~Spike~
This blasted headquarters is bespelled against vampires to the point that I need gloves just to climb over the fence. With the wardings they have up, I don't know if I could enter the building even with an invite, but I seem to have no problem moving around in the garden. I watch the windows of the building, looking for any trace of Dawn inside the illuminated panes. Hearing footsteps, I nudge Spike Jr. behind a bush, and we listen in on the toff's chit chat.
"I tell you, I cannot believe how easily the girl fell for his act; one would think he practices the black arts in order to track down vampires."
"I have wondered about that myself, Rupert. Surely, his luck cannot hold much longer. He has the highest kill ratio of all our members, other than the Slayer herself."
"Croft is catching up with him though. That is why the girl is so important to him. He thinks she will lead him to a vampire nest tonight."
"I did not think the council would agree to that, what with one of those monks coming."
"You know my father; he did not bother to ask."
"You mean he took her off council grounds without permission? But what if she is dangerous? The Order of Dagon is quite powerful."
Dagon! They've got to be talking about Dawn.
"I have been exploring what information we have on them all afternoon, and found quite a few interesting prophecies relating to a future Slayer, who will avert an apocalypse through the use of some key. The scroll was difficult to translate though; it almost made it sound like a vampire would help her."
The man in brown laughs, "Rupert, I think you need to check your dictionary. That is just not plausible."
"Oh, don't you start. I tried to talk to my father about it before he left, but he just called me a bleedin' idiot and told me to go stuff my head back in a book."
Their walk has taken them almost directly in front of where we are hiding "I'll take the one in gray, you get the one in the brown", I whisper to Junior. He springs from his crouch behind the bushes and lunges at the brown-coated man, taking him by surprise. The Watcher recovers quickly and pulls out a cross and a stake from his pockets. As Junior and the Watcher begin to circle each other, I grab the gray-coated Rupert and pull him into the bushes. "I hope your friend's a good fighter 'cause we need a few minutes to talk."
I shake my game face away, but leave my hand over his mouth. "Bloody good work translating that prophecy, mate. Only one thing you missed. That girl that's with your old man…she's the key and I need to get her back to the future."
I release his mouth so he can talk. I'm expecting something like, why would I help you, you're a vampire, but he surprises me.
"I know where they were going. Do you think you can stop your partner from killing my friend if I agree to come with you?"
'My partner' has his fangs sunk into the Watcher's throat, but the man's heartbeat hasn't started to falter, so I guess I can make good on my part of the deal.
"Drop him! I've got the one I want." I can tell he's not listening to me. I rip the man from his arms and send him flying into the bushes. "I said drop him!"
"I wasn't finished."
"Bugger that, we need to go."
"You're almost as bad as Angelus"
He was asking for that punch in the nose, he really was!
~Dawn~
It looks like a nice place to grow up. The street is wide and tree lined, the branches arch overhead to shake hands in the center. A boy and a girl are laughing and chasing a hula-hoop with a stick down the street. The late evening light lengthens their shadows into insubstantial giants. I try to imagine Spike playing like that, but all I can picture is him throwing rocks at windows. I bet he was a cute kid though, probably spent his time charming treats out of his cook and avoiding his tutor.
A couple in old fashioned clothes waves as we pass. Giles sides steps them and pulls me along by my elbow, leading me to a brown brick town home. So this is it, Spike's house. Now that we're here, I am in a quandary about what to do. Should I go up to the doors, knock, and say- Hi, I'm Dawn. You don't know me, but I'm trying to find William. Yes, ma'am, I know he's dead, but I still need to find him. I'm sure that will go over big. And how can I get rid of Giles? I'm beginning to get a bad feeling about him, he's been a tad too agreeable about me trying to find the family home of a vampire. I'll try the polite approach and if that doesn't work…well, running and hiding are always options.
"Thank you for walking me here. It's okay to leave now though. I'll be fine waiting here on my own."
"Oh come now, I can't leave a young girl like yourself all alone in a strange neighborhood."
"No really, I'll be fine. I'll just wait here."
"What are you going to do if he doesn't show?"
"There's one other place I can look." The look on his face, when I said that, is entirely too eager. I'd rather try to make it back to Dru and the warehouse than trust the Watcher's council. But what if they aren't there? I start chewing on my fingernails. Even in this time, London is huge. How will I ever find any of them? The 'what ifs' circle my head like vultures. All this worrying is giving me a headache.
A lamplighter leans his ladder against the streetlight as we wait. The gaslights flare, leaving us bathed in a pool of yellow light. He smiles a decaying, gap toothed greeting, as he moves on to the next pole. I can see the other lights beginning to come on in the neighboring houses, and shadows of people move behind the curtained windows. Spike's old house only has a couple of windows lit toward the back of the house. I wonder what his mother and sister are like. He never shared much about his human past; too many good stories about being the Big Bad I guess.
Suddenly, from down the street, I see three men approaching. Spike's bleached blonde hair stands out in the dim light. I break away from Giles and run to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, and burying my face in his chest. My eyes overflow with tears of happiness, and I start blubbering in relief.
He sweeps me up in a bone-crushing hug. "Nibblet, it's all right, everything is going to be okay."
"I knew you would lead me to them. Get out of the way girl, he's just another demon to be put down." Giles waves a small pocket sized crossbow threateningly.
"You mean he's just another tally mark down at the club," Rupert replies as he steps beneath the light of the street lamp. I am so surprised to see him that my jaw drops.
"Boy, what are you doing here in the company of these fiends?"
"If you ever read something other than war histories, you'd understand why I'm here. That prophecy I shared with you is about them." He gestures toward Spike and I.
"You are a fool; the texts are full of false prophecies."
"No, it's you who are the fool. Only a fool would….
A shadow flies between them, knocking Rupert aside and pushing me to the ground. I go rolling across the grass, uncertain for a second as to what's happening. I come to a stop as Dru twists my head around, baring my neck.
Drusilla growls at me, "No key, no future. Then my boy will have to come back to me."
I hear shouting over my head as black sparkles dance before my eyes.
"Where did she come from?"
"Don't know, must have followed us."
