had somehow been inflated back to life. Her hands were clutched into fists at her sides, and her head was down, bangs hiding her eyes.
"Kagome…?" Inuyasha inquired, relief and concern pouring out of him for her as he temporarily forgot about his mission.
"You…" she whispered, her form trembling, "You didn't come back after lunch to play HOUSE with me!!"
Inuyasha backed away, now very conscious of the ribbons he knew still were tied in his hair. He reached out a clawed hand, to maybe comfort the angry, hurt, girl. Kagome allowed Inuyasha to touch her, by some miracle.
"Kagome," Inuyasha murmured, stepping closer, his eyes getting all soft and lovey, "I'm sorry. We can play house just as soon as I get my mommy's dolly back from Kikyou…"
Kagome's form had relaxed up until the word, "Kikyou", was spoken. She growled and lifted her head to his.
"We'll play now," She whispered again, this time some maniacal tone seeping in.
"Uh, but can't I get my dolly—?"
"NO! WE PLAY HOUSE NOW, LIKE YOU PROMISED!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, causing all of the wildlife within miles of them to scatter.
Inuyasha dropped his hand and fell down on his butt on the grass, his eyes bugged out, ears flat to the sides of his head.
"Ok, Kagome, just calm down first," He complied, face fallen but actually feeling a little happy to be with Kagome.
A sweet, not-so-genuine smile spread widely over the girl's face. "Don't worry, Inuyasha, I'm not mad anymore…"
Ok, maybe this won't turn out to be the most memorable thing he's gone through today…*sigh*
***
Sorry for the wait. I had to get in the right mood. Well, is this one any good? Tell me!! I don't know when the next chapter will come out.
