Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet
By Agent Smith
---
Narrator: LAST EPISODE ON ANTARCTIC TOILET THREEE... Furion went head to head with Illidan to decide the fate of the universe, within the ruined city of Dalaran!
Furion: Your path of destruction ends here Illidan!
*scenes of Furion and Illidan battling with ridiculous explosions and landscape destruction*
Narrator: ...However, just as Furion had the upperhand...
*Illidan runs over and grabs Maiev*
Illidan: Hahaha!
Maiev: Crap!
*Illidan absorbs Maiev, taking on many of Maiev's features... Mainly her bitchiness*
Narrator: Illidan absorbed Maiev, gaining tremendous power in the process! As things looked bleaked for Furion...
Furion: Nice trick, Illidan, but it's time for me to go... SUPER NIGHT ELF THREEEE!
Illidan: No!
Furion: *powering up* Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Narrator: But will that be enough to defeat Illidan? Find out in todays episode....
Title Screen: *cheesy rock music in background* Furion Defeats Illidan and Saves Earth!
---
Somewhere...
Tyrande: Much to the dismay of many Warcraft 3 players, I am still alive!
Undead Jobber: Not for long! Hahaha! *dies*
Tyrande: Someone save me please, this is getting duller than my character development.
Elsewhere...
Naga Extra: Tyrande is just beyond that Undead base!
Illidan: What Night Elf base?
Furion: The one we just annihilated with our ridiculously powerful forces, coupled with cheat codes so that the user can easily pass this snoozer of a mission.
Illidan: Hah! Foolish user, you think you've had enough boredom? BLOOD ELVES ARE NEXT, BUDDY!
The pass the smoldering ruins of the Undead base, which had been turned into a virtual Hiroshima using the sheer power of whosyourdaddy'd murlock slaves, to Tyrande.
Furion: Yes, I saved Tyrande!
Illidan: No, I did!
Furion: Me!
Illidan: No me!
Furion: No, ME!
Illidan: No, YOU!
Furion: YOU! YOU! AND YOU! THATS FINAL!
Illidan: Ok.
Furion: DOH! Now I remember why I locked you in a cage for 1298749127 years.
User: stfu fagits, i did teh winn
Game: GAME OVER, THE USER HAS WON
Bob and Enzo: Nooo, we failed to save Mainframe!
---
Tyrande: I guess we all owe you an apology, Illidan. Now please stop lusting over me, you sick fuck. I'd be suprised if your blind ass could even find where to stick it in.
Illidan: Easily, judging from the size of what I'd be trying to find, bitch.
Furion: Enough! Let's end this campaign already. Illidan, don't bother the Night Elves again blah blah blah yadda yadda. Now get out of here.
Illidan: Rest assure, assholes, I'll continue my campaign to rule the world.... IN DRAENOR! HAHAH!
Illidan creates a portal, and runs to jump in it. Of course, being blind, he misses it by a good 5 feet and goes over a cliff.
Furion: Now that he's out of the picture, let us return to the forests and enjoy our long awaited "slumber", hehehe.
Tyrande: Oh, Furion! I'll be your EMERALD DREAM any day!
Maiev: What the fuck are you cheesy sex pun fags doing, letting Illidan get away? God damn, I have to do everything around here. *steps in the portal*
---
Elsewhere...
Garithos: Bah! You lousy Fag Elves are late again!
Kael: Stop it, Garithos! We saw some GODDY roses, and we just HAD to frolic in them!
Garithos: Fucking homos, we should have commited ridiculous pseudo-nazi genocide on you when we had the chance! Oh well, the Undead are attacking. Make yourselves useful, and slave-repair a few observatories.
Kael: Awww, can't I be your sex slave again?
Garithos: No, fruitcake, you like it too much. Besides, I have to GLORIOUSLY BATTLE the undead.
*Garithos rides toward the battle, steps on a Goblin landmine, and explodes*
Garithos: FUCKING GAYBLINS, arrgh. *dies*
Kael: Well, that's a turn of events.
Kael and his man sK73Vs repair some observatory things, and wind up meeting the Naga.
Lady Vashj: So, we meet again, Kael. Do you need our help?
Kael: Sorry, hun, but I only get help from oily muscular men and pedophile priests.
Kael and his forces get raped by the Undead, and like it.
Kael: ...You were saying?
The Naga own the Undead.
Lady Vashj: If only these missions were as interesting as portrayed in this fanfic. Oh well.