I thrust my feet up and manage to break her hold a little. I drag in a ragged gasp of air, but I am no match for her. The searing pain makes the world go red as she sinks her fangs into my throat. Spike pulls her off me, and the three of us struggle. Dru clips me a good one and I fly back into a tree, disoriented for the moment. Spike lobs a sidekick at Drusilla, which knocks her off balance but gets caught in her skirt, and they end up grappling around in the grass. I sink down against the trunk, trying to keep track of everything that's going on around me. The world has exploded into a morass of fists and fangs.
~Dr. Lawrence~
"Your brother is dead. He died. Even if you saw him again, he couldn't be what he was for you." I explain for the umpteenth time.
"I know that! I just need to see him again, to prove to myself that what I saw was real." She clutches at the banister to keep her steps from wobbling as she descends the stairs.
"Paige, stop. You can't just go looking for him. It's dangerous out there and you're still not well." I whisper harshly as she continues to ignore me.
"Paige, if you don't stop this instant, I'm going to go get your mother."
She holds onto the newel post, panting from the exertion. "Go ahead if you can wake her up. Of course, by now you will have to pry the decanter from her grasp."
I play my trump card. "William wouldn't like it if you put yourself in danger." That seems to stop her for a moment, but then a look of resolve comes over her face and she staggers toward the foyer.
Shouts and curses draw us both to the windows. A battle is taking place on the lawn. I recognize the three vampires and Dawn, but I'm not sure who the other two combatants are. I feel a rush of relief as I catch sight of Dawn leaning against the tree. Home, home, home, it's time to go home, my heart sings. I hadn't realized just how scared I was that I'd never get back there until I saw her.
Paige too, has identified the fighters. "That's my brother. That's William. Let me go. I have to go to him."
I grab a hold of her shoulders and turn her to face me. "Paige, I'm going to level with you. Those are vampires out there, they are real, and they're dangerous. He may not kill you, but he has friends out there for whom you will be nothing more than a meal."
Paige pulls away from me and opens the front door. Her arm slips through my grasp as I try to detain her. She plunges into the fight, throwing herself between the brown haired vampire and an older man as they struggle for control of a crossbow. The vampire's eyes widen in shock and he loses his concentration. I wince in sympathy as her distraction prevents him from blocking a vicious blow to his chest that knocks him to the ground. The man brings the crossbow up and aims it at his opponent.
Paige screams and throws her body at him. "You shall not hurt my brother." She knocks the bow up and away. The man's powerful backhand drops her to the ground like a discarded doll, enraging his opponent. As the fighting intensifies I zig zag, commando style, to get to her side.
"Come on Paige, wake up, we have to get out of here." I slap her cheeks lightly.
A young and hopefully human stranger sweeps her up in his arms, pulling her away from me, saying, "We have to get her into the house. They can not follow you there."
I don't think he realizes that it's not only vampires that I am afraid of. I scan the struggle, searching for Dawn. My heart constricts in my chest as I take in the amount of blood covering the front of her blouse. I make my way to her, ripping my petticoat for bandages as I go. She smiles at me gratefully as I press the wad of fabric against her neck. I feel so shallow, it's not so much for her anymore as what she represents… she's my ticket home.
Dru and William continue to fight. I can tell he's holding back, pulling his punches. His moves seem defensive, rather than offensive, and she keeps herding him back toward the house. William stumbles into his…twin? And the groups merge into one. The darkness hides the action, and all Dawn and I can do is wait to see who the victors are.
Shouts and curses fill the air as the factions explode apart. Two bodies drop to the ground as the constraining pressure of the group is removed. Dawn screams in my ear and throws herself away from the tree as she identifies William. The older man lies on the ground, dead or unconscious and guarded by the younger, who points a crossbow at the remaining vamps. I edge in beside Dawn to take a look at William. It's not good. The shaft of the arrow is lodged low in the right side of his chest.
"We need to pull the arrow out, but when we do, I'm afraid your lung is going to collapse." I'd give my eyeteeth for a thoracotomy tray.
He sits up with a groan and yanks the arrow out. "Don't worry, I don't use them to breathe with anyway."
I hear the old man groan, and turn to look, catching a glimpse of Dawn out of the corner of my eye. She's as pale as one of the vampires, and her expression chills me to the core.
"It didn't work." She whispers so softly that I have to strain to catch the words. "When I touched you both it didn't work. I thought we'd just go back. But we didn't."
~Buffy~
The toes of Buffy's boots had just cleared the gaping black maw of the portal, when it slammed shut and blinked out of existence.
"Will, what happened? What went wrong?" yelled Xander.
"I don't know! The portal closed too fast, and I couldn't stop it. It felt like someone grabbed the power out of my hands."
"Damn it, Willow! Open it again. We've got to get her back."
"I know! Deja el luminoso abra marcar."
"Will, nothing's happening."
"Be quiet and let me concentrate. Deja el luminoso abra marcar."
~Dr. Lawrence~
The wet rag slides down across my face and tumbles into my lap, as I sit up with groan. My eyes come into focus on William's face and then dart around the room in confusion. We're back in the warehouse again, and I am lying on the sofa across from the unfinished portrait. How did I get here?
"Oh good, you're awake. I was beginning to wonder if you'd bumped your noggin during all the fighting."
"No, I think it was the shock of finding out we weren't going back." My hand trembles as I rub the wet rag across my eyes and mouth. I'm embarrassed by this sign of weakness and clench them tightly in my lap. I feel like I've aged ten years in … "What time is it?"
"Late afternoon," he shrugs. "You've been out for a while."
"You didn't try to wake me?" In my mind that had sounded like an accusation, but it came out with a sigh of relief.
"Figured you needed it."
"Where are Dru and…." I look around warily, half expecting her to be lurking in some corner contemplating making me her next meal.
"Junior?" He supplies. "Gone, they took off after the fight."
"Do you think they will be back?"
"Doubt it. Probably caught a ship to Italy, catch up with Darla and Angelus. That's what I would do, anyway."
"Don't you know?" I ask as I watch him rub his hands across his eyes, and for the first time I notice how drawn and brittle he looks.
