Disclaimer:  Dogma and all its characters belong to Kevin Smith.  I am making no money off this.

This is a series of stories featuring Bartleby, Loki, and of course, Azrael.  Oh, and be warned, the stories contain some slashy stuff. 

Rated: R

Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.  Constructive criticism welcome, too.

            Azrael stared blankly at the TV, incognizant of the figures that were moving around the screen.  Instead, all his thoughts were focused on a person not currently in the room.

            "Earth to Azrael."  Loki waved a hand in front of the former demon's face.

            Azrael's conscious was returned to the room.  "Huh, what?"  He blinked and stared uncomprehendingly at Loki.

            Bartleby shook his head slightly as he sat down beside Azrael on the couch.  "Don't bother, Loki.  He's probably just thinking about Gwen again."

Loki rolled his eyes.  "Ugh.  Of course."  He sat down beside Bartleby, sitting much closer to him than Bartleby did to Azrael. 

Azrael glared at Loki as his words sank in.  "What's wrong with Gwen?" he snapped.

Loki held up his hands appeasably.  "Nothing, Az, nothing."

Bartleby touched Loki's arm in a soothing gesture and turned to Azrael.  "How are things between you two by the way?"

 Azrael shrugged, relaxing back against the couch.  "Fine.  Why?"

Bartleby smiled pleasantly and shrugged.  "I just want to know if everything's okay between you two."

Azrael glanced at him.  "Everything's fine."  He hesitated before saying, "Thanks."

Bartleby looked at him, his mouth twitching briefly into a smile.  "You're welcome."

Loki glanced from Bartleby to Azrael and back to Bartleby.  "Did I miss something?"

Bartleby laughed and turned to the blond-haired man.  "Do you ever miss anything?"

Loki blinked, opened his mouth to speak, paused, and then closed his mouth.

Bartleby laughed again and ruffled his hair playfully. 

Azrael ignored them and started flipping through the channels.  "Gwen will be coming over later."      

Loki rolled his eyes.  "Big surprise."

Azrael spared a glare for him but quickly returned his focus to the TV.  "So…I was going to ask you something."

Bartleby glanced sideways at him.  "Really?  What?"

Azrael paused in the middle of changing the channel then continued as though he hadn't stopped.  "It…it's about Gwen."

Loki frowned.  "What about her?"

Azrael stared intently at the TV.  "Well-uh-she's-uh-finished visiting all her relatives around here.  And I was-uh-thinking about, well, asking her to move in."

Bartleby and Loki stared at Azrael.  The former demon in turn stared at the TV, not daring to meet their gazes. 

            "You serious?"  Bartleby finally asked after a momentous silence. 

            Azrael nodded, still not turning his gaze from the TV.

            "Well…"  Bartleby hesitated, glancing at Loki, then continued.  "It might be a little crowded…but sure, I don't mind." 

            Loki nodded agreement.  "Me either.  Gwen isn't half-bad--as humans go, that is."

            Azrael finally looked at them, a hopeful expression on his face.  "Really?"

            Bartleby shrugged.  "Sure, why not."

            "Are you going to ask her today?"

            "What?"  Azrael looked taken back.  "Oh, no, I was going to wait until later.  I want to figure out what I'm going to tell her."

            Bartleby nodded.  "Just don't wait too long."

            Azrael looked at him before turning back to the TV.  "Of course."

*****

            "Shit!  What do I say?  What do I say?"  Azrael paced his room, growling to himself.  He planned on talking with Gwen the next day and he still had no idea what he was going to say.  He stopped at the sound of banging on his door. 

            "What!"  Azrael wasn't in the mood to talk to the dynamic duo. 

            "We need to talk," Bartleby's muffled voice replied. 

            Azrael sighed, briefly debating telling them to fuck off.  Then, growling under his breath, he strode to the door and ripped it open.  "About what?"

            Bartleby looked at him pleadingly.  "Can we just come in?"

            Scowling, Azrael stepped aside for Bartleby and Loki to walk in.  He closed the door and turned to face them.  "I hope this doesn't take too long.  I'm in the middle of something."

            Bartleby shrugged as Loki sat down on Azrael's bed.  "It shouldn't.  We just need to talk."

