It all started when Julie and I were looking through the Comment Box list on GameFAQs. We were busy amusing ourselves reading them and giggling at Suikogaiden references, when this exchange took place:

"I wish Albert/Luc/Sarah/Yuber could send notes."
"... that would be so twisted."


... and then, what you see below ensued.
Yuber
1) Landis
I think I've
found my new
best friend.
Sorry, Ged ol'
buddy.

Luc
1) Sasarai
My brother
is a prick. Tell
me if he gets
really annoying,
I'll take care
of him.
2) Gardens
The gardens
here are nice.
They need
sakura, though.
3) Love
I'm in love with
someone. How
do you tell
someone
something like
that? It isn't
Gadget.
4) Annoying
Please tell
Yuber to leave
me the hell
alone.
5) Blackmail
Tell Sasarai I
know about
his curse
dealing with
fashion. He'll
know what I
mean.

Sasarai
1) Request
Please tell my
brother to stop
leaving lamb's
blood at my
doorstep. It's
quite unnerving.

Luc
1) To Sasarai
Tell Sasarai
to talk to the
creepy Nash
lookalike, and
stop blaming me
for everything.

Albert
1) No title
Hey. Nice
castle.
2) No title
Anybody leave
any useful comments?
I'd be suprised.
3) No Title
Though he's a
pain in the ass,
Yuber is really
useful.
4) No title
Tell my brother
to stop staring at
me all the time.
Not into incest.

Sarah
1) Master Luc
Please let me
know if Master
Luc seems
exhausted. He isn't
very good at
taking care of
himself.
2) Distressing
Please tell Yuber
to leave me alone.
I don't like him very
much, and he keeps
giving me voodoo
dolls.
3) Game console
Have you seen
a small, pink
machine around
that says
"Gameboy Advance"?
If so, it's mine.
Please return it.

Sasarai
1) Bitches
Women around
here keep flirting
with me. Nash says
it's my boyish good
looks. Do you think
so?

Nash
1) Lord Sasarai
Lately, Lord
Sasarai has been
acting very
strangely. He keeps
calling me his
'whore'. Please
ask Tuta to look
into this, as I am
highly disturbed.

Mrs. Clovis
1) Husband
This is Nash's wife.
If he gives you
trouble, tell him
I'll make him a
juice box.

Nash
1) Hi honey
You are big
and scary.
Please leave now.
Sincerely,
Your husband

Lena
1) Dropping by
Nash left his etch-
a-sketch at the
house, so I'm
returning it.

Yuuli
1) Love
I'm in love
with a certain
someone, but
everyone tells
me that he's
not the right
one for me.
What should
I do?

Albert
1) Yuuli
You're fucking
weirder than I
am. ...okay,
maybe you're not.

Yuuli
1) Mr. Albert
Do I know
you? Aunt Lena
tells me not
to talk to
strangers,
unless they're
handsome and
possibly homocidal.

Sasarai
1) Yuuli
Please go home.
I didn't find a
house in the middle
of nowhere for you
for no reason.

Yuber
1) Yuuli-chan
Heh heh
heh heh heh
heh.

Yuuli
1) Dominguez
I am using
Dominguez Jr.
to send these
letters. Please
do not misunderstand.

Luc
1) Flowers
What kind of
flowers do girls
like? I'm just
curious.

Albert
1) Luc
What the hell?

Sarah
1) Irises
A bunch
of irises were
left at my
doorstep the
other day. I wonder
who it could have
been? I hope...

Yuber
1) Girls and flowers
I'd recommend
starting with some
bloodied carcasses.
Always work for
me.

Albert
1) Females
Since when did
you dig chicks?

Yuber
1) Ha ha ha
Since you.

Albert
1) Assclown
I know a hot
guy who's a real
dick.

Sasarai
1) Interest
A lot of women
have been asking
about my knitting.
Am I that good?

Nash
1) Silverberg
Tell Albert
to stop whoring
at me. It was
bad enough with
fangirls.

Albert
1) Latkje
Tell Nash to quit
coming on to me,
or I'll tell every-
one in this castle
his secret.

Chris
1) Knitting
Lord Sasarai
knitted me a scarf
the other day.
It was very high
quality.

Sid
1) HEE HEE HEE
I KNOW YOUR
SECRET.

Nash
1) Last name
Contrary to what
Albert wrote, my
last name is
Clovis. I have no
affilation with the
Latkje family.

