Disclaimer: I do not own the original ER characters, however I have made up
a few of my own
Apprehension: Love and Marriage
~*~*~*~*~*~
He hesitated before he knocked on the door. Avery was at his side, half- asleep. He knew staying with Susan was putting a strain on their friendship and her friendship with Abby. He didn't want her to have to lie for him. However, there weren't very many places to escape where he knew he wouldn't be bothered. He could hear the footsteps growing closer to the door moments before it opened. She was wrapped up in a blanket as she opened the door. The look in his eyes revealed it all.
"Hey stranger," Anna said opening the door wider.
"Mind if we crash here?" he asked nudging Avery.
Carter didn't wait for her answer as he led Avery into the spare bedroom to get her settled. She fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
"She okay?" Anna asked when he walked back out and sat down across from her.
"Yeah. Just tired. She adores you, you know."
"Why?"
"Because you're sweet, you treat her good, you're not Harper."
"She's a good kid. I'm under the impression that she's not fully aware of how rich you are."
"Throwing that in my face again?"
"John, you are a brave man. No many would accept this challenge so far into their child's life without warning. Most would be too scared."
"I must be able to hide it well. I don't know how to do this. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been a father. At least not an active one. I'm so scared." She left the couch and kneeled in front of him.
"I'm here. I know that doesn't mean much, but I'm here. I'm not a mother, but I know kids."
"Thank you," he said finally looking up.
"Anytime."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are the rumors true?" Susan asked Abby the following morning.
They had been the topic of conversation since Carter left the ER the night before and still no one knew the whole story because Abby hadn't said a word. Even to Susan.
"I don't know," Abby told her without looking up from her work.
"Your big argument with Carter last night."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. What happened?"
"I don't know," Abby said finally giving in. "He snapped. He confessed to things I don't think anyone knows."
"Like?" Susan asked.
"Just stuff about Harper and Africa."
"Have you talked to him yet?"
"Doesn't that qualify as talking?"
"No."
"Then no. He has a couple days off. He packed up most of his stuff. Andrew just said he was moving in with his girlfriend." Abby stopped when she realized Susan was still quiet. "Is he staying with you?"
"Hey, don't point fingers at me. I already dated the guy."
"You are the only woman he has been in constant contact with."
"He's not staying with me. He apparently lied to Andrew because he doesn't have a girlfriend either."
"He wouldn't talk to me even if I found him," Abby said defeated. "He made it clear this time to stay away. I don't want to hurt him anymore."
"Maybe what he needs is someone to sit and listen instead of analyze."
"Whatever. I have rounds," Abby said, picking up her stuff and disappearing down the hall.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter noticed the change in himself before anyone else. At this point he didn't even want too many people to know what was going on because the rumor mill was strong enough and he liked having secrets. He was eager to leave his day shifts so he could eat dinner with Avery. He was eager to leave his night shifts so he could see her before she left for school. He wanted to be a constant in her life, if no one else was willing to be. He seemed to forget about everything else when he was at work. As long as he kept busy and his mind was working procedures or charts, he was fine. It was the second that his mind wandered and left alone to his own thoughts that everything haunted him. The second Abby walked by and he caught a whiff of her perfume, or her voice rang through his ears during down time, or her laughter filtered through the ER as she joked with Susan, that was when he started to mentally abuse himself. He didn't want her. He wanted to see her happy, make her own decisions, not rely on him for everything.
One night, around four in the morning, Anna stirred and opened her eyes to find Carter sitting in the far corner of the room watching her.
"What are you doing?" she asked sitting up.
"Watching you sleep."
"Why?"
"Because if I think about you and what you might be thinking or dreaming about, then generally everything else fades."
She pulled the covers back and scooted over in the bed.
"Come lay down with me." He didn't move. "Carter, this isn't an offer. Come lay down." He silently walked over and lay down with her. "I thought things were good. Avery's doing great. She loves you."
"How am I suppose to decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with?" he asked almost out of the blue.
"You have that many choices?"
He smiled. "Well, there's Abby. The obvious one. But I find it so hard to put things back together with her. I find it hard just to be around her in general."
"Then."
"Gillian. She was going to have my baby. But she belonged to Luka and now, every time I look into her eyes, I see the same regret mirrored." He waited for Anna to say something but she sat silent. "Susan."
"Go on."
"She's great. She makes me laugh. She knows how to have fun. But we made the decision before we actually went into that part of our relationship, that when it ended our friendship would remain the same, no matter how hard it was."
"And you've been sleeping with her for how long?"
"I forget. And the second Abby finds out she's going to throw it in my face."
"You have a bunch of winners there."
"Who said I was finished?"
"Sorry, please continue." She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
"Harper?"
"I doubt second times the charm."
"Rena?"
"Can she drink yet?"
"The list goes on of unsatisfying relationships. Roxanne. Abby Keaton. Many unmentionables. And then, there's you."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Author's Note: Sorry I'm not posting as much. Work and other stuff is keeping me busy. Please continue to R&R.
