Title: The Paradox of Existence

Author: DragonLight

Summary: The future repeats itself in the past -- On Assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher. HP/SS. SLASH

Pairing: HP/SS

Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are

Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page. Other, please ask.

Author Note: Huge, huge thanks to my beta Isis.

Thank You: Lee Lee Potter, janibo, Cat Samwise, WittchWay, Lana, kazul, P.L.S., serapotter, Harmoni, npetrenko, mystic flower, Katy999, shitsumon, Lakoma, Lord R, rayvern, SparkySparkles, Jordan,

Melz: Be patient, I'll explain all that in time. Not quite yet though, you'll see.
Aconite: That is *one* of the side stories that I haven't got to actually writing yet, I do know how it happened though. It will eventually be found in "Through the Looking Glass" -- a bunch vignettes that take place in the Paradox Universe. That will be posted sooner or later.
Vita Brevis: Thanks. I thought that some character development was a must. I even snuck a plot point in there too.
Acyla: When Draco goes to the past he puts up a disguise charm. He looks a little too much like his father, and that could bring up awkward questions for him and 'Tyler', and don't forget the poor authoress ;)
Emma: Sorry about that. Draco was the one that brought the potions to Harry. That was why he was present for the fight. I thought I implied that he did. Sorry again.
venus4280: don't worry there will definitely be more of 'that conversation'

Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.

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Chapter Fourteen: A River of Souls

*The Past*

Severus wandered down the deserted halls of the school safely ensconced within the folds of Lucius' invisibility cloak. Usually he wouldn't do such a thing, but ever since last year, when he had found out that rules were bent for others, he hadn't cared nearly as much about rules as he did before. Especially if breaking the rules could get him to the object of this particular excursion, a professor by the name of Octavian Tyler.

Severus had been thinking about what Lupin had said to him that night in the infirmary. Maybe he was right. He had to trust someone, and if he wanted a relationship with Professor Tyler than whom else should he go to when he needed someone to talk to? This way he would only have to go through the telling of the tale once, and to only one person.

Severus turned down the corridor that he had seen Professor Tyler go down regularly. He assumed that this was where the man's chambers were; he never saw anyone else go down the corridor after all. He made his way down the hall trying doors as he went. All the doors opened, revealing either empty rooms or storage chambers. Oddly enough one had actually opened to a solid wall. Reaching the end of the hall, he found himself faced with a strong oak door. The plate that hung on it read "Professor Octavian Tyler." So bloody obvious.

Severus decided that even if it was a hoax and the professor's chambers weren't really behind the door, at least it wouldn't hurt to knock. Rapping quickly on the door three times he stood back and waited. Just as he was about to turn away and try looking for the man's chambers elsewhere, the door swung open and a bleary eyed Professor Tyler stood in its place. The first thought Severus had was that he had awakened the man. The second was that he was about to die a painful death.

"Take off the bloody invisibility cloak. I could hear you breathing through the bloody door." The voice was slurred and Severus immediately realized his mistake. The man was drunk, not half asleep. This could make things easier. Pulling off the cloak, he draped it over his arm and appraised his teacher. His hair hung down in long strands clinging to his face, obscuring part of it in the most alluring way. He was wearing a pair of dark green silk sleep pants and a loose fitting sleeveless shirt. Looking down toward the ground he noticed that his feet were bare. As his eyes traveled up Tyler's body he noticed how low the pants hung on his hips, and as his gaze traced the muscles of the other's arms he saw a long healed scar running along the triceps of his right upper arm.

"Have you seen enough?"

Severus didn't respond instead just looked at the other man, trying to avoid his piercing gaze.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Snape?"

"I needed someone to talk to and you seemed to be the best candidate."

"At three o'clock in the bloody morning?"

Severus just shrugged and looked at the ground. It was always best to seem timid and anxious. "I couldn't sleep," Severus said in a soft voice.

"So you naturally assumed that the rest of the castle would be awake because it was your bloody whim to seek someone out?" The professor sounded annoyed, and Severus thought that it might not have been a good idea to seek the other out after all.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just…" Severus stopped. His voice wavered slightly, could he really. He looked at the other man and noticed that Professor Tyler had placed a hand over his eyes and was at them tiredly.

