Title: The Paradox of Existence

Author: DragonLight

Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.

Pairing: HP/SS

Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are

Author Note: I'm still alive. And since I'm feeling lazy you only have to listen to my rambling since I'm too tired to do individual thank you's today. I'll respond to any questions that you asked in front of the next chapter, I promise. Thanks to everyone who reviewed positively. There were a couple reasons that this took me a little longer. A part of this chapter just didn't want to come to me, it took me little time, the stupid part is that the section was only a couple of short paragraphs long. I also got sick for half a week, my boyfriend was visiting on spring break, I had midterms to take and presentations to give, so basically I just ran out of time. I recieved my first flame, it was funny, but still put me off writing for the day. And finally:

I've come to a decision. I wasn't originally planning on having this story beta'd since I didn't think that I'd have so many wonderful fans =) But a few people have pointed out errors that I just don't catch. So I decided that a beta might be a good idea. For anyone that's interested this is what I'm looking for:

1) A semi-gentle person. I'm a little thin skinned when it comes to my fiction writing, so I'd perfer someone who tends to be nice when giving me my critisism.
2) I would like to post a chapter a week. So I would appreciate someone who could beta fairly quickly. I'm pretty good about writing, and I stay ahead for the most part, so I'm not too worried about getting you the chapters on time, although you might have to order me to write every now and again. I could always use a good motivator.
3) Lastly, I'll listen to any plot ideas that you have, but the story is mine and I retain the right not to use them.
4) Obviously someone who is really good with grammar. And who's over 17 years of age, after all the story is NC-17.

I don't think that it's too much to ask, I hope. If you're interested let me know and I'll pick from all interested parties. Thanks in advance

Last A/N: This chapter is an NC-17 chapter. For obvious reasons the NC-17 part isn't on FF.net. Once again I'm offering to email the variation. But first I want you to know that I have set up a website for Paradox and the NC-17 version can be found there. The web address is :
The adress is also on my profile page. As usual the story can also be found on the SnapexHarryML:
If you still need me to email you the version I wiil, but note: this time around I will email it in bulk. Once on Tuesday and again on Thursday, and again a few days later if anyone needs me too.

Sorry about my ramblings, I'll shut up and let you read the story now. Thanks again to all those that reviewed. Afterall you're the ones that keep me writing.

Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.

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Chapter Eleven: Getting to Know the Other You

*The Past*

Harry entered his office and looked at the young man curled up in one of the wingback chairs that he kept by the fireplace. There was no fire lit and the lack of added light cast the boy's face in shadows. The young man reminded Harry of when he was younger and passed the nights curled up on his windowsill in Gryffindor tower. The boy had kicked off his shoes and brought his legs to his chest hugging them with his arms and resting his head on top, his unruly hair going in every direction.

Harry walked over to the lump that had appropriated one of his chairs and looked down at him. "May I help you, Mr. Potter?"

The young man brought his head up and chocolate eyes looked at him sadly. "Prolly not."

Harry sat down in the other chair and stared at James Potter waiting for the teenager to continue. When it became obvious that the other was not going to speak Harry broke the silence. "Well if you don't think that I can help you, what brings you to my office?"

"My father." Harry didn't understand, after the initial bad impression caused by that first essay James had definitely showed more effort in his assignments.

"A little late for a dressing down. That essay was on last term's grades."

James Potter attempted a weak grin but even that disappeared into melancholy lines. "No, I never actually told my father. I did tell my mother," here the voice caught for a moment before James continued, "she was disappointed and told me to do better. But that's not why I'm here Professor Tyler."

"So have you doomed me to a guessing game then?" Joking lightly usually relaxed his students into tell him what was wrong.

"No I just wanted someone to talk to."

Now this Harry was used to, talking to a student in an 'adult confidant' type manner. Trivialities first then. "Why me? Aren't you supposed to go to your Head of House?"

