Title: The Paradox of Existence
Author: DragonLight
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.
Pairing: HP/SS
Rating: R (this part is PG-13)
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long. Real life intruded on my writing time. But I did lengthen this chapter up for you guys. It was a lot shorter. I hope you enjoy my feable attempt.
Another Author's Note: No plot points. This is mostly humor (or at least my pathetic attempt at humor) and what happenes while Black and Potter are attached to Malfoy and Snape.
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.
Thank You to all who reviewed: Saavik,venus4280,Cat Samwise, Sela, selua, JungAnya, npetrenko, Chris Vinyard, RunningWithCoyotes, rachelle1979
Faerie Angst: icing is my favorite part of the cake =)
athenakitty: definitely more chapters. About the other my lips are sealed
TigerBlak: *whew* that flamethrower scared me
Nicky: Harry is a private person by nature. He'd rather not mention that he's in a committed relationship, especially to a student (even if said student was hitting on him. It's still none of their business)
Kaat ShadowLover: *much noise, confettii, and balloons* You get a prize! You figured some things out! Yes the two scenes were supposed to mirror each other (a bit). And Yes Severus realized LATER that Harry and Octavian were one and the same. Exactly, Harry looked nothing like an "older" teacher at age eleven. If Severus was looking for Octavian Tyler he certainly wouldn't be looking at his students for a teacher.
Shitsumon: Right now I have approx 22 chapters outlined not including this interlude and the epilouge, that might change though. But there is also the back/side/(prequel thing) stories to Paradox. I'll be posting those after this fic if people want. And I'm considering a sequel, again if people want. =D And Drayco will be back.
Acyla: no prob. If I can I like to answer questions. Not quite as far as you think. He just doesn't want to get in trouble anymore. He's mostly just conflicted, doesn't quite feel like he fits with the Marauders. The twins belong there. I'm sure they come up with all sorts of interesting ways to torment DEs
moraco: I'm flattered
lillie chan: me talented? Thanks. =)
Copper Fire: *pats tummy* good Chinese food. =) He doesn't know at that point, he figures it out eventually-- you'll see.
two2blue: Another Winner! *their* brandy will keep coming up! =D
Nagini: *hands tissue* Maybe you'll laugh this chapter
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Interlude: The Week From Hell
"He did what?!" Remus looked at the two despondent boys that had just explained their punishment after walking through the dormitory door. Since there were only the Marauders in the room no one ever worried about waking anyone up. Not that it mattered, Peter slept like a log.
"Bonded us to our worst enemies." James sat down on his bed and stared at his arm where the bonding cord had disappeared. He could still feel it, a ghostly sensation of a cord surrounding his arm before going off somewhere else.
"He wouldn't." Remus stated looking disbelieving at the two. They had to be making this up. James and Sirius always made things up. They were just pulling his leg. That had to be it. "You're both lying."
Sirius gave a mirthless laugh. "We wish. It would have been the perfect joke to pull on you. Nope. I am definitely stuck to Malfoy for a whole week. And James is stuck to Snape."
"I still don't know if I should believe you." Remus almost started to believe them.
James looked at the werewolf questioningly. "Come here Remy. I want to test something out." Remus made his way across the room to where James sat crossed legged on his bed. James held out his arm, the one that Professor Tyler had tied the cord around. "See if you feel anything." Remus laid his hand on James' arm before quickly removing it. Remus just stared blankly at his arm. "You feel it too?"
"It feels like a cord or something."
"We're telling you he wrapped a cord around our arm and our 'partner'," the last word was spit out with disgust from Sirius, "and then said something and the cord just sort of vanished. Though it seems like we can still feel it." Sirius absently scratched at the spot where his cord would be.
Not being able to take it anymore Remus collapsed onto the nearest bed laughing hard. "This is too amusing. I'm so glad that I don't get into as much trouble as you." Remus laughed even harder.
"It's not that funny." Sirius glared at his fellow marauder.
"Oh yes it is." Remus took a deep breath before attempting to continue. "Can't you just see the look on Lily's face when James tells her tomorrow that he's been bonded to SNAPE!" The last word was gasped out as Remus fell backward laughing. His hands clutched to his sides.
James groaned at the mental picture of his girlfriend telling him off for getting into trouble again. Sirius chuckled at the look on his best friend's face but couldn't get as much amusement out of the thing since he was sorta in the same boat. Only difference was no girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter.
Finally Remus got up from the bed he had fallen down on and moved to his own. "I'm going to sleep. I want to get a good seat to see this tomorrow." The marauders all climbed into bed and as James was shutting off the last light a small voice spoke up.
"Oi, Remus, ne... next time you f...fall down on someone's bed ma..make sure there was no...no one in it. Be...besides what did I m..miss?"
"Go to sleep, Peter you'll see in the morning."
"Sorry Peter, won't happen again."
