I don't own NGE.
Alright. Anyone here read any good R/S fics lately. I haven't, and those are the only fics that keep bringing me back here. I admit I may have missed some while skimming, but things still look bleak for us devoted Rei and Shinji fans. But keep your courage, comrades. We know we are backing the right horse, so here is another installment of my R/S fic. Enjoy.
On a side note does anyone know how to get in contact with Ryan Xavier. I want him to put this fic of mine on his website, but he won't respond. Also, it has been so long since he came out with some new material that I am beggining to sweat for fear that he has given up on it. So if anyone knows how I can contact him so that I can submit my fic on to his site, please let me know.
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Shinji sat beside Rei's bed in the private recovery ward close to Dr. Akagi's office, his head resting against his knuckles as his SDAT, which lay on a pile of magazines Shinji had brought, continuously played opera, classical music that served to keep him composed inside as he stared down at Rei's unmoving form. She had slept their for the past two days without waking, completely oblivious to Shinji who had not left her bed side, except to go home and sleep, since she had gotten out of the emergency room.
When Maya had heard of this from Dr. Akagi she dropped by to see him a few times, grinning at Shinji in a sweet, gentle manner, and saying how lucky Rei was to find such a nice boy like him.
"Ah, Shinji," Maya had said when she had visited Shinji for the first time, "I didn't know you were such a little charmer. Tee hee, I always thought a nice boy like you is just what Rei needs. Someone her own age who is sensitive and can appreciate what she has to go through everyday here. If you like, I can have the nurses bring dinner for you. The food here isn't great, I think the cook must be a relative of the Major's, but it wouldn't be a problem to arrange it to be brought to you if you want."
Shinji had wanted it, and so he had been taking all of his meals since then next to Rei's bedside, courtesy of Maya.
Misato, on the other hand, had been another matter entirely, much to Shinji's surprise and unhappiness. Misato, apparently, had become somewhat bitter in recent days with the Commander of NERV, probably from all of those long hours of overtime he had made her work, not to mention his usual demeanor which may have helped him to get under Misato's skin. The fact that Kaji had also dumped her, according to Misato, had also probably made her more irritable as well.
And thus, whatever the Misatos's reasons were to be angry with the Commander, when Shinji had first mentioned what Rei said in the entry plug, and had told Misato about his own feelings for her, Misato had angrily shook her head and muttered, almost under her breath, that maybe he shouldn't read so much into anything that the Commander's own personal cheerleader said and to watch his back when around someone that was so loyal to him.
Dr. Akagi, for her part, had simply avoided Rei's room however, neither approving or disapproving of Shinji and Rei being together. Ever since she had treated Rei's remaining injuries and declared that the young pilot would not only live but also would probably make a full recovery given enough time, the Doctor had avoided everyone save the Commander, whom she spent many long hours with in his office, discussing who knows what. The doctor made no mention however of Rei's condition or her recovery, though Shinji guessed from the look that the doctor had on her face when she had first come out of surgery, that she knew that something had happened, and it was something that Dr. Akagi found disturbing.
Shinji could not guess what that might be, could not even begin to guess what had happened to Rei, or how she survived. He was reasonably sure though, that his father would not let anything happen to Rei. She was always his child in spirit, in away that Shinji would never be. Hopefully his father would protect someone he actually seemed to care about. How hard could it be to fake a few medical reports and simply let the whole matter drop.
Rei had not regained consciousness since she had stunned Shinji with her deceleration of love for him. Shinji still trembled when he thought back to that moment. She had actually smiled for him and said that she loved him. Smiling for a moment, Shinji sighed, and tried to relax in his chair, a somber look slowly shadowing his face. Rei had not awoken. Dr. Akagi either could not or would not say why. Shinji did not know what was wrong with Rei and could not get any answers out of anyone. Is this how it is going to end, he thought, a short moment of happiness to punctuate my miserable life. Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn't it be me lying here. I know that I could be happy if it was me that was in a coma if. . . if . . . I just knew that someone cared about me outside my sleep. I wonder if Rei thinks like that as well. I wonder if Rei might be happy somewhere deep down inside herself when she hears me talking to her while she lies here. I hope so. She deserves to be happy.