"Why you? Well let's see." Harry could tell that James was thinking of why he came to see Professor Tyler out of all his options. "Well, Professor McGonagall would just coddle me. She may be really strict to all her students in class, but to her Gryffindors she's like a second mother." Harry could definitely relate to that, he had gone to Minerva quite a few times over the years for just that reason. "And I couldn't talk to my friends. Remus just has too much to deal with, and Sirius wouldn't take the situation seriously. As for Lily, I don't want to worry her. I'd talk to Peter but something has just felt off with him lately and I can't bring myself to confide in him."

Harry started to say something but James cut him off. "And before you say why not the other teachers. That's simple. I just don't feel comfortable talking to them. As for the Headmaster he was there. I just feel like I can talk to you, like a sort of impartial third party."

Harry wasn't originally going to ask about the other teachers though the last of his father's explanation brought an interesting fact to light. "Sort of impartial? Am I involved in a situation I know nothing about?"

"Well I'm sure you know some of it, just not the part that I want to talk about. You see, my father, my mother and I had a meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore today. My father was going to pull me out of Hogwarts."

Harry looked at the young man in shock. "Out of Hogwarts, why?"

"Well it involved some plans that my father says you uncovered about an attack that You-Know-Who was planning on him." Harry didn't say anything, just waited for the youth to continue talking. "He was going on and on about how they couldn't trust you and that you were probably a spy for You-Know-Who." At this James paused to look at his teacher. "You aren't, are you?"

"Not exactly a good question at the moment. I could lie to you." James looked shocked like the thought of a teacher lying to him had just dawned on him. "But to answer your question, no I'm not."

"Oh. Well, my father seems to think that whatever information you are passing onto Dumbledore is all a plot to remove those highly placed against You-Know-Who from their positions. He was going to send my mother and I to a safe house somewhere under the Fidalius. Anyway, in the end I'm not going but my mother is. I don't know when I'll get to see her again." James stared down at his hands.

"And your father?" Harry had a feeling that this was the heart of the matter.

James swiped at his cheeks, Harry assumed the reason was to remove a stray tear that had escaped. "He said that there probably is no plan against him and that it's a plot to remove one of the heads of the auror division in the ministry that associated with Dumbledore. He said he's staying right where he is, and doing just what he's been doing." James looked up at his professor. "Professor, was there a plan to murder my father?"

Harry looked away from the sad eyes. He knew that if their positions were reversed that he would want the same answers that his father craved now. He also knew that he would never get those answers. He looked back at the young man who would one day grow up but now seemed so small and innocent, even for a sixteen year old. "I'm sorry James. I can't disclose any of that information. All I can tell you is to hope for the best, and to pray for his safety." He laid one hand on the young man's shoulder in a comforting manner. For a long time the two didn't move until a kind voice interrupted the two.

"There you are Mr. Potter. Your parents were quite upset when you walked out of the office during the meeting. Everything has been arranged and your parents will be leaving tomorrow. You'll be staying with Mr. Black and his parents over the summer. I thought that you might like to spend some time with them this evening. Come along Mr. Potter."

James stood and walked over to the door where the Headmaster stood. He turned around and smiled, "Thank you for the talk professor." Harry just smiled in return and James walked out the door.

"Oh, Octavian." Harry looked at Albus. "I ran into Mr. Snape on the way down for his tutoring session. I told him that you had moved it to tomorrow after dinner."

Harry knew better than to be surprised but decided to ask anyway. "How did you know that Mr. Potter would come to speak to me, sir?"

"People who are similar often find solace in each other's company." The phrase was typical of the Headmaster and Harry nodded his head as Albus exited the office to lead James Potter to his parents.

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Severus looked up from the potions essay he was writing to look at Professor Tyler. It had been three weeks since the night he had gotten caught sneaking down to the kitchens. He had gotten what he had wanted from the conversation with his professor. He now had the time to get to know his professor better, if said professor would cooperate. Professor Tyler had kept his promise and allowed Severus to come down for 'tutoring' sessions. He even allowed Severus to get away with asking some rather impertinent questions. What stopped them from conversing was the fact that Octavian Tyler refused to answer any question other than, "How was your day, sir?"

"Professor?"

"Hhmm." Professor Tyler was sitting in one of the chairs by the fire reading a rather thick book about something or other, another question he had avoided answering, while sipping at a scotch on the rocks from a tumbler.