The light was shut out and James Remus and Sirius all tried to get some sleep. "Tell me. You always do this to... to me." Peter whined before he too finally went back to sleep.
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*Day One - Saturday*
The next morning the Great Hall saw something that had not occurred since the marauders had been in first year. Sirius Black was wide awake, dressed, but most importantly *early* to breakfast. Usually he ran in with five minutes left to spare to grab some toast with his robe haphazardly thrown on over his uniform and his hair a mess, something was definitely wrong. On the weekends he usually wasn't even seen. Sitting beside him at the Gryffindor table were his normal group of friends. Remus was putting the final touches on an essay, James was getting yelled at by Lily for something or other, Peter was trying to get Remus' help on an assignment that he hadn't turned in the day before and was late. Sirius was the only one out of place.
Things did get stranger though. Malfoy and Snape walked into the room and stood perfectly still. At the same time Black and Potter stood from their places and everyone that was in the hall looked to see if there would be a fight break loose. No one moved until Lily pushed James in the back toward the two boys standing near the entrance. As James approached he checked his watch. 7:55.
"Care to join us for breakfast, Snape?" Potter said cordially.
Snape set his jaw before answering. "I suppose. If you will join me for breakfast at the Slytherin table tomorrow." Each word sounded forced, the students already there looked on in curiosity. After all it was a strange development, just as strange as the relationship between Snape and Black that had lasted all of a week the year before.
"Sounds good. Shall we?" Potter motioned toward the Gryffindor table. Snape nodded brusquely before following behind Potter.
Now everyone's attention turned to the two boys that had been staring at each other the entire exchange between the other two boys. Malfoy glared and Black glared right back before defyingly sitting back down with his back turned. Malfoy spun on his heel and headed over to the Slytherin table. Just as he was about to sit down the bell tower tolled the hour. 8:00. Malfoy was flung backward and over the Ravenclaw table landing with a thud on the ground before being pulled as if by an invisible hand under the Hufflepuff table toward the Gryffindors. Black for his part was clinging desperately to the edge of the table his knuckles white while his feet were up in the air. It looked like he was in a wind tunnel. Remus was trying to pry his fingers up with a look of mischief in his eyes. Black finally had no choice but to let go of the table and he went flying landing on top of the Hufflepuff table right above Malfoy, who was still underneath.
Crawling out from under the table Malfoy stood and glared at the Head table, Black repeated his glare after he had climbed down. Professor Tyler just leaned back in his seat and smiled, a really demented smile. The entire hall was laughing at the two boys. Black was covered in jelly and Malfoy looked nothing like his impeccable self, instead he was covered in dust.
Speculation ran rampant through the halls all day long about why the hated enemies were spending all their time together, and what had made them fly toward each other. When it was discoved that the enimies were bonded together for the week all the students decided to try to make every meal, just so that they could all have a good laugh.
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*Day Two - Sunday*
The next day saw Potter and Snape sporting florescent purple hair, along with blue skin. It seemed that in the forced close proximity Snape had decided to test a potion out on Potter with out telling the other one. Unfortunately the effects seemed to pass through the bond. They both ended up with the purple hair and blue skin.
The potion did have some unforseen side effects. In addition to his blue skin James had yellow polka dots of all sizes all over his skin. His nose had also changed into a stunning replica of that sported by the muggle fictional character Pinocchio, and his left arm had shrunk down to half it's original length but his fingers had grown out to make up the difference.
At least James could walk properly. Florescent green squares covered Severus' body. His nose stayed the same but his ears grew to unbelievable porportions and his right foot shrunk. So Snape's gait was rather off for the day.
Dumbledore was quite enjoying himself. He stood and applauded the two boys for their wonderful fashion sense before turning each professor's hair a shockingly vibrant shade of color.
The students found it funny, they laughed all through breakfast. They laughed even harder when Professor Tyler, who had been gifted with a shocking green (to match his eyes, so Albus said), stood to leave the hall. From the exit he waved his wand and muttered an incantation and Albus' hair was charmed to be a startling blue with little lights that flashed. "To match your eyes." Professor Tyler said before changing his own hair back and heading out of the great hall.
But the two boys' trouble didn't stop with breakfast. With no other way to spend the time other than together the boys went to the library to study until dinner. Since studying didn't involve speaking it seemed the perfect plan. However both boys fell asleep halfway through their Transfiguration essay.
When they awoke it was to discover that the side effects, while still visible seemed to be fading, but new marks adorned their exposed skin. Some students had taken advantage of the two boys and used James as a gigantic Connect-the-Dots book and Snape had Tic-Tac-Toe games played inside of his squares.
The next day the boys appeared at breakfast their normal shape and color except for the new markings. Potter had a Slytherin crest drawn on his cheek and Snape had a Tic-Tac-Toe game on his forhead.
The headmaster appeared at breakfast with his hair still blue and sparkling, but what surprised everyone was that he was glaring at Professor Tyler who could only laugh in response.