            Azrael rolled his eyes.  "So talk," he demanded.

            Bartleby and Loki shared a glance before Bartleby started talking.  Bartleby would do all the talking of the two.  Which he always did.  "Look, Az, ever since you asked about Gwen moving in, Loki and I have been talking-"

            "Obviously," Azrael muttered.

            Bartleby rolled his eyes but let it slide and went on.  "Loki and I have been talking.  Now, you know we both like Gwen and we don't mind her living here."  Bartleby paused and shared another glance with Loki.

            Azrael scowled, not liking the hesitation in Bartleby's voice.  "But…?"

            Bartleby sighed and scratched the back of his head.  "Look, Az, so far we've been able to keep up this whole charade with Gwen about being normal people.  But so far she's only been around for a few hours at a time.  If she moves in here-"

            "She'll be here all the time," Loki put in helpfully.

            Bartleby looked at him.  "Right.  So-uh-so Gwen will be here all the time..."

            "So what?"

            "So…what if one of us slips?  What if we mention something or-or call each other by our real names?  How would we explain it?  If it happens years from now, it might really upset her.  You know how mortals are.  They hate being lied to and the longer it's gone on, the more they hate it."

            Azrael frowned.  "I never thought of that."  Bartleby had a good point.  And now they had a real problem.  "What can we do?"

            Bartleby shrugged.  "Well, that's up to you.  The way I see it, you have three choices: one, you can break up with Gwen and this will all be over; two, you can not tell her and just hope it all goes well; or three, you can tell her the truth and hope for the best."

            Azrael stared at him, his words sinking slowly in.  "Fuck," he finally said. 

            Bartleby smiled sympathetically.  "Just think about it."  He headed out of the room, patting Azrael's shoulder as he passed him. 

            Loki stood up and followed him.  He paused, smiling at Azrael.  "Don't worry so much, Az.  You love her.  You'll figure it out."  He, too, patted Azrael's shoulder before leaving the room. 

            Azrael stared after them a moment before shutting the door.  He stared at the door and sighed.  Things had just gotten a lot more complicated.

*****

            Azrael paced his room.  He'd been inside it for the past couple hours.  He'd been doing a lot of thinking in those hours and his only reward was a migraine. 

            Feeling tired, Azrael finally sat down on his bed.  He sighed.  "This sucks."  Azrael scowled and rubbed his forehead.  This is worse than Hell, he thought.  Well, close to it anyways.

            Shaking his head, Azrael laid back on the bed.  "I guess I have no choice," he sighed. 

*****

            Azrael paced the living room, muttering to himself.  Gwen would be there any moment and he had no idea how he was going to tell her.

            "Hey!  Do you mind, Az?"  Loki grimaced at the former demon.  "You're blocking the TV!"

            Azrael stopped abruptly, stared at Loki, and then stared at the TV.  "Sorry," he said absentmindedly.  He moved out of range of the TV and resumed pacing.

            "Pacing isn't going to make her come faster," Bartleby sighed patiently. 

            Azrael ignored him.  He knew pacing didn't help, but it made him feel better.  Looking at the other two men didn't and he studiously avoided looking in their direction again.  Bartleby was seated innocently enough at the end of the couch.  Loki, however, was lounging on the rest of the couch with his head in Bartleby's lap and the remote in his hand.  Looking at them made Azrael's stomach flip-flop with dread and jealously. 

            The doorbell suddenly rang and Azrael stopped pacing.  For a second he couldn't breathe and it took a few more seconds before he could move to the door.  He opened it slowly and found Gwen smiling up at him. 

            "Hi!"

            Azrael smiled weakly.  "Hi."  He took a long second to study her face.  "We need to talk."

            Gwen blinked at him and her smile slipped into a puzzled frown.  "Okay…"

            "We can talk in my room."  Taking her hand, he led her inside and across to his room.  He released her hand to close the door then slowly turned to face her. 

            Gwen raised her eyebrows in an expression of befuddlement.

            Azrael tried to smile reassuringly but only half-succeeded.  "Uh, sit down."  She did so and he stood for a minute not knowing how to start.  "Look, this is hard for me to say-" 

            Gwen smiled at him.  "So just say it."