"We've changed the timeline; we won't know what the effect will be until we get back."
I ponder that for a moment and then ask, "What happened after I went down for the count?"
"The Watchers called it a draw and took themselves off. Dawn and I took Paige and tucked her in bed, and then we carted you back here."
"You need to do something about Paige. Putting her back to bed like you did is not going to cut it. She won't believe it's a dream and she's not likely to forget this time, even with the bump on the head she took. Are you listening to me? She's determined to find you."
"You're right. I'm going to write her a letter."
"I don't think a letter is the best way to go with this. You really should talk to her," I protest.
"Look, you're not my doctor and I don't need a bloody nanny telling me what to do."
"Alright, that's fair. I'm not your doctor, but we agreed to be friends. And as a friend I'm going to tell you that I think you'll regret this."
The two of us glared at each other in a silent contest of wills. Finally I looked away. "Where's Dawn?"
"Next door, why don't you go check on her?
I resisted the urge to scream at him and settled on slamming the door as I exited into the hall. I had to stand there a moment and pull myself back together. I hadn't been so mad since my ex had shown up at the national medical conference with that bimbo on his arm. I took a few deep breaths and then quietly opened the second door. I paused a moment and watched my client. Dawn stood with her back to me, pacing the three foot stretch back and forth in front of the easel. Her arms were clasped tightly around her body as if she were cold. I wished that I could think of something, anything that would help her get through this additional grief.
"Doctor Lawrence!" She jumped as she caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye. "You startled me, but I am glad to see you up and around. How are you?"
So you want to pretend everything is normal? Not this time, my girl! This time we are going to get down to business. I shook my head over her obvious denial.
"Well, I'm over the gibbering in terror part, if that's what you mean. I think my mind has put itself suspended disbelief mood. There is some logic in there some place – since everything is unbelievable then there is nothing that can not be believed.
I'm depending on you to get us back, you know.
She looked startled and I couldn't help but wondered if anyone had ever allowed themselves to need Dawn. And if they had… had they told her?"
"Dawn, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Is any of this real?"
"Of course it is real. I have the cuts and bruises to prove it."
"How do you know you aren't just dreaming this? That you aren't just lying in your bed in the psychiatric ward lost in some psychotic nightmare?"
She reacts in anger to my question, and screams at me, "I am not crazy! You're here. You're experiencing this too."
She's really ticked; I think I must have pushed a button. Good.
I smile at her calmly. "You're right. And you did exactly what we all do when we encounter something unbelievable. You looked to another person to confirm your version of reality. Reality is a shared event. It's a like language in that way." She looks baffled.
"I'll give you an example. Let's say I make up a set of syllables- jitek and I decide it means to be very happy. I could go around saying I'm so jitek all day long and people would just think I'm crazy, but the minute I share the meaning of those syllables with one other person it goes from becoming a set of meaningless letters to being a meaningful word."
Her mouth shapes itself into a small o of surprise.
"So are your memories of your past shared by your friends and family?"
She nods her head a bit uncertainly. "But, the monks made the memories. That's what they told Buffy."
"Did they make the memories, or was it possible that they changed time? Just like we are doing right now?"
"I never thought about it. I guess it's possible. I just wish there were someone I could ask. To do what you said- confirm my view of what's real."
"Sometimes life doesn't offer us those opportunities. I'm afraid you may have to decide what's real on your own. I have a couple more things to share and then I'll leave you to your painting. Have you ever read a children's story called 'The Little Prince,' by Saint Exupery?"
"It sounds familiar. I think Mom may have read it to me when I was little. It's the one about a boy that travels to different planets trying to learn how to understand others?"
"Yes, that's the one. Do you happen to remember what the fox says to him at the end when he shares his secret?"
She shakes her head no.
"It's one of my favorite lines. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
"I've got something else for you to think about too. A great man named Buckminster Fuller once questioned his existence too. He came up with something like this- When he was born he weighed 6 pounds, and as he aged, his weight continued to double and triple, until he weighed over 170 pounds in his fifties, then as he grew older he began to lose weight, until he was little more then a hundred pounds. Can you guess what he concluded? I've memorized this bit, so this is a direct quote. "Who was that 70 pounds? - Because here I am. We have been making a grave error in identifying the me that is me and you that is you with these purely transitory bodies. Whatever life is, it weighs nothing."
I think I rendered her speechless! On that note I left, it was now time to beard the other lion in its den. I hope I could do as well with him.
William looked up from the table as I entered the room. "If you are over your snit I have the letter for you to deliver."
"You need to talk to her; a letter is not going to end this obsession."
"I don't need your advice. If I want to hear what you think, I will check myself in to that loony bin you work at. I am not crazy and I don't need any help making decisions. I have been making my own for almost 200 years, and I am still around; so I must be doing ok. I need only two things from you. First off, I want you to go to this address, and ask for Rupert Giles. Tell him, I want this spell performed at my old house. He'll understand why. Then I want you to go with him and give Paige the letter I'll write."
I am so mad at him I can feel my jaws aching. Here he has the chance to make peace with his past and he's not taking it. Being a psychiatrist is so frustrating at times like this. I grabbed the envelope from his fingers and slammed out the door. The sunshine outside blinds me with it radiance. My world seemed to revolve around a twilight world of grays and darkness these last few days. I squint and stamp angrily toward the end of the street. And then took another look at the directions William had written on the outside of the first envelope.
I begin to walk, first rapidly in anger, and then more slowly as I lost its edge. The hollow ring of my feet adds a counterpoint to the self-accusations that run threw my head. I keep turning my last conversation with William over and over again in my mind. Playing around with my wording and wondering if I could have changed his mind if only I had said it better or more wisely. Finally I stop to consult his directions. My feet are killing me. I don't think I have ever walked so far in my life. It really lets me know just how dependent I am on cars. I remember reading something about handsome cabs in this day and age, but I am baffled about how to go about finding one. I mean really…what makes it handsome? Besides which I have no money anyway. I wonder if I can get Paige's mother to pay me when I go there. I feel so helpless without any cash.