"Could you help me with my essay?"

"What subject is it?" The professor didn't even look up from his book to look at him.

"Potions."

"Don't be dense Mr. Snape. I have access to your transcript with your past grades on it, you are top of your class in the subject. And even if I didn't have said access word around the castle says the same as well as your potions master. Besides potions was my weakest subject in school."

Severus smiled to himself. Those were the little facts that he craved. Information about Octavian was scarce. He had only learned a few points about the older man. He was in his twenties, though he wouldn't tell Severus exactly how old. He studied out of the country for a year after he graduated from school, but didn't say where, or where he had attended school before that. Severus did have a suspicion that he had attended Hogwarts, though he and Lucius had yet to discover any proof that he had. He didn't like teaching Defense even though he had done so before, and he had avoided all the questions that would direct him to what he did like to teach. On the piece of paper next to him Severus scratched out potions on his list of likely subjects.

"Where did you say you went to school?"

"I didn't say."

"What did you teach before you came here to teach Defense?"

"An elective." Severus crossed out Charms, Transfiguration, and Herbology from the list. All the other mandatory classes had already been crossed off.

Severus thought back to the day that Octavian had wrestled the dragon and Severus thought that he had figured out the mystery. "Was it Care of Magical Creatures?" A page of the book professor Tyler was reading turned before he got an answer, it wasn't what he expected.

"Muggle Studies. Now be quiet and let me read."

Severus thought about the answer. It definitely wasn't what he had been expecting. Octavian Tyler didn't seem like the muggle type. Everyone knew that muggles were inferior so why would someone as obviously powerful as his professor want to know about them? Severus just watched his professor trying to figure him out.

"Muggle Studies?"

Severus heard a sigh before the book snapped shut and Professor Tyler turned to look at him. "What's wrong with muggle studies?"

"Muggles are useless creatures." Severus watched as his teacher narrowed his eyes and weighed him before responding.

"I was raised by muggles. Don't bother asking, I'm not muggle born, but I was raised by muggles to act like a muggle." Octavian looked at the watch that he had strapped to his wrist before turning to Severus again. "Time's up. Pack up and be on your way, Mr. Snape. I assume that I'll see you again next week." The professor turned back around in his wingback and opened his book back up.

Severus picked up his books and parchments putting them all away in his bag before heading toward the door. At the door he turned around and looked at his professor. "Have a nice night, Octavian." The professor stopped his hand in midair on his way to picking up his tumbler.

"Likewise Mr. Snape."

Severus walked out the door closing it behind him. Every time he went for one of his 'tutoring' sessions he ended it the same way hoping that his professor would call him by his first name, but it never worked. He never got scolded for using his professor's first name during the sessions but Severus knew there would be hell to pay if he so much as attempted to do it at any other time whether or not they were alone. Severus made his way down toward the dungeons, he had learned quite a lot about his professor that night that he had to think about.

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Two days later Harry was skipping dinner in favor of a long hot shower. Stepping under the stream of water he immediately let out a sigh of contentment. He turned his head down, touching his chin to his chest so that the water could beat against his tense neck muscles. There were only two times that he ever let himself totally relax and tune out the world. When he was in bed with Sev and under a hot shower. And the former only applied to the movements of his lover. That he tuned out, everything else he was highly aware of. That's how Draco had ended up with a projectile embedded in his thigh, which Madame Pomfrey hadn't quite been able to totally remove. After that no one ever bothered Harry while in bed again, that or they sent Severus.

Harry missed Severus. Moving his head in the opposite direction he turned his face into the stream of water and shut his eyes. At times like this he could almost imagine Severus' hands running over his chest and shoulders. As if the real man were there Harry relaxed and then immediately tensed as he felt a hard chest mold itself to him.

"I swear you do these things on purpose." Harry relaxed again into the man that had wrapped his arms around him.

"Now why would I do that?"

"Simple, because you enjoy being the most difficult man alive." Harry couldn't see or feel the smile but he could sense it and that thought made him smile in return. He always took pleasure in making the other man happy. And it was always better when Severus allowed himself to show his happiness.

