Title: The Paradox of Existence
Author: DragonLight
Summary: On a mission for the Order Harry sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher. "The future repeats itself in the past." SLASH
Pairing: HP/SS
Rating: R
Author Note: This chapter is longer than Eight. Chapter Eight I'm almost positive will be the shortest chapter in the story.
Thank You's (I'm feeling talkative so bear with me.) I Have Over 100 Reviews. I'm so happy!
Lady FoxFire and shitsumon: Wait and See
Copper Fire: go read, I think this might be the chapter you've been waiting for
moraco: It's a transitional chapter -- me write filler! never ;P
Faerie Angst: I still love long-arsed reviews. Thanx I totally missed that, and so did my beta (I'll have to get on her case). As to your question, In my thinking Albus would inform the teachers as to why Remus would be 'sick' once a month. So 'Octavian' does know. I'm a wonderful author? Cool! =)
mia: I hope you got the other version, my email was acting up. If not I'll try again. Just tell me.
Quickjewel: If my chapters were any longer that it would take me A Lot longer to update. =)
And thank you to everyone else that reviewed: Saavik, Melz, Lee Lee Potter, Katy999, Nagini, npetrenko, Sabs, Lord R.
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.
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Chapter Nine: Raiding a Kitchen - Raiding a Heart
Harry lifted his head from his desk, looking at the watch that he had set on his desk he sighed. Two O'clock in the morning. Once again Harry had fallen asleep while grading essays. Now he only wished he knew how long he'd been asleep. He had obviously missed dinner and was now starving. Harry decided on taking a trip down to the kitchens before heading to bed. Not the healthiest of habits though Harry had indulged in it often enough. This time there would be no Severus to tell him how bad of a habit it was to fall asleep while grading, miss dinner, and then eat in the middle of the night. Such lectures were the reason that Harry decided to only assign essays that were absolutely necessary. The thought that Severus couldn't lecture him was a double-edged sword and Harry decided that he should turn his thoughts to other things. Standing up from his desk he grabbed his watch and moved toward the door deciding he would fix the mess in the morning.
As Harry approached the kitchen he became lost in thoughts of how he and Ron used to sneak down to the kitchen to get midnight snacks. Most of the time they had to hide or shrink away from either Severus, at the time he was 'Snape' or Filch on their nightly prowls. Those thoughts led to thoughts of the house-elf Dobby who was always overly helpful when ever Harry had snuck into the kitchens. Harry found himself suddenly homesick for his time and wanted nothing more than to return to it, unfortunately it was only the first week of February and Harry still had a long way to go.
Reaching the portrait that covered the entrance to the kitchen, Harry was about to enter when he heard something to the right, something that sounded like a footstep. Shaking his head Harry reached out to tickle the pear when he heard the sound again. Focusing his hearing Harry finally heard it. Breathing. Very softly, almost not noticeable, but Harry had spent too many years sharpening his senses not to notice the little things no one noticed. He moved toward the sound and another sound echoed in his ears, shuffling feet. To Harry it sounded like three pairs of feet. He moved closer approaching an empty corner when it dawned on him. The marauders. Lifting his hand Harry reached out until he felt the silky exterior of his father's invisibility cloak. Closing his fingers he pulled and three boys appeared in front of him.
"Good evening gentlemen, or should I be saying good morning. A little late to be roaming around the castle don't you think?"
Potter, Black, and Lupin stood utterly still and just stared at their professor in shock not uttering a single word.
"I am glad to see that you remembered the little talk we were going to have in my office. Shall we set off?" Before turning around to lead the way to his office Harry looked at the stash of food the boys had held in their arms. Figuring that he could do with an apple he grabbed one before banishing the rest back to the kitchen with a wave of his wand. "I see I must thank you for remembering that I missed dinner, although you didn't have to go through all the trouble of getting all that food. This would have sufficed nicely." As Harry took a bite into his apple as he turned around his sharpened hearing picked up a soft snicker and Harry realized that there were even more students out of bed. Keeping his senses alert he started to walk down the hallway away from the kitchens and as soon as he heard the erratic breathing of at least one other individual he reached his hand out and pulled another invisibility cloak into existence. Malfoy and Snape.