I ask for directions for yet a third time before I finally arrive. The buildings appearance with its iron gates and forbidding fortress-like structure make me hesitate at the walk's entrance. I give a couple of furtive glances around the grounds before proceeding up the stone path. I am not sure what I am expecting, except that something feels… wrong. I stop and compose myself in the doorway; before giving the knocker a sharp rap.
My god, it's Sherlock Holmes. I cleared my throat with a hrumph to keep from laughing, and then remembered what I was there for. "I have a message for Rupert Giles", I said as I took the envelope from where I had tucked it in the waist band of my skirt.
The man watched the extraction with a bit of a sneer. "Rupert is unavailable right now, but you can leave the message with me, I'll make sure he will receive it when he returns."
"I am afraid that I can't do that. The message is of a personal nature"
"Madam, are you suggesting that I would stoop to reading my son's private correspondence?"
"No, I apologize. I didn't mean…His son! I hadn't recognized him in the day light! But he had obviously recognized me. I made a calculated attempt to extract myself from the situation. "I am sure you would never disabuse your son's trust", I soothed.
He made a swipe at the letter, and I pulled back; hastily stuffing it into the front of my bodice. "Thank you for your assistance. I will try back later."
Backing away I hurried down the walk and back out onto the street; resisting the urge to look over my shoulder. I paused at the corner and listened without turning. A fleeting slip-slap of foot steps echoed behind me and then stopped. I started walking again, glancing into the windows on my right trying to catch a glimpse of the person behind me. Catching sight of the Sherlock Holmes clone in the reflection I started looking around for an escape route. Mixing into a crowd of shoppers, I let myself be sweep along by the flow and down a steep set of stairs. Water dripped from the walls and it smelled like I was descending into one of the vestibules of hell. Where in the world were all these people going?
I took risk and looked over my shoulder. He was still back there. A large group of people swarmed between us as I reached the bottom of the steps. I took the chance to dodge behind a column. The underground chamber echoed with voices. Every few minutes a single voice would project itself above the garble announcing something unintelligible. Making my way along the edge of the walls, I worked my way to the front of the platform, and stared in amazement. A steam train here in the tunnel! My eyes widened in surprise; this must be the famous London underground. My god, the US couldn't have had more then a hand full of passenger trains during this time. I'd had no idea they were so advanced. The ornate map posted on the wall failed to reveal any recognizable locations but St. Jame's park was listed and I knew I had passed that on my walk from the warehouse. That would at least take me back that far since Paige's house was in the opposite direction from the Watcher's Council.
Gile's Senior appeared on my right and made a grab for my arm. "I've got you now, you trollop. You shall not return to your dark master!"
I grabbed his arm in and pulled forward, throwing him off balance, and then kicked him in the nuts. He went down clutching his privates with a groan. I guess women in this era aren't taught that one because he surely hadn't been expecting it. Kneeling down next too him I slipped his wallet out of his pocket. "Help! He's having a seizure" He clutched at my ankle as I backed away from the gathering crowd and headed toward the ticket booth. Yipee! Public transportation to save my aching tooties!
The outside of Paige's house showed no sign of the battle that had taken place the night before. I continued around to the rear servant's entrance. No need to break my cover yet. I was surprised not to find the housekeeper in the kitchen, but whispers of conversation led me back to a part of the house I had not entered before. Following the sound I entered a room that was airy and perfumed with flowering plants that grew in brilliant sunshine. The large ferns obscured my view of the conversationalists. Making my way down the narrow path I continued toward the voices. I recognized Paige's, but identity of the second voice… I rounded the corner and came face to face with Gile's the younger. The look on their faces surprised me as much as I surprised them. Surely, that winsome look couldn't be for real! They had only known each other for a few hours at most! Rupert dropped her hand and turned beet red.
Mm…ah… Doctor Lawrence. I was not… I mean- do you have word from my brother?
"Yes, he sent you a letter." I say as I hand it to her. "He sent you one too, Mr. Giles. I tried to deliver it to the Watcher's Council Headquarters, but as you weren't there…Well lets just say, your father was very helpful, and please return this to him with my thanks." I met his puzzled look with a smile as I handed him the wallet along with the letter. I turned my attention back to Paige. Her face paled as she perused the letter's contents. Her hands began to tremble and then shake. The dropped from her nerveless fingers and floating gently away from her. I raised my eyebrows at her, in a silent question, and she gave me her permission with a distracted nod.
Paige-
Yes, what you saw was real. I did claw my way out of my grave and I killed and fed on the watchman. That's how things are for me. I feed on people and I kill them. That's how I survive.
I remember being your brother, but I'm not him. You need to get on with your life and let me go; 'cause if you try to find me you'll end up dead, and I don't want to be responsible for that.
William
PS. I've asked Rupert Giles to uninvite me from the house. This important, you will keep mother and yourself out of his way and let him work his magics.
I crumpled the letter and threw it on the floor. I was so angry at William. Why did he have to leave things hanging that way? That letter was like offering a starving creature a meal and then switching it with a cracker at the last minute. I searched my store of comforting phases. I wanted to say something that would ease the abandonment and heartache that I was sure she was going through. I was still thinking, when she sat forward on her chair and spoke to Mr. Giles. Her eyes seemed to burn with the intensity of the emotions she was experiencing.
"I want to know everything there is to know about vampires, and you will teach me", demanded Paige.
An undercurrent of emotion ran between them. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew it was there.
"And what would you do with that knowledge?" He asked.
"Train Slayers of course. You said that was your job, didn't you?"
"I don't understand what you think you could possibly add. The council has been training Slayers for years".
"And would the council accept the possibility of a vampire, like William; a vampire who has chosen not to kill." What would I train a slayer to do? Why to see with her heart."
Mr. Giles made no reply to her last statement, but turned to me "I will need to return to the Watcher's Council to get the supplies I will need for the spell. Will you remain here until I return?"
I nodded yes, as he strode from the room. Paige and I sat in silence for a moment. Then giving a sigh, she rang a small bell that had rested unnoticed on a small wicker table near her arm causing the housekeeper to appear. "Mrs. Norris, would you please bring us some tea?