"I apologize for being so short with you. I will admit that this isn't the best time, but if you truly need someone to talk to then I'll listen." Octavian stood back and motioned for the younger man to enter his rooms. Severus quickly entered the room, taking the opportunity to look around before Professor Tyler came to his senses and kicked him out. Perhaps this wasn't going as badly as he thought it was.

"Sit." His professor was pointing at a chair that was positioned across from a couch in the living room area. The chair was large and padded and seemed the most comfortable thing in the world. Sitting down he noticed that a book which was resting face down on one of the armrests. He picked it up curiously and turned it over. All the pages were blank.

"Nothing of interest there." Professor Tyler had arranged himself on the couch and Severus gaped at the sight. One arm was slung over his head resting on the back of the couch. He was reclining back with one foot under him and the other extended out. His back was somewhat arched and his eyes were heavy lidded. The other arm was draped across his abdomen and his fingers lightly brushed his side while they held a glass of light amber liquid. Severus changed his mind; the couch now seemed to be the most comfortable place in the world.

Severus had started to fall into daydreams when the rough voice of his professor pulled him back out. "You said something about talking, so talk." Taking a deep breath Severus dove into his concerns about serving the Dark Lord, carefully avoiding the topic of the final impetus to his decision to join the Death Eaters. Severus didn't think that Octavian would be happy to discover that he had been a reason. The other reasons though, were up for discussion.

Professor Tyler sat there, his face schooled into blankness, and Severus appreciated that his professor didn't show any emotion at all. Severus honestly believed what was said about this particular Defense teacher. It was said that he could care less about the war that was going on between Lord Voldemort and the Ministry of Magic. Some people said the war was between Dumbledore and Voldemort, and that the Ministry just followed whatever Dumbledore told them to do. That impartiality appealed to Severus at the moment, but he hadn't come there to be judged. Or so he believed. He hadn't quite realized that he was asking Professor Tyler to do just that.

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Harry relaxed on his couch, sipping at another glass of firewhiskey on the rocks as he listened to the words pour out of the young Severus' mouth. He didn't quite remember how many he had already had, but gave up that line of thought in order to listen to the young man in front of him. He tried not to show how fascinated he was, but inside his head was spinning. This was a topic that Severus avoided at all costs, the reasoning behind Severus' initial following of Voldemort. Harry knew some of the reasons that Severus had originally joined the Death Eaters; there were quite a few that Severus didn't talk about, but Harry never pried, never asked. Severus returned the favor. Neither wanted to push the other into revealing things about themselves. And if they went to their graves without knowing everything about their bonded, so be it. It wasn't necessary. What they knew about the other was inconsequential; what mattered was that they understood one another. But that didn't stop Harry from being curious. Then again, he knew there were quite a few things that Severus was curious about that he never asked about. Maybe one day he would tell the other man, especially since his younger self had probably just disclosed some of Severus' most guarded thoughts.

Blind. Severus was blind to all the horrors that Voldemort committed. It seemed that Mr. Riddle liked to convince his followers that he was morally right before he showed them the 'joys' of torturing and killing muggles and half-bloods. Severus was sitting in the chair across from him stating all the 'good' things that his Lord was trying to accomplish. Wondering how those who opposed him could possibly do so. Not to mention the evil 'lies' they spread about kidnapping and torture.

Harry recalled all the conversations that he had had with the older Severus. Severus was full of self-ridicule. He criticized all the decisions he had made while growing up. Severus never told him the impetus to those decisions. He knew so much about his partner, but not that. And now he was discovering the blindness of the younger man in front of him. Knowing Severus as well as he did, that would explain why Harry had never seen it. It was a weakness and the older version of Severus despised showing any form of weakness, even one that was only present at a young age. *His* Severus always looked at all possible angles and never stepped into a situation, other than Death Eater meetings, without full knowledge of what he was getting himself into. In the future, Severus looked at having to attend Death Eater meetings as his punishment. Harry thought it was a punishment for following the Dark Lord, but after seeing the younger man in his current state, he decided he had been wrong.

His conclusions seemed to him to flow from some sort of increased awareness resulting from his drunkenness. His mind wouldn't focus on any one thing; instead so many conversations were running through his head that Harry couldn't help but make connections between them.