"Why don't the two of you join us?" The other two boys joined the group as they all headed back towards professor Tyler's office.
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"Stand there and don't move. I was in the middle of doing something before I went to fetch the group of you." Harry pointed to the area in front of his large desk that was still covered haphazardly with various essays and papers. Harry sent a prayer up to the heavens that he had left to go to bed with out putting things away. He might as well use it to make the delinquents think that he was omniscient after all.
Harry shuffled the papers on his desk into neat piles and placed them in his drawer before finally looking up at the five young men that had lined themselves up in front of his desk. The Gryffindors were standing in a group to the left and the two Slytherins to the right. Potter, Black, Snape, and Malfoy had been in and out of his office multiple times over the last week and Harry was tired of seeing them. Usually Lupin didn't get into trouble. Oh, Harry knew from the stories he had heard that Remus was usually in the thick of things, but he tended not to get caught nearly as often. Since Remus also happened to be his favorite 'godfather' at the moment Harry decided a slap on the wrist would suffice for the werewolf. Besides he needed even numbers for the punishment he was going to dole out.
"Mr. Lupin, 10 points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. Take yourself off to your dormitory. I don't want to ever have to see you in my office for this type of thing again."
Remus looked startled at being sent away. "Professor?" Remus looked at his housemates and then back at his professor.
"You heard me Mr. Lupin. Off with you. I'll take care of your accomplices and then send them off to bed in a bit. I trust that you know how to get back to your dormitory without assistance?"
"Yes professor." Remus looked apologetically at his friends before quickly exiting the room.
After Remus left Harry walked around his desk with an invisibility cloak swung over each arm. Walking behind the Gryffindors he dropped his fathers onto one chair and Malfoy's on the other. He walked back to stand in front of the offenders and leaned against his desk. "I'm sure that you will be able to sort out the invisibility cloaks on your own after our little conversation. I tell you now that I don't want to see them again. I won't confiscate them this time but I expect those cloaks to spend the remainder of the school year at the bottom of your trunks. Is that clear?"
A soft "yes professor," reached his ears.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that. Were my instructions clear?"
"Yes professor." This time the four boys answered much more firmly.
Harry got an evil glint in his eyes as he looked at the boys. "I don't really like this arrangement. I think that the houses should be mixed. Snape move to the other side of Potter and Malfoy move next to Black." The boys did as they were told and they now stood with Snape on the far left with Potter next followed by Malfoy and Black at the other end. "Much better. I don't know how many times I have seen the four of you in here for one infraction or another but I'm sick of it. Malfoy you should be above such behavior as this, after all you are graduating this year. The rest of you should also know better."
The four boys obviously didn't like the way that the conversation was going. They could sense their impending doom with each word that left their teacher's lips. They stared at 'Professor Tyler' and waited for their sentence to be announced.
"With the headmaster's help I've devised a special punishment for you. Alright I want the slytherins to hold out their left arm and the Gryffindors to hold out their right." The boys looked at their defense teacher strangely but did as they were told. Soon they realized that the arms that were extended were right next to each other.
Harry had gone back to his desk and started to shuffle through the drawers. After pulling out various shaped objects that none of the boys understood Harry finally exclaimed in satisfaction as he drew out two long cords. Moving back over to the young men he wrapped and tied one around Black's and Malfoy's forearms effectively tying them together before repeating the process with Potter and Snape. Taking out his wand he muttered a complex incantation and the cords dissolved.
"Those were bonding cords," Harry announced with satisfaction. "You are now bonded together for a whole week." Harry flashed a smile at the distraught expressions on the boys' faces. Harry continued on with his explanation. "From the hours of 8am, when breakfast starts until 8pm after dinner you will spend the entire day with your 'bonded.' To make things easier, Potter you will attend all of Snape's classes and Malfoy will attend all of Black's. The headmaster and your teachers will be made aware of the situation and allowances will be made in seating arrangements. I hope that by the end of the week you will be getting along better. I would hate to have to repeat this experiment or heaven forbid devise a new punishment," Harry grinned. "Alright off to bed. Since you are being subjugated to my evil whims for a week I'll only take 10 points off of each of you. I think that sounds fair."