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*Day Three - Monday*
The third day of the bond started out with a yelling match between Lucius and Sirius. The yelling match ended abruptly when Black pulled out his wand and shot a curse at Malfoy. All of Lucius' hair fell out. Breakfast was spent laughing at the now bald Malfoy.
By lunch the laughter had grown even louder. Malfoy was still bald and Black's hair had grown so long it was dragging along the floor. The entire student body watched while Lily tried rather unsucessfully to cut his hair. She ended up breaking three pairs of All-purpose-indestructable wizarding utility scissors. The end result had been that Black's hair grew another 6 feet.
By dinner that day Peter and Remus were found trailing along after Sirius whose hair was trailing fifty feet behind him. They each had clumps of it in their arms. It was discovered that on the way to Divination which was held in the only tower with a spiral staircase, that Sirius' hair had gotten tangled up somewhere behind him and he ended up rolling back down the staircase taking Malfoy with him.
The next day didn't end the torment of the hair however. Malfoy still didn't have a single hair on his scalp and Black's had grown even longer. Peter and Remus were still acting as hair carriers now having to trail at 25 and 60 feet behind him so they could control Black's wayward locks. As they passed one of the thrid years in the hall the young girl swore that she heard a house elf squeaking, "Please Mr. Black let Tipsy go. Tipsy is a good elf, sir," before being dragged further away by his hair.
Finally not being able to take it any longer Professor Amygdalus muttered the counter curse after Black had set fire to his hair six times in the same potions period. He also took 35 points from Gryffindor for a hair style that wasn't allowed according to school rules. Black's and Malfoy's hair both returned to normal.
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*Day Four - Tuesday*
The four enimies made companions were sitting in the library during their lunch hour looking up books that might shed light on how to get rid of the bonding cords.
"Severus, are you sure-" Lucius was cut short by an overexcited James Potter jumping up.
"That's it. A severing charm. Those cords looked like they were just made from rope. A severing charm would work." And with that he pointed his wand at his "partner's" arm and said, "*abrumpo*". Instead of the expected result of being free, Severus' arm was severed off halfway up his forarm, the site caused him to pass out. The other pair of boys turned away from the site and James collapsed to the ground clutching his arm with a look of obvious pain on his face.
Madame Pince hurried over to see what all the commotion was about to find one unconscious bleeding boy with his arm chopped off. Another boy that was passed out and two boys that looked as if they were going to be sick. Rushing over to the fireplace she called Madame Pomfrey which ushered the bonded pair theough the fireplace after having revived them to the hospital wing and casting a protection bubble around Severus' arm and 'stump'.
She got to work finding that Severus was a very good patient, not a sound of pain came from him. Young Mr. Potter on the other hand was moaning and carrying on. "Do be quiet Mr. Potter, it's not as if your arm was chopped off." She was able to reattach the arm and the only trace would be a scar that circled his right arm.
When Harry found out what happened later that day he mentally crossed off the scar from his list. After all now he knew where that scar came from.
It took until the next morning for the teachers to figure out that all the pain that they expected Severus to be in was being felt by James. Once Madame Pince had discovered what happened she banned all four boys from the library for a month. And James for a month and a half since he made another student bleed all over her precious books
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*Day Five - Wednesday*
Wednesday Potter threw a jelly-legs curse at Malfoy, but his plan backfired when it also took down Black. From the ground Malfoy attempted a full body bind on Potter even placing a focus word at the end so it would only effect Potter but it still carried over and Snape fell to the ground too.
The bond didn't seem to have a good effect on jelly-leg curses though, since all four boys were still lying on the ground right by one of the green houses when Hagrid found them hours later and carted them all up to the castle where Professor Tyler was waiting for them.
"You boys should know that fighting isn't allowed in the school. Unfortunately I don't know who threw what. So there really isn't anything I can do. I'll go get your heads of house so they can straighten you out."
A few minutes later Professors McGonagall, Amygdalus, and Tyler all returned. Waving her wand McGonagall cancelled both spells and after making sure that her Gryffindors were all right took each by an ear and started pulling them along. Malfoy and Snape looked amused until they saw how disgruntled their head of house was and shutting their mouths they quietly followed behind.
Harry wondered if they would ever learn their lesson.
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*Day Six - Thursday*
It took two day before Lucius figured out the perfect way to get Black back for cursing his hair gone. He knew that he couldn't use magic. Instead he used the excuse that he had to do his Herbology homework and dragged Black out to Greenhouse Number Five. The greenhouse that housed Professor Sprout's Devil's Snare. He was able to get Sirius close enough to the plant for it to wrap it's vines around him.
"Now don't struggle Black. It will only tighten." Malfoy looked down at the watch he had on. According to it Dinner was half over which meant he only had another half an hour to wait until the bond negated for the night. He picked up his book and read until he heard the bell tower toll the hour and left the greenhouse with a struggling Black still inside.
