A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away was a land known as Oz, where the civilization of the Umpa Lumpas thrived (Ryou: don't you mean munchkins? S-T: Same difference. They're both ugly short people with freaky hair. I mean green hair? What would they think of next? Pointy tri colored- Yugi: Hey! S-T: Oh. Heheh. Sorry) but just two miles from it was the local 7-11 for all of your convenient shopping needs. ^_____________^
Malik stood at the front desk of the 7-11, busy ordering the clerk around for useless items. He read the items off from a long list. Most of them, with the exception of a few, he had no idea why he bothered to put on the list in the first place…no wait never mind. He remembered. Ah…sweet revenge.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Wait. Did I just do that out loud? Meh." He shrugged, ignoring the strange look he was getting from the cashier; Malik continued to read from the list. "Okay. 4 cigarette lighters, a couple bags of skittles, some bubble yum, a copy of Newsweek, acoupleofC-4s, 5 sticks of beef jerky, those diarrhea induced chips TM," the cashier pulled out two bags of Ruffles along with all the other items with the exception of the C-4s. Malik continued on.
"A few cases of Miller Light, that Barney DVD" the cashier gave him another strange look. "What? My brother just happens to like it okay!"
"Suuurrre he does."
"…Shut up. ANYWAYS. Some Pringles, a bag of plastic explosives, a ton of pixie sticks, those gundam toys I saw in the back, adozencratesofillegalfireworks, two pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards and five packs of Magic The Gathering."
"I'm sorry sir." The clerk said eyeing a new customer that walked in the door. "But use of illegal fire works is strictly prohi- follow me." He added as the customer disappeared between the aisles.
The clerk led Malik through a set of titanium doors with a fourteen-digit password and into a room stacked sky high-or ceiling high in this case- with all sorts of illegal fire works.
"Wow." Said Malik, starry eyed and dreamy voiced. "It's like I died and went to heaven. Wait a minute. Did I die and go to heaven?"
Malik punched himself in the arm just to make sure.
"Nope. Still in hell." He concluded as he felt pain shoot up his arm.
"Uh…" the clerk sweat dropped.
"I'll take all of these!" declared Malik taking armfuls of fireworks and shoving them into a large brown sack not much different than the ones they use to kidnap people with. By the time he was done, he had two bulging bags of fire works filled and the cashier led him back up to the counter.
"That would be $145,000,000 sir! Will you be paying in cash or credit card?"
Malik took out his wallet and handed the cashier an American Express card. The cashier took it with barely a glance and returned it to Malik.
"I'm sorry sir. But this was expired in um…well. It says here it was expired back in 3000 B.C. Do you have any other valid credit cards?"
Malik took the credit card back with a nervous laugh.
"Heheh. Um…of course! Here. Why don't you try…one of these?!" Malik yanked out a handful of cards and flung them in the cashier's face and ran towards the door.
"HEHEHEHEHE! Sucker!"
"Um sir?"
Malik stopped dead in front of the door and turned towards the cashier with an angry look on his face.
"What? Can't you see I'm celebrating my moment of glory here?"
The cashier nodded towards the sacks of illegal fireworks on the counter.
"Sir. The fireworks."
"Oh right." Malik eyed around the room suspiciously. "How'd that get there?"
He walked warily towards the counter, picked up the sacks, and burst out the door leaving a trail of fallen fireworks laughing like a maniac. Well, since he already is a maniac. It was just a normal laugh for him.
What a moron. The clerk thought turning his attention back to normal customers.
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Outside, Malik started loading the sacks of fireworks onto his motorcycle. Unfortunately for him, he didn't notice the gas leak and started the ignition (A/N: So sue me. I don't know a lot about motorcycles). Suddenly the ground beneath him burst into flames, setting off the fireworks. The fireworks exploded, sending Malik rocketing down the road with bursts of colorful lights trailing behind him.
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!" he screamed, his voice trailing off in the distance.
"YEAH!" screamed a random guy running out of the 7-11. "AND I WANT TO DEEP FRY MY BOSSES ANNOYING GRAVITY DEFYING TRENCH COAT AND SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT BUT YOU DON'T HERE ME……complaining" Suddenly a dark figure stepped up from behind him, growling angrily. "……Heh heh……uh…hiya boss. Um…what's up?"
**********************************************
About 430974018465012 light years away, back on the planet Earth, Marik thought he saw someone very familiar crash landing through the trees.
"Hey. I think I just saw Malik over there" He said pointing to an empty spot between the trees.
"We know you must miss him very much. You just saw him in your heart…if you have one." Said Bakura nonchalantly.
"No seriously. I actually saw him"
"I know. In your heart."