Shinji began to brood inside as he thought about all of the crap the two of them had been forced to live with for most of their lives. In Rei's case maybe all of her life. And why? Because of his father of course. Shinji's father was probably the root of more evils than Shinji would ever know. More than he would ever want know. The only evils that mattered to him right now was what he did to make Rei the way she had been. What kind of a father was he to make Rei live the way she had, and would Shinji have wound up like her if he had been allowed to stay with his father?
Shinji rubbed his forehead, as he tried to fight the headache that had begun to form inside his skull. Despite the awful condition of the world around him, Shinji decided he would simply try to forget about all of his problems and instead imagined what he and Rei would say to each other when she finally woke up. She had to wake up. He supposed that at first there would be an awkward pause, and then they would ask each other how they were feeling and then they would begin to tell each other when they first started to develop feelings toward each other. That sounded nice. Shinji clung to that thought.
Shinji heard a beeping sound coming from his wrist and looked down at his watch and sighed. He was already late for a synch test. Not that he really cared. Shinji had been hoping that Rei might wake up soon and so he had decided to wait for a while longer than was probably wise. Shinji debated within himself as to what he should do. He did not want to leave Rei, but if he were to miss the synch test. . . Shinji's suddenly had a vision of his father, glaring at him grimly from behind a pair of shades, his every gesture filled with menace. He imagined the sound of scorn and disgust that was the natural sound of his voice. Shinji envisioned his father telling him how disappointing his son was to him despite the fact that he had never even bothered to raise him into something he might find less disapointing. Suddenly a spark of the rebellion that he had not felt since he seen what his father's handiwork had done to Touji began to smoulder in Shinji's chest. Damn him, Shinji thought while clenching his fist tightly, his nails biting into his skin, I don't need to do anything for _him_ anymore. He has no more pilots left. No one but me. What's he going to do if I miss one stupid test. Throw me in prison again? He probably thinks I'm so crazy that I would walk out on him again like I did the last time he put me in jail. He has to maintain me for one last battle. So I can probably get away with this at least. Just this once.
He accepted this answer from himself uncomfortably, and grimacing, he raised his head to look up at the ceiling while he tried to stop himself from thinking of what his father was going to say to him when he officially wrung him out for insubordination and dereliction of duty. Shinji tried to imagine himself behaving far more bravely to his father than he knew he was capable of, Shinji willed his thoughts to turn to the girl that waited silently for him behind the door.
* * *
"The Commander will see you now." Dr. Akagi's voice was cold, her face betrayed no emotion, though her face told the story of a woman who had not slept in quite a while and was sustaining her self by the magic that was instant coffee.
Shinji, who had been drifting off, looked up with a start, and then blinked blearily at the doctor. "Huh, what, did my father send you to come get me."
"That is correct," said the doctor tersely while rubbing her brow, almost as if the simple act of listening were causing her an enormous amount of pain, which Shinji suspected it was. "You missed a test. We waited for almost half an hour for you to show up. Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in? If you think you can maybe drag yourself away from Snow White for a moment, the Commander would like to have a word with you." The doctor slapped Shinji on the back of his head in an all to Auska like manner. "Any employee of NERV who screws up answers to the Commander. Always. That is why NERV is so efficient. And you, in case you haven't figured it out yet, are by no means an exception. Pray that he is not in the mood for corporeal punishment, because I am not going to do any stitching until I have had some sleep."
"Corporeal punishment," Shinji squeaked.
"Oh, yes. Did you simply think he was going to breathe real hard. He is God, as far as a member of NERV is concerned. And now I'm taking you to what most members of NERV consider to be Hell Shinji. Lets go."