After the boys had sorted out their cloaks they all headed for the door but Harry had one more thing to tell them. When the door had opened he called out. "Oh one more thing gentlemen. I wouldn't suggest on getting down to breakfast late. The bond demands that you stay together during the designated hours. I don't think you'll find it a pleasant experience to go flying through the halls, most likely bumping into walls and what not because you decided to lie in for a bit." All the boys groaned as they exited the Defense office and headed their separate ways.
Harry turned to start putting away all the things that he had dragged out when looking for the bonding cords. When he turned around he realized that not all the boys had left. Severus Snape stood in front of his desk his lips pressed into a tight angry line and his eyes narrowed.
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"How could you do that to me?!" Severus was seething at his Defense teacher.
"I believe I did it to the lot of you Mr. Snape." Harry was trying to figure out where this was going to go. His Severus was always calm and rational; well at least most of the time. Never did Severus lose control of his emotions even when he wasn't thinking rationally or logically. Sure his mask would slip now and again to show Harry his true self but he still had control over his emotions.
"That's not what I meant. Why me?"
Harry looked at the young man questionably. It wasn't like his Severus to be petulant and he didn't think it was something that had developed when he was an adult. "Personally I don't see the difference. You were out of bounds after curfew. You had no reason to be in the kitchen areas after hours. Therefore you were punished."
"You didn't punish Lupin." The young man said matter of factly. Harry knew where this was headed. Severus' concept of 'fair.' He motioned to one of the seats and Severus sat down across the desk from him.
"I took points for him being out of bounds."
"But you didn't punish him the way that you punished the rest of us."
"You're right, I didn't. Not that it is any of your business." Harry added with a reproachful tone in his voice.
"It's not fair. Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites. But just like all the other teachers in this place you do. And just like all the others it's the blasted Gryffindors."
"You think all the teachers have favorites. Well I'll admit some do. The Heads of the Houses do. They favor their house. So with those exceptions you still think that ALL the rest of the teachers favor the Gryffindors." Knowing what the answer would be before he even asked the question he asked anyway. "Why?"
One word. That's what he was expecting and that is what he got. "Potter." And he knew that no matter what, Severus would still believe the things he thought he saw. Even to the point that it would go across generations.
"Ah, so Potter is the end all be all of Hogwarts? The school just couldn't go on without him? I don't agree."
"It's true. Everyone favors him. Even you!" Severus had a pink tinge to his cheeks and his eyes momentarily looked at the ground. When he looked up his expression was under control and the blush was fading.
Harry's eyebrows rose in shock. It almost sounded like Severus was jealous. Harry pushed that thought to the back of his head. Hopefully it wouldn't find it's way to the front any time soon. "Do we come to the point of it then? Are you…" Harry struggled momentarily to find the right word, "…upset because I favor Potter? I don't see how I do so."
Avoiding the questions Severus instead replied to the statement. "After classes you are always talking to him and his friends." The young man sulked. Arms crossed across his chest, slightly slouched, the glare spitting black fire from his eyes. Harry blinked at how similar the pose was. His Severus sulked too, although granted Sev never sulked verbally. He left it up to Harry to determine what the problem was. Looking at the young man in front of him he realized how much easier this was.
"They asked."
The simple statement threw the young man off. He had been expecting an affirmation of his favoritism not an explanation of the supposed act of favoritism. "What?"
"They nicely approach me after class and ask if anything else of interest happened that pertained to the lesson. In other words they asked for stories. Since I'm such a nice guy I obliged. Sometimes they ask for advice. If I can give it, then I do so. I would do the same for anyone. No matter what house they come from. I do not play favorites. I have never played favorites for longer than I have taught. In fact I believe the last time I played favorites was when I was your age."