Black couldn't get out and couldn't stay perfectly still. Around 2:30 in the morning Professor Sprout came out to check on her plants and found Sirius caught up in the vines. She released him and watched him limp out, since one of his legs had long since gone to sleep. Although she didn't let him go before giving him a fair tongue lashing for hurting her precious plant.
It took him at least an hour to rub muscle relaxing and brusing salve into his skin and to 'wake up' his leg. He eventually fell asleep around four in the morning trying to plot a way to get Malfoy back. Although the next day did that for him.
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*Day Seven - Friday*
Friday was the main event. That was the day that Sirius Black finally overslept.
Malfoy had made a habit of walking into the Great Hall with only a minute or two to spare. When he walked in and didn't see Black sitting with his friends he glanced around quickly. Still not seeing him his eyes locked with Severus' as he looked at his friend. Snape just shrugged in response. It was then that Malfoy felt it. They had all tested their bonds. Five feet, that was the extent of the distance it allowed between them. The bond was going to force them together. Malfoy took off running, there was no way that he was going to get caught flying through the halls.
Sirius on the other hand had just been startled awake when he slammed into the portrait of the Fat Lady, from behind. She opened after that and Sirius continued flying through the hallways. He bodily knocked over two suits of armor and hit multiple doorframes. Still groggy he didn't realize what happened until he crashed into someone and tumbled down the stairs to land in the Entrance Hall, right in front of the open doors of the Great Hall where every student was trying to get a glimpse of what happened.
There on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs were Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black. Malfoy didn't look anywhere near his impeccable self but that isn't what caused the laughter of the student body. Draped over Malfoy was Black dressed in nothing other than a pair of wizarding boxers which depicted a line from a well known muggle nursery rhyme "And the cow jumped over the moon." The cow really was jumping over Sirius' moons, both of them. The laughter increased when Malfoy stood up and the entire student body got a glimpse of his posterior. His pants had ripped and his boxers had little lips that kept kissing the air. That was when the first of many comments hit the air, "I always knew that Malfoy was an arse kisser."
As if that wasn't enough, Sirius and Lucius really proved how they were gluttons for punishment when they both refused to return to their dorms to change because that would mean bringing the other boy. After mumbling something about slimy slytherins and house pride Sirius strode off toward his first class causing Malfoy to quicken his steps if he didn't want to be seen dragging on the floor after Black. After all it was bad enough being seen with him when he wasn't nearly naked.
The teachers had a field day, if it wasn't points being removed for lack of proper uniform or not being able to turn in his homework or not being able to complete an assignment because he had no book or wand it was comments about how 'cute' his choice in sleeping attire was.
Their second class of the day was Herbology, outside. The teachers had decided that if they couldn't find time on their own to go and change then the two boys would just have to suffer all day. Black opened the front door of the castle and was met with the coldest blast of air that he ever felt. It got worse as he took his first step outside. He ended up muttering a few heating charms under his breath to keep himself warm. Figuring that Malfoy could sweat a little. What he didn't realize is that because of the rip in his pants Malfoy had felt a draft and muttered a couple of heating charms himself. By the time the two boys reached the greenhouse they were both sweating profusely.
"You two seem all hot and sweaty. do those lips on your arse and Sirius' sexy body get a rise out of you, Malfoy?" Of course the class just had to be filled with Gryffindors.
After class Remus took pity on his friend and cast a drying spell on Sirius which carried over to Malfoy. It ended up drying their hair so thoroughly that their hair frizzed out and no matter what either of them tried they couln't get it to lie flat. It was worse then the notorious Potter hair.
By lunch even the students in Gryffindor were annoyed with Black, since he kept losing points. And since they were banned from their dorms until that evening there wasn't a sign of respite in site.
Sirius ended up spending his last hour beet red. At the beginning of dinner Professor Tyler walked up behind him and stared. He then turned to look at Snape before turning back and looking at Sirius' arse. "I think I finally see what Mr. Snape saw in you Mr. Black. And I don't mean your taste in underwear." With that Professor Tyler walked to the head table and sat down. Snape spoke up at that point. "Sorry but you had the wrong side Professor Tyler." Sirius was red and that didn't change throughout dinner.
That night Harry removed the bonding cords and looked at the four boys.
"An interesting week the four of you had. You could have made it easier on yourselves if you had just behaved all week and been polite to each other."
The four boys looked at each other and then at their professor. The looks on their faces clearly stated that they thought their teacher was crazy.
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After the bonding week ended everything went back to normal and Harry couldn't wait to see Sirius so that he could tease him mercilessly before asking if he still slept in a pair of boxers like that, and if he ever thought about growing his hair out that long again. He'd also have to remember to compliment Severus on how good he looked with purple hair. He decided that he'd have to ask Sev if he ever got that potion to work right, so it would only dye someone's hair purple.
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Just a little attempt at humor. I hoped that you enjoyed it.
Read and Review to tell me if it was any good.
