A/N: The Queen Of Bad Puns and Fitz (the 12 yr old hyperactive WonderBoy!)
brings to you the second instalment of.
*Drum roll*
THE DAYS OF THE NEVERASNEEZA!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 2: The Pessimistic Pineapple Pie.
After carefully dodging several attempts of the guy in the red drag's, Wot came to the front door of THE TAILOR!
Whereupon, he entered, pushing the door open as he did so, so as not to ruin his precious with a SPECTACULAR STUNT! Pausing, Wot wondered where these strange angelic voices came, echoing his thoughts of major plot devices.
Whereupon he met . . . THE TAILOR! 'Damn,' he thought, 'Looks like I'm stuck with them.'
"Yo Wot, my man! Hope you bin doin' right? Right?"
Wot shook his sorrowfully and THE TAILOR! saw the tear in his coat.
"So that's why nobody's seen you doing those . . . them . . . whachamacallits . . . spectacular stunts of yours." Wot looked affronted.
"It's SPECTACULAR STUNTS!, T.T. It's how you say them, please, just do me a favour."
THE TAILOR! sighed. "Very well. But it'll take a while. The O.R.A.C.L.E. wants me to get this load of washing done, she's got a new Kid and he hasn't learnt the basics of a human body yet, assuming he's not human of course. The fact that his two human years old kind of makes it difficult to tell and the O.R.A.C.L.E.'s not telling."
"Isn't it easier just to say Oracle?"
"She likes the acronym."
"Acronym?"
"Our All-knowing Regular that Craps on Like an Eggplant."
"Eggplant? Why . . . ?"
"That's what I said." The TAILOR! didn't seem like he was going to say anything else but started to look quite dangerous, despite being such a weedy, nerd-like acne-attacked stunted teen gone anime.
Wot looked sideways.
The TAILOR! glared menacingly.
The following kung-fu/tai-chi/karate/kendo/taekwondo/judo/sumo/and-other- martial-art-orientated fight scene was cut from scripting due to Wot's insistence that it would be pointless for the plot and the TAILOR! especially since the rip would just get bigger and his . . . precious . . . would just end up taking longer to fix.
"I'll be back." Wot whispered to the still glowering TAILOR!
Rushing to a nearby alley (without the SPECTACULAR STUNTS of course), Wot pondered deeply on his current predicament.
What would he wear now?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Where'd all these wires come from anyway? You'd think they'd keep them all out of the way so we wouldn't cut the power every time we flew this damn thing," said Connex, the twentieth navigator to board the Neverasneeza.
"Think you must not. To drive, you will. Your job, it is," murmured Yodeus emphatically whilst staring determinedly at some point out of the window - he sensed a disturbance in the Matrix.
Salinity sauntered onto the bridge and lay her arm against Connex.
"Hello, Con," she whispered seductively in his ear.
"Sorry, Sal. I'm not a guy for leather." He shot back at her leaving her with a hurt look on her face.
Squeaking back to her seat she complained loudly to Yodeus.
"Why the hell do I have to wear this, Yods? I'm sick of squeaking every time I move and these coats! Why aren't they shorter or tighter around the shoulders? They piss me off. Every time I try a high kick or some back flip to knock out the bad guys I end up with my coat over my eyes and the Agents whistling at me to wear hotpants!" She drew a deep breath. And then exhaled quickly before she turned blue.
Yodeus waved his hand impatiently.
"Right to complain, you have not. Return to this speech impediment, I must. They want, the fans." He shook his head sorrowfully, "Good, you look, in the very least."
"Paws off, shrimp." She sneered.
A voice echoed throughout the bridge from the basement, shrieking and laughing as the dis-chords of Beethoven's Fifth made the crew cover their ears.
Connex looked imploringly at Yodeus who shrugged.
"Hide the piano well, I must not have. Enjoys the music, he does."
They all cringed as Heart and Soul was cruelly twisted into something that sounded more of an Imperial March than a love song.