Harry started as he realized the young man in front of him had stopped talking and was expecting him to comment. He knew that he didn't have to point Severus in the right direction and in fact, it would be better if Severus found that direction on his own. Knowing that, however, didn't make it any easier to hold back the words "stay away from that horrible monster". Instead he settled on what he had always believed. "Mr. Snape," Harry's voice was even and controlled. "You seem to be trying to convince yourself that you did the right thing. Not trying to convince me. All I have to say to that is, that as long as you did it for the right reasons, as long as it is a cause that you believe in, and as long as you can live with yourself while doing it, then it's your decision to make. No one else can make that decision for you. You are the person that you have to live the rest of your life with. And if you can't stand the person that you've allowed yourself to become, then it's going to be a rather horrid life for you."

Deciding that in his state, the conversation couldn't last much longer at a coherent level, Harry shifted slightly, preparing to get up to escort the young man out of his rooms. Harry closed his eyes and stretched his arms upward arching his back. Letting out his breath slowly he lowered his arms and opened his eyes. The dark eyes that met his were opened wide and were filled with conflicting emotions, lacking the sureness that he had come to expect with his Severus. Harry swung his legs over the edge of the couch and moved himself into a sitting position.

Severus looked away. "You must think me a fool, Professor. I always seem to come across as someone that can't handle making their own decisions. I guess I was just worried that I had made the decision too hastily. I know that my Lord is trying to change things for the better, and I know that he is probably going about it in the best way. I mean he must certainly be better informed than I am, after all I'm only in sixth year, but still…" His eyes flicked from Harry to the floor and back. Harry was practically positive that the young man wasn't even aware that he was rambling on. A refreshing change. A genuine smile flitted across his face and the babbling stopped.

Harry looked up at the young man and cocked his head in a questioning manner. He didn't quite trust his voice to say what he wanted it to say. Whenever he drank that much firewhiskey he always ended up making a fool of himself.

"I've never seen you actually smile before, even when your friend visited. You just never seemed like the smiling sort."

Harry's smile didn't disappear, instead only got bigger. Perhaps Albus was right, this was almost like a vacation. He could spend time with a Severus that didn't have nearly as many worries that *his* Severus had. As long as nothing happened between them it would be perfectly acceptable to talk to the young man, right?

Harry decided to chance talking. "Well, everyone has an off day now and again I suppose. You just happened to catch me on mine." Harry stood and swayed slightly as the blood all rushed to his head. Being the sober one in the room, Severus jumped up and grabbed the man's elbow to keep him from falling.

"Well, I guess you should be going, Mr. Snape."

"Perhaps you should lay down, Professor, you don't look very good." Severus tried to pull the older man back toward the couch to help him sit down. He'd helped Lucius to do the same many times, when he had drunk too much of the firewhiskey he convinced his cousin to smuggle into the school for him.

Professor Tyler stumbled against him, and Severus tried to steady him. Looking up he saw that his professor was looking into his eyes. He wondered at the sad look on the other's face.

"So much lost. Such beautiful eyes, filled with emotion. I'm so sorry." Before Severus knew what was going on a hand touched his cheek and the lips of his professor suddenly covered his own. Not understanding the reason behind it, but not caring, Severus wrapped his arms around his teacher and surrendered.

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Severus awoke to the sound of a shower running. Severus stood to discover that all of his clothes had been folded and laid on the seat of Professor Tyler's desk chair. On top was a note. Not knowing what to expect Severus quickly went over and opened it.

*//Mr. S. Snape,

I would advise you to vacate my rooms immediately. I am now completely sober and aware of what occurred last night in these rooms. For your own personal safety I suggest that you remain far away from me for the remainder of the school year. If you are still in my rooms by the time I reappear then a fate much worse then detention with Filch awaits you.

Professor O. Tyler\\*

Severus crumpled the note in his hand and threw it at the bed. He was well aware that such shows of childish emotions were beneath him, but he didn't care. He dressed and moved to the exit. He looked back at the bedroom door and could still hear the shower running. He wasn't going to give up on his Professor that easily. Now that he knew what to look for he planned on paying his teacher another late night visit. Obviously Professor Tyler had never met a determined Severus Snape.

