Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet
By Agent Smith
---
Illidan stood at the edge of a ocean cliff on a stormy night, whining about how he was betrayed and spouting some crap about the hand of fate.
Illidan: Betrayer... In truth, it was I who was betrayed!
*Flashback*
Illidan: Hahahaha! I destroyed the Skull of Gul'dan, and now I'm all powerful like I wanted to be!
Furion: Fool! You're corrupted by the demonic powers! I hereby banish you from the forest!
Illidan: Excuse me, but I can banish MYSELF, thank you very much!
Illidan then grabs himself and acts like he was being forced out of the forest. Then he tosses himself onto the ground outside Felwood.
Illidan: Ahem, I do believe I had a hat.
Tyrande throws him a random hat.
Illidan: *Steals it* Suckeeeers! *runs off*
*flashback ends*
Illidan: Now they will pay for their crimes against me!
Illidan starts waving his hands around, causing a storm in the ocean.
Deep in the depths, a strange aquatic creature suddenly opens its snake-like eye.
Aquatic Creature: Ahahaahha! I have been awakened to perform evil duties for- ACK
*Gets eaten by a bigger aquatic creature*
The Naga rise from the depths, and sliver up to Illidan.
Lady Vashj: Master Illidan, the Naga are now at your command.
Illidan: Muahahaha, excellent. Now, rub my feet.
Lady Vashj: But you have hooves...
Illidan: RUB! Or I'll smite you!
Lady Vashj: Um... No.
Illidan lunges toward her, but forgot his blind man's cane and falls off the cliff.
---
Meanwhile, in the middle of Ashenvale forest, a night elf with a robe and a helmet is throwing darts at a dartboard, containing a picture of Illidan.
Maiev: Grr! Some day I'll capture you, Illidan. And when I do, and you're chained up all alone in that dark cell.... I'll... Stroke your sexy body... And tie you to your cell bars... And dominate you all NIGHT... Or DAY since we are nocturnal and everything is reversed I guess.
Maiev suddenly slapped herself.
Maiev: No! Must get evil thoughts out! *sets fire to some Illidan plush toys* Ahahaha! Much better.
Naisha suddenly barges in... to the forest.
Naisha: Maiev! Illidan is causing a ruckess near the shore! We have to stop him!
Maiev: Then lets go... My huntress palette-swapped friend!
---
Later, after much nonsense in the forest, Maiev and her cronies find the Naga burning ships at a coastal village.
Magellan: I knew we shouldn't have stopped here.
Naga #1: Quickly, burn the ships so they can't follow Lord Illidan!
Naga #2: Couldn't they just buy more ones at the Goblin Shipyard down the street?
Naga #1: ...Shut up.
Maiev: No you don't. Die!
Maiev and the Night Elves kill all the Naga.
Magellan (Sailing away): Hah! You fiends thought you could take me? You'll never stop me from completing my journey! Next stop, Mactan, Phillipines!
Maiev: Alright, we managed to save three ships!
Naisha: Hm... The "Titanic", the "Lusitania", and the "Bismarck"... Interesting ship names.
---
Several days later...
Maiev: Damn, we are stranded on this island.
Naisha: Who didn't see that coming?
Naga: Hahahaha! You fools! Illidan is VERY SECRETLY trying to find some powerful artifact!
Maiev: Thanks, ass.
Naga: You're welcome..... DOH!!!!
---
Deep inside the Tomb of Sargeras...
Maiev: Hmm, these runes depict the journey of Gul'Dan...
*Flashback*
Gul'Dan: C'mon you sissies, we're here to find the Eye of Sargeras. Or at least the nose.
Shaman: But master.... There are GUARDIANS in here. Some of them might even have ANKHs!
Suddenly, they were ambushed by Guardians.
Guardian: Hahaha! Die sissy orcs!
Gul'Dan: Quickly, cast bloodlust!
Gul'Dan and his warriors get all beefed up and scary.
Gul'Dan: Now we will DESTROY YOU!
Guardian: I don't think so... BLIZZARD PATCH NERF ATTACK!
Blizzard Patch: Now downloading Warcraft III V1.11 .... Bloodlust is now worthless!
Shamans and Gul'Dan: NOOO! *gets slaughtered*
*flashback ends*
Maiev: Cheese.
Naisha: There is the tomb! Lets go!
---
Inside the tomb...
Illidan is wacking his blind cane around trying to find the Eye of Sargeras.
Lady Vashj: How ironic... He ended up blind after a life of happily being able to see...
Maiev and Naisha come barging in.
Maiev: Illidan, you're under arrest! You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you'll be given a druid instead.
Illidan: A druid!? No way! I'll just have to kill you instead!
Illidan finds the Eye of Sargeras (Which was directly infront of him the whole time), and uses it to cause the tomb to collapse.
Naisha: Go on without me! Warn Furion and Tyrande! *gets crushed by falling rock*
Maiev: Since you didn't say please... No.
Maiev blinks out of the tomb.
---
Not long after, Maiev and her forces are getting owned by the Naga.
Maiev: I guess I should have respected my friend's dying wishes when I had the chance.
Runner: Well... We can still summon for help.
Maiev: Ok then, run to Ashenvale and get Shan'do Stormrage.
Runner: But I'll need a ship...
Maiev *mockingly*: But I'll need a ship... You lazy kids. Back in my day, 398327129827 years ago when I was merely 1000 years old, we had to walk all the way from Dalaran to the Well Spring... ON FOOT.
Runner: But the continents weren't shattered...
Maiev: Silence! Now go!
Runner: *sigh* Bitch.
To be continued....
