Author's Note: I do not own any of the original ER characters that may come into play. I have added a few of my own, that you will meet. I would appreciate any feedback you have. Thank you.

Apprehension: Wounded

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Let me get you into an exam room to run some tests," Kerry suggested to Carter as they walked back into the ER. The last thing he wanted was to be poked and prodded all over again.

"I'm fine," he told her.

"You could have punctured something. Let me at least do an ultrasound to make sure you're not bleeding."

"You're persistent." She pulled a curtain around them, lifted his shirt and after squirting gel onto his abdomen, she placed the head on top.

"No bleeding."

"Is it a boy or a girl?" he joked.

"You should have seen a doctor a long time ago."

"I am a doctor. I saw myself. Besides, Luka was more important." He sat up and pulled his shirt down.

"All I'm saying is that it's etched upon your face that you're in pain."

He walked out of the room and she followed. His movements were hesitant and slow. Any doctor would recognize him as an injured man any day.

"Here's the film you were waiting for," Abby said walking up. Kerry took it from her and Abby stood silently for a minute, hoping he would say something. He hardly even looked at her. He turned to see the light board where Kerry was not standing.

"Looks like two on the left and two on the right. That's a lot." They both stared at the picture. "Do you see this?" she asked pointing out a hardly visible white line along the middle of his chest.

He reached up and fingered his sternum gently.

"Let me prescribe something," Kerry suggested. He reached up and turned off the light and took down the picture.

"No," he said firmly.

"You're in a lot of pain. It's obvious. You can barely reach up to turn off a light. You're going to be like this for awhile." She put the film away and turned to him.

"I don't do pain killers. If I do, I lose my job. If I do, then I'm not working the program."

"I would really appreciate it if you changed your mind, but I can't force you. I'm off at nine. My offer still stands."

"Listen, I appreciate everything."

"What are your thoughts on work?"

"I promised Gillian to help with some sort of service. She's dealing with a lot and she needs someone."

"I want you fully healed before you come back."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And I'll take care of the other news."

"I'd appreciate that. They're sending Luka's body day after tomorrow. Funeral on Thursday and then he's being cremated and taken back to Croatia to be scattered."
"I'll let them know."

"Thanks Kerry," he said as he turned and walked out of the ambulance bay doors. He didn't get as far as he had hoped before he was ambushed. He had barely pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and was fishing out a lighter when she came up behind him.

"Running away again?" she asked. He turned around slowly and took the cigarette out of his mouth.

"No," he told her. It was silent for a few moments as he studied his shoes and she studied him.

"Where've you been?"

He shrugged which turned out to be a bad idea and he cringed, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"Is this all I get now? One word responses?"

"What do you want? A medal for waiting?" he asked frustrated. He didn't want to deal with this now.

"I don't know. It would be nice to know if there was even a point. Where have you been lately? And I'm not talking physically. Your mind has been somewhere else."

"I've been busy."

"We all have. That's what working in a hospital is like. But that's not excuse for not calling, not even showing up. You took personal leave? I thought we'd worked things out. I figured you would have told me if something was wrong." He ran a hand through his hair.

"It wasn't work related. It wasn't even family related. It was personal. And I didn't tell you because I knew you would argue with me." He couldn't wait any longer. He replaced the cigarette and lit it, inhaling deep.

"Smoking again too?"

"It makes the shit stop. I gotta go," he said turning and walking off, ignoring her pleas for him to stay and talk to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kerry was ready for this day to be over. After announcing Luka's untimely death, watching Abby's reaction and then recognition about the past weeks, she just wanted to crawl into her bed and disappear for a few days. The second Kerry mentioned Luka, Abby knew the real reason for Carter's disappearance and she almost felt guilty for the way she had behaved earlier in the day. As much as she loved Carter, she was having a hard time dealing with the fact that a man she loved in a different way, a man who had made her trust a little bit more, was gone from her life. Now all she wanted was answers.

"Where is he?" Abby asked as Kerry closed her locker for the night.

"Who?" Kerry asked back.

"John. You know where he's at."

"He doesn't want to see anyone."

"I don't care."

"Luka's funeral is Thursday. You can see him there," Kerry pulled on her jacket.

"He needs someone Kerry. He's dealing with this alone."

"Actually, he's not dealing with it at all, which is my concern. But he needs space and he needs time. He's dealt with a lot during his trips to Africa. I hope you can grant him at least that. For now. If he really wanted to see someone, he'd call."

Abby watched the woman leave. The one thing she didn't have time for was waiting. She knew John. She knew when he needed someone. He never admitted it when he did. The problem was, when he retreats into his shell further, bad things start happening.