Thanx to everyone for reviewing! Sorry I haven't updated for a while…I have this major case of writers block and believe me bashing your head against the wall does not get rid of it…I learned that the hard way…….
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO -__-;; or the singing paranoid ghost…my cousin owns it…it was her idea
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"HEEEEEEELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" screamed Bakura in an abnormally squeaky/shrill/really really high-pitched voice that was enough to shatter windows within a ten mile radius. He was stuck in a giant web with a spider three times his size slowly advancing towards him with saliva dripping out of its mouth.
"HEEEEEELLLLP" he screamed again and was answered by a long silence. "Hello? Where the hell are you people?! Tomb robber in distress here! HELP I SAY!"
Bakura waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and guess what? Yup, he waited.
"YOU PEOPLE SUCK!" he screamed when no one answered his desperate yet humble cry for help. "GET YOUR LAZY ASS FROM THE TV AND COME AND SAVE ME!"
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Down stairs, Ryou and Marik sat on a dusty couch in front of a small black and white TV covered with cobwebs watching Jerry Springer and stuffing their faces with expired diarrhea induced chips.
"You here something?" Marik asked looking towards the rotten stairs of the haunted house.
"It's probably just the wind."
"Yeah…"
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Just as the spider was about to devour him, Bakura tore himself from the web and slapped the spider a few times.
" HAHAHA! SUCKER! YOU MISSED ME!" he cried happily running down the hall. The spider stood on two legs and shook its hairy fist like legs at him and cursed loudly.
"You stupid raspy voice albino freak! You won't get away with this! I have power beyond your imagination! Political powers!"
Bakura came to a dead stop and turned around to face the spider.
"Stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt m-"
Suddenly, a giant dictionary went whirling through the air and smacked into him. SPLAT! Bakura was squished flat against the wall.
"Ow…words…hurt…" he managed to squeak out. Bakura peeled away from the wall and floated down to the ground, still flat as a pancake. Unfortunately for us little people on earth, there is a little thing called gravity. It pulled the giant dictionary down making it smack into Bakura's face and drove his whole body face first through the wooden floorboards.
Down and down he went falling in to an endless pit when he suddenly crash landed in front if Ryou and Marik, the book still squashing his face flat. Ryou rushed to him and lifted the giant dictionary from his face revealing a dent on the thick covers in the shape of Bakura's face.
"Bakura, what happened?"
"Remember me…as a peace maker…" he gasped clutching his heart with a desperate look in his eyes. "And about…the gold…"
Ryou and Marik leaned closer to hear what he had to say. Bakura suddenly leaped up and smacked the two of them across the face.
"HA! That's what you get for not helping me back there!"
"You know what," muttered Ryou rubbing his cheek. "I think I liked him better dead."
"You know what?" said Bakura
"What?"
"I think I like you better dead."
With a shrill war cry, Ryou whipped out a large butcher knife from out of no where. Marik seeing Ryou followed suit. Soon they were stalking around each other in circles all with insane smiles and knives raised above their heads ready to kill the person in front of them.
A horrible sound wafted into the room. A sound no human (or spirit) should ever have to hear…
"NOOOOOOOOOBODY KNOOOOOOOOOOOOWS THE TRRRRRRRROUBLE I'VE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN NOOOOOOOOOOOBODY…."
The every single window in the house shattered including everything else made out of glass. Ryou, Bakura and Marik fell to the ground clutching their ears.
"OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!"
"SOMEBODY GOUGE MY EYES!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! WHY ME?! WHY?!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
The song stopped and they climbed back on their feet, brushed the dust off their clothes and pretended nothing had ever happened. But Marik remained sitting cross-legged on the ground with his arms folded.
"You know," he said nodding solemnly. "Nobody screams right these days."
Ryou and Bakura stared at him as if he grew fangs and a pair of bat wings.
"ANYWAY, what the hell was that?"
"Whatever it was, I don't ever want to hear it again."
Just then, another voice drifted into their ears, this time quieter…well…sort of.
" LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE IS A PAAAAAAAAAATATOE!!! SOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEAT IT WHILE IT'S RAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!"
"Who the hell is singing that?!" Bakura yelled stuffing ear plugs in his ears.
"That's suppose to be a song?"
"…………."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT DO YOU DOOOOOOO WHEEEEEEEEN LIIIIIIIFE GIVVVVVES YOU A LEEEEEEMON? YOU THROOOOOOOOOW A WAAATERMEEEEEELON BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!"
"GAH!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Bakura screamed at the top of his lungs.
The 'singing' quieted down until it was just a barely audible whisper. Even then Bakura wasn't satisfied.
"I said SHUT UP!"
The singing stopped immediately.
"There…isn't that much better." Said Bakura with a sigh of relief.
"OR SQUEEZE THE LEMON JUICE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES." The voice quickly whispered.
Bakura shrieked and charged out of the room with an ax held high in search of the owner if the voice.
" I'm commin' to get you!" he screamed before crashing through some loose floorboards. Ryou and Marik winced.
"Ow……….."
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Bakura sat at the bottom of the hole rubbing his head, cussing out the singing voice. Little was he aware of another presence in front of him.
"Stupid singing ghost…" he muttered.
"Who told you I was a ghost?" a suspicious voice suddenly said from in front of him.
Bakura looked up to see a transparent person with their eyes narrowed in suspicion. He stared in horror/shock at it.
"LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS! OH MY!" the ghost suddenly started to sing. "LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS! OH MY! LIONS AND TIGERS AND…AHHH!!! LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS!!! AHHH!! WHERE WHERE?! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! AHHH!"
The ghost started to run around in frantic circles and latched onto Bakura, who hasn't gotten out of his shock from earlier, crying its eyes out.
"Lions and tigers and bears…please don't let them get me…I'm to young to die!"
Bakura just stared straight ahead, jaws almost touching the ground and eyes threatening to pop out of his head. He couldn't believe it. There was a ghost in front of him….wait…a ghost?
"GHOST!!!" Bakura screamed jumping ten feet in the air, crashing through the roof and knocking over Ryou and Marik. Marik got up and shoved Bakura.
"What the hell is wrong with you man! You don't just go shooting through the floor and knocking people over!"
Bakura pointed a shaky finger at the pitch black hole in front of him.
"T-t-there g-g-ghost."
"Baka! There's no such things as gho-"
Marik jaws hit the ground as he stared at the ghost behind the tomb robber. It stared back. He stared. It stared. He stared. It stared.
"Why are you staring at me? Stop staring at me! Who are you people? Stop staring at me! Stop staring, AHHHHH!" The ghost screamed throwing its arms in the air and scrambled away.
"That…was weird." Ryou commented when the ghost disappeared out of sight.
"I know. It's even more paranoid than Bakura."
"Shut up. Let's get the hell outta here. This place is freaking me out."
"Yeah…sure…whatever."
The three of them turned around to leave but end up walking straight into a brick wall.
"Bad…exit…" said Ryou rubbing his nose.
"Get it right this time!"
Okay, the three of them turned around and left the haunted house.
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Somewhere in the land where ghosts live, where ever that may be, the ghost floated down to a large leather couch and stared at the ass print in it.
"Wait a minute, that ain't my ass print. WHO'S ASS PRINT IS THIS! I don't remember seeing this… Oh no…someone may have broken in here…whatdoIdowhatdoIdo? They may have a gun and shoot me. Then I'll be dead…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