Sasarai
1) Curious
If a woman likes
one's knitting, does
it mean that one
has a chance of
getting them to
sleep with you?

Landis
1) Yuber
Yuh huh huh.
Yuh huh yuh.

Luc
1) To Sasarai
If they know
about your dirty
little fashion
secret, not a
chance in hell.
Crack any mirrors
lately?

Sasarai
1) Masked Bishop
The Masked Bishop
wore a very ugly
mask. Would you
like me to tell you
who made it for him?

Sarah
1) Bishop
Bishop Sasarai is
threatening to
blackmail Master Luc.
Please do something
about it, before
I am forced to
dismember him
with icicles.

Hugo
1) wtf
Why is everyone
using this as a
bulletin board?
I thought it was a
comments box.

Ged
1) No title
Chill out, Hugo.

Sarah
1) Offended
I think I saw
Mr. Nash trying
to look up my
skirt.

Yuuli
1) Shower
I found a bunch
of pictures of
my brother
in the shower
in Aunt Lena's
things. A little
scared.

Luc
1) Death
Going to kill
Nash tonight.
Hope you don't
mind.

Landis
1) Unfortunate
Nash is already
dead. We're all
dead and this is hell.

Nash
1) My god
How did Landis
know about the
v--
2) Sorry
Please excuse
my previous letter.
It doesn't mean
anything. Don't be
alarmed, I was
just tired.

Lena
1) Mistitled
I believe Yuuli sent
in a letter about
pictures in my shower.
I assure you she
was referring to
Rina from Suiko II,
and the note was
simply a mistranslation.

Yuuli
1) Strange
I looked again
this morning, and
all the pictures
were gone. Did
Aunt Lena find
my letter?

Shadowy Figure
1) No title
I'm looking for
Yuber. Is he here?

Nash Lookalike
1) Hi
No he's not.

Sasarai
1) Advice
It isn't healthy to
look for naked
pictures of one's
brother, Yuuli.
Not that I'd know.

Shadow Figure
1) No title
Do you know
where he is?

Yuuli
1) Wrong impression
I'm sorry, I'm
not interested in
incest. I'm in
love with the man
who killed all
the rest of my
loved ones, thank you.

Shadow Figure
1) No title
Please help me
find him. He owes
me 20 potch.

Nash Lookalike
1) Do not
I -- err, Yuber
won that potch
fair and square,
you bitch.

Lena
1) Dragon Knights
I hear they're very
skilled at riding. I
wonder if that's
true.

Futch
1) Worried
I think someone
is stalking me.

Shadow Figure
1) No title
I found him. I'm
going to confront
him tonight.

Nash
1) Assaulted
Some shadowy figure
attacked me in
the middle of the
night yesterday!
What was that
all about?

Lena
1) Fascinating
I found some weird
pictures of Bright in
weird poses in Futch's
room. What does it
mean?

Shadow Figure
1) No title
I know you have
my money, you
poncy sod.

Futch
1) Privacy
I think someone
has been breaking
into my room lately.
Please tell everyone
to respect my
privacy.

Nash
1) Mistaken identity
What the hell
are you going on
about?

Sasarai
1) Romance
I would like to ask
an acquaintence on
a date. How does one
go about this without
seeming awkward?

Lena
1) Futch
He sure has nice
muscles. I bet he
has great abs. I
wonder if he'll let
me see them?

Luc
1) Amused
I'd suggest
preparing yourself
for the pain
of rejection,
for starters,
brother.

Beecham
1) Hugo
At Karaya village,
I was sure I saw
a blonde man with
two swords doing
most of the killing
and burning...

Sarah
1) Broken Wrist
Please excuse my
different handwriting,
I injured my wrist.
Please tell Master Luc
that I'm not interested in
him, as I'm already
seeing Mr. Nash.

Hugo
1) Blondes
I'm on it.

Luc
1) Suicide note
I'm going to kill
myself today.
Excuse my corpse
hanging from my
room later.

Viki
1) Dear Nash
Whatever happened
to your two swords?
You knew how to
work them so well...

Sarah
1) No title
Why is Master Luc
locked in his room?
I can hear him banging
his head against the
wall. It's upseting.

Albert
1) Nash
Two of them? That's
disgusting.

Nash
1) Technique
Not if you know
how to wield them
properly.

Sarah
1) Relief
I just stopped Master
Luc from hanging himself!
But he asked me why
I was in love with
Nash. I'm not... how
strange.