The tea came with some little sandwiches on a beautiful wooden tea cart. I was starving at this point and could have eaten the lot in one setting, but I made nice and tried to control my hunger. Lord knows when I would ever get the chance to experience a real English tea again. As she poured, I picked up the letter that had been left lying on the floor and smoothed it with my palm. "I don't think he meant it to be so abrupt, he doesn't seem to be able to convey his emotions in writing too well." I offered her the letter. She stroked it with her finger tips, and then folded it gently and tucked it into a pocket. She waited until I finished my tea before she spoke.
"I need to see him, and you will take me there, or I will go alone."
I met her eyes squarely and nodded. I might not be able to bring the mountain to Mohammad, but by god, I could bring William's sister to him.
~Spike~
"Your doctor needs to keep her arse out of my business. Who does she think she is? She has no right to tell me how to treat my sister." I shook my fist at the door Doc had just exited.
"I haven't really met Paige, but I think Dr. Lawrence has a point. Why don't you want to talk to her?" Asked Dawn as she entered from the hall.
"It's complicated, bit. Never wanted anything more to do with them, even Paige. She's safer if I'm not around." I give a dizzy groan and flop down on the couch.
Dawn kneels between my legs and pushes up my shirt.
"Quit that" I growl as she pokes her finger near the spot where the arrow entered.
"It's not healing is it? Spike, when was the last time you fed?"
"None of your business."
"You haven't fed since we got here, have you? Well, I can take care of that right now. Where's the nearest butcher? I'll just go and pick some up."
"Won't work, bit, butchers in this time period don't keep blood unless they are making sausage or pudding. No refrigeration, remember. Don't worry. I set out some rat traps, they'll catch something soon, I'm sure."
"Rats!" She exclaims with a strangled gurgle.
"They aren't bad. Tastes just like pigeon." Yeah, and who wants to sink their teeth in one of those feathered cockroaches, ughhh!
"You could feed on me."
I consider her offer. The thought has its appeal; at least it would be better then bloody rats. "You're a stupid fool for offering, you know. Letting vampires feed on you is asking to be killed."
"I'm not letting any vampire feed on me, I'm offering to let you feed on me. There's a difference and you know it. Besides you've fed on Buffy."
"Have not"
"Oh come on Spike get real. Did you think I wouldn't know the difference between a hickey and a bite mark? I don't care how much makeup Buffy slathers on, it still had puncture marks."
"Ok have. But that's between me and Buffy and it's none of your business." I pull her up from where she is kneeling. Stupid chit doesn't have a clue at what she's offering me. Nibblet, platelet, doesn't she think those names mean anything? What they are, are ways to describe food; sick jokes that became endearments over time. She smells like food to me. Her smell is like Buffy's …ambrosia, a gift from the gods. I hold her, like a child, her head is cradled against my chest, and bury my nose in her hair, sniffing the sweet, human scent of her body. Another scent trickles into my consciousness… Drusilla. I push her off my lap and drop her on the couch beside me. "Sorry, luv, can't. You've been made enough of a pin cushion already."
"You won't feed because Drusilla bit me? How lame is that? She only got a couple tablespoons full before you pulled her off."
"You wouldn't understand. It's a sire thing. She marked you as hers. The smell warns other vampires off, even me."
"Ugh!"
"Don't worry it will fade by the time the bite heals up. You'll be back to being vampire bait in no time." Stupid stomach chose that moment to growl loud enough for us both to hear.
"I don't understand what the big deal is. You and Dru have shared people before, I saw it."
"Saw me kill, did you? Never wanted you to see that, pet. What's done is done though that's who I am."
"Who you were, maybe, but not who you are."
"Sometimes I think you are still the only one that really believes that, nibblet."
I kiss the cup of her palm and allow my lips follow the trace of her pulse as it runs beneath her flesh. Her skin feels like a warm, ripe peach. I move onward past the stitches in wrist. She tugs her arm away from me.
"Stop wiggling, I'm looking for a vein." Her body jerks backward as I sink my fangs into her forearm just below the elbow. I put my arm around her waist to steady her and she crawls back into my lap. Her blood tastes like clover and honey. It has its own shade of power, different from the Slayer's. Buffy's blood makes me feel like I have a fire burning deep in my chest. Dawn's is like drinking from a deep well; her power is green, and black, and endless.
Her hand drifts across the ridges of my face as I feed from her. I catch the slip of paper as it drops from her nerveless fingers and floats gently away from her. I raise my eyebrows at her, in a silent question. She gives her permission with a distracted nod.
~Dawn~
His lips are like fire on my forearm. I can feel my pulse all the way from my fingertips to the very soles of my feet as the blood works its way toward his mouth. The pressure is divine, like the moment before orgasm, everything building. I want him so much. I lean down and loosen the button on his jeans with my free hand. He is full and hard in my hand.
His groan is muffled by my flesh as he presses his fangs deeper into my forearm. He breaks away, kissing me as I straddle him. I kiss his neck and chest, he leans back against the couch and I begin to ride him.
Our tongues play and dance as we kiss deeply, passionately. And I can taste my own blood: hot, metallic, and sweet. All these years I have wanted him, even before Buffy. In this moment he's mine. My heart sings with it; mine, mine, mine. With his eyes closed he caresses my neck beneath by hair, and nuzzles my breast.
"Buffy"
He said her name. He said her name. I pull away from him in anger and shock. The look of horror on his face cuts me to the core.
"Bit?"
I move away, readjusting my skirt as I go. I want to run, somewhere, anywhere, than face the accusation in his eyes. "Don't even say it. It was wrong. I know it was wrong. You are Buffy's. You will always be Buffy's." I screech in anger. "God damn bitch has always had everything I wanted: she was the real daughter, she has super powers, and she has you."
"She didn't ask for those things."
"You would defend her. Of course she didn't ask for those things; they were handed to her on a silver platter. Just like you. She didn't even like you when she first met you. Not the way I did."
"Bit. Nibblet, it just happened. No need to make more of it than it was. Uhmm, you're not going to tell Buffy are you?"
