Title: The Paradox of Existence

Author: DragonLight

Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore Harry sees his lover from an unexpected perspective. That of a teacher. "The future repeats itself in the past." HP/SS *SLASH*

Pairing: HP/SS

Rating: R

Author Note: I was so excited to get over 150 reviews I just had to respond to as many as possible!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. According to ff.net I 'Paradox' has gotten over 150 reviews! Thanx to JungAnya, Creamy Mimi, Nagini, Saavik, koko, npetrenko, Emma, Sela, Lord R, Katy999, WittchWay, Els-chan, coriander, Sabs, venus4280, moraco, SaraWolfe, Lady FoxFire, blackunicorn, Copper Fire, Quickjewel, Cetsunai

Faerie Angst: I'm not Evil! Evil people can't make you drool for more =P

Butterfly: Can't tell you. It would give away the story

Kateri: tagline is "future repeats itself in the past" after all

RavensHaelo: Why thank you, I try to be original

Lee Lee Potter: Evil =( I hope I didn't make you wait too long, and begging did help

Nora Charles: I love chocolate =)

Rebecca Cecile: The whole story is already planned out but I suggest you keep reading ;)

Bumblebee Bucy: Thank you I try extremely hard to keep them in character.

shitsumon: won't tell, my lips are sealed. But I did write a short interlude (to be posted next) about the week of "wedded torture"

TigerBlak: I'll only post the chapter if you put the flamethower down. Good TigerBlak. =)

Kaat ShodowLover: No big questions this time? Well what can I say. Poison has been on my mind. Thanx for pointing the mistake out Fearie Angst did the same. Anyway the invisibility cloak is kinda necessary. Besides it has to be fun wandering around Hogwarts w/o being seen.

Acyla: If you read closely (very closely) there are a few sentences (mainly in chapter 4) and more that will come later that shows how Peter has been pulling away from the marauders. So he actually wasn't there. Not important to the overall story, but just a little pointless fact. Unfortunately Ron will not visit. There is a logic behind my thinking. Ron is an auror, he works for the ministry, not for the 'Order' and Dumbledore. (No split loyalty. Either the Ministry or the Order, not both. There's a logic to that too but it would take too long to explain.) B/c of this Albus won't send him. As for Hermione (and the twins) they work as R&D (research and development) for the 'Ordrer'. Don't go in active missions. Only 'operatives' do - Siri, Remy, Sev, Dray, and Harry plus others. Hope that cleared things up. Oh you;ll see Ron and Hermione later though, just not visiting the past.

Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.

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Chapter Ten: The Talk

Harry kept his mouth firmly shut under the onslaught of the youth. Grasping Severus' shoulders he roughly pulled him away. He pushed the younger man into the chair he had been previously sitting in and stared at him, his mouth set into an angry line. He wasn't angry with the young Mr. Snape. He was angry with himself. Angry that he had let the situation get that out of control. He should have just sent the young man to his rooms, and neglected answering any of his questions.

Severus had buried his head in his hands. Harry wished that he were one of those people that always knew what to say in order to get what they want. And right now what he wanted was to end this situation and send Snape back to his dorm.

"I've ruined things." The low voice didn't sound upset just resigned. His face still in set in its angry lines, Harry looked at the boy. He sat there looking at his student, his eyes shadowed not revealing anything.

"There was nothing to ruin." The voice was hard and Severus tensed.

"My chance with you. I think that was something to ruin."

"You didn't have one." Lying never hurt anything, right?

"How can you say that?! How can you say that nothing exists between us?" Severus' voice was getting louder with each statement he made.

Harry narrowed his eyes at the younger man. "Because nothing does and nothing ever will." Oh the tangled web of lies one weaves. "You are my student, I am your teacher. That is the only relationship that can or will ever exist between us." Why was this sounding so familiar to him? Probably because he had already went through this.

"There are no rules against it. If you want to be with me you can."

"That hinges on the belief that I want to be with you. What if you are wrong about my persuasion? You seem to think I favor men over women, what if you're mistaken in your assumption?"

"I'm not." Harry looked at the young man he sounded so sure of himself.

"What makes you so sure?"