"Was that . . . ?"
"Yes," Yodeus nodded sadly, "Yes, survived, he did. His mind did not."
Salinity dove for the door and blocked Connex's path.
"Too late, it is young one. The Neverasneeza, you belong to now. Your stay, you will Enjoy."
The last word seemed to rebound inside Connex's mind . . . and they started to sound more and more like the word Doom than 'enjoy' the more he thought about it.
Connex shuddered and threw a dirty glance at Salinity.
"Bite me," she said seductively and wiggled her tongue at him.
"Not in this lifetime, Sal," that comment would have earned him at least a week's worth of cold shoulders.
He grinned. If he could get out of her way than maybe his "stay" wouldn't be too bad. Then again, the word Stay had just started rebounding in his head along with Doom/Enjoy and was beginning to sound a bit Death Sentence- y.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the middle of a busy street, ignored by passers-by because of their plot relevance there were two figures in shining white gooey stuff floating slightly above the ground. Around five to ten centimetres, any casual observer would note, or wouldn't note as everyone in the Matrix at the time had orders not to look at the pair that were nonetheless floating five to ten centimetres of the ground, or two to four inches if you want it in Imperial. But then, in these times, it's best to go with the Metric system as so many countries are using it now and it is so much more modern. Personally, the author's haven't been to a lot of places but they know for sure that Australia uses the Metric system and finds it much more easier to understand than the Imperial system but that would be getting off the storyline and we really woudn't want to do that would we?
Twin1 looked to Twin2.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Twin2?"
The other looked at his partner and smiled excitedly.
"I think I am thinking what your thinking, Twin1."
"IT'S TIME-TO-STUFF-UP-THE-MATRIX- AND-THE-WORLD-AS-WE-KNOW-IT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They grinned happily and skipped around in circles, holding hands.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You like? I bit crazy, I think, but then this is a totally random story. And it's a complete mockery of the seriousness of the Matrix but sometimes you've got to look at the funnier things in life. Don't you think?
Ah yes, and pardon the Bananas in Pyjamas ref.
*Drum roll*
THE DAYS OF THE NEVERASNEEZA!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 2: The Pessimistic Pineapple Pie.
After carefully dodging several attempts of the guy in the red drag's, Wot came to the front door of THE TAILOR!
Whereupon, he entered, pushing the door open as he did so, so as not to ruin his precious with a SPECTACULAR STUNT! Pausing, Wot wondered where these strange angelic voices came, echoing his thoughts of major plot devices.
Whereupon he met . . . THE TAILOR! 'Damn,' he thought, 'Looks like I'm stuck with them.'
"Yo Wot, my man! Hope you bin doin' right? Right?"
Wot shook his sorrowfully and THE TAILOR! saw the tear in his coat.
"So that's why nobody's seen you doing those . . . them . . . whachamacallits . . . spectacular stunts of yours." Wot looked affronted.
"It's SPECTACULAR STUNTS!, T.T. It's how you say them, please, just do me a favour."
THE TAILOR! sighed. "Very well. But it'll take a while. The O.R.A.C.L.E. wants me to get this load of washing done, she's got a new Kid and he hasn't learnt the basics of a human body yet, assuming he's not human of course. The fact that his two human years old kind of makes it difficult to tell and the O.R.A.C.L.E.'s not telling."
"Isn't it easier just to say Oracle?"
"She likes the acronym."
"Acronym?"
"Our All-knowing Regular that Craps on Like an Eggplant."
"Eggplant? Why . . . ?"
"That's what I said." The TAILOR! didn't seem like he was going to say anything else but started to look quite dangerous, despite being such a weedy, nerd-like acne-attacked stunted teen gone anime.
Wot looked sideways.
The TAILOR! glared menacingly.
The following kung-fu/tai-chi/karate/kendo/taekwondo/judo/sumo/and-other- martial-art-orientated fight scene was cut from scripting due to Wot's insistence that it would be pointless for the plot and the TAILOR! especially since the rip would just get bigger and his . . . precious . . . would just end up taking longer to fix.
