Disclaimer: Draco Malfoy and Virginia Weasley belong to J.K. Rowling. I do not have permission to use them and I am getting no financial gain from this story. Just emotional.

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Pay For What You Get

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I wonder sometimes why things ended the way they did. There are times when I look back and see how we were. It was... I'd say perfect, but I know it wasn't. There was tension hidden underneath the surface. Emotions boiling and threatening to spill over, threatening to hit the flame and burst into...

But that doesn't matter anymore.

I wonder, but not often, that if I had done something different, something slightly different from what I did, that things would be fine, that things would be normal. It's hopeless, I know, to waste my time doing so, but I find I can't stop myself. You enters my mind, seeps in like vapors, and fills my lungs and my heart and my mind with something distinctly you, and I wonder if I will choke on it.

However, I know that I'm slowly choking as it is. Your memory surrounds me, suffocates me, and makes me want to live more than anything. If only to prove to myself that I don't need you to survive, that I can live on my own, even after knowing what joys I did when I was with you.

I wonder if you would have stayed if I asked. If I had held you close, told you what I truly felt, and kissed your tears away. Would you have stayed with me, with the world we were slowly building together?

I don't think you would have. And I don't think I would have kissed your tears away, or if you'd even have let me. I recall that I was the reason they fell to begin with. That I made your tears fall more often than a person should.

How could I have ever expected you would stay?

So, as I lay flowers on your grave, I wonder if maybe I have let the greatest thing in my life slip through my fingers, like the blood that slid from your veins. I tried to save you, I did. But, in the end, I assume that I am the reason you needed saving to begin with.

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Author's Note: I wrote this originally in my LiveJournal, but then decided to actually proofread this and edit. Gasp. Anyway, I uploaded it as a little break from Scarlet, which I'm obsessing about. Ha ha… so, this is just a little distraction for me. I'm still working on Scarlet, but I needed a break. There might even be a hopelessly fluffy story soon, too.

paranoid