I scream in rage. If I had a stake right now he'd be toast! "YOU GOD FORESAKEN BASTARD! You want to go back to Buffy, fine. I'll send you there as soon as I get the picture finished."
"Dawnie, you aren't going to hurt yourself over this are you?"
I slam the door between us and stalk down the hall.
The painting of our living room comes fast and furious. I don't even care if it is accurate at this point. If we don't get back it doesn't make much difference to me.
I wonder if I painted a picture of hell, if I could send him there.
As the slick tan of the couch and the golden brown of Xander's weapons chest form on the canvas. I'm calmer now. Painting is having it usual effect.
~Dr. Lawrence~
"I can not go any farther. I have to rest." Paige collapsed on the steps of building, pale and sweaty.
"You can make it. Come on, Paige, we need to get there before it gets dark." I haul her up and wrap her arm around my shoulders. We stagger on together for a few more blocks, before her knees give out and she sags to the ground; almost pulling me down with her.
"Ok, we rest." I said, giving in. "But we can't rest long. It's already growing dark, and this area is not real safe." I wonder if I can get her to the warehouse by myself, or if I'll need to leave her so that I can go get William. Neither is my preferred choice. I sit down on the step next to her to do some thinking.
"He won't be happy to see me will he?" She asks.
"I think he will be happy to see you, once he gets over the shock of it." I reply.
"Do you
think he still cares for me? All this time and he never once contacted me."
"I can't answer for your
brother. You can ask him when you see him."
"Ask me what?" A form emerges from the shadows, causing us both to jump. I start to fuss at him for scaring us, but the words die in on my lips. His pale skin takes on a feral look in the low light. He looks at us hungrily; his golden eyes seem to weigh us like a butcher eyeing a choice piece of meat.
"Well, well, my lovely little sister, I bet mother does not know you are running around in this part of town. It could ruin all her plans to marry you off if anyone ever found out you were here."
"William?" She appears to hesitate at the sight of the vampire's true face, but extends her hand beseechingly. "William, why did you never return to me? I missed you so much."
I can't make up my mind if I should stop her. This isn't William, or at least not the William I know, but it is her brother.
The vampire sneers, "Return, to what: Mother drinking herself into a coma, women saying I'm beneath them; you showing all my poetry to your girlfriends. Had yourself a good laugh, I wager. No thanks. Stupid little bints in pigtails laughing about what a prat I was, and you were the worst of the lot."
"I was proud of your work." She said in her defense. "You are only doing this to hurt me, to keep me away from you. Just like you said in your letter."
"What letter?" He looks at me, finally acknowledging my presence.
"Your future self….."
A look of rage comes over his face. "I'm not him. I will never be him."
As he turns to leave Paige's hand shoots out, capturing his arm. "Do not leave me again. Please, I beg of you. I love you."
"Grow up, Paige. What you loved does not exist anymore. You are food to me, nothing more."
"We could make her more."
I swing around scanning the darkness wildly for the location of that voice. My hand involuntarily covers the wound Drusilla had left a day earlier. The shadowy form inserts herself between Paige and her brother, and grabs Paige by the chin.
"I always wanted a little girl to dress up in ribbons and bows. I could be your new mummy."
Paige squeaks and hugs the wall in terror. I try to set myself between them, but Drusilla throws me aside. I fall across the stair railing with a thud. The world goes hazy dark with pain, and I'm pretty sure I've broken a rib. I lay there unable to catch my breath, and watch as the fangs descend on Paige's neck. I look helplessly at her brother, expecting him to do something to stop this heinous act, but he does nothing; his face an impassive block of stone. I extend my arm and grasp him by a booted ankle. "Help her," I whisper.
"She'll be better off turned. You on the other hand, you'll make a nice snack for her first kill. Can't promise you a painless death though, fledglings don't know how to puncture at first. They just tear the whole throat out. Hmmn, maybe I should just go ahead and eat you."
"Back demon." From out of nowhere, water splashes across my face and neck. The vampire drops me back on to the steps with a shout.
"Hey, watch it. That stuff burns."
"Tell her to unhand the girl, or she will suffer the same fate." The watcher brandished his cross and pulled out a second bottle of holy water from his pocket.
"What's it to you, mate? She's my sister." He shakes his hands smoke rising from the burned flesh.
"She is to become an innate of the council. That makes her my business." He splashed the liquid from the unstoppered flask in direction of two who were still locked in their gruesome embrace. The vampire shrieked and dropped Paige on the ground next to me.
"Dru, baby, are you all right?"
The vampiress's lips were already blistering from the onslaught of holy water, and her eyes were wild. "You will pay for that", she cried and lunged.
The cross and flask flew from his hands as the two rolled out into the street. He struggled to keep her away from his throat; bringing his elbow up under her chin and forcing her away with his other hand. They grappled violently for a few minutes, but I could see that it was a losing battle. I brought my self to my knees with a groan not knowing what I was going to do, just knowing that I had to do something. My hand came to rest on the flask of holy water. Although it had spilled when he dropped it there was still some inside. I flung the remaining liquid right into Drusilla's eyes. She screamed and the two of them broke apart.
William turned toward me, and I saw my death in his eyes. Reaching behind me I grabbed the cross and held it before me.
"You'll pay for this, Bitch." Swooping down, he clutches his injured mate to his chest and disappears into the night.
I start to sigh, but the breath catches in my chest and I groan. Clutching my injured ribs I struggled over to where Paige was laying.
"Is she alive?" Giles asks.
"Yes." I take a quick assessment of Paige's vitals. Breathing seems to be ok, and pulse is good. "I think she just fainted from the shock. By the way, thanks for the rescue; that was good timing."
"When you were not at the house when I returned, I grew concerned."
"But how did you find us?" I ask as he carefully helps me rise.
"I used a spell of contagion." He holds up a lace handkerchief that I recognized as one of Paige's.
More magic! I lived 44 years without hint of magic, and in one weekend my life's perceptions of the world are thrown out the window. God, I need a drink.
"You were heading somewhere. Will it be closer to take her there than to return to her house?"
I nod and turn to lead the way as he gently picks up Paige, cradling her in his arms.