And with those last word she turned on her heel and began walking to the elevator, not turning around to see if Shinji was following. After a moments pause, Shinji ran after her.
* * *
The Commander's office was cold. So cold in fact that Shinji was almost surprised that he didn't see his own breath in the air of the room while he fought the urge to shiver. All around the ceiling, the floors, and the walls were scrawlings of some symbol that Shinji could not quite make out in the dim light of the Commander's office. The Commander himself sat at the center of this tapestry of unpleasantness, leaving Shinji with no doubts that everything about this room was designed to intimidate.
"You know why you are here." This was not a question, merely a statement from Shinji's father.
"I . . . Skipped. I thought maybe Rei would. . ."
"Since when were you and the First Child on a first name basis," asked Shinji's father, in a voice that dripped scorn, reminding Shinji of the time he had heard a boy in his last school use the honorific -chan with the most popular girl in his school so many times that he himself had accidently said chan without thinking about it and had been laughed at for the rest of the school year by every person in his school. After he had been beaten with an inch of his life by the her boyfriend, although that was after she herself had slapped him so hard his nose bleed, the sight of which helped convince her boyfriend that it was no accident. Even the school nurse had snickered at Shinji when he was carried in by the school janitor. Shinji had become home schooled after that year. And he still remained the only boy at his new school who hated cheerleaders.
This time however Shinji decided he had good reason to hold his ground. "She said a couple of things to me before she went unconscious in her cock pit that makes it seem appropriate. Not that this is any of your business."
The Commanders mouth twitched slightly, and Shinji wondered what he would see if his father were to take off his shades.
"Ah, yes, I have heard the sound recordings from the entry-plug's black- box. Or, at least, what passes for a black-box in the entry-plug. I have important things to do, Shinji, so I will get to the point. You believe she told you that she loved you. She never did." Gendo finished off that last remark with his voice beginning to sound as if the Shinji's father were begging to fight off laughter over a joke that only he could understand.
Shinji just stared at his father. Shinji knew that his father was going to say something to him to try to get him to break off his relationship with Rei. Overprotective might not be quite the word to use the way Gendo treated Rei, but somehow Shinji was sure that the man in front of him did not consider him a good influence on Rei. Shinji couldn't help but feel a sense of irony in this.
"Give me a break you damn bastard. Do you really think I'm going to believe you after hearing her say it to my face? Who do you think you are fooling?"
"Be silent, _child_. Don't you think it is odd how the First Child was able to survive despite the magnitude of the explosion?"
"She survived. I just know that it is right somehow. Can't you just be happy for her and not worry about it?"
"And you wonder how I could look down on your intelligence. But still, you said that you know that it is right for Rei to be well. That is because it was you who made her so, Shinji." Gendo ignored Shinji's look of surprise and continued, "I do not wish to expound on this so I will be brief. Rei is an angel Shinji. We created her for purposes that you could never understand. The matter that she is created from is similar enough to an angels solidified light body that it can be repaired by the light of a soul. When an Eva or an Angel is regenerating it is usually their own light they are converting into a solidified form of light matter replaces the matter that they lose. And of course it can also retrace their bodies natural form and heal any tears and breaks in the body as well." Shinji gaped at his father. He did not wish to believe these things that his father was telling him, but every word rang true inside of Shinji, and deep down he knew that his father was actually speaking the truth to him. Mercilessly, Gendo continued, "And that is how Rei is alive now Shinji. Your soul's light nit Rei back together and replaced the blood she lost. But you went a step further. While Rei's soul was out still transposed from her body you continued to synchronise with Rei. I suppose you felt bad that she died for you, am I correct?" Shinji just looked at his father, he did not have the strength to put on a face of defiance so he simply stood their grimly, not saying a word to his father.
