5.
3.22am
The night sky had turned a deep inky black as Mulder settled himself down to sleep in the back of his transit van. He hated sleeping this way but it was all he had known for six years, well seven, if he counted the first time he 'ran away' he felt the cold more than ever as he thought about Scully. Even after this much time he missed cuddling up to her. She was so perfect and he had ruined every chance he had ever had with her by leaving her. She never responded to his heart felt e-mails that had, on more than one occasion, nearly given away his location. He felt like a complete schmuck. If you loved someone you didn't abandon her with their mother and hope to return and mean something to them. Mulder mentally beat himself up as he did every night since leaving Scully. He loved her, how could he not? Three days ago he had made the decision to quit the running away and face his biggest challenge... He was going to get Scully back. He had to even if he died trying to win her heart.
He'd been back in Washington DC two days now. He knew from Skinner's reports that Scully no longer worked at the FBI and was entertaining the career of a University lecturer. He smiled to himself. It wasn't Scully she wasn't a teacher by heart. She might be a doctor but a teacher! That was ridiculous he'd had to see for himself and if that day had been anything to go by her lectures were not exactly enthusiastic. She seemed to be struggling with her words and boy did she look uncomfortable. It was almost fun to watch her 'role-playing' and painful too. He had stood by the door watching her through the tiny glass panel and at times he moved away from the door to relieve himself of the aching in his neck from craning to see her. He'd so wanted to speak to her. After she had brought the lecture to a close he had followed her from afar to her office, steeling himself to knock at the faux oak door. Several times he had raised his knuckles ready to rap against the door and several times he had brought his hand down again. He couldn't do it. He didn't know why. Instead of trying to speak to her he turned on his heel and left the University. How could he have left her? He must be a complete idiot. He needed to see her face and know, from her eyes, whether she still felt the same way about him. Instead of facing her he had turned away, he was a fool.
The vagueness of Skinner's 'updates' had made Mulder come home. There was something that was being hidden from him. He suspected Scully had another love interest, he didn't blame her, but he felt hurt. He was stalking her around the university, not daring to follow her home; afraid she did have someone new and not wanting to meet her new beau. He was afraid of the rejection. He loved her so much it hurt and she was turning away from him. He'd turned down many offers of a night here or there. He just couldn't indulge in a night of 'fun' as far as he had been concerned he was dedicated to Scully and kept himself faithful to her. Even his pornographic fantasies involved her, something she would relish the thought of, but it kept him sane. Knowing that he was Scully's and no other woman could take her place meant more to him than he could express in words.
Closing his eyes he thought of the moment he found her cradling William to her after having given birth to him. Mulder had been so worried that they were hurt. He'd denied the child as being his to everyone. He couldn't face the questions. Seeing her at that moment had changed his opinion for good. She looked so beautiful, like the rift in her world had been mended. The emptiness within her heart had been filled and he had been a part of that. The child she had bore had been theirs and theirs alone. William was not part alien but wholly human. The combination of lust and alcohol had brought about his conception but also ignited the flame to their unending love. Or at least he had thought their love was unending. Scully didn't feel that way, he was certain of it. Scully might have gone to the ends of the earth for him once but not now. She had someone else and as he rolled onto his side Mulder wanted to cry for having let the love of his life, the one who made him complete, go from his life.
"I am such an Idiot!" he said into the darkness as he let a solitary tear roll down his weathered cheek.
3.45am.
Scully awoke with a start, she heard crying, a baby crying. 'William'. She thought in her dazed state before the memories came flooding back. She had let everything important to her go. William, Mulder, her FBI career and for what, a lousy, steady lecturing job that meant investigating nothing and teaching others everything. Despite reprimanding herself she wanted Mulder there with her. Her 'love' might be asleep beside her but she wanted Mulder more than ever before. He would understand what she had gone through the day before. He may have spun a supernatural twist to it but he would have helped her to understand what was happening to her. Could it be the change? Was she menopausal? It was too early, surely? Tears sprang at her eyes as she thought about never having another child. She so wanted that, to make a little family. Closing her eyes she let the tears run silently down her face. She wanted her family, her family with Mulder. She wanted William back. She wanted her son.
She had everything that she had wanted before William, the steady career, the 9-5 hours and very little running around the country but right now she would swap it all for a life on the run with Mulder and to have their son back with them.
Thinking about Mulder she couldn't decide how she felt about him. There was so much anger… How could he have left her? Yet she understood it completely. How could he be dead? He had promised to return for her and she didn't want that to be the night she was guided towards heaven. If he was dead then how could she live with herself for never telling him the truth, for never telling him how much he meant to her? She never told him how much she loved him and even now as she stole a glance at her 'love' she knew that Mulder would never leave her heart, he would always be her lover and soul mate. The exact opposite who completed her in ways no one else ever could.