Luc
1) Confession
Apparently not
going to kill myself
after all. Going to
confess my feelings
to someone tonight.
Very nervous. Wish
me luck.

Sasarai
1) Brother
Good luck. You will
need it. Very, very
badly.
2) Luc's confession
He's never going
to go through with it.

Luc
1) Upset
Couldn't go through
with it. Think I upset
her. What should I do?

Hugo
1) Weird
Why do Harmonian
guys go for chicks with
silver and white hair?

Albert
1) Luc
Play this record
backwards.

Mrs. Clovis
1) Attraction
Because we're hot.

Luc
1) Albert
Screw off.
You sound like
my mom.
Hi, Leknaat.

Leknaat
1) Nutrition
Have you been
eating right?

Luc
1) Sarah
Sarah makes me
whether I like it
or not.

Leknaat
1) Sarah
Have you told
her that you love
her yet? If so,
when is the wedding?

Sarah
1) Glasses
I believe I need
glasses. I keep
misreading the
last letter.

Luc
1) Exclamation mark
MOM!
Shut up!

Sarah
1) Confused from Toran
Apparently, Luc
loves me? All I did
was wash his clothes
once in the Gate Rune
Wars...

Sarah
1) Upset
I think the person I'm
romantically interested
in is in love with
someone else. I'm
very lonely now.

Albert
1) Solution
You could always
kill yourself.

Yuber
1) Agree
I agree with
Albert.

Fred
1) Strange
There are so many
people here writing
about death. It's
sort of freaky.

Luc
1) Hurt
The person I love
has been avoiding me
lately. Did I do
something wrong?
I can't think of
anything.

Landis
1) List
Fred is #27 on
Death's hitlist.

Sarah
1) Decision
I've decided to leave
(Budehuc) in pursuit
of a happier life.
Maybe I'll find
someone who loves me.

Albert
1) Wrong
No, you won't.
You might as well
kill yourself.

Luc
1) Leaving
She is leaving here.
Very desperate now.
Definetely going to
confess tonight.
Must not lose nerve.

Fred
1) Disturbed
Who's the freaky guy
who keeps leaving
baskets of oranges
at my door? I don't
even like oranges.

Yuber
1) Alternative
Or you could ask
one of us to do it
for you, my dear.

Nash
1) Disturbed
Someone keeps stealing
all of the oranges I
buy at the store. What
would someone want
with my oranges?

Sarah
1) Reason
Maybe I just need
a reason to live. Does
anyone have one I
could borrow?

Albert
1) Sorry
No.

Yuber
1) Pathetic
Just die already,
would you?

Fred
1) Missus
I think Nash might be
gay. I keep getting
love letters from him.

Sarah
1) Crystal Valley
I think I will die
in my homeland.

Albert
1) Shut up
Stop talking about
it and do it already.

Luc
1) Nervous
I'm about to go
to her room to tell
her how I feel.
Should I buy flowers?
So nervous I can't
stand it.

Yuber
1) Get it done
If you don't stop
whining in the next
five minutes, I'm
going over there and
killing you myself.

Nash
1) Fred
Does Fred prefer the
company of men?
I keep getting romantic
letters from him. I'm
really not interested
in what he wears to
bed, thank you.

Sarah
1) Poison
I have purchased
a vial of arsenic. I
will mix it in with my
angelfood cake this
evening.

Sirius
1) Cake
That's mine.

Fred
1) Honour
I am not gay. I am
perfectly straight and
in love with a lovely
young woman.

Sarah
1) Recipe
Mixing arsenic into
a cake recipe is
harder than I thought.
2) Thieves
My poisoned cake
was stolen when I turned
my back on it for
but a moment. Who
would do such a thing?
Does someone want
me to live?

Yuber
1) Death
Um, no.

Sirius
1) Flavor
This angelfood cake
tastes kind of strange.

Albert
1) Concur
Nope.

Erulogos
1) RAGE
WHO DID THIS?

Sarah
1) Plan B
I will throw myself
off the side of the ship
this evening.

Kenji
1) Trampoline
Put a big trampoline
over the side of the ship
yesterday. The kids
all love it! Plus,
it's a nice safety
precaution.

Sarah
1) Thwarted
Is someone trying
to save my life?

Albert
1) Disagree
No.

Yuber
1) NO
Didn't we already
estabish this?

Albert
1) Method
Slit your wrists. I
find it very effective.