The Commander nodded knowingly at Shinji, clearing his throat, he continued, "You wanted Rei to comfort you. And so she did. Because you made her. You were synchronized with her in the same way that you were with your Eva and so she did what you wanted her to do. You wanted her to make you feel better and so you made Rei's soulless husk act as if she were Rei giving her heart to you. But I seriously doubt that she is going to even remember it. And if she does it will seem as only the most distant dream." The Commander looked at his son, who had turned his face from his father and was now crying softly to himself. The Commander smiled at his son. "Any questions?"
* * * After Shinji had left the Commander's office the Sub-Commander finally spoke up, "That was cruel, Gendo. And to your own son."
"He is no son of mine. I broke away from the role of fatherhood when it ceased to have any meaning for me. Now I have another reason for which I exist and I will not allow an insecure boy to stand in my way. Besides, perhaps what I said was true. But if it wasn't, I am glad that Dr. Akagi is currently erasing Rei's most recent memories. I would simply have the doctor erase Rei's entire personality and be done with it if I could, but I can't be sure how that will effect her abilities to initiate Third Impact. And now that Rei's natural body has become so altered, and thus affecting her soul's light, I will have to have her under study for some time before I can allow her to die. Otherwise, I have no means by which to call back her soul, and nobody that it would accept even if I could summon her spirit and bind it to my will." The Commander sat back. "Bring the Major to me. It is time that she and I had a talk."
* * *
Auska looked at Shinji's door. Shinji had come home on the verge of tears, and then had gone straight to his room where he had been crying off and on for the past half-hour. Auska had always been of the opinion that Shinji was not the toughest guy in the world, but still, something had obviously happened to cause him so much pain. She shuddered at that thought. Though it had been weeks since her mind had been over run by that creature, Auska still suffered with in from the effects of the 15th angel's assault on her mind. She hesitated, now standing in front of Shinji's door, but in the end a mixture of curiosity and compassion drove her on. Auska knocked on Shinji's door. "Hey, baka, I mean, Shinji, do you want to talk about it?"
Alright. Anyone here read any good R/S fics lately. I haven't, and those are the only fics that keep bringing me back here. I admit I may have missed some while skimming, but things still look bleak for us devoted Rei and Shinji fans. But keep your courage, comrades. We know we are backing the right horse, so here is another installment of my R/S fic. Enjoy.
On a side note does anyone know how to get in contact with Ryan Xavier. I want him to put this fic of mine on his website, but he won't respond. Also, it has been so long since he came out with some new material that I am beggining to sweat for fear that he has given up on it. So if anyone knows how I can contact him so that I can submit my fic on to his site, please let me know.
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Shinji sat beside Rei's bed in the private recovery ward close to Dr. Akagi's office, his head resting against his knuckles as his SDAT, which lay on a pile of magazines Shinji had brought, continuously played opera, classical music that served to keep him composed inside as he stared down at Rei's unmoving form. She had slept their for the past two days without waking, completely oblivious to Shinji who had not left her bed side, except to go home and sleep, since she had gotten out of the emergency room.
When Maya had heard of this from Dr. Akagi she dropped by to see him a few times, grinning at Shinji in a sweet, gentle manner, and saying how lucky Rei was to find such a nice boy like him.
"Ah, Shinji," Maya had said when she had visited Shinji for the first time, "I didn't know you were such a little charmer. Tee hee, I always thought a nice boy like you is just what Rei needs. Someone her own age who is sensitive and can appreciate what she has to go through everyday here. If you like, I can have the nurses bring dinner for you. The food here isn't great, I think the cook must be a relative of the Major's, but it wouldn't be a problem to arrange it to be brought to you if you want."
Shinji had wanted it, and so he had been taking all of his meals since then next to Rei's bedside, courtesy of Maya.