"Wrong. I do it because I can."

"Same thing." Harry muttered as he turned around to face the other man. The arms never moved from around his waist and Harry in turn wrapped his around Severus. He rested his head on Severus shoulders. Severus in turn started to rub his hands up and down Harry's back.

"How have classes been?" The smooth voice asked and stirred Harry from almost dozing in the shower.

"Mundane chatter, Sev? How very unlike you." Harry moved his arm to reach for the shampoo behind the other man. His hands closing around the bottle he pulled it in front of him. Severus immediately took the shampoo out of his right hand and replaced it. "Severus?" Severus ignored him as he brought Harry's right wrist up to his lips and pressed a kiss there.

"Mine. Always mine." Harry looked questionably at the other man before leaning up to claim Severus' mouth in a kiss. What started out as a quick peck soon turned to more as Severus opened his mouth and used his tongue to encourage Harry to do the same. A fire that encompassed their lovemaking on occasion exploded within them and they soon pulled apart, short of breath.

Knowing that they would both be significantly more comfortable in a bed the two quickly washed each other before tumbling out of the shower. Severus pinned Harry underneath him with his arms above his head and held in Severus' firm grip. Severus stared at Harry's inner right wrist where a small black tattoo of two snakes coiled around each other resided, before rolling them over and settling Harry on top of him.

"You're behaving awfully strange today Severus. What's wrong?" Instead of answering Severus took Harry's hand and rubbed a slow circle over the bond mark that he had been paying so much attention to.

"This makes you mine." The tone of voice Severus used contained a measure of awe.

"Yes it does." Leaving his right hand where it was trapped in Severus' left he grabbed the other man's right hand and placed his thumb over the bond mark there. "And that shows that you belong to me. I still say that if I can ever figure out how to change it I will."

"I'll always belong to you. I don't want you to change that."

Harry shook his head. "Have you been drinking or is today one of those, 'I'm totally sober but I have a build up of pent up emotions to release' days? And I wasn't talking about removing the bond. I'm talking about the bond mark."

"The latter. And I like the mark. Don't you think it fitting that I marked you as a Slytherin with my family crest and you marked me as a Gryffindor with yours?" On Severus' wrist was a similar small tattoo of a sword with a small picture of a lion on one side and a rose on the other, the Potter family crest. The bonding had been the first time that Harry had ever seen it.

"Only you would enjoy the irony in the symbols branded on us during our bonding." Severus smirked from his position underneath the other. "Then again maybe I should be happy. After all it's been a while since I have had such a fine specimen of the male flesh underneath me. Almost eight months in fact."

"A specimen? You make me sound like one of the creatures from the Care of Magical Creatures class."

"Perhaps you are. A snarky, stubborn, temperamental potions master. Sounds like a creature that every first year in Hogwarts should learn how to control."

"That would take all the joy out of life." Severus watched as Harry began to bend his head toward his chest.

"What, do you get all your fun from terrorizing first years until they feel like crying for their parents?" Harry finished his decent and took one of Severus' nipples in-between his teeth and began tugging on it.

Severus attempted to answer but couldn't get a word out of his mouth. Instead he sucked in a breath as Harry began to lap at the tormented flesh with his tongue.

"Speechless. I never thought such a thing was possible." The words caused Harry's breath to pass over his nipple sending a chill down Severus' spine. "I must have hit the nail on the head to use the muggle expression." Harry trailed his tongue across the older man's chest to his other nipple where he repeated the process.

Severus allowed himself to relax into his lover's ministrations. He had had different lovers over the years but rarely did he ever let any of them have the upper-hand over him. The last time he had been the more submissive partner was before his twentieth birthday. He was always the one in control of the relationship. The dominant one. Harry had been the first in a long time that he had given the control over to. Harry had understood what it had cost him too. His lover took pleasure from the fact that he was trusted so completely by such a complex man who did not trust easily.