Garithos: Hah! Thought you could kill ME, traitorous Kael and your traitorous Nagay helpers?
Kael: Umm... But master Garithos....
Lady Vashj *whispering* Just go along with it. We need to find a way to fit you into Mission 3.
Kael: Oh, please spare me master Garithos, and take me to your dungeon of manslave love!
Lady Vashj: Good acting!
Kael: Acting?
---
In the dungeon...
Guard Marcus: Hahaha! With this prison cells full of NAKED WOMEN, the Blood Elves will be too petrified to move!
Kael: These... nude women.. So uninteresting... Our thirst for man juice will consume us...
Guard Marcus: Shut up!
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: Gee, I wish I was in that cell. Oh well, I have some thatched-roof cottages and peasants to burninate. Later.
Guard Marcus: Later.
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: JUST KIDDING! *Burninates Marcus*
Guard Marcus: The goggles! THEY DO NOTHING!
Kael: You don't have them on.
Guard Marcus: Oh. *puts them on, and they do something*
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: IT'S NIGHT.. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Trogdor burninates the women in the cell, and then all the thatched roof cottages and peasants in the Dungeon.
Lady Vashj: Damn it, I WAS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE KAEL! *lightning bolts Trogdor*
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: *LIGHTNINGED*
Kael: Cmon, let's rescue the others.
Lady Vashj: Bleh, we have to hack-n-slash through this dungeon?
Kael: No...
Kael goes over to the dungeon loudspeakers.
Kael: ATTENTION ALL BLOOD ELVES... JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE HAS BEEN SPOTTED NEAR A PORTAL HEADING TO DRAENOR
By the thousands, the Blood Elves burst out of their cells, tramping the hapless guards and swarming into the portal outside.
Lady Vashj: Yes, we completely averted that snoozer Tower Defense level! Good job Kael!
Kael: Thanks. Those silly bears over at Blizzard... It's bad enough every single big boy on b.net has made a TD map, but now them?!? Oh my eye!
Jailor: What are you guys doing, trying to escape? You'll get me fired.
Lady Vashj: Oh, free experience. Any last requests, Jailor?
Jailor: Please, I was just trying to do my job. I have a family to feed. Tommorow is my daughters birthda-
Lady Vashj lightning bolts the Jailor, frying him.
Kael: Alright, lets go.
Zoom in on the Jailor's body, in his hand he is holding his wallet, with a bunch of pictures with him joyfully playing with his family.
Kel'Thuzad: Don't let this happen to you or your family. Vote Lich King over Illidan in 2004.
Garithos: Stop, evil elves!
Garithos gallops toward the portal on his horse, and gets run over by a bus.
---
On Draenor...
Kael: Wasn't this place destroyed?
Lady Vashj: Yes.
Kael: Then why are we standing here?
Lady Vashj: Why was Guldan killed inside the Tomb of Sagaraes despite also being killed by Orcs outside of the Tomb? Why is Sylvannas a Dark Ranger in this game when she was a Banshee previously? Plot changes, you know.
Kael: Well, this place holds about as much interest to me as a lesbian rave.
Lady Vashj: Enough with your gayisms. We need to find Illidan.
The eventually find that Illidan has been caged by Maiev.
Illidan: Maiev, my water bubbler and food dish are empty.
Maiev: *whacks him with a newspaper* Shut up!
Night Elf Extra: Well, you've caught the bad guy, Maiev, what are you going to do now?
Maiev: I'm going to Disneyroth!
Lady Vashj: Drop the cripple, Maiev. The jig is up!
The Naga free Illidan.
Illidan: Justice has triumphed, it's over Maiev.
Maiev: ...but that's my line.
Illidan: Maiev, for recklessly endangering Tyrandes life, and treating my cruely in captivity, I sentence you to DEATH!
Maiev: *getting taken away by Naga guards* Just you wait, pig, it's not over yet! You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back on the streets by morning!!
Kael: Oh, Illidan, you're so silly! I think I'll call you Sillidan!
Illidan: Call me that again, and I'll cut your toes off with wire cutters, gut you and use your entrails as jump ropes and food for my dog, gouge out your eyes with a fork and then squash them under my boot, place your head between a vice and tighten the vice until your brains ooze out the cracks in your skull, and leave your rotting corpse on your mothers doorstep.
Kael: Ok Sillidan!
Illidan: I warned you.
Illidan attacks Kael with his blind cane, while Kael easily avoids the assault, grabs Illidan, and throws him off a cliff.