Misato, on the other hand, had been another matter entirely, much to Shinji's surprise and unhappiness. Misato, apparently, had become somewhat bitter in recent days with the Commander of NERV, probably from all of those long hours of overtime he had made her work, not to mention his usual demeanor which may have helped him to get under Misato's skin. The fact that Kaji had also dumped her, according to Misato, had also probably made her more irritable as well.
And thus, whatever the Misatos's reasons were to be angry with the Commander, when Shinji had first mentioned what Rei said in the entry plug, and had told Misato about his own feelings for her, Misato had angrily shook her head and muttered, almost under her breath, that maybe he shouldn't read so much into anything that the Commander's own personal cheerleader said and to watch his back when around someone that was so loyal to him.
Dr. Akagi, for her part, had simply avoided Rei's room however, neither approving or disapproving of Shinji and Rei being together. Ever since she had treated Rei's remaining injuries and declared that the young pilot would not only live but also would probably make a full recovery given enough time, the Doctor had avoided everyone save the Commander, whom she spent many long hours with in his office, discussing who knows what. The doctor made no mention however of Rei's condition or her recovery, though Shinji guessed from the look that the doctor had on her face when she had first come out of surgery, that she knew that something had happened, and it was something that Dr. Akagi found disturbing.
Shinji could not guess what that might be, could not even begin to guess what had happened to Rei, or how she survived. He was reasonably sure though, that his father would not let anything happen to Rei. She was always his child in spirit, in away that Shinji would never be. Hopefully his father would protect someone he actually seemed to care about. How hard could it be to fake a few medical reports and simply let the whole matter drop.
Rei had not regained consciousness since she had stunned Shinji with her deceleration of love for him. Shinji still trembled when he thought back to that moment. She had actually smiled for him and said that she loved him. Smiling for a moment, Shinji sighed, and tried to relax in his chair, a somber look slowly shadowing his face. Rei had not awoken. Dr. Akagi either could not or would not say why. Shinji did not know what was wrong with Rei and could not get any answers out of anyone. Is this how it is going to end, he thought, a short moment of happiness to punctuate my miserable life. Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn't it be me lying here. I know that I could be happy if it was me that was in a coma if. . . if . . . I just knew that someone cared about me outside my sleep. I wonder if Rei thinks like that as well. I wonder if Rei might be happy somewhere deep down inside herself when she hears me talking to her while she lies here. I hope so. She deserves to be happy.
Shinji began to brood inside as he thought about all of the crap the two of them had been forced to live with for most of their lives. In Rei's case maybe all of her life. And why? Because of his father of course. Shinji's father was probably the root of more evils than Shinji would ever know. More than he would ever want know. The only evils that mattered to him right now was what he did to make Rei the way she had been. What kind of a father was he to make Rei live the way she had, and would Shinji have wound up like her if he had been allowed to stay with his father?
Shinji rubbed his forehead, as he tried to fight the headache that had begun to form inside his skull. Despite the awful condition of the world around him, Shinji decided he would simply try to forget about all of his problems and instead imagined what he and Rei would say to each other when she finally woke up. She had to wake up. He supposed that at first there would be an awkward pause, and then they would ask each other how they were feeling and then they would begin to tell each other when they first started to develop feelings toward each other. That sounded nice. Shinji clung to that thought.
Shinji heard a beeping sound coming from his wrist and looked down at his watch and sighed. He was already late for a synch test. Not that he really cared. Shinji had been hoping that Rei might wake up soon and so he had decided to wait for a while longer than was probably wise. Shinji debated within himself as to what he should do. He did not want to leave Rei, but if he were to miss the synch test. . . Shinji's suddenly had a vision of his father, glaring at him grimly from behind a pair of shades, his every gesture filled with menace. He imagined the sound of scorn and disgust that was the natural sound of his voice. Shinji envisioned his father telling him how disappointing his son was to him despite the fact that he had never even bothered to raise him into something he might find less disapointing. Suddenly a spark of the rebellion that he had not felt since he seen what his father's handiwork had done to Touji began to smoulder in Shinji's chest. Damn him, Shinji thought while clenching his fist tightly, his nails biting into his skin, I don't need to do anything for _him_ anymore. He has no more pilots left. No one but me. What's he going to do if I miss one stupid test. Throw me in prison again? He probably thinks I'm so crazy that I would walk out on him again like I did the last time he put me in jail. He has to maintain me for one last battle. So I can probably get away with this at least. Just this once.