Apprehension: Love and Marriage
~*~*~*~*~*~
He hesitated before he knocked on the door. Avery was at his side, half- asleep. He knew staying with Susan was putting a strain on their friendship and her friendship with Abby. He didn't want her to have to lie for him. However, there weren't very many places to escape where he knew he wouldn't be bothered. He could hear the footsteps growing closer to the door moments before it opened. She was wrapped up in a blanket as she opened the door. The look in his eyes revealed it all.
"Hey stranger," Anna said opening the door wider.
"Mind if we crash here?" he asked nudging Avery.
Carter didn't wait for her answer as he led Avery into the spare bedroom to get her settled. She fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
"She okay?" Anna asked when he walked back out and sat down across from her.
"Yeah. Just tired. She adores you, you know."
"Why?"
"Because you're sweet, you treat her good, you're not Harper."
"She's a good kid. I'm under the impression that she's not fully aware of how rich you are."
"Throwing that in my face again?"
"John, you are a brave man. No many would accept this challenge so far into their child's life without warning. Most would be too scared."
"I must be able to hide it well. I don't know how to do this. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been a father. At least not an active one. I'm so scared." She left the couch and kneeled in front of him.
"I'm here. I know that doesn't mean much, but I'm here. I'm not a mother, but I know kids."
"Thank you," he said finally looking up.
"Anytime."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are the rumors true?" Susan asked Abby the following morning.
They had been the topic of conversation since Carter left the ER the night before and still no one knew the whole story because Abby hadn't said a word. Even to Susan.
"I don't know," Abby told her without looking up from her work.
"Your big argument with Carter last night."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. What happened?"
"I don't know," Abby said finally giving in. "He snapped. He confessed to things I don't think anyone knows."
"Like?" Susan asked.
"Just stuff about Harper and Africa."
"Have you talked to him yet?"
"Doesn't that qualify as talking?"
"No."
"Then no. He has a couple days off. He packed up most of his stuff. Andrew just said he was moving in with his girlfriend." Abby stopped when she realized Susan was still quiet. "Is he staying with you?"
"Hey, don't point fingers at me. I already dated the guy."
"You are the only woman he has been in constant contact with."
"He's not staying with me. He apparently lied to Andrew because he doesn't have a girlfriend either."
"He wouldn't talk to me even if I found him," Abby said defeated. "He made it clear this time to stay away. I don't want to hurt him anymore."
"Maybe what he needs is someone to sit and listen instead of analyze."
"Whatever. I have rounds," Abby said, picking up her stuff and disappearing down the hall.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter noticed the change in himself before anyone else. At this point he didn't even want too many people to know what was going on because the rumor mill was strong enough and he liked having secrets. He was eager to leave his day shifts so he could eat dinner with Avery. He was eager to leave his night shifts so he could see her before she left for school. He wanted to be a constant in her life, if no one else was willing to be. He seemed to forget about everything else when he was at work. As long as he kept busy and his mind was working procedures or charts, he was fine. It was the second that his mind wandered and left alone to his own thoughts that everything haunted him. The second Abby walked by and he caught a whiff of her perfume, or her voice rang through his ears during down time, or her laughter filtered through the ER as she joked with Susan, that was when he started to mentally abuse himself. He didn't want her. He wanted to see her happy, make her own decisions, not rely on him for everything.
One night, around four in the morning, Anna stirred and opened her eyes to find Carter sitting in the far corner of the room watching her.
"What are you doing?" she asked sitting up.
"Watching you sleep."
"Why?"
"Because if I think about you and what you might be thinking or dreaming about, then generally everything else fades."
She pulled the covers back and scooted over in the bed.
"Come lay down with me." He didn't move. "Carter, this isn't an offer. Come lay down." He silently walked over and lay down with her. "I thought things were good. Avery's doing great. She loves you."
"How am I suppose to decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with?" he asked almost out of the blue.
"You have that many choices?"
He smiled. "Well, there's Abby. The obvious one. But I find it so hard to put things back together with her. I find it hard just to be around her in general."
"Then."
"Gillian. She was going to have my baby. But she belonged to Luka and now, every time I look into her eyes, I see the same regret mirrored." He waited for Anna to say something but she sat silent. "Susan."
"Go on."
"She's great. She makes me laugh. She knows how to have fun. But we made the decision before we actually went into that part of our relationship, that when it ended our friendship would remain the same, no matter how hard it was."
"And you've been sleeping with her for how long?"
"I forget. And the second Abby finds out she's going to throw it in my face."
"You have a bunch of winners there."
"Who said I was finished?"
"Sorry, please continue." She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
"Harper?"
"I doubt second times the charm."
"Rena?"
"Can she drink yet?"
"The list goes on of unsatisfying relationships. Roxanne. Abby Keaton. Many unmentionables. And then, there's you."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Author's Note: Sorry I'm not posting as much. Work and other stuff is keeping me busy. Please continue to R&R.
