Disclaimer: Dogma and all its characters belong to Kevin Smith. I am making no money off this.
This is a series of stories featuring Bartleby, Loki, and of course, Azrael. Oh, and be warned, the story contains some slashy stuff.
Rated: R
Reviews are welcome and encouraged. Constructive criticism welcome, too.
"Mmm, that's nice."
"You like that?"
"Oh, yeah."
"How about that?"
"Mmm. Even better."
"How about now?"
"Mmm, lower. Lower. Yeah! There. Right there. Mmm, perfect."
Gwen smiled down at Azrael. She was perched lightly on top of him, straddling his hips. "For someone who barely does anything, you certainly get a lot of knots."
Azrael's response was a grunt, which could have been in response to Gwen's thumbs kneading down his lower spine. The former demon didn't want a discussion to ruin the moment. There was nothing better to end an evening than a post-coital massage.
"Alan?"
"What?" Laying on his belly, face pressed into the mattress, Azrael's voice was muffled.
"Are you sure Larry and Barry don't mind me staying over?"
Azrael sighed, realizing there was no escaping a conversation, and pushed up on his elbows. "Of course not. I live here, too."
Gwen grinned and leaned forward to ruffle his hair, which was already rumpled. "I realized that. I just didn't want them to get tired of me sleeping over in their apartment all the time."
Azrael scowled slightly and ran his hand over his hair in an attempt to straighten it. "Those two fucks probably don't even know you're here half the time. They're too busy." Azrael looked at her over his shoulder and waggled his eyebrows with a grin.
Gwen grinned and rolled her eyes, moving off him onto the mattress. "You're real subtle, aren't you?"
Azrael shrugged, smirking. "I'm fucking talented, what can I say?"
Gwen waggled her eyebrows in an imitation of him. "In more areas than one."
Azrael rolled over so he was on his back, folding his hands behind his head. He flashed Gwen a cocky grin. "I am good, aren't I?"
Gwen rolled her eyes again, fighting back a grin, and smacked him sharply on the stomach, eliciting a pained exclamation from Azrael. "Don't get too cocky there, Mister. It wasn't so long ago that a certain someone had no clue what they were doing."
Azrael sat up quickly. "Hey! It wasn't my fault that I was out of practice."
Gwen snorted. "Don't put up that old 'I've fucked a ton of girls' façade you guys always do. A woman knows when she's dealing with an experienced man and when she isn't." Seeing the pouty expression now on Azrael's face, she smiled and crawled up beside him. She gently pushed him back down in a reclining position and lay down beside him. "But you are really good now. I wouldn't keep coming over if I wasn't being satisfied." She spoke softly in his ear, making her voice huskier than normal.
Azrael grinned slightly. "You're not so bad yourself."
Gwen laughed and ruffled his hair. "You're such a sweetie."
Azrael grimaced and tried to smooth down his hair. "Am not."
Gwen laughed again.
*****
"Shit! I have to go!" Gwen rolled off the bed and onto the floor.
Azrael pushed up on one elbow, watching her hurriedly dress. "Fuck. Why?"
Gwen rummaged on the floor for her socks. "I promised my aunt I'd meet her for lunch today."
Azrael scowled. "Why the hell would you do that?"
Gwen looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "Because I wanted to spend time with my aunt?"
Azrael grunted and slid off the bed to dress as well. "You promise any of your other relatives you'd do something with them today?"
Gwen shook her head as she sat down on the bed to tie her shoes. "Nah, I've already visited my other relatives I wanted to see."
Azrael paused in the middle of pulling on his pants. "So how much longer are you staying in town?"
Gwen shrugged and stood up. She turned toward Azrael and smiled. "That all depends," she replied vaguely. Crossing the room, she opened the door and stepped outside.
Azrael scowled as he zipped up and buttoned his pants and threw on a shirt before following Gwen out. Pursuing Gwen across to the apartment door, the former demon barely noticed the presence of Loki and Bartleby in the apartment's living room. "On what?"
Gwen stopped at the door and turned to face Azrael. "I'll call you later," she said, ignoring his last question. She stood on her tiptoes to look at Loki and Bartleby over Azrael's shoulder. "Bye, Larry! Bye, Barry!" The two mumbled farewells and Gwen settled back on her heels. She smiled at Azrael, garnering a smile in response. "Will you be all right while I'm gone?"