~Dr. Lawrence~
I hear the door open behind me, and growl, "What do you want," without turning around.
"Nothing, William just asked me to check on you. He seemed to think you might want to talk. We are going back aren't we? It's not about that is it? 'Cause if it is, I really can't deal with it right now without a drink."
"What happened to you?" This was not the neatly dressed professional I first met. She looked like she had been in a brawl.
"I think I broke some ribs. Paige and I were attacked by Drusilla and William's younger self."
"Is Paige ok?"
"I think so, but she's unconscious. William is watching over her."
"So what happened while I was gone?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Most of the time when you don't want to talk, that's the very time you need to talk the most."
"Save your platitudes."
"Oh come on, take my mind off the pain in my ribs."
"I sleep with my sister's boyfriend. Ok."
"You slept with William? My, you do know how to complicate your life. So how do you feel about it?"
I start to lie, but the minute I open my mouth the whole filthy story starts pouring out. She's so calm about it. If she's disgusted it doesn't show on her face.
"And how are you feeling?" She gently prompts again.
"Guilty, angry…I don't know."
"Guilt a big one. So do you feel guilty about having sex with you sister's boyfriend, or do you feel guilty about taking advantage of him."
"Both I guess. I just wanted him to be mine for a little while. I've loved him for along time. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when we get back."
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm worried about what Spike will tell Buffy."
"So you're afraid of your sister?"
"No, I hope that when she finds out that she pounds him into mush."
"Oh, so you're worried about what Spike will tell Buffy. I think you'll have to work that with him. I suggest you do it before you go back."
"I don't want to talk to him again, ever! He said her name."
"Dawn, I think you are angry that it didn't mean as much to him as it did to you. Honey, we all go through that one at sometime or another. Think of it as a one night stand that didn't turn out too well. And as to wanting Buff to take your side, well I think you're right. Your sister will probably choose you over Spike so you'll be assured of her loyalty – did you doubt it before? From what I've heard she gave her life for you. You're talking about wrecking the lives of the two people who, from what you've said; mean the most to you in the world. You've got to decide whether you are going to take your emotions out on your sister. You've been rebelling against her for a long time and it would be very easy to lash out at her, because that's the pattern you've fallen into. But I want you to stop and think about what would be the consequences of you telling her."
"So you think I should lie? Not tell Buffy anything about what happened?"
"I'm not asking you to lie. What I am saying to you need to be very careful of your motives for wanting to tell your sister. It's not enough just to want to get it off your chest. You are an adult, now, and need to be responsible for the consequences of your actions."
She's right but I don't want to listen to her. I begin to fill in the shadows from the window. I hope he fries! Buffy will probably hate Spike, she'll definitely kick him out and she might even kill him. A small part of me cheers at the thought, but another voice begins to play the devil's advocate. That wouldn't solve anything, it whispers, you still wouldn't get him for a boyfriend.
I can't go back. I can't face them. They will blame me for it all anyway, just like they always do. "You don't have to worry about me wrecking anyone else's lives. I've decided I'm not going back. I'm going to find the monks that made me, and force them to give me some answers."
~Spike~
"You can put the bloody cross away I'm not going to eat her, or you either for that matter."
"I think not. We were just attacked by your predecessor."
"Well, I'm not him and he swears he'll never be me. So you don't need it." I lunge forward and grab the cross from his hands. The burning sears through my palms as I bust it up and throw it against the wall. "There, now that I've taken care of that little irritation, why the fuck did you bring her here?"
"I didn't bring her, so much as rescue her. I believe she was hunting you when she ran into him. She's going to get herself killed," he continued.
The two of us sit and stare at her for a moment. "What the hell am I going to do about her? I don't want to talk to her. I thought it would just make it worse. Now I don't have a choice. She'd like things to go back to the way it was, but that's never going to happen. You're right if she keeps trying she's going to get herself killed."
The watcher watches me as I watch Paige. This one doesn't look much like Giles; hair is darker, and he has a bit more weight on him too. The pup has been staring at me for the last 45 minutes ever since he put Paige down on the couch. I tried to encourage him to leave but he said he couldn't leave her here. He's looking all protective and googly-eyed at my sister. Wonder what's up with that. The twit's falling for her. That would be a fine thing- brother-in-law to a Watcher, but then he'd be brother-in-law to a vampire. Bet that would go over big with the council. And if he thinks that damn cross in his lap would have stopped me if I wanted to have a sup, then he has another thing coming.
"I've never been in the same room with a vampire before. Well, when they haven't been trying to kill me. It is kind of disappointing really. You act so normal."
"It's a good disguise. Puts people off guard." I imagine grabbing his tie and strangling him with it. It he keeps staring at me like that for much longer I'll do it. I twiddle my thumbs, rolling them over and over. I wonder what is going on with Doc and Dawn in the next room.
Dawn should never have done that too me. Always known she had a crush on me, but she…we had always been careful to keep it with in bounds. God damn it all to hell, she going to tell Buffy, I just know she will! I know the consequences of that little act will cost too much. Would have slept with her long before this if I thought I could have gotten away with it. Buffy's going to have my hide for this one. I might as well walk into the sun and get it over with.
The door to the room slams open, crashing into the wall with a thud. I leap to my feet; my body automatically launching itself into fighting mode. The Watcher too, lurches to his feet as we turn and face the oncoming opponent. I feel my body relax as I identify the familiar presence and then re-tense as I examine Dawn's enraged face.
"The picture's done. I'm ready to send you back now." She spits the words out.
Doc files in behind Dawn; her face as pendulant as a two year old's. Whatever was said between the two of them doesn't seem to have improved Dawn's mood.
"She says she's not going back," Doc announced.
"What do you mean you aren't going back? You are coming back to Sunnydale with us if I have to tie you up and throw your through that painting myself", I replied. I can feel the vain in my temple begin to throb.
"I'm not! I'm going to go to the Order of Dagon and find out, once and for all, what I am and why I was made! Besides, I wouldn't think you'd want me back there with Buffy. I might spill the beans that we slept together."