Luc
1) Missing
I can't find the
person I want to
confess to anywhere
in the castle.
Getting worried now.

Yuber
1) Albert
You would.

Sasarai
1) Luc
She read about it
on the message board
and left.

Luc
1) Crushed
Does this mean
she does not return
my feelings after
all? My life is a
hollow lie. Plotting
suicide now.

Albert
1) Cold bed
I believe you didn't
complain.

Yuber
1) Vampires
Wooden stakes.
Kinky.

Nash
1) Yep
No kidding.

Sarah
1) Confession
I want to tell Master
Luc about what I feel
for him before I die,
even if he loves
someone else.

Albert
1) Flirting
Nash needs to put
it back in the pants.
I'm afraid no woman
(or man) in their right
mind would be interested
in him.

Luc
1) Prepared
Have the noose
ready in my room.
Must write goodbye
note to Sarah.
Even if she doesn't
love me, I want
her to really know
how I feel about her.

Nash
1) Albert
Have you been spying
on me in the shower
again? Sicko.

Lena
1) Muscles
I was right.

Futch
1) Scared
Help me...

Shadow Figure
1) Yuber
Went to Yuber's room
and found a naked
redhead in the
bed. I think it was
a man, though.

Flik
1) OH MY GOD
Why do I always
walk onto these
kinds of things!?
Scrubbing eyes out
now.

NotWyatt
1) Chris
Anyone seen Chris?
How's she doing?

Chris
1) Doing okay
NotWyatt?
Do you know my
father somehow?

Juan
1) Nash
I saw Nash training
with a pair of swords
yesterday. Why does he
fight with that wussy
wrist launcher when
he can wield dual
blades that well?

Lena
1) Ugly
Because he's stupid.

Luc
1) Overjoyed
Not going to kill
self after all.
Too happy to tell
why right now.

Sasarai
1) Missing
Where did the roses
I bought for my date
go? Upsetting development.

Luc
1) Flowers
Wanted to buy roses,
but Yuber wasted all
our money on S&M
supplies. Well,
Sasarai probably
won't miss them anyway.

Albert
1) No title
Terribly pleased.
Back in a few days.

Sarah
1) Lovely
The world is so
beautiful. Why isn't
everyone smiling?

Lucia
1) Dear Hugo
Are you eating right?

Nash
1) Weird
When I looked in
a mirror today, I had
reverted to my 22-year
old appearance. Did
someone cast an
illusion spell?

Grosser Fluss
1) Blood
Kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill

Luc
1) Beautiful
The world is lovely,
but not as lovely
as Sarah.

Nash
1) sick
feeling very ill today.
please don't ask why.
don't take me onto
the battlefield please

Sasarai
1) Suicide
My brother makes
me want to shoot
myself.

Muto
1) Mr. Clovis???
Mr. Clovis locked
himself into the dungeon
today. How weird!!

Grosser Fluss
1) Dismemberment
Blood death kill
destruction tasty
blood death kill
murder yum yum.

Lena
1) Menstruation
Nash is having
that time of the month.
Don't bother him.

Nash
1) hello
blood is yummy
gonna kill someone
today, wheee

Mrs. Clovis
1) Wow
That's kinda hot.

Nash
1) sorry
excuse previous letter
again, not feeling well

Yuber
1) Ripoff
I think someone's
stealing my gig.

Grosser Fluss
1) Daisies
I like daffodils.
Do you like them?
Do you like them, Nash?

Albert
1) No title
My feet are cold and
the blood's getting dry. Hurry up.

Muto
1) Very worried
Mr. Clovis keeps
screaming that he's
going to rip me
limb from limb and
wear my intestines
as a trophy.
I'm scared.

Mrs. Clovis
1) Tips
What's the best way
to restrain a wild
animal for about
fifteen, twenty minutes?
No reason.

Yuber
1) Death
Kill them.

Mrs. Clovis
1) Tips 2
Their hips can't
move that well if
they're dead, can they?

Sarah
1) Sunshine
Oh, life is wonderful.
Master Luc took me
out for lunch today
at Mamie's bistro.
It was delicious.

Albert
1) Yuber
Please kill me.

Nash
1) Apologies
I'm back. I'm very
sorry about the trouble
I caused, I'll try not
to let it happen again.

Yuber
1) Hmm
Before or after?

Albert
1) No title
During.

Yuber
1) Heh heh.
Understood.

~ FIN ~

... ^^;