And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave,

'Cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone...

Harry climbed the stairs to his room bitter and angry. He hated his own company nowadays, living in his solitary confinement gave his thoughts free reign. It hurt him to think to remember, to wonder. "Sirius what could I have done?" he often found himself saying out loud, the "If only's..." were endless and endlessly flooding his mind. He had hardly slept, and when he had he would awake shaking through sobs with the thought of Sirius trapped in a world without escape. Behind the mesh curtain Harry could make him out sometimes. His cool hair being tussled by a non-existent breeze...

Harry didn't want to feel this way, he just felt so alone and so empty. He wanted, he needed to be hugged. To have someone hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. That Sirius would come back and look after him, and they could live together and be happy forever and no one would even try to change that, EVER! He burst into tears again. But these weren't whimpering attention-seeking tears, these came straight from the heart, straight from his soul and they shook his body.

He went through the first 2 weeks in a dazed, numb state. His body lived robot like while his mind wandered from one reality to the next, jumping in and out of awareness like a pool on a winter's day. Sometimes he wrote letters to Sirius in his mind, wishing that maybe he would find them somewhere, wherever he was.

One day Harry put pen to paper and began to write:

"Dear Sirius," the letter read.

"Where are you? How can I get there?

I need your help

~Harry

He removed Hedwig from her cage, she had not been let out once yet all summer long and she was not in a good mood. Harry didn't feel like being cheerful with her just for the sake of it, he was on a mission. He had to get this message to Sirius he just had to. He threw open the window and ordered Hedwig to deliver the message. She looked at him curiously and blinked twice, "C'mon Hedwig!" he said, "Go! What are you waiting for? Go!" He felt a choke in his throat slowly creeping up as he persisted, but she would not obey. "GO!" He screamed finally, and threw her out the window. She fell for a few seconds and Harry's heart skipped a beat he watched on fearfully. Hedwig who had apparently been caught off guard spread her wings and began to fly away. Harry relieved watched her fly off into the distance...he decided he would wait in a patient agony for Sirius's reply.