"He was right there!!!"
"In your heart."
"Will you shut the f-"
"Watch it." Warned Ryou. "This fic is only rated PG."
"Okay…" Marik cleared his throat and turned back to Bakura, picking up where he left. "-hell-"
"Rated PG!"
"Oh sure. Bakura gets to say hell and I don't? Fine!" Marik shouted throwing his arms up in frustration. "Will you shut the heck up –there, happy-"
"No. Not exactly."
"-and listen to me?! I saw Malik and he was right there!"
"Like I said: In your heart." Bakura concluded staring off into space.
"GAH!! I give up! You're hopeless!"
"Hey!" Bakura pointed behind Marik. "I just saw Malik!"
Ryou and Marik sweat dropped and did an anime fall, their face smashing into the ground creating two permanent dents in the soil.
"Marik, why didn't you tell me your yami was here?"
Ryou and Marik bit dust again, just as they climbed back on their feet.
Suddenly, out of no where, Malik jumped out of the bushes pointing a large ray gun made from the gundam toys, C-4 and fireworks he bought earlier on at Ryou, Bakura and Marik.
"Revenge is sweet! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"You actually tasted revenge before?" asked Marik peeling his face from the ground.
"Well…no. Not exactly." He shook his head, changing the subject back and pointed the gun at Bakura. "This is for leaving me in car when you drove it off the cliff you baka tomb robber!"
"You're going to shoot me, but not him?" whined Bakura pointing at his hikari. "That's not fair!"
Malik lowered the ray gun and thought for a moment.
"Well. He's too much of a goody two shoe to think of something as evil as that. I was in the hospital for five months after that you know!"
"But that was only three days ago."
There was a long pause.
"Cosmic."
Malik hoisted the ray gun to his shoulders, pointed it at Bakura and fired.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE YOU STUPID TOMB ROBBER!"
Bakura was engulfed in a bright, burning flash of light. The others shielded their eyes with these wicked cool shades they got from out of nowhere. They all gasped when the light disappeared. Malik took out an inhaler.
"Wat?" Bakura said, his voice squeaky and un-raspy…er. "Wat awe wou stawing at?"
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Sakura-Tsukasa: Yay! A cliffie! Well…sorta…I guess
*a lawyer enters holding a brief case and with an angry look on his face*
S-T: Who the hell are you?
Lawyer: YGO lawyer. I'm here representing the law suite that has been filed against you for use of copy written materials.
S-T: NOOO! But I did the disclaimer *looks above* D'oh! .. Heheh. Oops? My bad. No wait! I'll do the disclaimer right now!
Disclaimer: Sakura-Tsukasa does NOT own YGO or any of the characters there happy?
Lawyer: *still looks angry* *hands S-T law suite*
S-T: Then why aren't you suing him? *points to Malik*
Malik: *in the corner hugging a flame thrower* It's mine, my own, my prrrreeeecccciiiious!
S-T: o_O how come you're not suing Bakura either?
Bakura" *in other corner drinking beer and playing with a lighter*
Lawyer: Now why would I want to do that?
S-T: well… Malik's hair is a cop off of the super saiyins and Bakura kinda looks like Kuja from Final Fantasy 9. Does that count?
Lawyer: see you in court Monday. *leaves*
S-T: D'OH! Oh well *puts law suite in shredder* anyways, REVIEW PLEASE! *gets on knees* please! I'm beggin ya! PLEASE review! PLEEAASSE!
Bakura: *to Malik* she's lost it
Malik: Got that right *takes out cell phone* *dials a number and within seconds two men in white bursts through the door with the words mental asylum on their name tags*
S-T: *clings to door frame* NOOOOOOO! You'll never take me alive! GAH! You stupid (*%&$*&^%(^$#)(&^ let go!! I don't belong in there! I belong with the rest of the nor-*glances around the room and sees not a single normal person* people! NOOOOO! *sees Malik holding cell phone cackling evily*
S-T: You traitor! You'll never get away with this! NEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!! *doors shuts in her face*
Bakura: Review the story *in deep scary voice* or else…
Malik: or else what?
Bakura: I don't know. Haven't thought of that part yet *takes another drink* *turns on the lighter*
Malik: *facevault*
Bakura: Just press the little purple button that says-
Malik: It looks bluish purple to me.
Bakura: FINE! Just press the BLUISH PURPLE button that says-
Malik: It might be purple on this computer and blue on the othe- *get knocked unconscious by Bakura who is standing behind him holding a large mallet*
Bakura: like I was saying, go and type in a nice review. No flames. Then again I could use some flames to *rambles on for few hours*
Malik: *wakes up* -____-;; Just review