"You left. You didn't laugh at me after the detention. You left, if you liked women you would have laughed and stated as much. And you didn't do any of that. Like I said you left." Bloody hell. How was it that Severus always saw the truth behind Harry's actions, whether well hidden or not.

"Point, Mr. Snape. So you have guessed my persuasion. That still doesn't prove that I want to be with you. Why would I want to be with a child?"

"I'm not a child." The indignation in the other's voice caused Harry to raise a single eyebrow. "You know nothing about me. Nothing about my life! I'm not a child." Harry smiled a cold smile stepping up to the chair and looking down upon its sole occupant.

"And you know Nothing about me. Mr. Snape. To pursue a relationship with me would be foolhardy, enough to place you in Gryffindor." The boy reacted as Harry had expected him too. He shrunk back into his chair at the insult combined with the harsh tone. "I am not nice, or understanding. Neither am I patient. On quiet a few occasions I've even been called a heartless bastard." Okay so only Draco called him the last, and only once or twice. Harry wondered why he was trying to justify his statements to himself usually he never bothered. The whole speak first think later concept as Severus told him.

"I think you're wrong. It's all an act. You're just upset. The Octavian Tyler that I've seen is not those things. You say that I don't know you and that if I did I wouldn't want a relationship. So let me get to know you. The Octavian Tyler I've seen is the most fair, unbiased individual I've ever met. If I'm wrong and you're right then I wouldn't want a relationship. So let me get to know you." Harry could tell that Severus had just laid the last of his 'chips' down. Everything he had. Harry hated to do this, but it had to be done.

"No." One word. The end of one of the worst conversations in his life. He could go to sleep. Unfortunately the young man didn't move.

"No? Why not? Let me get to know you. I won't leave unless you agree and it would be awfully hard to explain why I was in your office this morning in my pajamas. It would ruin your reputation with the students and the teachers."

The little arse. Harry could quite happily strangle him. "Fine. We'll get to know each other, but no funny business Mr. Snape. Once a week you can come to my office for 'tutoring' sessions. As long as I am not needed by another student or teacher you can sit and do homework or we can talk, although I am not much for the latter. Now get out." Each word was dragged out of Harry and as Snape stood up he glared a ferocious smile at the young man and the cheeky little bastard only smiled back at him in return before heading out of the office and to his dormitory.

Harry looked at the glass paperweight that was on his desk. It had been a gift from his Severus, a solid glass prism beautiful in its simplicity. He picked it up and hurled it at the far wall and it shattered. Harry sighed before waving his hand in a simple gesture and wandlessly repaired the object. Summoning it to him he placed it back on the desk. After all it hadn't been His Severus' fault. It had been the little brat that Severus was before. Actually blackmail was still something that Severus favored. He was a Slytherin for a reason after all.

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(Future: Beginning of Harry's 7th year)

Harry held the glass of brandy tightly between his hands. He stared into the fire from the chair he was sitting in, trying to determine what was going on with Severus. Classes had started the week before and Severus had avoided him for the entire week. Sooner or later they would have to discuss what had transpired over the summer. Harry heard the door to Severus' private chambers open then slam shut. Harry didn't flinch. He had gotten used to Severus' tempers halfway through the summer. Harry knew the instant that Severus' eyes found him.

"So this is where the 'Famous Harry Potter' has hidden away from the world." The combination of the scathing voice with the insult was enough to make Harry flinch, at least slightly.

Knowing there was no point in arguing with the older man about his unwanted fame Harry responded, "I'm not hiding."

"You aren't?" The sarcasm dripped from Severus' voice. "I've just come from being threatened by that filthy mutt that calls himself a man for murdering you over the summer. He wouldn't even believe those tag-a-longs you have for friends that told them they've seen you all week. He's searching the castle as we speak for your lifeless body." Severus sat down in the other chair by the fire, his chair.

Harry gave a little laugh and smiled humorlessly at Severus before raising the glass he held to his lips and sipping the deep amber liquor. "I came down here to talk to you. We have to talk sometime. So you see, I wasn't hiding."

Severus looked at the glass in Harry's hand. "You shouldn't be drinking."