By Agent Smith
---
Illidan stood at the edge of a ocean cliff on a stormy night, whining about how he was betrayed and spouting some crap about the hand of fate.
Illidan: Betrayer... In truth, it was I who was betrayed!
*Flashback*
Illidan: Hahahaha! I destroyed the Skull of Gul'dan, and now I'm all powerful like I wanted to be!
Furion: Fool! You're corrupted by the demonic powers! I hereby banish you from the forest!
Illidan: Excuse me, but I can banish MYSELF, thank you very much!
Illidan then grabs himself and acts like he was being forced out of the forest. Then he tosses himself onto the ground outside Felwood.
Illidan: Ahem, I do believe I had a hat.
Tyrande throws him a random hat.
Illidan: *Steals it* Suckeeeers! *runs off*
*flashback ends*
Illidan: Now they will pay for their crimes against me!
Illidan starts waving his hands around, causing a storm in the ocean.
Deep in the depths, a strange aquatic creature suddenly opens its snake-like eye.
Aquatic Creature: Ahahaahha! I have been awakened to perform evil duties for- ACK
*Gets eaten by a bigger aquatic creature*
The Naga rise from the depths, and sliver up to Illidan.
Lady Vashj: Master Illidan, the Naga are now at your command.
Illidan: Muahahaha, excellent. Now, rub my feet.
Lady Vashj: But you have hooves...
Illidan: RUB! Or I'll smite you!
Lady Vashj: Um... No.
Illidan lunges toward her, but forgot his blind man's cane and falls off the cliff.
---
Meanwhile, in the middle of Ashenvale forest, a night elf with a robe and a helmet is throwing darts at a dartboard, containing a picture of Illidan.
Maiev: Grr! Some day I'll capture you, Illidan. And when I do, and you're chained up all alone in that dark cell.... I'll... Stroke your sexy body... And tie you to your cell bars... And dominate you all NIGHT... Or DAY since we are nocturnal and everything is reversed I guess.
Maiev suddenly slapped herself.
Maiev: No! Must get evil thoughts out! *sets fire to some Illidan plush toys* Ahahaha! Much better.
Naisha suddenly barges in... to the forest.
Naisha: Maiev! Illidan is causing a ruckess near the shore! We have to stop him!
Maiev: Then lets go... My huntress palette-swapped friend!
---
Later, after much nonsense in the forest, Maiev and her cronies find the Naga burning ships at a coastal village.
Magellan: I knew we shouldn't have stopped here.
Naga #1: Quickly, burn the ships so they can't follow Lord Illidan!
Naga #2: Couldn't they just buy more ones at the Goblin Shipyard down the street?
Naga #1: ...Shut up.
Maiev: No you don't. Die!
Maiev and the Night Elves kill all the Naga.
Magellan (Sailing away): Hah! You fiends thought you could take me? You'll never stop me from completing my journey! Next stop, Mactan, Phillipines!
Maiev: Alright, we managed to save three ships!
Naisha: Hm... The "Titanic", the "Lusitania", and the "Bismarck"... Interesting ship names.
---
Several days later...
Maiev: Damn, we are stranded on this island.
Naisha: Who didn't see that coming?
Naga: Hahahaha! You fools! Illidan is VERY SECRETLY trying to find some powerful artifact!
Maiev: Thanks, ass.
Naga: You're welcome..... DOH!!!!
---
Deep inside the Tomb of Sargeras...
Maiev: Hmm, these runes depict the journey of Gul'Dan...
*Flashback*
Gul'Dan: C'mon you sissies, we're here to find the Eye of Sargeras. Or at least the nose.
Shaman: But master.... There are GUARDIANS in here. Some of them might even have ANKHs!
Suddenly, they were ambushed by Guardians.
Guardian: Hahaha! Die sissy orcs!
Gul'Dan: Quickly, cast bloodlust!
Gul'Dan and his warriors get all beefed up and scary.
Gul'Dan: Now we will DESTROY YOU!
Guardian: I don't think so... BLIZZARD PATCH NERF ATTACK!
Blizzard Patch: Now downloading Warcraft III V1.11 .... Bloodlust is now worthless!
Shamans and Gul'Dan: NOOO! *gets slaughtered*
*flashback ends*
Maiev: Cheese.
Naisha: There is the tomb! Lets go!
---
Inside the tomb...
Illidan is wacking his blind cane around trying to find the Eye of Sargeras.
Lady Vashj: How ironic... He ended up blind after a life of happily being able to see...
Maiev and Naisha come barging in.
Maiev: Illidan, you're under arrest! You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you'll be given a druid instead.
Illidan: A druid!? No way! I'll just have to kill you instead!
Illidan finds the Eye of Sargeras (Which was directly infront of him the whole time), and uses it to cause the tomb to collapse.
Naisha: Go on without me! Warn Furion and Tyrande! *gets crushed by falling rock*
Maiev: Since you didn't say please... No.
Maiev blinks out of the tomb.
---
Not long after, Maiev and her forces are getting owned by the Naga.
Maiev: I guess I should have respected my friend's dying wishes when I had the chance.
Runner: Well... We can still summon for help.
Maiev: Ok then, run to Ashenvale and get Shan'do Stormrage.
Runner: But I'll need a ship...
Maiev *mockingly*: But I'll need a ship... You lazy kids. Back in my day, 398327129827 years ago when I was merely 1000 years old, we had to walk all the way from Dalaran to the Well Spring... ON FOOT.
Runner: But the continents weren't shattered...
Maiev: Silence! Now go!
Runner: *sigh* Bitch.
To be continued....