Author: DragonLight
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.
Pairing: HP/SS
Rating: R (this part is PG-13)
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long. Real life intruded on my writing time. But I did lengthen this chapter up for you guys. It was a lot shorter. I hope you enjoy my feable attempt.
Another Author's Note: No plot points. This is mostly humor (or at least my pathetic attempt at humor) and what happenes while Black and Potter are attached to Malfoy and Snape.
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.
Thank You to all who reviewed: Saavik,venus4280,Cat Samwise, Sela, selua, JungAnya, npetrenko, Chris Vinyard, RunningWithCoyotes, rachelle1979
Faerie Angst: icing is my favorite part of the cake =)
athenakitty: definitely more chapters. About the other my lips are sealed
TigerBlak: *whew* that flamethrower scared me
Nicky: Harry is a private person by nature. He'd rather not mention that he's in a committed relationship, especially to a student (even if said student was hitting on him. It's still none of their business)
Kaat ShadowLover: *much noise, confettii, and balloons* You get a prize! You figured some things out! Yes the two scenes were supposed to mirror each other (a bit). And Yes Severus realized LATER that Harry and Octavian were one and the same. Exactly, Harry looked nothing like an "older" teacher at age eleven. If Severus was looking for Octavian Tyler he certainly wouldn't be looking at his students for a teacher.
Shitsumon: Right now I have approx 22 chapters outlined not including this interlude and the epilouge, that might change though. But there is also the back/side/(prequel thing) stories to Paradox. I'll be posting those after this fic if people want. And I'm considering a sequel, again if people want. =D And Drayco will be back.
Acyla: no prob. If I can I like to answer questions. Not quite as far as you think. He just doesn't want to get in trouble anymore. He's mostly just conflicted, doesn't quite feel like he fits with the Marauders. The twins belong there. I'm sure they come up with all sorts of interesting ways to torment DEs
moraco: I'm flattered
lillie chan: me talented? Thanks. =)
Copper Fire: *pats tummy* good Chinese food. =) He doesn't know at that point, he figures it out eventually-- you'll see.
two2blue: Another Winner! *their* brandy will keep coming up! =D
Nagini: *hands tissue* Maybe you'll laugh this chapter
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Interlude: The Week From Hell
"He did what?!" Remus looked at the two despondent boys that had just explained their punishment after walking through the dormitory door. Since there were only the Marauders in the room no one ever worried about waking anyone up. Not that it mattered, Peter slept like a log.
"Bonded us to our worst enemies." James sat down on his bed and stared at his arm where the bonding cord had disappeared. He could still feel it, a ghostly sensation of a cord surrounding his arm before going off somewhere else.
"He wouldn't." Remus stated looking disbelieving at the two. They had to be making this up. James and Sirius always made things up. They were just pulling his leg. That had to be it. "You're both lying."
Sirius gave a mirthless laugh. "We wish. It would have been the perfect joke to pull on you. Nope. I am definitely stuck to Malfoy for a whole week. And James is stuck to Snape."
"I still don't know if I should believe you." Remus almost started to believe them.
James looked at the werewolf questioningly. "Come here Remy. I want to test something out." Remus made his way across the room to where James sat crossed legged on his bed. James held out his arm, the one that Professor Tyler had tied the cord around. "See if you feel anything." Remus laid his hand on James' arm before quickly removing it. Remus just stared blankly at his arm. "You feel it too?"
"It feels like a cord or something."
"We're telling you he wrapped a cord around our arm and our 'partner'," the last word was spit out with disgust from Sirius, "and then said something and the cord just sort of vanished. Though it seems like we can still feel it." Sirius absently scratched at the spot where his cord would be.
Not being able to take it anymore Remus collapsed onto the nearest bed laughing hard. "This is too amusing. I'm so glad that I don't get into as much trouble as you." Remus laughed even harder.
"It's not that funny." Sirius glared at his fellow marauder.
"Oh yes it is." Remus took a deep breath before attempting to continue. "Can't you just see the look on Lily's face when James tells her tomorrow that he's been bonded to SNAPE!" The last word was gasped out as Remus fell backward laughing. His hands clutched to his sides.
James groaned at the mental picture of his girlfriend telling him off for getting into trouble again. Sirius chuckled at the look on his best friend's face but couldn't get as much amusement out of the thing since he was sorta in the same boat. Only difference was no girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter.
Finally Remus got up from the bed he had fallen down on and moved to his own. "I'm going to sleep. I want to get a good seat to see this tomorrow." The marauders all climbed into bed and as James was shutting off the last light a small voice spoke up.
"Oi, Remus, ne... next time you f...fall down on someone's bed ma..make sure there was no...no one in it. Be...besides what did I m..miss?"
"Go to sleep, Peter you'll see in the morning."
"Sorry Peter, won't happen again."
