Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that appear on the show. There are a few coming up that I claim as mine.

Apprehension: Dismissal

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The door swung shut and the two bodies entangled together froze. Carter's eyes connected with Abby's and she saw the hollowness inside.

"John," she started as she pulled on her top and adjusted the rest of her clothing, before climbing down from the bed.

"Don't stop on my account. This is just great," he said softly before walking out.
Kerry watched him storm away seconds before Abby walked out. Abby looked at the woman, ashamed of her actions whether anyone else knew or not. What he just witnessed affected their reconciliation. She knew he wasn't working. She knew he hasn't been around. There was no sign that he would show up at that time and catch her in the destructive pattern she was falling into.

It only took Kerry a couple of trips to find him. She had attempted to search his normal places of isolation to find them empty. Finally she traveled upstairs to find him staring into the glass of the nursery.

"What are you going?" she asked as she approached him. He didn't move as she took up a spot next to him and followed his gaze.

"I have no idea. Torturing myself. I'm beginning to think I'm never going to have a happy ending. I've never had a long-term relationship; except with Abby, but that's completely blown now. Every woman I have ever trusted has betrayed me. Do I have a sign around my neck that says STAY AWAY?"

"John, nothing is your fault. Things have just been tough. No one can predict his or her future. You just have to survive the obstacles before you get to truly live."

"I don't know how much more I can survive. That was my baby, Kerry. And I didn't even get a chance to enjoy it before someone took it away from me. I know I shouldn't be upset and the more I think about it, I realize how selfish I'm being. I walked in on Abby screwing another guy and I did the same thing to her. That's exactly what she's going to tell me. That I have no right to be upset. But it hurts more to know that she didn't believe in our relationship either. Gillian and I were never meant to be together. We're complete opposites. I'm attracted to her, but that was it. I could never love her like I love Abby. And that's what's so bad. I thought she had more faith in m, or maybe I idealized her more than she deserved."

"John, I know you have all theses thoughts and no idea where they place. But I think, right now, you need to concentrate on yourself and Gillian. She needs you."

He nodded and walked off, leaving Kerry alone. He pulled up a stool next to Gillian once he reached the ER and rested his chin on the bed, intertwining his fingers with hers. Her other hand tangled in his hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should have been here." Like always, she didn't respond.

"Have you see Carter?" Abby asked Pratt as she walked up to admit.

"Try trauma one," he said. Abby walked over and was about to open the door when she saw him with that woman. There was something surreal about the moment and she suddenly couldn't bring herself to open the door. She could see the emotion seeping through as he looked at the woman. She felt guilty because she was mainly to blame.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A few weeks later Abby couldn't stand no knowing about him. She was becoming so desperate that she rode the El to Kerry's house and finally got the nerve to knock on the door. She really needed to find him.

"Hi," Sandy said as she opened the door.

"Hi," Abby said, feeling slightly awkward with this woman she didn't know. "Is Dr. Weaver here?"

"No. She just left for her shift."

"Oh. I know this is sort of a ballpark question, but do you know where John Carter is?"

Sandy stood silently for a moment before opening the door wider and letting Abby in.

"Who was it?" Carter asked quietly as Sandy walked back in. She stepped aside and Abby walked in. He was sitting in a chair, the TV turned to a gentle murmur, with a beer at his side and medical journals in his lap. He slowly closed the book when he saw her.

"I'm going to go to bed," Sandy said.

"Night," he said sitting up fully and putting the books aside. Abby stood motionless. "Why are you here?" he asked turning off the TV.

"I wanted to see you. Explain to you," she said.

"I don't need an explanation."

"I know you're mad."

"I'm not mad at you. I guess I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing that things were going wrong even before Africa."

"None of this is your fault. When you pushed me away, I could have come after you. But I didn't. Instead I went out with Susan and Deb, got too drunk and did something I'll never forgive myself for. I knew it was over at that moment. I didn't want to let you go though."

"So the other day wasn't your first time?"

"His name is Trent. He's the new pedes attending."

"That's wonderful," he said. "I'm happy you've found someone."

"That's not what I meant," she argued.

"You should go."

"Are you coming back to work?" she asked.

"Eventually." He walked over to the door and opened it. "I need to get some stuff done before tomorrow."

"John, please don't push me away."

"We both screwed up. It's time to move on. Good things come to those who wait, right?"

"Fine. If you want it this way, fine. You live your secluded life with Kerry. Give up on us."

"Apparently you gave up a long time ago," he said before shutting the door, officially shutting her out forever.

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Author's Note: Thanks for continuing to read. The next chapters are the "different" chapters. This is where conflicting views come in and I would appreciate feedback on what you think. Thanks.