The fact that his teacher had a legitimate excuse compounded with the fact that he did in fact once 'play' favorites stunned the young man. That didn't mean the conversation was over. Far from it. "Why didn't you punish Lupin, like you punished us? Is it because of what he is?" Harry could hear the honest question beneath the scornful tone.
"No. I did not exempt Lupin because of his lycanthropy. Which you aren't supposed to mention anyway." Severus didn't even flinch at the reminder that he wasn't to discuss Lupin's 'illness' with anyone teacher or student, regardless of whether or not they knew.
"Then how can you justify it?" For a slytherin Severus had always been keenly aware of the concept of fair.
"He doesn't land himself in my office nearly as much as the four of you do. I've gotten more complaints about hexes, insults, fights and everything else under the sun. And it all stems from the four of you. Black and Potter are the leaders of the Gryffindors and you and Malfoy are the Slytherin leaders. I have no doubt that when Mr. Malfoy graduates this year you'll find a satisfactory replacement. The four of you go after each other constantly and I'm sick of it. Therefore I assigned a punishment that might curb your behavior towards one another."
"Your not the Head of either House, why do you care?"
"Because you are my students. I feel that it is my duty to make sure that you don't get hurt, be it by another student or an outside danger. One of you could seriously hurt the others. But then again you already know that, don't you?" Severus looked away from the hard gaze that Harry leveled on him. He was thinking about the incident at the shack. Harry decided to finish his thought. "Besides, I got tired of the teachers constantly bickering over what to do with you. Point blank I told them I would take care of things. This is how I chose to do it." Harry expected that to be the end of the interview and stood up to escort Snape out.
"So you don't care? It's all because it's your responsibility? You don't care about anyone at all." The voice was soft and timid. Not at all like Severus, no matter what time Harry was in. Severus almost sounded sad.
"I don't care? Don't you think that is a little presumptuous of you, Mr. Snape?"
The boy just shrugged but didn't move from his seat. Harry went over to stand by the side of his desk. Any height he could manage to gain on the younger man he would. This Severus was the same height as he was, so even in the past Harry didn't have a height advantage. Harry thought about his Severus and how his height was one of the things that made him so intimidating.
"I care." The words were whispered and for a moment Harry almost thought that he imagined them.
"Excuse me?"
"I care, that you care. I want you to care. About me." Severus seemed to be gaining a little more confidence in what he was saying.
"Of course I care. You're my student it matters to me what happens to you." Harry almost laughed at himself. For some reason it seemed that Severus usually commanded the upper hand in any conversation. Harry hoped that his vaunted luck hadn't abandoned him yet and that he could steer the conversation back into safe territory and that he could get the young man out of his office. He was too tired to have this conversation.
"Once again that's not what I mean. I want you to care about me as a person. The way that I care about you!" Severus stared at him and Harry kept his gaze locked with the young man sitting in the chair. He would not be made to look weak.
"I don't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth, Mr. Snape."
Severus set his jaw and looked up at his teacher, determination filled his dark eyes. "I love you, Octavian."
Shite. Not what Harry had wanted to hear at three o'clock in the morning. He decided that he had to stop this now. He was too weak; he was drawn to the young man that was a reflection of the man that he had grown to love. This was a vulnerable version of his bonded, his lover. And a part of Harry wanted that vulnerability, but he knew that this wasn't love, for either of them.
"You don't love me, Mr. Snape."
Severus stood up and faced his teacher, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Don't tell me that! I do! I think about you constantly, I'm jealous when I see you talking closely to anyone else. I want to be that person. I love you!"
Harry almost wanted to shirk away. To run like he had last time, but he knew he couldn't. "You don't know what love is. You're confusing it with infatuation." Harry looked steadily at the boy in front of him.
Severus took a step closer close enough to touch him. Instead of moving Harry stood his ground. "Then show me," was whispered before lips settled over his.
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Don't kill the author - or else chapter ten will never get posted. I know it seems mean, but I had to end it there or else Chapter Ten just wouldn't work. And since I was mean I'll give you a hint about the next chapter - you get a peek into Young!Harry and Older!Sev's relationship.
Read and Review - Positive feedback makes me write faster!