In the shower Harry was collapsed against the wall berating himself. He didn't believe that he had been stupid enough to have gotten that drunk last night. Harry rarely let himself get drunk unless he was out with Ron or Draco, and the consequences were never as dire as this. Harry stared at the bond-mark that graced his wrist. Last night had been the anniversary of the day he and Severus bonded. Missing the man desperately, he had drunk himself into a stupor. Harry's streak of continuously good luck was finally running out, since the younger version of Severus had appeared at his door wishing to talk. Harry berated himself again for his folly in initiating the mess he had gotten himself into.

Harry scrubbed at his skin hard, wishing that he could wash away the guilt that he felt. It was actually ironic. *His* Severus knew exactly what was going on between Harry and his younger self, but Harry couldn't stop feeling like he had cheated on his bonded. There was no end to the circular logic, and any way that Harry looked at it he still felt immensely guilty. As he sank to the floor of the shower he wondered if his Severus was mad at him for giving in to his younger self. As the water beat down on his down turned head Harry held his wrist in his hand and stared at the mark that joined him to Severus.

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*The Future: Summer Between Harry's Sixth and Seventh Year*

"Stop being such a baby."

"I am not acting like an infant." A sharp hiss of indrawn breath filled the small room. "That smarts!"

"I barely touched you. You know, it would hurt a lot less if you'd just sit still."

"Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired, Potter." Severus tried to move away from the hand that was coming closer to him.

Harry threw up his hands in frustration. "Would you just sit still! I'm only going to put salve on it. It's nothing that will hurt." Harry placed his hand on Severus' shoulder to keep him from moving. The older man jerked away.

"It stung last time. What are you trying to put on it, anyway? Besides which, I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I have been doing so since before you were born, let me remind you."

Harry grabbed the man's arm to hold him still before taking his salve-covered fingers and rubbed them across the gash. Another hiss was heard from Severus. "It's a pain numbing and disinfectant salve. The only reason it hurt the first time was because you moved. You were pulling the cut open further. The reason I'm helping you is because you can't get to the cut yourself. Otherwise I'd just let you lick your injuries like the wounded animal you are." Harry moved around to check the dilation of Severus' eyes.

"What are you doing now?"

Harry ignored the question and checked Severus' pulse. "Is your vision blurry?"

"No!"

"Good." Harry went around to wipe off any excess salve from the exposed wound. He cast a healing charm to close the laceration and watched as the skin came together, almost stitching itself. A sharp red line now marred the porcelain of Severus' back; Harry knew it would just become one more scar that crisscrossed the man's body. He looked appreciatively at the well-defined muscles that were now visible since Severus had taken off his shirt.

Harry knew by now the best thing to do when Severus was hurt was to ignore his petty snapping. It was the way Severus dealt with his pain. Harry was the opposite, when he was hurt not a whisper could be heard. The first time that Severus had pulled him out of a bad situation, Harry had had five gashes in parallel lines across his chest, and a stab wound in the side. He had automatically curled up and closed his eyes, trying to silence even his breathing. Severus had thought he was dead and when he realized what Harry had done, had torn into him. Harry had never seen the other man so angry, and for the longest time he couldn't figure out why.

"Was it bad?"

"I could see the bone, but it was your shoulder blade, some of that is exposed through the muscle anyway. I don't know enough to tell you if the muscle was cut badly." Harry took the opportunity to run his hands over Severus' back under the pretense of checking the wound. "Well it's healing ok. I thought I had smelled Oleander. Though you aren't showing any signs of the poison." Harry paused in his administrations. "I never knew potions could actually be interesting."

"Prat."

"That was an awfully juvenile thing to say, Snape. I thought you saved such comments for my godfather."

Severus didn't respond to the taunt, instead he grabbed Harry's hand and pulled the young man from behind him; making him stand in front of him. "We should check that puncture wound." Harry pulled away and moved to a chair on the other side of the room.

"I can do it myself." Harry lifted up a hand to rub at his eyes before turning his attention to his thigh where the stiletto had entered.

Severus stared at Harry, pondering about what he had said. "Oleander?"

Harry nodded his head quickly before grabbing it in between his hands. "Oi, dizzy."

Severus started and moved over to the boy before grabbing his satchel from the foot of one of the two beds in the room. "Did it ever occur to you that *you* could have been the one poisoned?"

Harry looked up at the man with tired eyes. Cocking his head to one side, his voice dreamy, he said, "Who would have thought your aura was white?" before he fainted and fell forward into Snape's arms.