I slammed my fist into my other hand, "We didn't sleep together, we screwed. It didn't mean anything. Doc, help me out on this."
Doc gave me a dirty look. "Don't you know better then to tell a woman that it didn't mean anything. It always means something!"
"And you!" She turned toward Dawn. "You're running away from the consequences of your own actions again, and you need to stop! Face up to your choices and deal with it! It's time you grew up!"
Paige chose that moment to wake up. She sat up with a cry and huddled into the back of the couch. "Where… where am I?"
Giles rushed forward and pulled her into his embrace. "Do not be concerned, beloved. I am here. I will protect you."
Doc and I echo each other. "BELOVED!"
"Yes, she is my beloved, and I intend to marry her; if she will have me! His defiance withers under our stares, but he continues to hold Paige and stroke her hair.
"Are you out of your cotton pick'en mind? You've known this girl all of two days, and for a good part of that she's been unconscious." Doc sinks down in a chair and places her hands over her eyes. "All I want to do is go home, where I handle patients with psychosis one at a time. This mass insanity is just too much for me!"
Her words surprise a chuckle from me. Dawn looks at me with a smirk and begins to giggle. Doc eyes at both of us with distain, but then a grin slowly spreads across her face. I give a big whooping laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation. Dawn and Doc join in. Paige looks bewildered but happy and gives a tentative giggle herself. Watcher looks at the four of us like we have all fallen under some type of spell, but the laughter is becoming contagious, and even reluctantly he joins in. Dawn and I cling together, the two of us laughing so hard that we are almost bent double. The sound builds in waves. I try to stop but a glance at the others making such fools of themselves sets me off again.
Slowly, however, the laughter tapers off, and I am left sucking air to catch the breath that I don't need. Dawn and I stare at each other. I don't know what she was thinking of, but I was remembering the night that I helped her break into the Magic Box. Remembering the look on her face as I read the monks words. I didn't have a soul then so I didn't feel bad for the brat of a kid she had been, she'd just been a convenient way to get to Buffy, but now…now I could understand why she wanted to know her purpose in life.
"Spike, I'm so sorry for all of this. Please understand", Dawn pleaded. "I didn't mean for any…ANY… of it to happen. I never meant to hurt you or Buffy, and I won't. I won't ever tell her anything. But, Spike, I am so close now! They are here in this city, and all I have to do is find them. Then I will know. I will finally have a reason why…" Her words dribbled of with a frustrated sigh.
"I need to go back. Doc needs to go back; she has patients that need her. Bloody hell, the police are probably looking for all of us. Did you ever think of that? You have to come back. You can't stay here by yourself it's not safe." With each of my arguments, the belligerent look grows on Dawn's face.
"She need not stay here. She could stay with mother and I", the sweet voice of my sister interceded.
"Paige, stay out of it! It is none of your business. Dawn needs to go home. Her sister is worried about her".
"Like I have worried over you, my brother? Why should I not help her? I know what it is like to have a quest. To have your heart ripped by the longing to know…Just to know the WHY of things."
"It is not a bad idea", Giles interrupted. "She could send you back and stay with Paige. I would help her find the monks.
"Please, Spike. Oh, please. I promise I will come back to Sunnydale afterward. I can come back at anytime you know; all I have to do is paint another picture. Please…"
Slowly I nod, hating myself for giving in. Then turning to my sister I say, "Paige, I think you and I need to have a talk."
***
The glowing green portal opened. The familiar objects and furniture swirled together in a tornado of paint and darkness. Doc and I tumbled out in a heap on the living room rug living room. I let out a sharp bark of pain as the light from the window catches me across my neck. "Damn it! She had to have known that would happen."
Doc scrambled up, and gave the curtain a sharp yank.
"Buffy! Red!" I shout.
Willow came down the stairs at a run, launching herself into my arms from the third step. "Oh Spike, thank gods your home! Her eyes search over my shoulder, and she pushes me away. "Oh no! Oh no! NO!!!" Her voice rises in an agonizing scream. "Where are Dawn and Buffy? Why didn't they come back with you?"
The speech I'd been planning about Dawn's decision dies on my lips when I see the tortured look on her face. "Dawn's in the past."
Her face crumples in on itself, and she begins to cry great big soggy tears; the type of tears I have seen her cry only twice: the night I stood beside her at Tara's grave, and the night we buried Buffy. I can't face those tears again.
I shake her. "Buffy? Willow, what about Buffy?"
Doc grabs my arm. "Stop it. You're hurting her. Can't you tell she's in shock?"
"I need to know what happened to Buffy."
Xander enters from the kitchen, wearing only pajama bottoms and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "She went into the painting after you and Dawn."
~Buffy~
Buffy flung herself into the opaque, oily darkness. Her environment was not so much black as an absence of white. Oily blobs of translucent color swam before her eyes. When she focused on the ones nearest to her, she could detect individual bubbles of red, navy, emerald, and black but the over all effect was an endless sea of brownish-black. She wondered where Xander had gotten to and attempted to swim through the goo back to where she had thought she had come. Her movement sent her in to a somersaulting tumble. She rolled over and over until she could not tell weather she faced up or down. She gave a shout to warn Xander not to move, but her voice made no sound, in fact there were no sounds at all. She realized she couldn't even feel her own body, which was really wigging her out. The viscous material clung to her, blocking out all sensation. Even her individual fingers were covered. She imagined herself waving her hand in front of her face, and she thought she managed it, but the only thing she could see was a slight shift in color. In the end, with all sensation blocked, the faintly undulating orbs in were the only thing that let her know she was still moving. She watched the colors slide across each other, merging into darkness at the edge of her vision.
"One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…35 Mississippi…60 Mississippi…after 130 Mississippi she lost track and had to start over. Minutes passed and then hours. Buffy wondered how it would be before Will would open the portal again, and what would happen when none of them were there.
Her eyes were beginning to play tricks on her. The shifting blobs hinted at vague figures that she could only detect out of the corner of her eyes. She tried to shift and turn to track them, but she was getting more and more disoriented. One of the figures seemed more solid then the others and she kept her eyes trained on it. An amorphous being began to take shape.
"Mom?"
