44.

Mulder felt like dying. Something was seriously wrong for Scully for her to burst into tears like that. He didn't know what to do to comfort her. He stroked her face but that made her cry harder. Where in the hell was that nurse! Minutes later a doctor accompanied the nurse back into the room. Mulder's face drained of its colour. Their faces told him everything he needed to know. Scully was dying.

Scully couldn't or wouldn't look at him. She couldn't tell him the news. Scully knew he would cope with it, but it was she who wouldn't be able to. Her body was being invaded again and it wasn't fair. The whole thought of it made her feel sick. In fact she was going to be. She didn't know where she found the energy but she pulled on her jeans and ran from the room to the ladies toilets. She threw up the tea she had drank that morning it made her stomach feel worse than it had already.

Her emotions were confused. She couldn't deal with this. Sitting beside the toilet her head resting against the seat she cried for everything she loved and everything she would lose.

A soft tap against the main door to the toilets told her it was Mulder.

"Can I come in? Is the coast clear?" he asked peeking his head around the door her top, shoes and bag tucked beneath his arm. He could hear Scully crying and that worried him. The doctor hadn't said anything because… He didn't know why exactly but they hadn't. He did however say he wanted to see her in his office in five minutes to discuss details. Whatever that was supposed to mean!

"Dana, honey, the doctor wants to see you in his office in five minutes."

 He was still waiting for clearance but wasn't getting it. Pushing the door open he entered the unmarked territory of the ladies loo. The place no man dares to go unless invited! He still couldn't fathom why the ladies were more aesthetically pleasing than the gents and also much cleaner! Within seconds he had located her by the resounding click of the lock from inside her cubicle door. She hadn't unlocked it though, in fact, she had locked him out.

Another barrier for him to overcome, it must be bad. She was literally shutting him out from her feelings. He looked at the lock and smiled. One thing about these places was that there were always easy to open toilet doors! Finding a quarter he turned it in the outside lock and her door undone swinging almost into Scully's back. She was hanging over the toilet breathing deeply trying to stave off the growing waves of nausea. Once she climbed on board this wagon there would be more of this. She couldn't go through it again. She had fought and won before but not again… Not now!

Resuming her seat on the floor she looked up at Mulder who looked hurt and confused. She smiled softly at him, which resulted in him seating himself in the cubicle doorway.

"What is going on, Dana, they wouldn't tell me anything." She turned her face away, verbalising it made it true. He leant towards her turning her face to look at him. Her face was crumpling with more tears. It was what he thought. "We can fight this together. I'm not leaving you now or ever. I mean it."

"What?" she was confused, maybe she didn't want to fight with this. Maybe they could take it away from her in one swift movement from a scalpel. "Is it what I'm thinking?" he asked, worried.

"Depends on what you are thinking?" she said miserably silent tears ran down her cheeks.

"Is it cancer? Tell me straight, no waffle." Her face hardened as she processed his words.

"I'm pregnant." She spoke without emotion and turned away. He was staring at her and she could feel that much now it was his turn to react to the news. She couldn't blame him for thinking it was cancer but in reality it was much worse, for her, anyway.

"What do you want to do about it?" he asked knowing that she hadn't wanted any more children. Scully looked at him, she needed to tell him.

"I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want this… thing… I don't want to be pregnant. I know what this would mean to you but I can't…." she trailed off losing her words in a swirl of torment. "We'd best go see the doctor." She said matter-of-factly rising from her position on the floor.

Dusting herself down Scully changed into her top after using the gown to wipe away the rest of the ultrasound gel. Pulling on her shoes and her bag onto her shoulder she headed for the door. Mulder trailed behind her his face as solemn as the day is long.

They were ushered into comfy armchairs opposite the doctor, who sat behind his desk. He wore those steel rimmed spectacles one automatically stereotyped a doctor as having. Taking the glasses off he set them down on the desk and addresses his speech towards them both but mainly to Scully.

"I hope you are feeling better. Can I assume you know already that you are pregnant?" Scully nodded as she waited for him to begin his spiel about the next steps with the pregnancy. All doctors followed the same pattern. Confirm the result then discuss what can be done next.