The two were very different types of lovers. Severus was usually subtler in the way he pleasured his partner while Harry tended to be more direct and forceful. That also accounted for the reason that Harry added lighthearted banter. The man was passionate and hard and being made love to by him was like falling off a cliff. Harry knew that although exhilarating, to Severus it was also terrifying. The jokes actually kept him relaxed.

Harry was slowly working his way down Severus' body paying attention to the man's scars with his tongue and lips. Severus usually ignored the scars that crossed Harry's body not paying them any attention. Harry didn't mind, most he didn't like to think of where he had gotten them. Severus never thought of how he got the scars when Harry caressed them, he always thought of the way that Harry had accepted him completely.

Sensation was overwhelming his senses, and Severus had to break the silence that had descended while Harry kissed his way along Severus' battle scarred body. "Where did you get this scar?" Severus had begun to trace a scar that went along Harry's right bicep. It had been there since before the two had become lovers during Harry's seventh year, Harry never really explained though. He just knew there was a story about it that leaned to the opposite of all the other scars that crossed his body.

"I told you, a rampaging hippogriff. I forgot to bow." The tongue returned to its exploration causing Severus to gasp as it traced it's way down and dipped into his naval.

"You lie. The only time you had ever come across a hippogriff was during third year, and Malfoy was hurt not you." Severus never got his answer as he approached the precipice of the cliff...

...Harry collapsed against Severus' chest not being able to hold himself up any longer. Severus rolled them onto their sides and pillowed his head on his arm while he looked down at his bonded. Harry moved his lips in what Severus noticed as the incantation of the wandless cleaning spell that Harry always muttered, being the only one between the both of them capable of performing magic wandlessly with minimal effort.

"That is an utter waste of power."

"Are you complaining?" Harry's eyes were closed and his breathing was getting deeper. Instead of answering the question Severus asked another one.

"You don't do that in front of students, I hope?"

"Do I look like an idiot." Without opening his eyes Harry knew exactly when Severus was going to answer since he cut him off. "Don't answer that."

A chuckle escaped Severus' lips and Harry's lips in turn lifted in a smile. Running his fingers through the younger man's still damp hair he watched as Harry drifted off to sleep. At least Severus assumed Harry had drifted off to sleep. He was startled when Harry started to talk from where he was wrapped around Severus.

"It was the end of sixth year. Both Malfoy and I went in the carriages with the students to say goodbye to our friends. I was staying since Albus wanted me to continue my defense lessons over the summer before he sent me off to do his bidding, I'm sure that you remember that. He was still trying to find a place for Draco though since he obviously couldn't stay with his family over the summer. Anyway, neither of us actually said goodbye to our friends since we jumped out of the carriage halfway to Hogsmeade station." Harry paused for a moment without looking at his lover before continuing. "We fought, armed with the knives that Sirius was teaching us to fight with and our wands. Mostly we used our knives not wanting to rely on magic. Draco got first blood. Sliced right down my arm. I scored second, but did more damage. The dagger cut along his chest and the cut curved around his side. There were other cuts, and we were both fairly well hexed before the end of our fight. We healed everything completely except for the first two cuts, we healed those only enough so that they would still scar. We had wanted to remember our fight. It's kind of a joke to the two of us. I didn't lie. Draco was a rampaging hippogriff, the fight started because he thought I didn't pay him the proper respect he deserved, and he was probably right. Draco says that he got his scar from a berserk dragon. That's what he had started to call me during our knife wielding lessons."

"No one knows?"

"Nope. It was a turning point in our relationship. Oh we weren't friends by a long shot but we learned to respect each other for the fighters we were becoming."

Severus didn't say anything in response. He knew it wasn't his place. The fight that Harry had had with Draco was obviously very personal. It was an unspoken agreement. They would share things that they told no one else but the other was never to comment if it was obvious that it wasn't their place. In a way Severus was surprised that Harry had even told him. After all he had waited nine years before telling Severus what happened. He guessed it was all part of defining their friendship. He rested his head upon Harry's and fell asleep.