Illidan: *Falling down like Wiley E. Coyote* DAMN IT, NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN *poof*
---
Later...
Kael: What are we going to do now?
Illidan: Well, now that we have enough bad guys, we must stop the Undead, or else some demon will kill us.
Lady Vashj: So what are we doing here?
Illidan: Hah, you see, that's the genious of my plan! Instead of fighting the Undead on Azeroth, where the Lich King can control them... We'll invite them over here! Then, we'll get them comfortable.... Relaxed... Maybe throw a few keg parties.... And then we'll strike, and destroy them! Hahahaha!
Lady Vashj: ...
Kael: Yikes, big boy! There better be burly men at that keg party, or I'm not helping.
Illidan: Fuck it, we'll just take this world.
Magtheridon: HAHAHA, NOT IF I CAN HELP IT, MORTALS!
Lady Vashj: Word of advice, fat boy, any villain who calls others 'mortals' usually dies in the end of that particular Warcraft game, while the mortals survive.
Magtheridon: Fuck. *Gets gang-raped by Kael and his priests*
Illidan: A fitting end for the dumb bastard.
Suddenly, a massive storm approachs.
Illidan: Haha, I'm such a bad ass, ruling over this planet now. What's that storm?
Kil'jaeden: DID YOU THINK YOU COULD HIDE FROM ME, PUNY MORTAL? ...FUCK, THERE GOES MY CHANCES. I'LL BE LUCKY IF I SEE WARCRAFT 4. ANYWAYS, GO KILL THE LICH KING, OR ELSE.
Illidan: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME MASTER, I'LL DO ANYTHING!
---
So, after being pussy whiped by Kil'jaeden, the Blood Elves and Illidan head to Northrend where they will inevitably be owned by the User, who is now being shifted into the Undead campaign. Bad timing, huh?
Garithos: *arriving on Draenor* Hahaha! Tremble mortals, and dispair... GARITHOS has come to this world! *cheesy rock music plays*
Illidan: *runs over to Garithos* Fucking die, already!
Illidan slashses Garithos about a billion times, while Kael flamestrikes Garithos a million times non-stop. Then they bury Garithos.
Illidan: Good riddance. *Leaves through a portal to Azeroth, while Garithos's hand suddenly breaks through the dirt...*
To be continued...
By Agent Smith
---
Narrator: LAST EPISODE ON ANTARCTIC TOILET THREEE... Furion went head to head with Illidan to decide the fate of the universe, within the ruined city of Dalaran!
Furion: Your path of destruction ends here Illidan!
*scenes of Furion and Illidan battling with ridiculous explosions and landscape destruction*
Narrator: ...However, just as Furion had the upperhand...
*Illidan runs over and grabs Maiev*
Illidan: Hahaha!
Maiev: Crap!
*Illidan absorbs Maiev, taking on many of Maiev's features... Mainly her bitchiness*
Narrator: Illidan absorbed Maiev, gaining tremendous power in the process! As things looked bleaked for Furion...
Furion: Nice trick, Illidan, but it's time for me to go... SUPER NIGHT ELF THREEEE!
Illidan: No!
Furion: *powering up* Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Narrator: But will that be enough to defeat Illidan? Find out in todays episode....
Title Screen: *cheesy rock music in background* Furion Defeats Illidan and Saves Earth!
---
Somewhere...
Tyrande: Much to the dismay of many Warcraft 3 players, I am still alive!
Undead Jobber: Not for long! Hahaha! *dies*
Tyrande: Someone save me please, this is getting duller than my character development.
Elsewhere...
Naga Extra: Tyrande is just beyond that Undead base!
Illidan: What Night Elf base?
Furion: The one we just annihilated with our ridiculously powerful forces, coupled with cheat codes so that the user can easily pass this snoozer of a mission.
Illidan: Hah! Foolish user, you think you've had enough boredom? BLOOD ELVES ARE NEXT, BUDDY!
The pass the smoldering ruins of the Undead base, which had been turned into a virtual Hiroshima using the sheer power of whosyourdaddy'd murlock slaves, to Tyrande.
Furion: Yes, I saved Tyrande!
Illidan: No, I did!
Furion: Me!
Illidan: No me!
Furion: No, ME!
Illidan: No, YOU!
Furion: YOU! YOU! AND YOU! THATS FINAL!
Illidan: Ok.
Furion: DOH! Now I remember why I locked you in a cage for 1298749127 years.
User: stfu fagits, i did teh winn
Game: GAME OVER, THE USER HAS WON
Bob and Enzo: Nooo, we failed to save Mainframe!