Severus ran through all the symptoms of Oleander poisoning, blurred vision with halos, dizziness, headache, fainting, and irregular heartbeat. He laid the boy down on one of the beds and took his pulse. It was highly irregular. Then he remembered. If brewed correctly and strong enough, Oleander poisoning in small quantities was lethal.

"Shite. You stupid boy." Snape grabbed him and made his way out of the small dingy room and out of the inn, down to a side alley, so he could apparate as close as humanly possible to Hogwarts.

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Harry stared upward. Cracks ran along the otherwise painfully white ceiling. Hospital wing. Bloody hell. He slowly sat up.

"You are an idiot." The silky voice entered into Harry's consciousness.

"I told you I thought I smelt Oleander. I'm not the potions master who should have been able to identify it a mile off." He rolled over and looked at the man who was sitting by his bed reading a book. Or had been reading a book. Said book was now face down on his lap untouched while the older man looked at him. Harry ignored the glower. "How long was I out for?"

"A week." The answer was clipped; Harry thought that he might actually have offended the previously impervious potions master.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I should have been able to tell that I was the one poisoned."

"Bloody right you should have. I didn't sit there and drill symptoms into your head so that you could get poisoned and not recognize the effects." Severus drew in a shaky breath. "I didn't waste my time testing you so you could identify some highly dangerous potions by scent alone. You're lucky that I was there."

"You're right, I am. And you did all that because Dumbledore told you to. Not out of the goodness of your own heart. Besides I doubt that you even have one." Harry rolled over so that his back was facing Snape.

"You are the most impertinent brat that I've ever met, Potter."

"Where is Dumbledore sending us next? I want to get out of here." Harry was getting depressed. Of course that could have been one of the side effects of the Oleander poisoning.

"What makes you so sure that you'll be working with me?"

All Harry heard was venom in the other's voice. "Well he sure won't send me off alone. And just because I did something stupid he isn't going to take Sirius or Remus off assignment to 'baby-sit' me as you call it."

Snape let the comment slide; he was doing that more and more with Potter. "We'll be picking up where we left off. Between your visions and my mark we might actually be able to track Voldemort to his new headquarters."

"Hiding place." The voice coming from the bed sounded petulant.

"Quite right, Potter. His hiding place. Since your visions get stronger with proximity, as do the pains in your scar and my mark, we should be able to determine, within a few miles, where he is hiding."

"I still think that this is one of the stupidest plans that Dumbledore has proposed this summer. We should be spending our time building up a defense, not planning an offense. 'One is always stronger on one's home ground.'"

"Well I've never admitted to comprehending Dumbledore. Whenever you are ready. Your bag is still packed, and it and I will be waiting for you at the front doors."

Harry waited until he heard the door of the infirmary close after the other man's exit before sitting up and swinging his legs over the bed. Harry quickly got dressed in the clothes that had been laid out on the bed next to him. Pulling the shirt over his head, he took in the scent of Azzemour, a complex mix of Indian spices that permeated the soaps that Severus used. Harry breathed the scent in deeply and wished that he could get as close to Severus as his shirt must have in order to pick up the rich scent.

As Harry made his way down to the entrance hall he pondered the direction that the relationship between Severus and himself had been taking. Since Dumbledore had started to pair them together for his absolutely brainless scheme of finding Voldemort, he had seen sides of the man he never thought possible. He knew that he was attracted to Severus, and from time to time thought that the man was also attracted to him, though Severus never showed anything close to actual concern for him. The kiss during detention had been a one and only occurrence, and their conversation right before school ended had blown up in Harry's face. Harry felt he was at an impasse at trying to get to know the other man, though he wanted nothing more.

Harry didn't have time for any more reflection on the subject, however, since he had reached the front doors to the school, where Dumbledore was waiting to bid him farewell and Severus was standing, obviously impatient to go.

That entire day Harry didn't even try to talk to Severus. He usually attempted to make some sort of conversation, but half the time the older man wouldn't cooperate. The only times over the summer that Harry had been able to draw him into anything remotely resembling a conversation was about potions. Of course those conversations were always short lived, since on every subject other than poison Harry understood less than nothing. And even if they were discussing poisons, he had received all of his information from Severus, so there was nothing he could say that the other man didn't already know.