Author: DragonLight
Summary: On a mission for the Order Harry sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher. "The future repeats itself in the past." SLASH
Pairing: HP/SS
Rating: R
Author Note: This chapter is longer than Eight. Chapter Eight I'm almost positive will be the shortest chapter in the story.
Thank You's (I'm feeling talkative so bear with me.) I Have Over 100 Reviews. I'm so happy!
Lady FoxFire and shitsumon: Wait and See
Copper Fire: go read, I think this might be the chapter you've been waiting for
moraco: It's a transitional chapter -- me write filler! never ;P
Faerie Angst: I still love long-arsed reviews. Thanx I totally missed that, and so did my beta (I'll have to get on her case). As to your question, In my thinking Albus would inform the teachers as to why Remus would be 'sick' once a month. So 'Octavian' does know. I'm a wonderful author? Cool! =)
mia: I hope you got the other version, my email was acting up. If not I'll try again. Just tell me.
Quickjewel: If my chapters were any longer that it would take me A Lot longer to update. =)
And thank you to everyone else that reviewed: Saavik, Melz, Lee Lee Potter, Katy999, Nagini, npetrenko, Sabs, Lord R.
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.
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Chapter Nine: Raiding a Kitchen - Raiding a Heart
Harry lifted his head from his desk, looking at the watch that he had set on his desk he sighed. Two O'clock in the morning. Once again Harry had fallen asleep while grading essays. Now he only wished he knew how long he'd been asleep. He had obviously missed dinner and was now starving. Harry decided on taking a trip down to the kitchens before heading to bed. Not the healthiest of habits though Harry had indulged in it often enough. This time there would be no Severus to tell him how bad of a habit it was to fall asleep while grading, miss dinner, and then eat in the middle of the night. Such lectures were the reason that Harry decided to only assign essays that were absolutely necessary. The thought that Severus couldn't lecture him was a double-edged sword and Harry decided that he should turn his thoughts to other things. Standing up from his desk he grabbed his watch and moved toward the door deciding he would fix the mess in the morning.
As Harry approached the kitchen he became lost in thoughts of how he and Ron used to sneak down to the kitchen to get midnight snacks. Most of the time they had to hide or shrink away from either Severus, at the time he was 'Snape' or Filch on their nightly prowls. Those thoughts led to thoughts of the house-elf Dobby who was always overly helpful when ever Harry had snuck into the kitchens. Harry found himself suddenly homesick for his time and wanted nothing more than to return to it, unfortunately it was only the first week of February and Harry still had a long way to go.
Reaching the portrait that covered the entrance to the kitchen, Harry was about to enter when he heard something to the right, something that sounded like a footstep. Shaking his head Harry reached out to tickle the pear when he heard the sound again. Focusing his hearing Harry finally heard it. Breathing. Very softly, almost not noticeable, but Harry had spent too many years sharpening his senses not to notice the little things no one noticed. He moved toward the sound and another sound echoed in his ears, shuffling feet. To Harry it sounded like three pairs of feet. He moved closer approaching an empty corner when it dawned on him. The marauders. Lifting his hand Harry reached out until he felt the silky exterior of his father's invisibility cloak. Closing his fingers he pulled and three boys appeared in front of him.
"Good evening gentlemen, or should I be saying good morning. A little late to be roaming around the castle don't you think?"
Potter, Black, and Lupin stood utterly still and just stared at their professor in shock not uttering a single word.
"I am glad to see that you remembered the little talk we were going to have in my office. Shall we set off?" Before turning around to lead the way to his office Harry looked at the stash of food the boys had held in their arms. Figuring that he could do with an apple he grabbed one before banishing the rest back to the kitchen with a wave of his wand. "I see I must thank you for remembering that I missed dinner, although you didn't have to go through all the trouble of getting all that food. This would have sufficed nicely." As Harry took a bite into his apple as he turned around his sharpened hearing picked up a soft snicker and Harry realized that there were even more students out of bed. Keeping his senses alert he started to walk down the hallway away from the kitchens and as soon as he heard the erratic breathing of at least one other individual he reached his hand out and pulled another invisibility cloak into existence. Malfoy and Snape.