He accepted this answer from himself uncomfortably, and grimacing, he raised his head to look up at the ceiling while he tried to stop himself from thinking of what his father was going to say to him when he officially wrung him out for insubordination and dereliction of duty. Shinji tried to imagine himself behaving far more bravely to his father than he knew he was capable of, Shinji willed his thoughts to turn to the girl that waited silently for him behind the door.
* * *
"The Commander will see you now." Dr. Akagi's voice was cold, her face betrayed no emotion, though her face told the story of a woman who had not slept in quite a while and was sustaining her self by the magic that was instant coffee.
Shinji, who had been drifting off, looked up with a start, and then blinked blearily at the doctor. "Huh, what, did my father send you to come get me."
"That is correct," said the doctor tersely while rubbing her brow, almost as if the simple act of listening were causing her an enormous amount of pain, which Shinji suspected it was. "You missed a test. We waited for almost half an hour for you to show up. Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in? If you think you can maybe drag yourself away from Snow White for a moment, the Commander would like to have a word with you." The doctor slapped Shinji on the back of his head in an all to Auska like manner. "Any employee of NERV who screws up answers to the Commander. Always. That is why NERV is so efficient. And you, in case you haven't figured it out yet, are by no means an exception. Pray that he is not in the mood for corporeal punishment, because I am not going to do any stitching until I have had some sleep."
"Corporeal punishment," Shinji squeaked.
"Oh, yes. Did you simply think he was going to breathe real hard. He is God, as far as a member of NERV is concerned. And now I'm taking you to what most members of NERV consider to be Hell Shinji. Lets go."
And with those last word she turned on her heel and began walking to the elevator, not turning around to see if Shinji was following. After a moments pause, Shinji ran after her.
* * *
The Commander's office was cold. So cold in fact that Shinji was almost surprised that he didn't see his own breath in the air of the room while he fought the urge to shiver. All around the ceiling, the floors, and the walls were scrawlings of some symbol that Shinji could not quite make out in the dim light of the Commander's office. The Commander himself sat at the center of this tapestry of unpleasantness, leaving Shinji with no doubts that everything about this room was designed to intimidate.
"You know why you are here." This was not a question, merely a statement from Shinji's father.
"I . . . Skipped. I thought maybe Rei would. . ."
"Since when were you and the First Child on a first name basis," asked Shinji's father, in a voice that dripped scorn, reminding Shinji of the time he had heard a boy in his last school use the honorific -chan with the most popular girl in his school so many times that he himself had accidently said chan without thinking about it and had been laughed at for the rest of the school year by every person in his school. After he had been beaten with an inch of his life by the her boyfriend, although that was after she herself had slapped him so hard his nose bleed, the sight of which helped convince her boyfriend that it was no accident. Even the school nurse had snickered at Shinji when he was carried in by the school janitor. Shinji had become home schooled after that year. And he still remained the only boy at his new school who hated cheerleaders.
This time however Shinji decided he had good reason to hold his ground. "She said a couple of things to me before she went unconscious in her cock pit that makes it seem appropriate. Not that this is any of your business."
The Commanders mouth twitched slightly, and Shinji wondered what he would see if his father were to take off his shades.
"Ah, yes, I have heard the sound recordings from the entry-plug's black- box. Or, at least, what passes for a black-box in the entry-plug. I have important things to do, Shinji, so I will get to the point. You believe she told you that she loved you. She never did." Gendo finished off that last remark with his voice beginning to sound as if the Shinji's father were begging to fight off laughter over a joke that only he could understand.
