Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Don't own it…blah blah blah. And I don't own Ayumi Hamasaki. Or Hover Round…

Inuyasha continued to stare at Kagome, who had just finished a trill of maniacal laughter.

"This is going to be the best!" she squealed, then ran off to get her pack, but not before glaring at Inuyasha for a good ten seconds.

The abused hanyou sat in the grass, waiting, for he knew that if he tried to run, Kagome would find him somehow, and he didn't want to deal with that outcome. He hummed a tune he heard on Kagome's boom box all too often…and had images of a J-pop diva.

"Back!" Kagome shrieked, tossing the giant yellow pack just inches from Inuyasha, ripping him from his mind's replay of a J-pop concert.

"Shouldn't we be in a house?" Inuyasha inquired, now writing the lyrics to a song titled, "Duty", in the dirt in front of him.

Kagome gave him a mischievous grin. "We don't need a house."

She then loosened the strings of her pack, and started digging through it much in the manner that Inuyasha would—er—does. The delighted young woman with possibly cruel intentions pulled out a necktie, a coffee mug, one penny loafer, and what looked like a condom. She tossed these in a heap at Inuyasha's feet.

"Tashika ni hitotsu no jidai ga owaru no o boku ha kono me de mita yo…?" Inuyasha's singing was halted when he picked up the last item in the pile—the condom.

Kagome saw his confusion, and pretended to know what it was for. "Just leave that alone for now."

She now rummaged through the bag for what she would need. Kagome brought out a hair dryer, a bra, two fake nails, and a pink fuzzy slipper, which had some sort of voucher stuffed inside it. After finding that huge clump of purple gummies on her quest to find Inuyasha earlier…Well, she couldn't resist! She wasn't too crazy for the purpley-ness, but she got past that. Thinking about that yummy memory was not helping her forget it and move on, nor was it making her aware of her behavior dipping below its norm.

"Ok!" she said, itching with barely-contained excitement, "Put 'em up! I mean…Put 'em on! Hee hee…"

"But…er…Kagome…I.." Inuyasha stuttered, eyed the necktie suspiciously form where it rested on the grass, untouched.

"Whaat?! Just put them on! You promised me." Kagome yelled, stomping her now-little feet.

Inuyasha gulped down a sob as he pointed to the necktie. "I'm afraid of those!"

Kagome had stopped pushing her knee socks down to her ankles, and glared at the frightened hanyou. "Just put it around your neck, and pull!"

He avoided her gaze as he slipped the lonesome penny-loafer on one foot, balanced the empty mug on his head, and slowly reached out for the necktie, trembling all the while. He thought of that J-Pop diva, and he smiled, feeling a little better.

Just as he was about to finally grab that tie, a squealing chorus reached his keen ears. He turned his head sharply to the distant hills, causing the mug to fly off of his apparently-slippery hair. That dolphin-unicorn youkai sped from the hills, still singing "Uwasa no Sexy Guy", only in German instead of Japanese. It stopped right under the mug and it smashed on its head.

"Ahahahahaha!!!! I caught you, Flipper!" Sango shrieked in crazed laughter, as she caught up with the now-unconscious youkai, which still held the hysterical monk tight in its jaws.

"Lemme gooo! Sango, help me, please!" Miroku screamed, eyes red and cheeks wet from crying.

"Are you the real Flipper?" Sango interrogated the monk, eyeing him strangely, "Or are you his father?!"

Miroku thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I am his father. And my true color is mango orange. My scent is now discontinued at Bath & Body Works, and I know not what to do! So I think I'll just give up, and go back to Niagra Falls."

Sango's brown eyes grew five sizes. "Woow, you're his father! Awesome! Take me to your leader!!"

"Alrighty! But first, you must pry me from this monster's deadly grasp!" Miroku gasped out.

"Umm," Inuyasha spoke up suddenly, now rid of his phobia as he swung the necktie around one finger, "I don't think dolphins live at Niagra Falls. That's was Kagome told me once."

Kagome could only stare at the scene in silent amazement, and didn't twitch at the mention of her name. She was too captivated and shocked that she was staring at Flipper's father.

"Whaaaat?!" Sango bellowed, immediately ceasing her effort to free Miroku.

Miroku sniffed back more hysterical tears. "Please, my love, save me anyway?"

Sango hissed at him, then clicked eight times in some strange pattern, and that huge ugly bird swooped out of the sky and grabbed her kimono by its talons.

"I'll never forget this, Houshi!!!" she screamed as her form grew smaller by the second.

Inuyaha had started to tiptoe silently away, to possible escape during the madness, but jumped when Kagome tapped him on the shoulder.

"We're still playing house, silly." She cooed, twirling a piece of his long, silver hair, before yanking it painfully upwards, causing the hanyou to fall flat on his back. He roared in renewed frustration.

The young girl let go suddenly, and tears started rolling down her cheeks. She reached out and snatched the unopened condom from its place on the grass, and ripped the packaging apart in a fury. She then hog tied Inuyasha with her long backpack straps and pulled the condom over the poor hanyou's head.