            Azrael sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking at her again.  "I haven't been completely truthful with you."

            Gwen's eyes widened as she stared up at him.  "What?" she asked weakly. 

            "I'm not exactly who I say I am…"

*****

            "…And that's it.  The whole, God-honest truth."  Azrael swallowed dryly as he finished speaking.  He watched Gwen apprehensively, waiting for her response.  So far she'd been mostly quiet.  

            Gwen sat with her head cupped in her hands, her elbows on her knees, as she stared up at him.  For a long moment, a torturous moment, she just stared up at him with no emotion in her face or eyes.  Then, without a sound, she stood up and approached him.  For another long, torturous moment she just stared up at him, looking piercingly through him.  Then, without a sound, she moved past him and opened the door, walking out. 

            Bartleby and Loki's heads swiveled around as she walked out of Azrael's room.  They watched her cross the apartment, headed straight for the door.  They turned their heads further to see Azrael walk out of his room.  The former demon stopped in the middle of the living room.  The apartment was completely silent except for the dull murmur of the TV as Gwen opened the apartment door and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

            For a moment, Bartleby and Loki sat on the couch watching Azrael stare solemnly at the apartment door.  Then, without so much as glancing at them, Azrael turned around and walked silently into his room, slamming the door behind him.  Bartleby and Loki stared at the closed door for a moment before exchanging somber looks.

*****

            "Azrael, haven't you done enough moping?"  Bartleby stared down at him with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

            Azrael blinked up at the former angel from his reclining position on the couch.  "I'm not moping," he grumbled.  Matching Bartleby's frown, he took a swig from the can of beer he held in one hand. 

            Bartleby snorted.  "Then what's all this?"  He swept an arm in a motion that encompassed the several empty beer cans that lay scattered on the floor in front of the couch. 

            Azrael looked at them blearily.  "I was thirsty."

            Bartleby sighed, his expression softening.  "Look, Az, I know you're still upset about Gwen.  I understand.  But lying around getting drunk all day doesn't help."

            Azrael glared at him.  "What do you suggest I do?  Just fucking forget all the shit that happened between us?"

            Bartleby sighed again and shrugged.  "I don't know.  Just get out of the house.  Take the dog for a walk; get some fresh air."

            Azrael grunted and finished his beer in a long gulp.  "The bitch doesn't like me.  Apparently she's not the only one."  He frowned and looked down at the floor for a minute.  Then he looked up at Bartleby and smiled winningly--or tried to.  "Get me another beer?"

*****

             Azrael's head dropped onto the bar's counter with a dull thud.  He stared through his empty glass with glazed eyes.  After many rounds of tequila, he was completely smashed.  And he still couldn't stop thinking of Gwen. 

            Groaning, Azrael sat up and motioned to the bartender.  Maybe a few more rounds would faze her out of his mind.  "Get me 'nother tequila."

            The bartender eyed him with a frown.  "Wouldn't you rather I get you a cab?"

            Azrael scowled at him, which wasn't very effective considering he was having trouble focusing on the man's face.  "Hey!  If I wanted a cab, I would've ordered one.  Now get me a fucking tequila."

            "Go ahead and get him the tequila.  I'll make sure he gets home safely." 

            Azrael didn't turn his head to look at the dark-haired man who was seating himself beside him.  The bartender frowned again, eyed Bartleby for a minute, and then slowly moved away to fill the drink.

            Azrael dropped his head onto the bar, still not looking at Bartleby.  "You just said to get out of the house.  You didn't say where."

            Bartleby rolled his eyes then sighed.  "Well, that is true." 

            "Can I just drink myself into oblivion in peace?" 

            Bartleby laid a hand on his shoulder.  "I'm letting you have one more drink and then we're going home."

            Azrael groaned.  "I don't want to go home."

            "Look, Azrael, Loki and I decided we haven't been very helpful getting you over Gwen.  So Loki went to get some movies and I came to get you.  We can make a night of it; watch movies, get wasted, and eat pizza.  You know, like the mortals do."

Azrael brushed Bartleby's hand from his shoulder.  "I don't need your sympathy."

Bartleby rolled his eyes.  "What, you prefer lolling around wallowing in your self-pity?"