"Why don't the two of you join us?" The other two boys joined the group as they all headed back towards professor Tyler's office.
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"Stand there and don't move. I was in the middle of doing something before I went to fetch the group of you." Harry pointed to the area in front of his large desk that was still covered haphazardly with various essays and papers. Harry sent a prayer up to the heavens that he had left to go to bed with out putting things away. He might as well use it to make the delinquents think that he was omniscient after all.
Harry shuffled the papers on his desk into neat piles and placed them in his drawer before finally looking up at the five young men that had lined themselves up in front of his desk. The Gryffindors were standing in a group to the left and the two Slytherins to the right. Potter, Black, Snape, and Malfoy had been in and out of his office multiple times over the last week and Harry was tired of seeing them. Usually Lupin didn't get into trouble. Oh, Harry knew from the stories he had heard that Remus was usually in the thick of things, but he tended not to get caught nearly as often. Since Remus also happened to be his favorite 'godfather' at the moment Harry decided a slap on the wrist would suffice for the werewolf. Besides he needed even numbers for the punishment he was going to dole out.
"Mr. Lupin, 10 points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. Take yourself off to your dormitory. I don't want to ever have to see you in my office for this type of thing again."
Remus looked startled at being sent away. "Professor?" Remus looked at his housemates and then back at his professor.
"You heard me Mr. Lupin. Off with you. I'll take care of your accomplices and then send them off to bed in a bit. I trust that you know how to get back to your dormitory without assistance?"
"Yes professor." Remus looked apologetically at his friends before quickly exiting the room.
After Remus left Harry walked around his desk with an invisibility cloak swung over each arm. Walking behind the Gryffindors he dropped his fathers onto one chair and Malfoy's on the other. He walked back to stand in front of the offenders and leaned against his desk. "I'm sure that you will be able to sort out the invisibility cloaks on your own after our little conversation. I tell you now that I don't want to see them again. I won't confiscate them this time but I expect those cloaks to spend the remainder of the school year at the bottom of your trunks. Is that clear?"
A soft "yes professor," reached his ears.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that. Were my instructions clear?"
"Yes professor." This time the four boys answered much more firmly.
Harry got an evil glint in his eyes as he looked at the boys. "I don't really like this arrangement. I think that the houses should be mixed. Snape move to the other side of Potter and Malfoy move next to Black." The boys did as they were told and they now stood with Snape on the far left with Potter next followed by Malfoy and Black at the other end. "Much better. I don't know how many times I have seen the four of you in here for one infraction or another but I'm sick of it. Malfoy you should be above such behavior as this, after all you are graduating this year. The rest of you should also know better."
The four boys obviously didn't like the way that the conversation was going. They could sense their impending doom with each word that left their teacher's lips. They stared at 'Professor Tyler' and waited for their sentence to be announced.
"With the headmaster's help I've devised a special punishment for you. Alright I want the slytherins to hold out their left arm and the Gryffindors to hold out their right." The boys looked at their defense teacher strangely but did as they were told. Soon they realized that the arms that were extended were right next to each other.
Harry had gone back to his desk and started to shuffle through the drawers. After pulling out various shaped objects that none of the boys understood Harry finally exclaimed in satisfaction as he drew out two long cords. Moving back over to the young men he wrapped and tied one around Black's and Malfoy's forearms effectively tying them together before repeating the process with Potter and Snape. Taking out his wand he muttered a complex incantation and the cords dissolved.
"Those were bonding cords," Harry announced with satisfaction. "You are now bonded together for a whole week." Harry flashed a smile at the distraught expressions on the boys' faces. Harry continued on with his explanation. "From the hours of 8am, when breakfast starts until 8pm after dinner you will spend the entire day with your 'bonded.' To make things easier, Potter you will attend all of Snape's classes and Malfoy will attend all of Black's. The headmaster and your teachers will be made aware of the situation and allowances will be made in seating arrangements. I hope that by the end of the week you will be getting along better. I would hate to have to repeat this experiment or heaven forbid devise a new punishment," Harry grinned. "Alright off to bed. Since you are being subjugated to my evil whims for a week I'll only take 10 points off of each of you. I think that sounds fair."