---
Tyrande: I guess we all owe you an apology, Illidan. Now please stop lusting over me, you sick fuck. I'd be suprised if your blind ass could even find where to stick it in.
Illidan: Easily, judging from the size of what I'd be trying to find, bitch.
Furion: Enough! Let's end this campaign already. Illidan, don't bother the Night Elves again blah blah blah yadda yadda. Now get out of here.
Illidan: Rest assure, assholes, I'll continue my campaign to rule the world.... IN DRAENOR! HAHAH!
Illidan creates a portal, and runs to jump in it. Of course, being blind, he misses it by a good 5 feet and goes over a cliff.
Furion: Now that he's out of the picture, let us return to the forests and enjoy our long awaited "slumber", hehehe.
Tyrande: Oh, Furion! I'll be your EMERALD DREAM any day!
Maiev: What the fuck are you cheesy sex pun fags doing, letting Illidan get away? God damn, I have to do everything around here. *steps in the portal*
---
Elsewhere...
Garithos: Bah! You lousy Fag Elves are late again!
Kael: Stop it, Garithos! We saw some GODDY roses, and we just HAD to frolic in them!
Garithos: Fucking homos, we should have commited ridiculous pseudo-nazi genocide on you when we had the chance! Oh well, the Undead are attacking. Make yourselves useful, and slave-repair a few observatories.
Kael: Awww, can't I be your sex slave again?
Garithos: No, fruitcake, you like it too much. Besides, I have to GLORIOUSLY BATTLE the undead.
*Garithos rides toward the battle, steps on a Goblin landmine, and explodes*
Garithos: FUCKING GAYBLINS, arrgh. *dies*
Kael: Well, that's a turn of events.
Kael and his man sK73Vs repair some observatory things, and wind up meeting the Naga.
Lady Vashj: So, we meet again, Kael. Do you need our help?
Kael: Sorry, hun, but I only get help from oily muscular men and pedophile priests.
Kael and his forces get raped by the Undead, and like it.
Kael: ...You were saying?
The Naga own the Undead.
Lady Vashj: If only these missions were as interesting as portrayed in this fanfic. Oh well.
Garithos: Hah! Thought you could kill ME, traitorous Kael and your traitorous Nagay helpers?
Kael: Umm... But master Garithos....
Lady Vashj *whispering* Just go along with it. We need to find a way to fit you into Mission 3.
Kael: Oh, please spare me master Garithos, and take me to your dungeon of manslave love!
Lady Vashj: Good acting!
Kael: Acting?
---
In the dungeon...
Guard Marcus: Hahaha! With this prison cells full of NAKED WOMEN, the Blood Elves will be too petrified to move!
Kael: These... nude women.. So uninteresting... Our thirst for man juice will consume us...
Guard Marcus: Shut up!
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: Gee, I wish I was in that cell. Oh well, I have some thatched-roof cottages and peasants to burninate. Later.
Guard Marcus: Later.
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: JUST KIDDING! *Burninates Marcus*
Guard Marcus: The goggles! THEY DO NOTHING!
Kael: You don't have them on.
Guard Marcus: Oh. *puts them on, and they do something*
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: IT'S NIGHT.. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Trogdor burninates the women in the cell, and then all the thatched roof cottages and peasants in the Dungeon.
Lady Vashj: Damn it, I WAS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE KAEL! *lightning bolts Trogdor*
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: *LIGHTNINGED*
Kael: Cmon, let's rescue the others.
Lady Vashj: Bleh, we have to hack-n-slash through this dungeon?
Kael: No...
Kael goes over to the dungeon loudspeakers.
Kael: ATTENTION ALL BLOOD ELVES... JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE HAS BEEN SPOTTED NEAR A PORTAL HEADING TO DRAENOR
By the thousands, the Blood Elves burst out of their cells, tramping the hapless guards and swarming into the portal outside.
Lady Vashj: Yes, we completely averted that snoozer Tower Defense level! Good job Kael!
Kael: Thanks. Those silly bears over at Blizzard... It's bad enough every single big boy on b.net has made a TD map, but now them?!? Oh my eye!
Jailor: What are you guys doing, trying to escape? You'll get me fired.
Lady Vashj: Oh, free experience. Any last requests, Jailor?
Jailor: Please, I was just trying to do my job. I have a family to feed. Tommorow is my daughters birthda-
Lady Vashj lightning bolts the Jailor, frying him.