The light was shut out and James Remus and Sirius all tried to get some sleep. "Tell me. You always do this to... to me." Peter whined before he too finally went back to sleep.
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*Day One - Saturday*
The next morning the Great Hall saw something that had not occurred since the marauders had been in first year. Sirius Black was wide awake, dressed, but most importantly *early* to breakfast. Usually he ran in with five minutes left to spare to grab some toast with his robe haphazardly thrown on over his uniform and his hair a mess, something was definitely wrong. On the weekends he usually wasn't even seen. Sitting beside him at the Gryffindor table were his normal group of friends. Remus was putting the final touches on an essay, James was getting yelled at by Lily for something or other, Peter was trying to get Remus' help on an assignment that he hadn't turned in the day before and was late. Sirius was the only one out of place.
Things did get stranger though. Malfoy and Snape walked into the room and stood perfectly still. At the same time Black and Potter stood from their places and everyone that was in the hall looked to see if there would be a fight break loose. No one moved until Lily pushed James in the back toward the two boys standing near the entrance. As James approached he checked his watch. 7:55.
"Care to join us for breakfast, Snape?" Potter said cordially.
Snape set his jaw before answering. "I suppose. If you will join me for breakfast at the Slytherin table tomorrow." Each word sounded forced, the students already there looked on in curiosity. After all it was a strange development, just as strange as the relationship between Snape and Black that had lasted all of a week the year before.
"Sounds good. Shall we?" Potter motioned toward the Gryffindor table. Snape nodded brusquely before following behind Potter.
Now everyone's attention turned to the two boys that had been staring at each other the entire exchange between the other two boys. Malfoy glared and Black glared right back before defyingly sitting back down with his back turned. Malfoy spun on his heel and headed over to the Slytherin table. Just as he was about to sit down the bell tower tolled the hour. 8:00. Malfoy was flung backward and over the Ravenclaw table landing with a thud on the ground before being pulled as if by an invisible hand under the Hufflepuff table toward the Gryffindors. Black for his part was clinging desperately to the edge of the table his knuckles white while his feet were up in the air. It looked like he was in a wind tunnel. Remus was trying to pry his fingers up with a look of mischief in his eyes. Black finally had no choice but to let go of the table and he went flying landing on top of the Hufflepuff table right above Malfoy, who was still underneath.
Crawling out from under the table Malfoy stood and glared at the Head table, Black repeated his glare after he had climbed down. Professor Tyler just leaned back in his seat and smiled, a really demented smile. The entire hall was laughing at the two boys. Black was covered in jelly and Malfoy looked nothing like his impeccable self, instead he was covered in dust.
Speculation ran rampant through the halls all day long about why the hated enemies were spending all their time together, and what had made them fly toward each other. When it was discoved that the enimies were bonded together for the week all the students decided to try to make every meal, just so that they could all have a good laugh.
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*Day Two - Sunday*
The next day saw Potter and Snape sporting florescent purple hair, along with blue skin. It seemed that in the forced close proximity Snape had decided to test a potion out on Potter with out telling the other one. Unfortunately the effects seemed to pass through the bond. They both ended up with the purple hair and blue skin.
The potion did have some unforseen side effects. In addition to his blue skin James had yellow polka dots of all sizes all over his skin. His nose had also changed into a stunning replica of that sported by the muggle fictional character Pinocchio, and his left arm had shrunk down to half it's original length but his fingers had grown out to make up the difference.
At least James could walk properly. Florescent green squares covered Severus' body. His nose stayed the same but his ears grew to unbelievable porportions and his right foot shrunk. So Snape's gait was rather off for the day.
Dumbledore was quite enjoying himself. He stood and applauded the two boys for their wonderful fashion sense before turning each professor's hair a shockingly vibrant shade of color.
The students found it funny, they laughed all through breakfast. They laughed even harder when Professor Tyler, who had been gifted with a shocking green (to match his eyes, so Albus said), stood to leave the hall. From the exit he waved his wand and muttered an incantation and Albus' hair was charmed to be a startling blue with little lights that flashed. "To match your eyes." Professor Tyler said before changing his own hair back and heading out of the great hall.
But the two boys' trouble didn't stop with breakfast. With no other way to spend the time other than together the boys went to the library to study until dinner. Since studying didn't involve speaking it seemed the perfect plan. However both boys fell asleep halfway through their Transfiguration essay.
When they awoke it was to discover that the side effects, while still visible seemed to be fading, but new marks adorned their exposed skin. Some students had taken advantage of the two boys and used James as a gigantic Connect-the-Dots book and Snape had Tic-Tac-Toe games played inside of his squares.
The next day the boys appeared at breakfast their normal shape and color except for the new markings. Potter had a Slytherin crest drawn on his cheek and Snape had a Tic-Tac-Toe game on his forhead.
The headmaster appeared at breakfast with his hair still blue and sparkling, but what surprised everyone was that he was glaring at Professor Tyler who could only laugh in response.