Azrael smirked slightly. "I think I can manage."
Gwen grinned. "That's my boy!" She stood on her tiptoes again to kiss Azrael on the cheek before leaving.
Azrael closed the door behind her, all ready thinking of when he'd see her again. Grinning, he turned to go to the kitchen. He stopped at the sight of Bartleby and Loki watching him from the couch, matching grins on their faces. The grin slipped from his own face, to be replaced by an annoyed scowl. "What?"
Bartleby shook his head and looked at Loki. "I can't believe what I'm seeing, Loki."
Loki nodded, snickering, with a glance in Azrael's direction. "Yeah, I can't believe it myself. Our Azrael-"
"What are you fucks babbling about?" Azrael glared at them; annoyed that his friends were making fun of him and that he had no idea what they were making fun of him about.
Bartleby smirked. "You love her," he stated, more than a bit smugly.
"Who?" Azrael asked, confusion clear on his face.
Bartleby rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! Even you can't be that naïve!"
Azrael frowned. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Bartleby sighed and shot Loki a rueful look. "You're in love with Gwen," the former angel told Azrael, slowly and emphatically.
"What?! I am not!"
Loki shook his head, smirking slightly. "Don't try to deny it, Az."
"I'm not denying anything! I'm just telling the simple truth. I don't love Gwen!"
Bartleby arched a brow. "Yeah? So why has she been over here every night for the past ten days?"
"'Cause she's good in bed, you dumb fuck! I like fucking around with her. That's it. I don't love her. Hell, I don't know how to love anybody."
Bartleby sighed and shook his head, turning to Loki again. "He's hopeless." Loki nodded in agreement.
Azrael glared at them. "Eh, forget you retards! I'm going out." Grumbling under his breath, Azrael turned and headed for the door. Upon reaching it, he stopped and turned back to the two former angels. "And don't make too much of a mess while I'm gone." Smirking, Azrael turned back and exited the apartment.
Bartleby looked at Loki, puzzled. "What did he mean by that?"
Loki shrugged. "Beats me."
A long pause, then-
"Do you wanna-"
"Sure, why not?" Loki shrugged.
Bartleby grinned in return and leaned over to kiss Loki on the mouth. As usual, it didn't take long for them to shed their clothes.
*****
Azrael walked out of the apartment building, still annoyed at his friends' comments. "It's not true," he muttered to himself. "I don't love her." Cursing the two retards, Azrael started in the direction of the park, which was the only place he could think of to go.
"Hey, pimp! Where's your girlfriend?"
Azrael turned at the voice, finding it vaguely familiar. He realized why as he stared at the teen wearing a backwards cap smirking up at him. "Stop calling me that! And what are you talking about?"
The teen waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever. You know who I'm talking about. The chick you've been banging for the past ten days."
"She's having lunch with her aunt." He stopped and glared at the teen. "And she's not my girlfriend."
The teen chuckled. "If you say so."
"I do say so, so shut the fuck up!" Steamed, Azrael turned his back on the kid and continued in the direction of the park.
"Hey, pimp! Say hello to your girlfriend for me next time you see her! She's really hot!"
Azrael quickened his pace. "Annoying little fuck," he growled.
Azrael was still annoyed when he reached the park. "They're all nuts. I don't love Gwen. I don't!"
Azrael stalked through the park, not really noticing the beautiful scenery around him. Not that he would have cared much if he had. Azrael wasn't really the outdoorsy type.
"It's not true," he muttered to himself. "I don't love her. I don't!" He continued down the path, muttering angrily to himself. He didn't notice the strange looks he was earning from the other park visitors. He didn't notice the people on the same path as him crossing over to other paths to avoid him. So he was surprised when he stopped to find himself in an open area of the park with nobody around.
"Where'd they all go?" he wondered aloud.
"Avoiding you like the plagues, I suppose," a most familiar voice spoke up from behind him.
"What are you doing here?" Azrael turned to stare at the familiar face of the oft- irritable Metatron. "Someone might've seen you appear out of nowhere."
The Voice rolled its eyes. "Please. You've scared off any eyes within a mile radius that might've seen. Now, what's all this fuss about?"