At dinner that night, Harry felt the eyes of his potions master examining him. He never lifted his head from the pages of the book he was pretending to read. He just couldn't handle the thought of looking into Severus' dark eyes and seeing nothing that resembled the emotions he knew he had for his potions master.

A hand slid a small vial over the table to him; Harry picked it up and placed it to the side of his plate without looking at it. "Potter." Harry didn't look up but instead turned the page of the book that he hadn't read a word of for over ten minutes. "Potter." Harry instead thought about how he hated the way that Severus said his surname. No one could lace as much distaste into one word as Severus Snape could into the word Potter.

"Stop calling me Potter. I don't know what you have against the name, but I assure you that in no way can you attach it to me. I know next to nothing about any of my family, and I refuse to count my caretakers, being the poor excuses for family that they were."

"Potter," Severus began but Harry cut him off.

"If you want me to answer than come up with a different name." Harry still hadn't raised his head to look at Severus. "If you don't want to call me 'Harry', than address me by 'Black', 'Weasley', or 'Lupin'. At least I feel like I belong to their families."

Severus sighed in defeat. "Harry. Drink the contents of the vial, it'll make you feel better. You still have trace amounts of the Oleander in your system and it is acting as a mild depressive. The potion will negate the effects, and the rest of the poison should be out of your system within the next day or two."

"Thank you, Professor." Harry turned another page of his book, not looking up. Neither did he take the contents of the vial the man had given him. He resolutely ignored everything except the pages of his book, where the words were starting to blend together, the food that he was steadily shoveling into his mouth, and the thoughts that were bouncing around his head in random circles.

After another twenty minutes of watching the boy flip pages that obviously hadn't been read, Severus decided he just couldn't take the silence that had descended another minute. Resolutely pushing away his unfinished meal, he looked at the young man in front of him, trying to determine a way to start a conversation. "One normally moves their eyes when one reads a book."

"Not if the book is there as a simple pretext so that a conversation can be avoided."

Bloody hell, it was becoming obvious that the boy had been spending too much time with him. "Why don't you take the potion?"

"Because this is closer to how I should feel."

"Would you expound on that idea?"

"I'm not a bloody essay that you write comments on. I'll say as much or as little as I please. Thank you very much." Harry snapped his book shut and stood to leave the room, but Severus grabbed his arm in a tight grip and wouldn't let go. "Let go, Professor."

"I will do no such thing. If I'm expected to spend the remainder of the summer in your company, than I deserve to know what makes you unbearable. And that is what you will be, if you don't take the bloody potion."

"I thought I was already unbearable, Professor. You've been telling me variations on that since I was eleven. Besides what gives you the right to know anything about me? It's not as if you bloody care. You make that quite clear everyday." Harry wrenched his arm away and moved through the door that opened into the bedroom. Severus stared at the closed door for a few minutes before slowly standing, grabbing the vial, and moving through the door to follow the younger man.

Harry was lying on his stomach on his bed with the defense book open and resting on the pillow. Severus wondered if he was actually reading it.

"Don't you know everything that book has to offer yet, Potter?" The boy didn't even acknowledge his presence, and that rattled on his nerves. "You forgot the vial on the table." Harry still didn't move and Severus looked at the backside that was presented to him. He could kill Black for giving his godson such clothes. Sixteen-year-old boys did not need tight leather pants that looked like a second skin. The shirt he was wearing had ridden up and half his back was exposed, the lean muscle covered by a layer of pale skin. His eyes drifted to the dagger that Harry kept strapped to his thigh in a sheath. The mutt had given it to him as a Christmas present the year before. The thought of Harry's godfather and what would happen to him if Black ever discovered the thoughts he had about Harry allowed him to drag his gaze away and school his face into a mask of indifference.

"Potter, Madam Pomfrey demanded that I give you this potion with your dinner. I suggest you take it. I do not need the mistress of Hogwarts' hospital wing swooping down upon me with a vengeance."

"And I should care, why?" Harry rolled over onto his back to stretch, arching his back off the bed. Through lidded eyes the younger man watched the older one.

Severus was sure that the brat was doing this on purpose. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed the vial over. Harry took it and downed the contents in a single gulp.