Shinji just stared at his father. Shinji knew that his father was going to say something to him to try to get him to break off his relationship with Rei. Overprotective might not be quite the word to use the way Gendo treated Rei, but somehow Shinji was sure that the man in front of him did not consider him a good influence on Rei. Shinji couldn't help but feel a sense of irony in this.
"Give me a break you damn bastard. Do you really think I'm going to believe you after hearing her say it to my face? Who do you think you are fooling?"
"Be silent, _child_. Don't you think it is odd how the First Child was able to survive despite the magnitude of the explosion?"
"She survived. I just know that it is right somehow. Can't you just be happy for her and not worry about it?"
"And you wonder how I could look down on your intelligence. But still, you said that you know that it is right for Rei to be well. That is because it was you who made her so, Shinji." Gendo ignored Shinji's look of surprise and continued, "I do not wish to expound on this so I will be brief. Rei is an angel Shinji. We created her for purposes that you could never understand. The matter that she is created from is similar enough to an angels solidified light body that it can be repaired by the light of a soul. When an Eva or an Angel is regenerating it is usually their own light they are converting into a solidified form of light matter replaces the matter that they lose. And of course it can also retrace their bodies natural form and heal any tears and breaks in the body as well." Shinji gaped at his father. He did not wish to believe these things that his father was telling him, but every word rang true inside of Shinji, and deep down he knew that his father was actually speaking the truth to him. Mercilessly, Gendo continued, "And that is how Rei is alive now Shinji. Your soul's light nit Rei back together and replaced the blood she lost. But you went a step further. While Rei's soul was out still transposed from her body you continued to synchronise with Rei. I suppose you felt bad that she died for you, am I correct?" Shinji just looked at his father, he did not have the strength to put on a face of defiance so he simply stood their grimly, not saying a word to his father.
The Commander nodded knowingly at Shinji, clearing his throat, he continued, "You wanted Rei to comfort you. And so she did. Because you made her. You were synchronized with her in the same way that you were with your Eva and so she did what you wanted her to do. You wanted her to make you feel better and so you made Rei's soulless husk act as if she were Rei giving her heart to you. But I seriously doubt that she is going to even remember it. And if she does it will seem as only the most distant dream." The Commander looked at his son, who had turned his face from his father and was now crying softly to himself. The Commander smiled at his son. "Any questions?"
* * * After Shinji had left the Commander's office the Sub-Commander finally spoke up, "That was cruel, Gendo. And to your own son."
"He is no son of mine. I broke away from the role of fatherhood when it ceased to have any meaning for me. Now I have another reason for which I exist and I will not allow an insecure boy to stand in my way. Besides, perhaps what I said was true. But if it wasn't, I am glad that Dr. Akagi is currently erasing Rei's most recent memories. I would simply have the doctor erase Rei's entire personality and be done with it if I could, but I can't be sure how that will effect her abilities to initiate Third Impact. And now that Rei's natural body has become so altered, and thus affecting her soul's light, I will have to have her under study for some time before I can allow her to die. Otherwise, I have no means by which to call back her soul, and nobody that it would accept even if I could summon her spirit and bind it to my will." The Commander sat back. "Bring the Major to me. It is time that she and I had a talk."
* * *
Auska looked at Shinji's door. Shinji had come home on the verge of tears, and then had gone straight to his room where he had been crying off and on for the past half-hour. Auska had always been of the opinion that Shinji was not the toughest guy in the world, but still, something had obviously happened to cause him so much pain. She shuddered at that thought. Though it had been weeks since her mind had been over run by that creature, Auska still suffered with in from the effects of the 15th angel's assault on her mind. She hesitated, now standing in front of Shinji's door, but in the end a mixture of curiosity and compassion drove her on. Auska knocked on Shinji's door. "Hey, baka, I mean, Shinji, do you want to talk about it?"