The material screamed in her head, "Stop, stop!! It's too much…ahh!"

She growled with effort as she finally pulled it entirely over his head. He moaned and groaned in confusion, his voice muffled. What kind of sick joke was this, anyway?! He couldn't take it anymore! It was time…Time to call upon the Diva!

"AYUMI!!!! COME SAVE MEEEEE!!" he wailed like a banshee, to the empty hills.

He waited. She waited, unsure of what would happen. They waited.

Suddenly, a small buzzing sound could be heard. Kagome, Inuyasha, and Miroku all stared expectantly at the hills, though Inuyasha's senses told him the noise was coming from another direction. He continued to stare towards the hills anyway.

Ayumi could now be seen, her small head crashing through the trees, towards the unsuspecting gaggle of people. She sped faster, faster than anyone of her age could possibly go.

"La la la la la, la la, la la, la la la la la la la!" she yodeled in warning, just before zipping into the clearing, running over the poor monk, who began to cry again.

"Ayumi! You came!" Inuyasha shrieked in happiness, then frowned for a moment at the old lady he was staring at in the strange device, "You are Ayumi Hamasaki, right?"

"Of course I am!" Ayumi croaked angrily.

"Ayumi?!" Kagome whimpered, sliding into a gooey mass, then reforming into her human shape. "Ayumi! What happened?! You're…you're….OLD!"

Inuyasha ran around Ayumi three times, eyeing the motor-chair she appeared to be seated in. "What the HELL are you sitting in, old hag?!"

Ayumi hacked into a hanky with little embroidered Ayupans on it, before replying. "That's Miss Diva-Who-Will-Never-Die-Ayumi-Old-Hag-Style to you!!! And, yes, age has taken its toll on me. Perhaps if I didn't do certain things I thought would benefit me at some point in my life…ah…But it doesn't matter now. Everyone still loves me, and I still love everyone!"

Inuyasha frowned. This confused him. He turned to Kagome for a translation.

Kagome sighed, feeling happy deep down that Inuyasha was asking her to translate Ayumi's speech! After all, she was her number one fan!

"Well, she said that she's old and you need to shut up. But you better speak up, I don't think she heard the part about what she's sitting in." Kagome stated, impressed by her translation, not knowing how bad it really was.

Inuyasha took a deep breath, and shouted, "Miss Diva-Who-Will-Never-Die-Ayumi-Old-Hag-Style!!!!!!! What. The. Hell. Are. You. Sitting. In?!?!?!?!"

Poor old Ayumi mistook his shouting as a pat of some hip new way of communicating, and shouted back, "I'm sitting in the state-of-the-art, one-of-a-kind Hover Round! The vehicle you can use to travel ANYWHERE in the world!! And it's better than any old wheelchair—It's motorized!"

"Are you a disabled patron in need of transportation?" she asked, well aware of the answer, as she sniffed sadly.

"Why, no, my child. Of what significance is that question? You haven't bought my new album, have you?!" Ayumi demanded, trying to sit up in her chair, but failing.

Kagome marched over to Ayumi bravely, who stared up at her with big brown sagging eyes. "You can't have a Hover Round, then!!! You stole my voucher from my sacred slipper, DIDN'T YOU?! Oh, I'm so sad!!"

Ayumi whimpered, then clasped her hands in prayer, and she mumbled words to the tune of one of her songs, "Ourselves". She didn't budge has Kagome gently lifted her form from the Hover Round, and hastily dropped her on the ground. Miroku moaned. Ayumi was so light that, in fact, the grass didn't change its shape under her weight. Some things never change.

After glancing lovingly at the once world-dominating J-Pop diva, Kagome hopped onto the Hover Round, shoved the little lever forward, and sped off, cackling. Miroku let out a bleat of pain, and Inuyasha helped the ravaged monk to his feet. None seemed to notice that the dolphin-unicorn youkai had vanished. That was probably for the better, anyway.

Miroku wiped his face for the fifth time that day, then turned to Inuyasha. "Well? Should we head back to the village? Maybe we'll find more gummies."

Inuyasha's golden eyes sparkled at the mention of gummy bears. "But first, you help me get these damn ribbons out of my hair!!"

Miroku giggled girlishly as he re-noticed the black ribbons. Inuyasha growled, and Miroku stopped giggling long enough to attempt to pull them out of his hair. All he did was yank on the poor hanyou's scalp.

"Owch! What the hell are you doing?! Geez, can't you do something as simple as getting a few Buddha-forsaken ribbons out of my hair?!" Inuyasha yipped at him in anger.

Miroku wailed like a baby, and ran off screaming about how everyone was so mean to him. Inuyasha panicked. Only humans could remove the unholy ribbons! How did I know this, he wondered randomly. I gotta catch Miroku, before he eats all the gummies! And he's gotta get the ribbons out…Miroku, monk-darling! Wait!

With that, Inuyasha bounded off after the over-emotional monk, dolly temporarily forgotten, and unaware of the two robot squirrels trailing him not too far behind…

-*-

How was that? Hmm? By the way, I have nothing against Ayumi. I just thought I'd say that…^___^