Azrael shrugged uncomfortably and looked away. "What do you mean?"
Metatron rolled his eyes again. "Let's not play this game."
Azrael sighed, rolling his eyes in aggravation. "Fine. It's about Gwen."
Metatron raised an eyebrow. "You mean that poor girl you've been seeing?"
"Yea-Heeeeey! What do you mean, poor girl?"
Metatron waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. "Forget I said anything. Now, what's the problem with this po-uh-Gwen?"
Azrael eyed him, suddenly suspicious. "Why do you care? In fact, why are you here at all?"
Metatron paused, a somewhat guilty expression on his face, then sighed. "All right, I'll be honest. God-for a reason I can't comprehend-sent me to help you with whatever it is that's troubling you. Frankly, if it were up to me, I'd say let you fuck things up on your own, but for some reason God wants to help you. Now, what's the problem?"
Azrael sighed. "There isn't a problem. Everybody seems to think that I'm in love with Gwen. Which I'm not!"
"Then how do you feel about her?"
Azrael scowled. "I don't feel anything about her. I just like fucking her."
Metatron snorted. "Please, none of those petty mortal fronts. Now, how do you really feel about her?"
Azrael growled. "It's true! I enjoy messing around with her, and that's it!"
Metatron gave Azrael his best stern stare. "Azrael…"
Azrael sighed. "Fine." He frowned then shrugged uncomfortably. "I have no fucking clue. Sometimes I really feel like I lo-uh-like her, but sometimes I'm not sure…I don't know! I have no idea what these human feelings are! I'm just a fucking demon!"
"Correction-you were a "fucking demon"-as you so crudely put it."
"Whatever!"
"Touchy, aren't we? Well, from what you've told me and from what I hear, I can only tell you one thing…You're a bloody moron! The girl likes you and you like the girl. What's the problem?"
Azrael stared at the Metatron, a bit put off. "I never said I didn't like her."
Metatron rolled his eyes. "And I quote, 'I don't feel anything about her. I just like fucking her.'" Metatron cleared his throat. "Well, I would love to just stay here and continue arguing with you about your petty feelings, but I have more important things to do."
Azrael's eyes widened. "Wait! What about me? What am I supposed to do?"
Metatron rolled his eyes heavenward with a sigh. "Honestly, can't anyone think for themselves?" He shook his head and directed his attention on the former demon. "Just think about what I've said. You should be fine-I guess." Metatron patted Azrael kindly on the shoulder before disappearing.
"Gee, thanks for the help," Azrael grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"I heard that," the Metatron's disembodied voice retorted.
*****
Azrael cautiously entered the apartment. He sighed in relief when neither Bartleby nor Loki were in sight. "At least one thing's gone right today." Azrael hurried across the apartment to his room and slammed the door behind him.
Azrael sighed and sunk down onto his bed. Staring at the ceiling, his thoughts turned to what he had been avoiding. It couldn't be true. Could it?
"It's crazy," he told himself. "I can't love anybody. I can barely stand Bartleby and Loki and they're my friends."
Azrael growled. "Being human is too hard! I can't handle all these stupid feelings." Azrael sighed and closed his eyes. Exhausted from fighting the others and himself, he soon fell asleep.
*****
Azrael jerked awake at the sound of the phone ringing. The sound could barely be heard from outside the room, but it was enough to wake the former demon. Sitting up, he glanced at the clock on the bed stand. 4:00. He'd slept for a good four hours.
"Damn. Maybe I should sleep once in a while when Gwen comes over."
The sudden pounding on his door caused him to jump.
"What?" he snapped.
Bartleby's voice made Azrael wince. "Hey, lover-boy! Your girlfriend's on the phone!"
Grimacing, Azrael stood up and walked to the door. He opened it and gave Bartleby his coldest glare. "She's not my girlfriend."
Bartleby raised his brows. "Of course not," he replied in an all too innocent voice, smiling to match it.
Glaring at him, Azrael suddenly realized his friend was standing in front of him in only a pair of jeans. Azrael grimaced mentally. Bartleby and Loki were altogether too comfortable in his presence. "Whatever," he said uncaringly, brushing past his friend. He crossed the living room to the kitchen, where the phone was located. He picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Y'know, it's too bad your friend is gay. He's not bad-looking."
