25

Washington DC.

(4pm – June 4th)

"Daddy!" Samantha chirruped "Daddy, it happened again!" Samantha ran to Mulder who was engrossed in his trial papers. The trial was the next week and he was worried.

"What happened again?" he asked looking up from the papers.

"My astrid protecton" Samantha said.

"Astral projection?" At that moment he wished he had never mentioned anything to her about it.

"Yep. I saw Mommy. She was picking up glass. She had on her doctor coat."

"Anything else?"

"Yep. She had two people there with her. She was in one of her classrooms with those metal tables. There were lots of them looking things."

"Looking things?"

"That Mommy uses lots at work."

"Do you mean microscopes?" Mulder said after thinking hard about what Scully would use at work.

"Yep. Mommy wants to go for a walk. She isn't allowed."

"Samantha… Never mind. Just go play for a minute will you." Mulder couldn't face it right then. It wasn't that he didn't want to hear what Samantha had to say it was more to do with his missing her Mom. He needed Scully home before the trial but it didn't seem likely and he was panicking. To all intents and purposes he would be released without charge. Already, Skinner had asked that he remain 'on bail' because of Samantha. Skinner had put up the $250,000 bail money. The trial was plastered across the newspapers, television and poor Samantha had been going to school and been called 'Spooky's daughter'. A newspaper had found sources within the FBI who had given them his 'nickname' something Mulder had gotten used to but not something he wanted for his daughter. Poor child. Her Mom was missing and it was a possibility, if the trial had a poor outcome that her Father would also 'disappear' in the clink for a few years or forever!

Scully's Mom had been a huge help to him. She had promised her heart and soul that there was no way Samantha would be put into care. She would look after the child herself if it came to it.

He just wished that Maggie believed like he and Scully did. Samantha was obviously astral projecting to wherever Scully was but how she was doing it he couldn't fathom. He had thought the whole thing relied upon knowing where someone or something was and not where you thought they were. How on earth had she managed to project them both to Scully a month back? It was so strange it was like being in a wind tunnel in your mind. A breeze blew around and you were suddenly there, wherever there was! He had loved seeing Scully but since that day Samantha had only been able to 'transport' herself. On the positive side she hadn't 'fitted' since that day at the zoo.

He figured her 'classroom' comment meant that Scully was in a lab. He just wanted to know where. Everything had been circumstantial that day. Scully showed the Australian Ambassador around the university then all of a sudden she was on a 'planned' sabbatical. It didn't ring very true. The Ambassador had been questioned. He was back in Australia and that had made Mulder think that Scully could be there too. Was he being a little paranoid and building a bridge where there was no need? His mind was in overdrive and he hated it. He needed pulling back to the ground and fast but the only person who could really secure him was not around. He needed Scully.

Samantha had returned to her room. Mulder heard her little feet sulkily stomp up the stairs. He knew he'd upset her yet again. The poor child was suffering without her Mother and her father was making it worse. Mulder didn't know how to be a Father so everything was being played by ear. That was why he was making mistakes left, right and straight down the centre. Placing the file upon the table he headed for Samantha's room but decided against it as he reached her door. The last time he had a doll thrown at his head. It had missed but he had still reprimanded the child. A swift telling off and making her to stay in her room had done the trick. Mulder didn't like to think of his daughter fuming with anger at him but he couldn't face her right then. She was so like her mother in appearance and temper. He went into Scully's room, his room, and sat on the bed.

"What would you do?" he asked, imagining Scully to be there with him. "Why did you go away? We need you, both of us." A gust of wind blew through the window to answer him. It opened her closet door making the scent of her drift into the room. Something made him want to explore her closet. He hadn't thought to before.

He stood up and walked over to the opened closet door. Stepping inside he was consumed with the scent of Scully. Mulder ran his hand across the sides of her clothing.

On the floor lay her 'Dana-matrix' outfit he loved. Picking it up he held the cool leather against his face smelling her. Smelling the sweetness of the outfit she last wore with him. He ached inside for her. Making love had never mattered to him, not once, but now he missed it. It was true love he held for Dana and his heart was breaking at the thought she wasn't there with him. Looking closely at some of the clothes he saw how old looking they were. Some he recognised from her FBI days. He hadn't known Scully to be nostalgic but perhaps that had developed with motherhood. On the floor beneath her skirt rail was a sealed box labelled 'Mulder' in Scully's familiarly neat handwriting.

Picking it up he groaned with the weight. Dropping it and himself upon the bed Mulder peeled back the brown taped that had sealed the box. Nerves took hold as he opened the four flaps. Inside were five books each had a number printed in white pen on the front cover.

"Best start with number one then." He said to himself. Opening the book Mulder realised he was staring at Scully's journal from six years ago. Flipping through the other books he saw that each one corresponded to the years he had been away.

May 14th 2002

Dear Diary, Journal, Mulder….

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't even know why I want to. Hell… I don't know why I'm even addressing this to Mulder. It's been so hard for me these last few days. I don't quite know where to begin. He left me. He abandoned me in the worst possible way. I had flu; I still have, but am nearly recovered. I was so sick I have been hospitalised and it was there I found out my news. I'm having a baby. I'm three months gone with Mulder's baby. It's due November 30th or December 1st. I'm excited and scared. I don't want to be alone again. To be alone and pregnant is the worst thing that could happen right now what with the trial and everything I wish he were here so I could kick his ass for abandoning me. After that I'd hold him so tight that he couldn't breathe. Why do I still love him when he's treated me so bad? Bill said I should get rid of the baby but this is another miracle. I'm so scared. What if they come for this child too? I couldn't protect William so how the hell do I protect this baby? WHY???

Dana.

????????????????

Mulder stared at the page unsure of whether to continue reading but curiosity got the better of him. He had to know her every thought and feeling. Perhaps he could figure out how to be a Father from reading how she mothered their child. It was haunting. He could hear Scully's voice through her words just like when she was in hospital with the cancer. He had read her book then. He had been terrified of losing her. He still was and his worst nightmare had come true. He hadn't lost her love through betrayal but through abduction. How the hell did you come to terms with that? He loved her and that was what made it worse. The first time she had been abducted, he and Scully, had been nothing more than friends and although it caused an ache in his heart, back then, nothing compared to now. His world was shattered into a million pieces. He was trying to get on with life without her but couldn't. Perhaps it looked better for the judge that he wasn't with her but the continual hurt was unbearable. Having an open wound would be less painful. Why did love hurt so much? As if on cue a song could be heard from Samantha's room. "Love really hurts without you!" In her small voice Samantha was singing along to the radio. It mirrored Mulder's pain and he found tears spring into his eyes. He couldn't fight it anymore. Laying down on his front he bit into the pillow and cried for the loss of his one true love.