"Then you shouldn't have given me any to discover how good it tastes." Harry flashed the older man an impudent smile.

"Don't you care the least about your godfather roaming the castle looking for you?"

"Not particularly. I saw him this afternoon. He was just making your life difficult because I didn't agree with him that this summer must have been horrible for me. I told him I actually found it 'tolerable'." Harry returned his gaze to the fire. "I meant what I said at the beginning of the summer. I do love you, Severus."

"Don't say such things Potter."

"It was 'Harry' this summer."

"It is no longer summer, Potter. And whatever nonsense that came to pass this summer will not continue."

"Why? Please tell me why." Harry didn't get upset. There was no point. If Severus was adamant about ending their relationship before it really began then Harry knew nothing he said would stop the other man.

"It's relatively simple, Potter-"

"Stop. If we are talking about this then call me Harry. Please Severus."

"Fine *Harry*. You should have been able to figure this out, however. After all you aren't a complete dunderhead." That was practically the king of compliments coming from Severus. "It is no longer summer. I am once again your teacher and you are once again my student."

"I don't think that anything has changed. I was always your student."

"That is where you are wrong. This summer you were acting as an operative of the Order of the Phoenix. Now that classes have started again you are Potter, the bane of my existence."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment and let out a slow breath. The man was infuriating. "Stop hiding behind your excuses."

"I am doing no such thing, Potter. Now kindly vacate my quarters at once. The password will be changed as soon as you leave so don't bother coming back."

Harry sat his glass on the table separating the two of them before slowly sinking out of his chair and onto the floor. Raising himself onto his knees he positioned himself in front of the other man. "You can't just push me out. Not after what we shared this summer."

"Shared? And pray tell what exactly did we share this summer?" Venom laced the other's voice but Harry stood his ground.

"A soul." Harry took up his glass again and pressed it into Severus' hands. The older man unconsciously lifted the glass to his lips and sipped. Harry watched as Severus swallowed the brandy before taking the glass back. Severus in turn watched Harry, not knowing how to respond to the statement that he had made. Harry slowly turned the glass so he could place his lips over where Severus had placed his. Severus stopped the glass in mid-motion.

"Don't make me laugh, Potter. A soul? Where do you find these concepts?" Not giving the other a chance to answer he continued. "So what, we saved each other's lives. You broke down and confided in me. You would have chosen someone else had there been anyone else to listen. Likewise can be said for me. You were convenient. I confided in you because you were there."

Harry's voice was deadly quiet when he responded. "Liar." He watched as the man before him bristled in rage. He knew he may have pushed the line too far and could well end out on his ear in the corridor. "You don't confide in someone just because they are convenient. You'd rather die first."

Severus' eyes were narrowed in anger as he watched Harry lift the glass and gulp down the rest. "Potter, if you can't drink properly then don't drink. Brandy is not made to gulp it is made to savor."

"Just. Like. You." Severus raised an eyebrow in his trademark expression. "I have spent the entire summer breaking through your walls in order to get to know you. You aren't going to just slam those walls back up again. I did not confide in you because you were there. I confided in you because you would understand, the same reason that you confided in me. We shared a soul."

"Stubborn as always. Has it occurred to you that there are school rules against this sort of thing?" Severus prayed to whatever deity deigned to listen to him that the fool boy hadn't checked the school charters. Harry just stared at his professor a thoughtful look on his face. Severus knew that he had the young man.

"Then I guess I'll just have to follow tradition." Severus breathed an unnoticeable sigh of relief. "After all I've already done, the school will just have to bend another rule for the 'Boy-Who-Lived'."

Blast the boy anyway. "Insufferable brat. There are reasons such rules are in place."

"Oh I've no doubt. But there is no way that you would change my grade just because we are together. I have always been horrid at potions and I probably always will be. A marked increase in my grades would prove that something was afoot." Severus started to protest but Harry cut him off again. "Don't lie to me. I know you don't think that I am overly smart by far, but I'm not an idiot either. I checked the rulebooks immediately after the Christmas holidays last year. There are no rules against teacher-student relationships. There probably should be but there aren't."