"Do you know when your last period was?" Scully looked at him with 'the look' he was being patronising and he knew it.

"Look, Doctor, I can pinpoint exactly when I got pregnant for you. May the first. I know that because Mulder here returned from Venezuela and I went on sabbatical the next day. It does not take a mathematician to work it out."

"Your due date is 29th January. But allow two weeks either side of that." Scully stared at the doctor. He was assuming she wanted IT but far from it. He obviously hadn't read her notes from the last time she was pregnant. Her second trimester had resulted in her having become mentally unstable. She wouldn't go through that again. EVER.

"What are the chances of having an abortion? I know I'm about thirteen weeks pregnant but I cannot have this…. I cannot go through with this pregnancy." She was blunt and to the point. She saw no need for being coy. Mulder's chair scrapped back as the words left her lips. She turned to see him leaving the office. It may have hurt him but it was for the best in the long run. He didn't need to see her become an emotional train wreck. They needed time to adjust to one another. There was far too much going on at that point.

"I don't… Are you sure?" the doctor had met women who didn't want children before but for Scully there was something else underlying this desire to be rid of it.

"Positive. I have one child I do not need another. This was unplanned and much as I adore children I cannot go through with another pregnancy. If you had bothered to read through my notes you would find that the last time I was pregnant I became mentally unstable and was hospitalised on suicide watch. I am not prepared to go through with that again. If you won't organise it, I will find someone who will!"

Scully was adamant. The doctor looked at her taking in her every word. That may be her reasoning but there was something else… Something that was not medical that was emotionally making this decision for her.

Mulder listened from the other side of the door. He had no idea she had gone through so much. Her diary had suggested nothing like that had happened. She had mentioned being hospitalised but made it sound as if it were for the baby, for Samantha. It didn't matter that he wanted this one. Scully would do, as she wanted. He was only the Father. Perhaps it was for the best.  He hated to think about what she was going to do. At this stage in the pregnancy the baby was fully formed. He raised his head skywards as he listened to the doctor make the arrangements for her to have counselling on the following Monday and Wednesday. The procedure, as he called it, would be performed on the Thursday. That was it. There was nothing he could do about it. Shaking his head he waited for Scully to leave the doctors office.

She opened the door moments later clutching an appointment card in her hand. The doctor followed her out and watched her start to leave, as did Mulder. The doctor looked at Mulder who was still leaning against the wall beside the office.

"You might want this. It's the ultrasound photo. I have the video tape if you want that?" Mulder shook his head because he didn't want a constant reminder, the photo would be enough. "Talk to her about it. I think she's going to need a lot of support making this decision even if she doesn't think she will."

"Thanks." Mulder said looking at the features of their child, the child she didn't want.

He couldn't understand it. The problem was Scully had always adored kids. She had said after having William that she had enjoyed being pregnant. Perhaps Samantha's pregnancy had been too rough and she didn't want that again. She was still heading towards the exit when a security guard approached her. Mulder tucked the picture into his back pocket and ran to her side.

The guard was holding a videotape up to Scully and looked quite amused.


"What's going on?" Mulder asked.

"I think you two might want this." He began "Last night's little episode in the car park, ring any bells?" Scully blushed a profound shade of red Mulder just coughed. "Well... Don't let it happen again and If you really do have to…. Please keep it out of the sight of our cameras. It is a criminal offence you know! You will not believe how hard it was to keep this as the only copy." He smiled and handed Scully the video, winking at her in the process!

Mulder felt the urge to thump the guy but just couldn't be bothered. Scully looked at Mulder expecting him to act protectively of her but he didn't. She realised how much he was hurting.

This pregnancy would finish them, she was certain of that. If she had it then she would be certified and if she didn't they were through.

She began walking away as she did Mulder grabbed her arm making her stop in her tracks. She looked into his eyes seeing all the pain she had inflicted upon him in the doctors office. Tearing her eyes away from his she was about to start walking when he put an arm across her shoulders. It was a strained gesture but perhaps they could get through this. It may take time but maybe they could do it. Leaning into his chest she felt the stress drain from his limbs and he held her tighter. It didn't matter how much she loved him this baby could not be born.