Why Me?

Part II

The infant…the monster I held in my arms was a half-bred. Part human, part demon.

This creature was what my husband whispered his love to just a second ago. He loved this disgusting filthy…thing more than his wife and child. That pathetic excuse of a man!

I walked back to the brightly-lit kitchen holding it tightly to my chest. Jien was still there, oblivious to the fact that his irresponsible father had just brought a curse upon the Sha family. It squirmed a little uncomfortably, trying to loosen my grip. I only clutched tighter.

I had been washing the dishes earlier. The sink was full to the brim with water and soap bubbles. Clean and dirty kitchenware stacked up on either sides of the sink.

"Who was that mom?" Jien asked when he saw me step through the door.

I ignored him, distracted by all the messed up thoughts echoing in my head. Standing in front of the sink for a while to calm my emotions that were currently in turmoil. The dirty water reflected my expressions: confusion, disappointment, betrayal, hurt but most of all disgust.

I let go.

The bundle fell into the dirty water with a splash. My lips curling into a spiteful smile, I ignored the dishwater that was trickling down my face.

"Mom, what was that?" panic tinged lightly at his voice. The thing had begun to struggle. "Mom, what did you just throw into the sink?" I just stood still and watched it's pitiful attempts to save itself. "Mom? Answer me. Mom!" Jien pushed me away and reached into the trashing, murky water. He had to stand on tiptoes since he was still too short.

"Mom!" he cried out horrified as he pulled out the choking, sputtering, crying child. The way he looked at me then…it tore at my heart. He looked at me as if I was a monster. Me! His own mother.

It was all starting to become too much. My head was spinning. I fell to my knees and covered my face with my thin hands. Jien ran off with the screaming infant. Jien left me alone, depressed on the kitchen floor. I felt forsaken, by my husband, by my only child…by God. Kami-sama, don't do this to me.

*

I don't know how long I was lying there. A crumpled heap dirty and tearstained…but the first thing I remembered after that was looking into Jien's eyes.

"Mom, are you all right?"

Those deep limpid pools of dark browns…so much like his….

"Here, I poured you some water," he held out a glass half-filled with the warm, clear liquid. I took it from him with shaking hands. My head was throbbing; I hurt from the inside and out.

"You shouldn't cry mom," Jien was gently wiping my face with a warm damp cloth. A knot formed in my stomach. I pulled him into a tight embrace; the glass of water rolling on its side on the floor, its contents spilt and I started crying all over again.

"I love you Jien. Always remember that. You are my only son and I love you with all my heart. I love you, I love you, I love you…."

I kept repeating the words over and over again, stroking his raven black hair as I rocked back and forth with him held tightly to me. My dear, sweet, Jien. You shouldn't have to suffer through all this. Oh, all the ridicule and derision you'd have to face if anyone from the village find out about this treachery. You deserve better, much better. Dear, sweet, Jien.

After a while, I got up a little unsteadily. I placed my hands against the wall for support. I decided to take a bath. I needed it.

Whilst I was in the bathroom, I could hear young Jien's voice singing, humming a tune, muffled only slightly by the walls. Really, Jien's tone deaf, but I smiled anyway as he tried to carry a tune. Stepping out of the bath feeling refreshed, I got dressed quickly and tip toed to his room. I wanted to catch him by surprise, see what he was doing. It's a habit all mothers possess: to catch their innocent children absorbed in the middle of an activity.

I stopped short at his bedroom door.

Jien had had the child cleaned up and dressed in one of his T-shirts. The shirt was obviously, far too big for it and the neck hole itself fell over a thin shoulder. Jien was humming to it, and it was listening. Its round red eyes staring at him, hungrily lapping up the attention Jien was paying him.

Its eyes flickered in my direction and it started crying again. Jien picked it up and gingerly placed it on his lap. Turning around to see what had scared it, he noticed me.

"Mom," he said, surprised to see me standing in the doorframe. For a moment I thought that he was going to try to get it away from me, that was why his next words were a little startling.

"I think he's sick. His head feels hot…do you think he has a fever." Casually, he ignored the fact that I had tried to drown the thing in the sink just a few moments ago, asking me advice so carelessly as if I cared.

So forgiving: my son Jien.

Special..thanks to.my.lovely.reviewers..You've.succesfully.made.my.day.