"I'll be back." Wot whispered to the still glowering TAILOR!
Rushing to a nearby alley (without the SPECTACULAR STUNTS of course), Wot pondered deeply on his current predicament.
What would he wear now?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Where'd all these wires come from anyway? You'd think they'd keep them all out of the way so we wouldn't cut the power every time we flew this damn thing," said Connex, the twentieth navigator to board the Neverasneeza.
"Think you must not. To drive, you will. Your job, it is," murmured Yodeus emphatically whilst staring determinedly at some point out of the window - he sensed a disturbance in the Matrix.
Salinity sauntered onto the bridge and lay her arm against Connex.
"Hello, Con," she whispered seductively in his ear.
"Sorry, Sal. I'm not a guy for leather." He shot back at her leaving her with a hurt look on her face.
Squeaking back to her seat she complained loudly to Yodeus.
"Why the hell do I have to wear this, Yods? I'm sick of squeaking every time I move and these coats! Why aren't they shorter or tighter around the shoulders? They piss me off. Every time I try a high kick or some back flip to knock out the bad guys I end up with my coat over my eyes and the Agents whistling at me to wear hotpants!" She drew a deep breath. And then exhaled quickly before she turned blue.
Yodeus waved his hand impatiently.
"Right to complain, you have not. Return to this speech impediment, I must. They want, the fans." He shook his head sorrowfully, "Good, you look, in the very least."
"Paws off, shrimp." She sneered.
A voice echoed throughout the bridge from the basement, shrieking and laughing as the dis-chords of Beethoven's Fifth made the crew cover their ears.
Connex looked imploringly at Yodeus who shrugged.
"Hide the piano well, I must not have. Enjoys the music, he does."
They all cringed as Heart and Soul was cruelly twisted into something that sounded more of an Imperial March than a love song.
"Was that . . . ?"
"Yes," Yodeus nodded sadly, "Yes, survived, he did. His mind did not."
Salinity dove for the door and blocked Connex's path.
"Too late, it is young one. The Neverasneeza, you belong to now. Your stay, you will Enjoy."
The last word seemed to rebound inside Connex's mind . . . and they started to sound more and more like the word Doom than 'enjoy' the more he thought about it.
Connex shuddered and threw a dirty glance at Salinity.
"Bite me," she said seductively and wiggled her tongue at him.
"Not in this lifetime, Sal," that comment would have earned him at least a week's worth of cold shoulders.
He grinned. If he could get out of her way than maybe his "stay" wouldn't be too bad. Then again, the word Stay had just started rebounding in his head along with Doom/Enjoy and was beginning to sound a bit Death Sentence- y.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the middle of a busy street, ignored by passers-by because of their plot relevance there were two figures in shining white gooey stuff floating slightly above the ground. Around five to ten centimetres, any casual observer would note, or wouldn't note as everyone in the Matrix at the time had orders not to look at the pair that were nonetheless floating five to ten centimetres of the ground, or two to four inches if you want it in Imperial. But then, in these times, it's best to go with the Metric system as so many countries are using it now and it is so much more modern. Personally, the author's haven't been to a lot of places but they know for sure that Australia uses the Metric system and finds it much more easier to understand than the Imperial system but that would be getting off the storyline and we really woudn't want to do that would we?
Twin1 looked to Twin2.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Twin2?"
The other looked at his partner and smiled excitedly.
"I think I am thinking what your thinking, Twin1."
"IT'S TIME-TO-STUFF-UP-THE-MATRIX- AND-THE-WORLD-AS-WE-KNOW-IT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They grinned happily and skipped around in circles, holding hands.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You like? I bit crazy, I think, but then this is a totally random story. And it's a complete mockery of the seriousness of the Matrix but sometimes you've got to look at the funnier things in life. Don't you think?
Ah yes, and pardon the Bananas in Pyjamas ref.