After the boys had sorted out their cloaks they all headed for the door but Harry had one more thing to tell them. When the door had opened he called out. "Oh one more thing gentlemen. I wouldn't suggest on getting down to breakfast late. The bond demands that you stay together during the designated hours. I don't think you'll find it a pleasant experience to go flying through the halls, most likely bumping into walls and what not because you decided to lie in for a bit." All the boys groaned as they exited the Defense office and headed their separate ways.
Harry turned to start putting away all the things that he had dragged out when looking for the bonding cords. When he turned around he realized that not all the boys had left. Severus Snape stood in front of his desk his lips pressed into a tight angry line and his eyes narrowed.
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"How could you do that to me?!" Severus was seething at his Defense teacher.
"I believe I did it to the lot of you Mr. Snape." Harry was trying to figure out where this was going to go. His Severus was always calm and rational; well at least most of the time. Never did Severus lose control of his emotions even when he wasn't thinking rationally or logically. Sure his mask would slip now and again to show Harry his true self but he still had control over his emotions.
"That's not what I meant. Why me?"
Harry looked at the young man questionably. It wasn't like his Severus to be petulant and he didn't think it was something that had developed when he was an adult. "Personally I don't see the difference. You were out of bounds after curfew. You had no reason to be in the kitchen areas after hours. Therefore you were punished."
"You didn't punish Lupin." The young man said matter of factly. Harry knew where this was headed. Severus' concept of 'fair.' He motioned to one of the seats and Severus sat down across the desk from him.
"I took points for him being out of bounds."
"But you didn't punish him the way that you punished the rest of us."
"You're right, I didn't. Not that it is any of your business." Harry added with a reproachful tone in his voice.
"It's not fair. Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites. But just like all the other teachers in this place you do. And just like all the others it's the blasted Gryffindors."
"You think all the teachers have favorites. Well I'll admit some do. The Heads of the Houses do. They favor their house. So with those exceptions you still think that ALL the rest of the teachers favor the Gryffindors." Knowing what the answer would be before he even asked the question he asked anyway. "Why?"
One word. That's what he was expecting and that is what he got. "Potter." And he knew that no matter what, Severus would still believe the things he thought he saw. Even to the point that it would go across generations.
"Ah, so Potter is the end all be all of Hogwarts? The school just couldn't go on without him? I don't agree."
"It's true. Everyone favors him. Even you!" Severus had a pink tinge to his cheeks and his eyes momentarily looked at the ground. When he looked up his expression was under control and the blush was fading.
Harry's eyebrows rose in shock. It almost sounded like Severus was jealous. Harry pushed that thought to the back of his head. Hopefully it wouldn't find it's way to the front any time soon. "Do we come to the point of it then? Are you…" Harry struggled momentarily to find the right word, "…upset because I favor Potter? I don't see how I do so."
Avoiding the questions Severus instead replied to the statement. "After classes you are always talking to him and his friends." The young man sulked. Arms crossed across his chest, slightly slouched, the glare spitting black fire from his eyes. Harry blinked at how similar the pose was. His Severus sulked too, although granted Sev never sulked verbally. He left it up to Harry to determine what the problem was. Looking at the young man in front of him he realized how much easier this was.
"They asked."
The simple statement threw the young man off. He had been expecting an affirmation of his favoritism not an explanation of the supposed act of favoritism. "What?"
"They nicely approach me after class and ask if anything else of interest happened that pertained to the lesson. In other words they asked for stories. Since I'm such a nice guy I obliged. Sometimes they ask for advice. If I can give it, then I do so. I would do the same for anyone. No matter what house they come from. I do not play favorites. I have never played favorites for longer than I have taught. In fact I believe the last time I played favorites was when I was your age."