Azrael looked at him scornfully.  "Why, yes I do.  How did you know?"

Bartleby frowned sternly at him.  "Well, you can do that back at home."

Azrael scowled but before he could reply, the bartender returned with his drink.  Azrael grabbed it and downed it in mere seconds.

Bartleby stood up as soon as he finished.  "Time to go, Az."

"Just one more?  One for the road?"

Bartleby rolled his eyes and pulled Azrael to his feet.  "We're going home."

*****

            "Jeezus, Azrael, you look horrible!"  Bartleby shook his head as he stared down at a very rumpled Azrael. 

            Loki wrinkled his nose.  "And you smell horrible, too."

            Azrael scowled at them.  "Then why are you hanging around me?  Go to your room if you'd rather."

            Bartleby frowned at him.  "Azrael, go take a shower.  You're stinking up the whole place."

            Azrael opened his mouth to make a snide remark but was interrupted by the ring of the doorbell.

            Bartleby sighed and glared sternly at Azrael before moving to answer the door.  He looked through the peephole and turned to Loki and Azrael, a strange expression on his face.  "Azrael, I think it's for you."

            Azrael blinked then frowned.  "Who is it?"

            Bartleby shook his head and walked over to join them in the living room.  "Just answer the door."

            Sighing heavily, Azrael dragged himself to his feet and walked unsteadily to the door.  He opened it and looked into the face of none other than Gwen Turner.  "Gwen?"

            "Alan?"  Gwen's eyes widened as she looked him up and down.  "You look horrible."

            Azrael smiled wanly.  "So I've heard.  What do you want?"

            Gwen's expression became uncertain.  "We need to talk."

            Azrael stared at her a moment before opening the door wider.  Smiling uncertainly, she walked past him into the apartment.  Azrael followed her into his room, the both of them ignoring Bartleby and Loki, who were standing in the middle of the living room.

            Gwen turned to face Azrael as he shut the door, looking nervous and scared.  "Do you remember…what you told me…the last time we talked?"

            Azrael nodded apprehensively, leaning back against the door.  "Yes."

            Gwen stared at the floor, wringing her hands, before meeting his gaze.  "Well, what you told me really freaked me out at first.  I mean, your story really sounded incredible.  At first I thought you were crazy or trying to scare me off."

            Azrael arched his brows.  "At first?"

            Gwen smiled faintly.  "And then something happened, and I—I believe you."

            Azrael tensed, certain he'd misheard her.  "You believe me?"

            Gwen stared him in the eye and smiled.  "Yes.  I believe you.  And I love you."

            Azrael gulped, relief spreading through him like a flood.  "What made you change your mind?"

            Gwen smiled, an odd expression on her face.  "Let's just say that a certain mutual, accented friend explained everything to me."

            Azrael stared at her then smiled back.  "So you really believe me?  You still love me?"

            Gwen nodded.  "Yes, I do."

            Azrael smiled broadly, finally willing to believe his ears.  "Thank God."

            Gwen chuckled.  "Her, too."

            Azrael swallowed, coming to a sudden decision.  "Gwen, will you move in?"

            "Okay," Gwen replied immediately. 

            "Great," Azrael said breathlessly.  He moved toward her, intending to kiss her.

            However, Gwen pushed him away when he got close.  "Jesus, you stink!"

            Azrael grinned sheepishly.  "Sorry.  Would you mind waiting while I go take a shower?"

            Gwen grinned mischievously at him.  "Would you like some help?"

            Azrael lifted his eyebrows and matched her grin.

*****

            "Wow.  That was different."  Azrael was surprised by how breathless he sounded. 

            Gwen chuckled as she rested her head on his chest.  "And men wonder why women read the magazines we do."

            Azrael was afraid to speak so he said nothing.  Feeling more contented than he'd ever felt before, he ran his fingers gently through her hair. 

            Gwen sighed and lazily brushed her fingers across his abdomen, smiling at his reaction.  "Azrael?" she asked, almost hesitantly.

            Azrael's heart skipped a beat and he thought his name had never sounded so good as it did rolling off her tongue.  "Yeah?"

            "I-I love you.  Azrael."

            Azrael closed his eyes in ecstasy at the sound of those words.  "I love you, too, Gwen."