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Severus awoke some time around one in the morning. Some time over the few hours he had dozed he had rolled onto his back and Harry had flung his arm over his chest. With out his usual care for not waking up his bonded Severus sat up and looked for the muggle clock he knew Harry had to have around his rooms somewhere. The quick movement had awakened his lover who was now rubbing his eyes.

"Don't do that. You startled me. I almost knocked you out."

Severus turned to look at his young lover. From time to time he forgot that Harry had been trained to kill in at least a dozen ways and that he had helped in that training. Harry could do significant damage to a person barehanded. "I didn't actually mean to fall asleep."

Harry took the sentence for what it was, an apology. "s'alright. Just a little tired is all. What time is it?"

"Where is your clock?"

Grabbing his wand from the bedside table Harry muttered a quick spell and the time appeared in smoky numbers floating in mid air. 1:15 am. The younger man collapsed back onto the bed and rolled over muttering about insane lovers that woke perfectly normal people up at all hours of the night.

Pressing a kiss to Harry's head Severus murmured, "Since when have you ever been normal?"

Harry rolled onto his back and opened one eye to look at Severus. "Why did you want to know what time it is?"

"I have to leave."

The second eye opened and Harry stared. "Why? You do realize that with a time turner you can go back to whatever time you want."

"Simple, I borrowed the time turner without telling Albus. I left in the middle of the night, I plan to return during the middle of the night."

"Breaking the rules, Sev? I bet you ten galleons that Albus knows."

"Most likely. I just don't feel comfortable staying here all night when there are students around."

"Really?" Harry's knew his voice sounded disbelieving.

"Think about it, a professor shouldn't let their lover stay the night. A professor shouldn't-"

"Stop Sev. You do realize how idiotic you sound right now." Harry watched as the older man narrowed his eyes in anger and glared before he continued. "Back in our time no one knows that we share rooms, except some of the teachers. For some reason everyone tends to think that we just make it our favorite pastime to annoy each other whenever we get the chance. Technically my rooms are down the hall from yours, yet that never stopped me from not spending the night in your rooms. People will believe what they want to believe."

"My point exactly."

"You aren't making any sense."

"People believe that you and Draco are together because that's what they want to believe. He publicly saved your life, you are close friends, and he has been firmly established as going against his father and becoming a servant of the so called 'Light.' Myself, there are still doubts to my loyalties, from both sides, I'm old enough to be your father," Severus paused to raise a finger so that Harry wouldn't interrupt, "I'm not considered attractive, and everyone thinks that we hate each other since bicker and fight is all we ever do in public. These beliefs suit us perfectly fine, it gives us an alibi to hide behind, people will not question us about a relationship because they do not want to believe that one exists. Here we don't have that since no one really knows anything about you." Severus paused to see if his lover was still paying attention. "However here you are also in a precarious position. Albus has told me for a fact that certain members of the Order in this time do not trust you. And having strange men visit in the middle of the night without informing the Headmaster is one way to keep them from allowing you access to the scroll. Especially when said man has a Dark Mark on his left forearm. Albus told me it is essential that you finish translating the scroll, who knows what would change if you don't."

Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly before climbing out of bed to find a pair of sleep pants. "I know that you're right Severus. I just- Bloody hell, I don't know anymore." Harry's back was turned and Severus watched in fascination as the snake of his tattoo hissed and shifted restlessly in response to its master's mood.

Severus stood and started to get dressed. Harry's back was still turned to him and he knew that what he had said had 'hit home'.

"I'm an idiot. Do you realize that? A complete moron. You were right all those years Severus, I'm a dunderhead."

Severus couldn't help but hide a smile. For all the ways that Harry had changed over the years there was still a part of him that forgot to think things through and when the consequences were shoved in his face berated himself. It was part of Harry's charm that he cared so much about the well being of others. It also disheartened Severus that Harry had to take so much onto his shoulders. It was a heavy burden to bear, but Harry did so and he usually did so alone. He finished buttoning his shirt before walking over to the younger man and wrapped his arms around the other's torso. Harry leaned back into the embrace. "You aren't a dunderhead. You act first and think later."

"Same difference."

"I wish that your godfather never taught you that horrid phrase."

Harry laughed before turning to look at the other man. "No questions?"