The fact that his teacher had a legitimate excuse compounded with the fact that he did in fact once 'play' favorites stunned the young man. That didn't mean the conversation was over. Far from it. "Why didn't you punish Lupin, like you punished us? Is it because of what he is?" Harry could hear the honest question beneath the scornful tone.
"No. I did not exempt Lupin because of his lycanthropy. Which you aren't supposed to mention anyway." Severus didn't even flinch at the reminder that he wasn't to discuss Lupin's 'illness' with anyone teacher or student, regardless of whether or not they knew.
"Then how can you justify it?" For a slytherin Severus had always been keenly aware of the concept of fair.
"He doesn't land himself in my office nearly as much as the four of you do. I've gotten more complaints about hexes, insults, fights and everything else under the sun. And it all stems from the four of you. Black and Potter are the leaders of the Gryffindors and you and Malfoy are the Slytherin leaders. I have no doubt that when Mr. Malfoy graduates this year you'll find a satisfactory replacement. The four of you go after each other constantly and I'm sick of it. Therefore I assigned a punishment that might curb your behavior towards one another."
"Your not the Head of either House, why do you care?"
"Because you are my students. I feel that it is my duty to make sure that you don't get hurt, be it by another student or an outside danger. One of you could seriously hurt the others. But then again you already know that, don't you?" Severus looked away from the hard gaze that Harry leveled on him. He was thinking about the incident at the shack. Harry decided to finish his thought. "Besides, I got tired of the teachers constantly bickering over what to do with you. Point blank I told them I would take care of things. This is how I chose to do it." Harry expected that to be the end of the interview and stood up to escort Snape out.
"So you don't care? It's all because it's your responsibility? You don't care about anyone at all." The voice was soft and timid. Not at all like Severus, no matter what time Harry was in. Severus almost sounded sad.
"I don't care? Don't you think that is a little presumptuous of you, Mr. Snape?"
The boy just shrugged but didn't move from his seat. Harry went over to stand by the side of his desk. Any height he could manage to gain on the younger man he would. This Severus was the same height as he was, so even in the past Harry didn't have a height advantage. Harry thought about his Severus and how his height was one of the things that made him so intimidating.
"I care." The words were whispered and for a moment Harry almost thought that he imagined them.
"Excuse me?"
"I care, that you care. I want you to care. About me." Severus seemed to be gaining a little more confidence in what he was saying.
"Of course I care. You're my student it matters to me what happens to you." Harry almost laughed at himself. For some reason it seemed that Severus usually commanded the upper hand in any conversation. Harry hoped that his vaunted luck hadn't abandoned him yet and that he could steer the conversation back into safe territory and that he could get the young man out of his office. He was too tired to have this conversation.
"Once again that's not what I mean. I want you to care about me as a person. The way that I care about you!" Severus stared at him and Harry kept his gaze locked with the young man sitting in the chair. He would not be made to look weak.
"I don't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth, Mr. Snape."
Severus set his jaw and looked up at his teacher, determination filled his dark eyes. "I love you, Octavian."
Shite. Not what Harry had wanted to hear at three o'clock in the morning. He decided that he had to stop this now. He was too weak; he was drawn to the young man that was a reflection of the man that he had grown to love. This was a vulnerable version of his bonded, his lover. And a part of Harry wanted that vulnerability, but he knew that this wasn't love, for either of them.
"You don't love me, Mr. Snape."
Severus stood up and faced his teacher, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Don't tell me that! I do! I think about you constantly, I'm jealous when I see you talking closely to anyone else. I want to be that person. I love you!"
Harry almost wanted to shirk away. To run like he had last time, but he knew he couldn't. "You don't know what love is. You're confusing it with infatuation." Harry looked steadily at the boy in front of him.
Severus took a step closer close enough to touch him. Instead of moving Harry stood his ground. "Then show me," was whispered before lips settled over his.
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Don't kill the author - or else chapter ten will never get posted. I know it seems mean, but I had to end it there or else Chapter Ten just wouldn't work. And since I was mean I'll give you a hint about the next chapter - you get a peek into Young!Harry and Older!Sev's relationship.
Read and Review - Positive feedback makes me write faster!