Kael: Alright, lets go.
Zoom in on the Jailor's body, in his hand he is holding his wallet, with a bunch of pictures with him joyfully playing with his family.
Kel'Thuzad: Don't let this happen to you or your family. Vote Lich King over Illidan in 2004.
Garithos: Stop, evil elves!
Garithos gallops toward the portal on his horse, and gets run over by a bus.
---
On Draenor...
Kael: Wasn't this place destroyed?
Lady Vashj: Yes.
Kael: Then why are we standing here?
Lady Vashj: Why was Guldan killed inside the Tomb of Sagaraes despite also being killed by Orcs outside of the Tomb? Why is Sylvannas a Dark Ranger in this game when she was a Banshee previously? Plot changes, you know.
Kael: Well, this place holds about as much interest to me as a lesbian rave.
Lady Vashj: Enough with your gayisms. We need to find Illidan.
The eventually find that Illidan has been caged by Maiev.
Illidan: Maiev, my water bubbler and food dish are empty.
Maiev: *whacks him with a newspaper* Shut up!
Night Elf Extra: Well, you've caught the bad guy, Maiev, what are you going to do now?
Maiev: I'm going to Disneyroth!
Lady Vashj: Drop the cripple, Maiev. The jig is up!
The Naga free Illidan.
Illidan: Justice has triumphed, it's over Maiev.
Maiev: ...but that's my line.
Illidan: Maiev, for recklessly endangering Tyrandes life, and treating my cruely in captivity, I sentence you to DEATH!
Maiev: *getting taken away by Naga guards* Just you wait, pig, it's not over yet! You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back on the streets by morning!!
Kael: Oh, Illidan, you're so silly! I think I'll call you Sillidan!
Illidan: Call me that again, and I'll cut your toes off with wire cutters, gut you and use your entrails as jump ropes and food for my dog, gouge out your eyes with a fork and then squash them under my boot, place your head between a vice and tighten the vice until your brains ooze out the cracks in your skull, and leave your rotting corpse on your mothers doorstep.
Kael: Ok Sillidan!
Illidan: I warned you.
Illidan attacks Kael with his blind cane, while Kael easily avoids the assault, grabs Illidan, and throws him off a cliff.
Illidan: *Falling down like Wiley E. Coyote* DAMN IT, NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN *poof*
---
Later...
Kael: What are we going to do now?
Illidan: Well, now that we have enough bad guys, we must stop the Undead, or else some demon will kill us.
Lady Vashj: So what are we doing here?
Illidan: Hah, you see, that's the genious of my plan! Instead of fighting the Undead on Azeroth, where the Lich King can control them... We'll invite them over here! Then, we'll get them comfortable.... Relaxed... Maybe throw a few keg parties.... And then we'll strike, and destroy them! Hahahaha!
Lady Vashj: ...
Kael: Yikes, big boy! There better be burly men at that keg party, or I'm not helping.
Illidan: Fuck it, we'll just take this world.
Magtheridon: HAHAHA, NOT IF I CAN HELP IT, MORTALS!
Lady Vashj: Word of advice, fat boy, any villain who calls others 'mortals' usually dies in the end of that particular Warcraft game, while the mortals survive.
Magtheridon: Fuck. *Gets gang-raped by Kael and his priests*
Illidan: A fitting end for the dumb bastard.
Suddenly, a massive storm approachs.
Illidan: Haha, I'm such a bad ass, ruling over this planet now. What's that storm?
Kil'jaeden: DID YOU THINK YOU COULD HIDE FROM ME, PUNY MORTAL? ...FUCK, THERE GOES MY CHANCES. I'LL BE LUCKY IF I SEE WARCRAFT 4. ANYWAYS, GO KILL THE LICH KING, OR ELSE.
Illidan: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME MASTER, I'LL DO ANYTHING!
---
So, after being pussy whiped by Kil'jaeden, the Blood Elves and Illidan head to Northrend where they will inevitably be owned by the User, who is now being shifted into the Undead campaign. Bad timing, huh?
Garithos: *arriving on Draenor* Hahaha! Tremble mortals, and dispair... GARITHOS has come to this world! *cheesy rock music plays*
Illidan: *runs over to Garithos* Fucking die, already!
Illidan slashses Garithos about a billion times, while Kael flamestrikes Garithos a million times non-stop. Then they bury Garithos.
Illidan: Good riddance. *Leaves through a portal to Azeroth, while Garithos's hand suddenly breaks through the dirt...*
To be continued...