"I never thought that you were stupid. I think that you don't apply yourself nearly as much as you should." The acknowledgement was whispered almost as if Severus didn't want Harry to hear it, which could have very well been the case. But Harry did hear the admission and it convinced him that there was something between them. That Severus didn't hate him. Might not love him yet, but didn't hate him and hopefully liked him.

"You're right. I don't try nearly as hard as I should. Sometimes I don't see the reason why. If my life is predetermined then I just feel that perhaps I should give up. Let it take its course. After all I'm not in control."

Severus took Harry's chin in one long slender hand and made the young man look at him. "Never say such things, Harry. You are in control of your life. You make your own choices. And if you chose to walk out of this castle and never come back, I wouldn't blame you. I think that the wizarding world has asked too much from you and you don't have the responsibility to them that so many of them think you have. If anything, the wizarding world has a responsibility to you." Severus released his chin but Harry didn't stop looking at him. A note of bitterness entered his voice. "One that the majority has failed utterly. Myself included."

The last statement took Harry by surprise. "Excuse me?"

Severus didn't look at him. Instead he looked over his head toward the fire. "You heard me. I've failed in my responsibility to you. I should stay away from you. I just wish it was easier to do so. As your teacher I should stay away from you."

"I won't let you." Harry started to rise from the floor but Severus laid a hand on his shoulder stopping him.

"You can't stop me."

"Watch me. I'd fight for you."

Severus narrowed his eyes in a searching manner and looked at Harry. Harry stood up and made his way toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

Laughter tinged Harry's voice when he answered. "I thought you kicked me out."

"You giving up halfway through the conversation, running away, very unPotter like."

"Would you rather me stay, Severus?"

"If you would like." And that was what Harry had been waiting for. The closest that he'd probably ever get to permission. Harry walked back and stood over the other man. "What?" The tone was clipped but Harry could sense no real venom in it.

"Are you going to change the password to lock me out, again?"

"I suppose not. You're blocking my view of the fire, brat."

Harry smiled before climbing onto the older man's lap straddling him before claiming Severus' mouth in a kiss. After quite a few seconds the other man gave into the persistent mouth. The kiss was slow and sensual like many of the kisses they had shared over the summer. This kiss contained more, it contained a part of their souls they hadn't exposed to the other yet.

They pulled apart and Harry looked into Severus' eyes. He was shocked at the uncertainty that he saw in the older man's gaze. He almost backed away until he realized the reason for such an emotion. How could Severus be sure that Harry was certain about his actions. Things that he could possibly say ran through his head but he decided against them all and decided the best course of action would be just that, action. After all actions do speak louder than words.

Harry moved one hand from where it was resting at the base of Severus' neck and lifted it so he could rest it upon the other man's cheek. Severus didn't say anything just looked at him with open curiosity. Harry marveled at the multitude of emotions he could now see in the other's eyes. He lowered his head once again and gently brushed his lips against Severus', never applying pressure never demanding. His lips were hovering there barely touching. Severus tried to deepen the kiss but Harry pulled back.

"I'm sure Severus. I've thought about this and I'm sure. This wasn't a decision that I made in a moment when passion clouded my view of things. It was a decision that took me a long time to determine. I think that you should know that. You deserve to know that. No matter what we choose to happen, you have a right to know that I didn't make my decision based on anything other than what I think we could become to each other. The more I thought about it, the more I saw that what I wanted wasn't a snog or a quick shag. What I want from us is something much more substantial. I want to give you everything I have to give and I want you to take it." Severus made to pull him down but Harry didn't let him. He put his hand on the others chest and pressed him back into the seat. "This isn't free, Severus." Harry could almost say that the man looked terrified at that statement. "I expect the same in return. I don't want something meaningless, I want the opposite." And with that said Harry leaned down and placed his lips upon those belonging to Severus and started to kiss him. He poured all the love and passion he had into that kiss. And more importantly to Harry he felt equal measures of both returned.

That night more was given then just a kiss. And in the early hours of the morning when Harry finally left he knew that there was no going back. He had given everything and he didn't want any of it returned.

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Well, I hope that this chapter satisfied your curiosity. The next chapter is going to be what happened to our favorite students during the week they were bonded.

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