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*Day Three - Monday*
The third day of the bond started out with a yelling match between Lucius and Sirius. The yelling match ended abruptly when Black pulled out his wand and shot a curse at Malfoy. All of Lucius' hair fell out. Breakfast was spent laughing at the now bald Malfoy.
By lunch the laughter had grown even louder. Malfoy was still bald and Black's hair had grown so long it was dragging along the floor. The entire student body watched while Lily tried rather unsucessfully to cut his hair. She ended up breaking three pairs of All-purpose-indestructable wizarding utility scissors. The end result had been that Black's hair grew another 6 feet.
By dinner that day Peter and Remus were found trailing along after Sirius whose hair was trailing fifty feet behind him. They each had clumps of it in their arms. It was discovered that on the way to Divination which was held in the only tower with a spiral staircase, that Sirius' hair had gotten tangled up somewhere behind him and he ended up rolling back down the staircase taking Malfoy with him.
The next day didn't end the torment of the hair however. Malfoy still didn't have a single hair on his scalp and Black's had grown even longer. Peter and Remus were still acting as hair carriers now having to trail at 25 and 60 feet behind him so they could control Black's wayward locks. As they passed one of the thrid years in the hall the young girl swore that she heard a house elf squeaking, "Please Mr. Black let Tipsy go. Tipsy is a good elf, sir," before being dragged further away by his hair.
Finally not being able to take it any longer Professor Amygdalus muttered the counter curse after Black had set fire to his hair six times in the same potions period. He also took 35 points from Gryffindor for a hair style that wasn't allowed according to school rules. Black's and Malfoy's hair both returned to normal.
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*Day Four - Tuesday*
The four enimies made companions were sitting in the library during their lunch hour looking up books that might shed light on how to get rid of the bonding cords.
"Severus, are you sure-" Lucius was cut short by an overexcited James Potter jumping up.
"That's it. A severing charm. Those cords looked like they were just made from rope. A severing charm would work." And with that he pointed his wand at his "partner's" arm and said, "*abrumpo*". Instead of the expected result of being free, Severus' arm was severed off halfway up his forarm, the site caused him to pass out. The other pair of boys turned away from the site and James collapsed to the ground clutching his arm with a look of obvious pain on his face.
Madame Pince hurried over to see what all the commotion was about to find one unconscious bleeding boy with his arm chopped off. Another boy that was passed out and two boys that looked as if they were going to be sick. Rushing over to the fireplace she called Madame Pomfrey which ushered the bonded pair theough the fireplace after having revived them to the hospital wing and casting a protection bubble around Severus' arm and 'stump'.
She got to work finding that Severus was a very good patient, not a sound of pain came from him. Young Mr. Potter on the other hand was moaning and carrying on. "Do be quiet Mr. Potter, it's not as if your arm was chopped off." She was able to reattach the arm and the only trace would be a scar that circled his right arm.
When Harry found out what happened later that day he mentally crossed off the scar from his list. After all now he knew where that scar came from.
It took until the next morning for the teachers to figure out that all the pain that they expected Severus to be in was being felt by James. Once Madame Pince had discovered what happened she banned all four boys from the library for a month. And James for a month and a half since he made another student bleed all over her precious books
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*Day Five - Wednesday*
Wednesday Potter threw a jelly-legs curse at Malfoy, but his plan backfired when it also took down Black. From the ground Malfoy attempted a full body bind on Potter even placing a focus word at the end so it would only effect Potter but it still carried over and Snape fell to the ground too.
The bond didn't seem to have a good effect on jelly-leg curses though, since all four boys were still lying on the ground right by one of the green houses when Hagrid found them hours later and carted them all up to the castle where Professor Tyler was waiting for them.
"You boys should know that fighting isn't allowed in the school. Unfortunately I don't know who threw what. So there really isn't anything I can do. I'll go get your heads of house so they can straighten you out."
A few minutes later Professors McGonagall, Amygdalus, and Tyler all returned. Waving her wand McGonagall cancelled both spells and after making sure that her Gryffindors were all right took each by an ear and started pulling them along. Malfoy and Snape looked amused until they saw how disgruntled their head of house was and shutting their mouths they quietly followed behind.
Harry wondered if they would ever learn their lesson.
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*Day Six - Thursday*
It took two day before Lucius figured out the perfect way to get Black back for cursing his hair gone. He knew that he couldn't use magic. Instead he used the excuse that he had to do his Herbology homework and dragged Black out to Greenhouse Number Five. The greenhouse that housed Professor Sprout's Devil's Snare. He was able to get Sirius close enough to the plant for it to wrap it's vines around him.
"Now don't struggle Black. It will only tighten." Malfoy looked down at the watch he had on. According to it Dinner was half over which meant he only had another half an hour to wait until the bond negated for the night. He picked up his book and read until he heard the bell tower toll the hour and left the greenhouse with a struggling Black still inside.