Azrael leaned casually against the kitchen counter. "Yeah, well, he is a fag. So are you coming over tonight?" He almost winced at the shortness in his tone. She wouldn't like that.
"I don't know. I might be busy." Anger was clear in her voice as she spoke.
Azrael sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. "Sorry. It's been a long day."
Gwen's tone changed completely. "Aww, did my poor boy have a bad day? Do I need to come over and make it all better?"
Azrael grinned in spite of himself. "Sure you're not too busy?"
Gwen laughed. Azrael loved it when she laughed. Liked. He liked it when she laughed. He didn't love her. "Nothing that can't wait."
"So when can you come over?" He shot a glare at Bartleby when he noticed him watching from the living room. Bartleby just grinned at him.
"Uh, six? We can have dinner or something."
"Okay." Azrael shot another glare at Bartleby but the former angel's grin only widened.
"See you soon, then. Will you survive until I get there?"
Azrael turned his back on Bartleby. "I think I can manage." He raised his voice so Bartleby could surely hear him. "I don't know about a certain someone, however. I might have to kill him."
Gwen chuckled. "I don't think Larry would like it if you killed Barry. Bye." There was a click as she hung up.
"Bye." Azrael hung up the phone and spun to face Bartleby. "She's not my girlfriend, you dumb fuck. She's just coming over so we can have dinner and fuck each other senseless all night."
Bartleby sighed, rolling his eyes, and folded his arms. "Come on, Az. Just because you used to be a demon doesn't mean you can't care about anybody."
Azrael scowled. "I told you. I don't love her."
Bartleby shook his head. "Stop it, Az. Just stop it. If Loki can forgive me for killing him, surely you can care about this girl."
Azrael stared at his feet, frowning, for a moment. "I should get ready," he mumbled and fled to his room.
*****
"Nice dinner, wasn't it?" Gwen smiled at Azrael as she sat down on his bed. It was just after seven and they'd just returned from eating out.
"Yeah," Azrael answered half-heartedly. He flopped down on the bed.
Gwen smiled as she joined him, snuggling up next to him. "I told my aunt about you."
Azrael looked at her. "Really? What'd you tell her?"
Gwen grinned. "Only good stuff."
"What kind of good stuff?"
Gwen raised herself up on her elbow and smiled down at him. "Just that I met a handsome, funny young man who I really liked."
"Anything else?"
"Just that he was also really sweet, no matter how much he protested he wasn't."
Azrael rolled his eyes. "You didn't tell her we were sleeping together, did you?"
Gwen shook her head then smacked him lightly on the chest. "Of course not. Do I look stupid?"
Azrael grinned.
"Don't even," Gwen warned him. He shrugged and she settled back beside him.
Azrael sighed at the feel of her pressed against him. After a long silence, he hesitantly spoke. "Gwen, have you ever been in love?"
"What?"
"You know."
Gwen was silent for a long time. "Once."
Azrael looked at her. "What happened?"
Gwen looked away for a moment before meeting his gaze. "There was this boy. We went out, but I was always cheating on him. By the time I realized how I really felt about him, it was too late. He had only his friendship to offer me. So I took it. We're still friends."
Azrael frowned, feeling a bubble of jealousy rise up at this unknown guy. "Do you still love him?"
Gwen frowned. "I don't know. Maybe." She eyed him carefully. "Why?"
Azrael shrugged, grinning as best he could. "No reason."
Gwen smiled at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Well, is there anything else you want to talk about? Or can we move on to more fun stuff?"
Azrael smirked. "Nothing that comes to mind."
*****
Azrael stared down at Gwen, asleep in his arms. Her warm, naked body felt nice pressed against his. The scent of her filled his nose. Sweat, mixed in with her light perfume. He'd never smelt something so good.
Azrael shook his head. Sleeping with her was always nice, but tonight had been different. Somehow it had been more special. Very special.
He touched her cheek lightly with his fingers. Her skin was warm and soft. For a human, she wasn't half-bad.
Azrael sighed. Who was he kidding? She was wonderful.
Azrael settled back down beside her, tightening his arms around her. She murmured and shifted slightly in his embrace. Azrael closed his eyes as sleep overtook him, finally buckling down and submitting to the fact he'd been fighting all day. He loved her.
