OPPOSITES ATTRACT?

Disclaimer: I am not making any profit whatsoever by torturing…erm using the characters of Dragonlance in this fic.

GundamFoxfire: I'm not sure I'd recommend the frequent rereading of this story. It may lead to headaches, fatigue, temporary blindness, bizarre sexual fetishes, cannibalistic tendencies or the urge to write more fan fiction. Exercise caution.

Shannon and Embient: Thanks for the kudos! It's reviews like these that give me the strength to write when I am especially lazy.

Undead Ballerina

CHAPTER 5: CLOSING TIME

THE GOD OF DARK MAGIC SEIZES LUNITARI BY HER LONG HAIR AND HOLDS THE SWORD'S BLADE TO HER THROAT.

Lunitari: Ack! Solinari, help!

A HANDSOME YOUNG MAN WITH GOLDEN HAIR, DRESSED IN PRISTINE WHITE ROBES MATERIALIZES.

Solinari: Nuitari! Are you out of your lawful evil mind? Let go of her!

Nuitari: You stay out of this, pretty boy!

Solinari: Just calm down and tell me what she did this time.

Lunitari: (eyeing the blade) I didn't do anything except summon a gully dwarf here. He's just in a foul mood lately because he's single and incredibly bitter.

Solinari: Oh, cousin! So this is why you keep yourself locked up in this dark tower and pretend to be brooding and malevolent…because you're really just a lonely and emotionally insecure man.

Nuitari: (sneeringly) That is NOT true.

Solinari: (patting him on the back) You don't have to hide your feelings from us, Nu. We're your cousins and we love you for who you are.

Nuitari: And if it were at all possible for an immortal to be nauseous, I'd be vomiting up my divine innards at this very moment.

Solinari: Now why don't you put down that sword and go for a nice, long stroll on Krynn. That always helps me unwind.

Nuitari: (sulking) Fine! But only because I have to get away from you people. (looks around as his laboratory) And don't touch ANY of my things while I'm gone!

Lunitari: (waving) We won't…

THE GOD OF DARK MAGIC VANISHES…

Lunitari: Yes! Now we can go through his private journal!

BACK IN THE HIGH TOWER OF SORCERY…

Raistlin: (crouching down in front of her) Now, how in the world did you manage to get inside the Tower, little one?

Bupu: I help red lady with sad cousin, used magic lizard cure. She cast spell and POOF, Bupu here.

Raistlin: A red-robe…you don't mean the sorceress called Jenna, do you?

Bupu: No…her name "loony-something"

Crysania: (scoffing) Lunitari? The goddess? She cannot be serious!

Raistlin: Quiet! That sounded like quite an adventure, little one.

Bupu: It WAS. Me never so far from home. But me never got scared…me hungry, though.

Raistlin: (smiling) I think we can do something about that…DALAMAR!

THE ELVEN APPRENTICE TELEPORTS TO THE CHAMBER

Dalamar: Yes, Shalafi?

Raistlin: I want to the take Bupu here and find her something to eat and a comfortable place to rest for the night. Is that understood?

Dalamar: (staring vacantly)……I…huh? What's going on?

Raistlin: Please refrain from ogling my wife in her nightgown. Now go find some food and a bed for our guest!

Dalamar: Certainly, Shalafi. Come along, Bupu.

THE GULLY DWARF HAPPILY FOLLOWS THE ELF OUT OF THE ROOM.

Raistlin: (watches her leave fondly) Adorable thing, is she not?

Crysania: (coolly) Hmmph. I could think of a few other adjectives…

Raistlin: hack Heh heh hehe cough…don't tell me that the grand and glorious Revered Daughter of Paladine is jealous of a little gully dwarf.

Crysania: I'm not jealous!...It's just that you never look that happy to see ME!

Raistlin: (dryly) Crysania, I wake up beside you every morning to find that you have stolen all the bedcovers while asleep, leaving me to freeze nearly to death. What can I say? The novelty wears off quickly.

Crysania: Yes, well one would think that you would give the woman who regularly lies with you first priority!

Raistlin: Yes, one would, wouldn't they? Good night, Revered Daughter.

Crysania: (hands clenched into fists) Raistlin, DARLING, you are so insufferable sometimes that you could make a serial killer out of FIZBAN.

Raistlin: You flatter me, my dear.

MEANWHILE, AT THE INN OF THE LAST HOME, TWO WOMEN ARE TIDYING UP THE MESS THAT IS INEVITABLE WHEN BUSINESS IS BOOMING.

Dezra: Thank the gods its closing time! Did you see the number of mercenaries we had today? I never had my ass pinched so many times in my life!

Tika: Look on the bright side, at least they tipped generously.

Dezra: So I hear Caramon's helping to build that new hospital in town. At least it will keep him busy.

Tika: Tell me about it! Even though he managed to pull himself back together while he was gone with his brother and Lady Crysania, I'm worried that he'll suffer a relapse. Right now he's glad to know that his brother's finally settled down with someone but he still misses him.

Dezra: If you can call it settled down!

Tika: (whispering) Look, here he comes! Try to make him think he's useful.

Dezra: (loudly) Oh, woe is me! I must take out all of this trash, but my fragile, feminine arms are too weak.

Caramon: (striding manfully) Don't worry, Dezra, I'LL help you!

Dezra: (clasping her hands together) My burly savior!

CARAMON LEAVES, SACK OF RUFUSE IN HAND

Tika: That should hold him for about an hour.

THERE IS A LOUD POUNDING AT THE DOOR.

Tika: Someone's outside.

Dezra: Oh, just ignore them. I'm not waiting on any more people today, I'm going to go home and get some sleep for once.

ON A MUDDY ROAD IN SOLACE, THE HEAVENS BEGINS TO UNLEASH A DELUGE OF RAIN UPON THE BLACK-ROBED GOD.

Nuitari: (sigh) Just my luck…a rainstorm. How bleak and depressing. (Waves his hand and creates an invisible dome around himself to prevent himself from getting soaked)
Stupid cousins and their stupid meddling…

HE PAUSES TO LOOK AT A YOUNG WOMAN WITH PURPLE, YES PURPLE, HAIR WEARING DRENCHED RED ROBES. SHE IS POUNDING VIOLENTLY ON THE INN'S FRONT DOOR WITH HER STAFF.

Magess: (yelling) Hey, open up! It's raining out here, you rubes! Don't FORCE me to fireball you into the next plane of existence!

Nuitari: Be still my…foolish heart.