Black couldn't get out and couldn't stay perfectly still. Around 2:30 in the morning Professor Sprout came out to check on her plants and found Sirius caught up in the vines. She released him and watched him limp out, since one of his legs had long since gone to sleep. Although she didn't let him go before giving him a fair tongue lashing for hurting her precious plant.
It took him at least an hour to rub muscle relaxing and brusing salve into his skin and to 'wake up' his leg. He eventually fell asleep around four in the morning trying to plot a way to get Malfoy back. Although the next day did that for him.
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*Day Seven - Friday*
Friday was the main event. That was the day that Sirius Black finally overslept.
Malfoy had made a habit of walking into the Great Hall with only a minute or two to spare. When he walked in and didn't see Black sitting with his friends he glanced around quickly. Still not seeing him his eyes locked with Severus' as he looked at his friend. Snape just shrugged in response. It was then that Malfoy felt it. They had all tested their bonds. Five feet, that was the extent of the distance it allowed between them. The bond was going to force them together. Malfoy took off running, there was no way that he was going to get caught flying through the halls.
Sirius on the other hand had just been startled awake when he slammed into the portrait of the Fat Lady, from behind. She opened after that and Sirius continued flying through the hallways. He bodily knocked over two suits of armor and hit multiple doorframes. Still groggy he didn't realize what happened until he crashed into someone and tumbled down the stairs to land in the Entrance Hall, right in front of the open doors of the Great Hall where every student was trying to get a glimpse of what happened.
There on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs were Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black. Malfoy didn't look anywhere near his impeccable self but that isn't what caused the laughter of the student body. Draped over Malfoy was Black dressed in nothing other than a pair of wizarding boxers which depicted a line from a well known muggle nursery rhyme "And the cow jumped over the moon." The cow really was jumping over Sirius' moons, both of them. The laughter increased when Malfoy stood up and the entire student body got a glimpse of his posterior. His pants had ripped and his boxers had little lips that kept kissing the air. That was when the first of many comments hit the air, "I always knew that Malfoy was an arse kisser."
As if that wasn't enough, Sirius and Lucius really proved how they were gluttons for punishment when they both refused to return to their dorms to change because that would mean bringing the other boy. After mumbling something about slimy slytherins and house pride Sirius strode off toward his first class causing Malfoy to quicken his steps if he didn't want to be seen dragging on the floor after Black. After all it was bad enough being seen with him when he wasn't nearly naked.
The teachers had a field day, if it wasn't points being removed for lack of proper uniform or not being able to turn in his homework or not being able to complete an assignment because he had no book or wand it was comments about how 'cute' his choice in sleeping attire was.
Their second class of the day was Herbology, outside. The teachers had decided that if they couldn't find time on their own to go and change then the two boys would just have to suffer all day. Black opened the front door of the castle and was met with the coldest blast of air that he ever felt. It got worse as he took his first step outside. He ended up muttering a few heating charms under his breath to keep himself warm. Figuring that Malfoy could sweat a little. What he didn't realize is that because of the rip in his pants Malfoy had felt a draft and muttered a couple of heating charms himself. By the time the two boys reached the greenhouse they were both sweating profusely.
"You two seem all hot and sweaty. do those lips on your arse and Sirius' sexy body get a rise out of you, Malfoy?" Of course the class just had to be filled with Gryffindors.
After class Remus took pity on his friend and cast a drying spell on Sirius which carried over to Malfoy. It ended up drying their hair so thoroughly that their hair frizzed out and no matter what either of them tried they couln't get it to lie flat. It was worse then the notorious Potter hair.
By lunch even the students in Gryffindor were annoyed with Black, since he kept losing points. And since they were banned from their dorms until that evening there wasn't a sign of respite in site.
Sirius ended up spending his last hour beet red. At the beginning of dinner Professor Tyler walked up behind him and stared. He then turned to look at Snape before turning back and looking at Sirius' arse. "I think I finally see what Mr. Snape saw in you Mr. Black. And I don't mean your taste in underwear." With that Professor Tyler walked to the head table and sat down. Snape spoke up at that point. "Sorry but you had the wrong side Professor Tyler." Sirius was red and that didn't change throughout dinner.
That night Harry removed the bonding cords and looked at the four boys.
"An interesting week the four of you had. You could have made it easier on yourselves if you had just behaved all week and been polite to each other."
The four boys looked at each other and then at their professor. The looks on their faces clearly stated that they thought their teacher was crazy.
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After the bonding week ended everything went back to normal and Harry couldn't wait to see Sirius so that he could tease him mercilessly before asking if he still slept in a pair of boxers like that, and if he ever thought about growing his hair out that long again. He'd also have to remember to compliment Severus on how good he looked with purple hair. He decided that he'd have to ask Sev if he ever got that potion to work right, so it would only dye someone's hair purple.
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Just a little attempt at humor. I hoped that you enjoyed it.
Read and Review to tell me if it was any good.