Harry stared at Severus before moving to sit in the middle of the bed, on his knees, facing him. "Why do you let me get away with whatever I bloody well want?"

"And since when do I allow you to do that? I was under the impression that I stopped you from doing such." Severus turned to face the younger man who was staring at him with open curiosity, among other emotions that Severus didn't even want to begin contemplating, shining in his eyes. He wondered if Harry was ever going to be able to hide his emotions among the shadows that were growing in his eyes each day. He didn't think so.

Harry moved closer. "Well it depends. As my professor you are a complete bastard." Severus tensed. "But since last Christmas, when we were teamed together, until now, if you are acting as my 'mentor' among the Order members you let me get away with anything. I've screamed at you, called you every name I could think of, and some that I even looked up in a book-"

"And what book was this?" Severus asked, with obvious contempt.

"'1001 Ways to Insult Your Potions Master' by Gred and Forge Weasel."

"Will I ever escape the torture that those two put me through during their seven years at Hogwarts?"

"Not bloody likely. They gave out a copy to every fourth and fifth year, and some select individuals in the other years, as well as to all the first years, the year they graduated. In Gryffindor only of course. Not to mention that they placed a couple of copies on the common room bookshelf for those that didn't have their own."

"Bloody Hell. Why are you telling me this? You do know-"

"What are you going to do about it? Most of the insults are pretty easy to memorize and if you get McGonagall to remove the books from the common room you still can't confiscate them from individuals unless they are stupid enough to bring them into your class. Which none of the students are. Not to mention that Fred and George will only send new copies." Severus just stared at the younger man, a look of anger plastered on his face. Harry noticed and shrugged. "It shouldn't bother you, Snape. After all I'm the only one with enough bloody guts to insult you to your face."

"Because you are old enough to make your own decisions." Severus said, returning to the previous conversation.

The sudden change of topic appeared to throw Harry off for a moment. "And if I make the decision to insult you and make you miserable?"

"I know that you are doing so because you feel like I deserve it, and that you are doing it on your own accord and not because someone put you up to it."

"You have an awful lot of faith in me. How do you know that Sirius isn't rewarding me every time I insult you successfully?"

"That does sound like something your godfather would do. But I doubt it. I would appreciate being told the reason for your sudden hostility toward me, however. You have been tolerable company this summer. Today though, you seem to be in a perpetually disgruntled mood."

Harry shrugged, twisting to land on his stomach with his head propped up on his hands next to Severus' knee. Severus caught himself wondering just how limber Harry was. Shaking himself, he looked down at the young man who was pressed up against the side of his leg.

"I don't want anyone to have faith in me." The comment was whispered but Severus caught it anyway. Shifting to put a small amount of distance between them, he asked his question.

"What's wrong with people having faith in you, Harry?"

Harry sat up and moved to sit on the edge of Severus' bed facing him. Severus raised an eyebrow at the boy's restlessness. "Because I'll end up letting someone down. I won't be what everyone expects me to be."

Severus looked beneath the surface to see the true demeanor of the young Potter. What he saw shocked him. It was that of someone who was already defeated. "And what does everyone expect of you?"

"To be a bloody Gryffindor all the time." Harry looked away from the other man and toward the closed door of the bedroom.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm starting to see that I'm really not the true Gryffindor that everyone thinks I am. The more I look at myself, the more I see qualities that are distinctly not Gryffindor in nature."

Severus had noticed those qualities ages ago. The young man's ability to totally disappear in the shadows, his ability to be ignored, the cunning he showed in given situations. The boy had a head on his shoulders, whether or not Severus wanted to admit it. The one real Slytherin trait that was missing was ambition. All these were hidden behind one of his Gryffindor qualities, his foolhardy Gryffindor courage. No one even tried to look behind that facet of Harry's personality to see the rest. "Your Slytherin qualities." It was a statement, not a question, and Harry turned his head to look at the other's face.

"You knew? That the hat tried to put me in Slytherin?"

"I thank it everyday that it did not. A born Lion among the House of Snakes. I just wouldn't be able to bear it. I'd have stepped down as Head of Slytherin."

A smirk crossed Harry's features. "No, you wouldn't have. You're forgetting that you have the full range of Slytherin qualities, including the ability to adapt. You'd have learned to live with me."