"No, Albus wasn't going to send anyone until next month. Hence my pilfering of the time turner. He had mentioned something about you being under added stress."

Harry laughed humorlessly. "You could say that. Don't ask I don't want to talk about it."

Severus nodded and stepped away from the younger man. "Come on, I would like to be getting back."

Harry raised his eyebrow in a questioning manner.

"I am not walking across the bloody castle in the middle of the night because I decide to leave from this room. I'd much rather leave here from the dungeons. You can accompany me."

"Since a strange person walking around the castle in the middle of the night alone would arise as much suspicion as a strange man spending the night with the semi trustworthy Defense teacher?"

"It would arouse more so." Severus started toward the doors that led to the exit of Harry's personal chambers.

Harry grabbed a button up shirt that he had flung over a nearby chair and slipped on a pair of slippers before following after his lover.

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The two men must have made an interesting picture as they walked down the hallways toward the bowels of the castle. Severus stopped and Harry followed suit. "There's a suitable alcove just around the corner, I'll leave from there." Harry shrugged one shoulder and was about to speak when the lips of his lover descended down to cover his own and he was swept away.

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Young Severus Snape stood transfixed at the sight in front of him. Less then fifteen feet away was his Defense teacher, pushed against the wall and locked in one of the most passionate kisses he had ever seen, with a man that Snape had never seen before.

The dark haired man was taller than Octavian and was dressed to kill. Long legs encased in loose fitting black pants, a dark shirt over which was a leather jacket that went down to the man's knees. His slightly longer than chin-length hair brushed around his face obscuring any details that could have been seen. His long fingered pale hands grasped either side of Octavian's face holding him in place while his lips moved steadily over Octavian's. One of his knees was pressed between Octavian's looking as if he was holding the other man up.

Octavian looked like he had just rolled out of bed. He had on a pair of what looked like silk sleep pants and a pair of slippers. It seemed that he had hastily put on a shirt and didn't have time to button it up while his hair fell down around his face and to his shoulders in messy waves. His hands weren't exactly idle either. One hand was tangled in the taller man's dark hair and the other was resting on the man's shoulder before it slipped down and grapped onto the lapel of the leather jacket forcing the other man closer.

Severus continued to watch as one of the taller man's hands slipped from his professors cheek to run down his chest and under the edge of his shirt before wrapping around Octavian's waist pulling him up against his body. He couldn't move, just stood there and continued to watch as the taller man finished the kiss before leaning down to whisper something in his professor's ear. He heard Octavian laugh lightly before placing a light kiss right on the edge of the man's mouth. The taller man placed his hand against Octavian's cheek running his thumb in a circular motion before pulling away and disappearing down the hall.

Severus didn't move for a few minutes. When he had finally snapped out of his stupor his Defense teacher had already disappeared, assumingly back to his chambers leaving Severus the only one in the hallway, huddled under Lucius' invisibility cloak clutching a satchel of pastries from the kitchen. Severus came to his senses and took off toward the Slytherin common room where he knew Lucius was waiting for the food that Severus had gone to get. Severus never noticed the few tears that started to flow from his eyes down his cheeks.

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Severus tossed off the cloak that hid him from view as soon as he stepped through the entrance into the common room. He tossed the cloak to Lucius who was sitting on one of the couches reading a book. After Lucius put the cloak aside Severus tossed the satchel to the other boy and started to make his way to the dormitories, hoping to hide behind the curtains of his four poster and stare at the ceiling but the voice of his friend from behind stopped him.

"Severus, what's wrong? You didn't get caught by that bastard of a Defense teacher, did you?" Lucius knew that a sure fire way to get the younger one's attention was to insult the object of his affection. The more personal he could make the insult the angrier Snape would get. And knowing what he knew about the younger boy, that was pretty personal.

"No, but I wish him to hell, preferably one of the deeper levels. Leave me alone Lucius." Severus started up the stairs again but Lucius placed a restraining hand on his arm.

"What happened? What did he do to you, you didn't get in trouble with the headmaster or Simion did you?"

"No, our head of house and our esteemed headmaster are still blissfully unaware that I have been trying to coax the current Defense teacher into a clandestine affair."

"So what happened, you look really upset."

"Octavian Tyler has a lover."

"What?!" Severus had finally shocked the older boy that refused to let go of his arm.

"Octavian Tyler, our current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, has a lover. I caught them kissing in the hallway on the way back from the kitchens."

"Don't you mean snogging?"

"No, what I saw wasn't the incompetent fumblings of the students who go to hide in the Astronomy tower to sneak a quick snog and grope. This was different. What I saw were two lovers who knew each other very well saying goodbye without the use of words. Looking at the situation from an objective angle, it was incredible." Severus sat down on the stairs and let his face fall into his hands allowing his hair to fall around his face. A half sob escaped before he could cut it off. "Oh how I hate Octavian!" He felt Lucius put a hand on his shoulder in the closest thing to comfort that a Slytherin ever offered.

"Incredible?"

"You have to latch on to the wrong things don't you, Lucius."

"How do you mean incredible, I've seen plenty of kisses in my life and none of them have ever looked incredible. Besides which, how did you know they were saying goodbye?"

"Perhaps since professor Tyler was only half dressed but his partner was fully clothed."

Severus turned to his friend who had arched an eyebrow at the information before repeating his initial question. "How do you know it was incredible?"

"I don't know, it was the type of kiss one only has in dreams, all passion and touch. The type of kiss that leads to you starting awake feeling totally unsatisfied and wanting to know what could come next."

"Lucky professor Tyler."

Severus leveled his best glare at his friend. "You can join professor Tyler in hell, Lucius."

"Oh it can't be all that bad. You're overreacting Severus."

"I really don't think so. I have the right to grieve for my loss."

"Loss?"

"Sometimes you are the biggest moron alive Lucius. Professor Tyler has a lover. I should just give up. It's not like I'll have a chance anyways."

"Maybe you just need to get his attention."

"I've been trying that for weeks. He could care less about a student in such a way."

"Well what about a powerful wizard?" Lucius said in such a way that Severus knew he was up to something.

"I'm listening."

"Well, you know that my father is a servant of the Dark Lord?"

"Everyone knows that Lucius, so is mine. In fact over half the Slytherins' parents are."

"The Dark Lord is looking for individuals with a desire to succeed. He's looking for people who want power. He could help you get that power. You could impress Professor Tyler that way."

"Seems like a really juvenile reason to go bending my knee to the Dark Lord. How do you know this anyway?" Lucius had sat himself down on the step next to Severus. The older boy rolled up his left sleeve. There on his arm was the Dark Mark.

"I joined him over Christmas break. That's why I couldn't go to Knockturn Alley with you. It hurt like hell, it burned for days afterward. The Dark Lord could help you Severus. Not only with getting professor Tyler, but he could help you in your desire to become a potions' master. Not to mention he could help you prove your own merit and strength. We both know that not everyone respects you because you are the bastard of your father." Lucius flinched at the glare he got for that comment but continued on. "You're acknowledged as his heir, the only child. Even if he did have any other children legitimately, which I highly doubt would ever happen, they wouldn't replace you. Your grandfather would have his son's head on a platter. The old man dotes on you." Lucius could see that Severus was actually thinking about the offer. He decided to finish off the last reason that he could think of. "Your grandfather is a servant of the Dark Lord, one of his contemporaries. Just think how proud he would be of you."

Severus stared at his hands. He knew that his grandfather was aligned with the Dark Lord but had never given any indication to Severus that he wanted him to form a similar alliance. The things that Lucius said did have merit and he couldn't stop thinking about the idea that he might actually be able to get Octavian's attention if he did do as Lucius suggested.

"Next weekend is a meeting. My father has put in an excuse for me with the school, I have to attend a dinner party. I'm sure that I can get you invited so to say. Tell me by this coming Wednesday. Just think about it Severus."

The younger boy nodded his head and didn't move as Lucius rolled down his sleeve and went to grab his cloak and pastries before heading up to his dorm, leaving Severus to his thoughts that would plague him until morning.

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