The ability to adapt. Harry had it too, and it was one of his more prominent qualities. No matter what anyone threw at the boy Severus knew that he would adapt to the situation and emerge from it relatively unscathed. "Granted. Although I'm still happy I never had to adapt to such a situation. I might never have recovered." Severus looked at the young man who had once again stood and moved over to the window, which was shuttered from prying eyes. "Why does it matter if you let others down? As long as you don't let yourself down."

Harry turned and leaned against the sill. "In this I am Gryffindor and not Slytherin. A Slytherin looks out for their own interests over that of others. A Gryffindor looks out for others' over their own. You're similar in this regard, Severus." Severus didn't respond and Harry continued. "I can acknowledge that I have the qualities of both Houses in me. Personally, I don't want to choose. I'd rather be Houseless then to be qualified as a quintessential anything. I know that people expect me to pick, and they all expect me to pick Gryffindor. How can I be either one or another when I can see both?"

Severus stood and went to stand over the younger man. Harry was short for his age and probably wouldn't grow all that much more over the next few years, keeping his seeker's body. While his male classmates would shoot up in size he would clearly remain just shy of six foot. Severus stood at six foot three and appreciated the height advantage. He took the younger man's chin with his hand, lightly grasping it with his fingers to tilt it up slightly, and looked down at the youthful face. Harry's eyes were opened and his lips were just parted. Looking at the young man in front of him he could see how the face would change from its youthful beautiful lines into the harder but yet still stunning face of an older man.

"You are neither, and you are both. The answer to your question lies inside of you. Be whatever your heart tells you to be." The statement that Severus had originally intended to deliver in an abrupt, brusque tone came out as a whisper.

Harry closed his eyes and sighed, as Severus moved his hand from Harry's chin, down his throat, and to his shoulder. Just before he was about to pull his hand away, Harry placed his own over it to keep it there. "And therein lies the problem. I want to be free to be myself, but I know that some people that I hold close won't accept such a thing. I want to be free to be friends with whom I choose." Severus never took his eyes off the other man. He watched as the green eyes slowly opened and looked not at him, but into him. "I want to be free to love where my heart leads."

Severus did pull away his hand at that, and Harry let him. Taking a deep breath hoping that this wasn't going where he thought he was, he told Harry his honest opinion. "Then do so. Don't let anyone stop you."

"I wish it was that easy. Because my heart says that I'm in love with you. But you are the one that is out to stop me." Harry moved his gaze from Severus' face and toward the ground.

Severus was wondering if he himself would have the courage to say such a thing when rejection was expected. He doubted it. Severus started to back away from the young man but stopped. He was just the object of a misplaced infatuation. Harry would come to understand that and move on. If Severus was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he wanted to get to know Harry, and that scared him. He had never wanted to get to know anyone before. After all, getting to know another person without an obvious reason or advantage was not the sort of thing that he did. Severus did step back, finally, and he saw the shoulders sag down further.

"See I'm right." And with that said, Harry lifted his head, set his shoulders and returned to being the obnoxious brat that Severus was used to seeing. Harry made to move past him, but Severus grabbed his arm.

"You should know that as far as I am concerned you are never right, Potter." Severus twisted the young boy to face him and looked down into eyes that held not a single iota of defiance.

"I'm not?" Harry didn't move in any fashion, not relaxing and not tensing in the grip that held him. Severus would almost say his posture was accepting. Accepting of whatever Severus decided to do.

"No." And with that Severus did what he had never thought he would. He placed his lips upon Harry's and kissed him. And as Harry opened his mouth under his, he felt a spark pass between them, something that he had never experienced with another person. And he knew that if he were to push away Harry and never kiss him again, he still would never experience that spark between two people again in his lifetime.
When the kiss ended and he pulled away, he looked at Harry and saw those eyes look back at him. There wasn't triumph there, as he had expected to see, just a simple contentment. Severus had a feeling that a similar emotion was reflected in his eyes, and he knew that there really was no going back. Even if nothing happened between them. Although the thought of something happening wasn't nearly as daunting as it was before. Harry began to turn away and Severus stopped him by resting his hand against the other's cheek. "I won't reject you, at least not now. But then again I'm not giving into you either."

Harry nodded at the statement. "A typical Slytherin thing to say." And Severus leaned down again to capture those lips with his one more time.

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