First of all something I forgot to add in the last chapter. This story is dedicated to Silmarien and Davan. Both of you are the best, Silmarien double best because she is the best Beta-reader possible! If you have not read her story GO DO SO NOW! (Don't kill me Sil!)

I do now own any of the LOTR characters. Only Celede!

Thanks everyone and please review, if only to tell me this story is AK (long story)!

Faeryn

Chapter Two: Kisses and Clubs

Okay, to be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was far, far worse. I have never had a better or worse time in my life! How can you have both? Well, you obviously don't know elves the way I do.

Or better yet, you don't know she-elves the way I do.

Oh yes, the entire affair was actually enjoyable. Prince Legolas was forced to behave (being kicked in the shins under the table will do that to someone) and kept his hands to himself. His eyes on the other hand...

No it wasn't Legolas (although I must say he danced like a dwarf after four glasses of wine). No it was that little blonde creation that drove me insane. I was introduced to her by Legolas. I think her name was Halia or something. I was completely polite. (I only glared at her back and wished it would catch on fire instead of actually catching it on fire.) Legolas had the audacity to look amused.

I have no idea what was funny. I was just expressing my displeasure the only way available to me. Creative words here would have my mother dragging me out of the room by my ear, screeching at me to stop acting like a drunken dwarf who needs his mouth washed out. What I want to know is how everyone knows what a dwarf acts like. Personally, my vote is for Legolas.

I did, however, get to have one brilliant moment. Thranduil asked me to dance.

Can you imagine my ultimate horror? I know I said Legolas dances like a dwarf, (it's true) but I dance like a drunken dwarf. I was struck by the sudden image of me, Celede, stepping on the KING'S feet. Oh. My. Valar.

So instead, I was like a wood board; stiff, terrified, and just waiting for the flames of death to consume me.

"Celede, relax." King Thranduil told me softly, his voice hidden by the haunting elven notes.

I turned what I believed to be wide eyes at him. "I am going to step on your feet!" I am pretty sure the horror in my tone was obvious, that, and several heads turned my way.

The whole elven light-on-their-feet thing ONLY works on snow. Otherwise...think drunken dwarf. I even missed out on the whole elven grace theme. The bruises my hips get.... Ah.

Back to the King.

"Have you taken my advice?" Thranduil asked gently, his eyes sparkling gently. If I hadn't been so afraid of embarrassing myself, I would have recognized a fellow spirit of mischief.

But I had never allowed the Prince to have a moment's peace around me, and I generally did not plan on starting now. To make things easy on him, it went against my religion.

And I promptly told King Thranduil so.

Where did I put that ketchup?

I promptly stumbled. But unlike his son, he seemed to have developed a maneuver to keep you from falling on your backside. Valar bless the King.

Before King Thranduil could answer my not so wise comment (it was smart enough to cause everyone in hearing distance to blink) we where interrupted. By the dwarf-dancing Prince.

When you have two people with two left feet, it becomes painful. Very painful. I will be honest and say that it was not entirely the Princes fault. I have already commented on my dancing abilities, and we are still considered Elflings, so maybe he had not had time to develop his dancing techniques. My feet, on the other hand, blamed him drastically. If they could speak, they would be cursing him in both elvish languages.

"I am under the impression you are trying to erase the appearances you have given in the past, but the whole drunken dwarf act is beginning to get very painful." I managed to get out around my clenched teeth, which means that it was several levels lower than normal. Which meant no one heard me. Lucky him, poor ladies though. The future dancing partners could have been sparred some painful experiences.

His eyes were slowly darkening again. I mean honestly, I am just trying to save him from some future embarrassment. If you can't dance, don't dance. Is it that hard? And for those of you pointing the fingers I am a she-elf, I have to dance. I don't get to say no. It's not really an option. I know, I tried, believing me, I was told that the Nazgul make less noise.

What is it with my family comparing me to Sauron's minions? Are they trying to give me a hint? Hey, it's their gene pool. I refuse to take credit for my bad habits, they were theirs first!

He, of course, decided to be completely inappropriate and do that breathy thing in the ear again. Maybe he missed my displeasure earlier. "Would you stop finding everything to jib at? I would be more graceful, except my shins are burning from a few well placed kicks."

Oh sure, blame it on me. Everyone else does, why don't you just go ahead and become a statistic? " Poor little elf warrior. Get a higher pain tolerance."

"I could say the same."

Okay, now that is just low. Go ahead and rub it into my face that I won't be able to join the ranks because of my mother, and all that I work for is just a hobby. Thank you Prince Charming.

He seemed to notice that he had slipped because his eyes lightened again. "I am sorry Celede. That was uncalled for."

I did not cry. I never even reached the bank of the river of tears. I just kept my head down because I was afraid I would break his nose. It would certainly help his appearance, and maybe he would stop looking down at people from it.

Okay, so I was being uncharitable but he had hurt my feelings! I am a good fighter, but I will never be able to prove my skills. Of course, the fact that most of the foot soldiers are archers had nothing to do with it (I have mentioned I am terrible at archery, yes?).

His fingers gently pulled at my chin but I am stubborn. Okay, he did get it up. I don't know what he saw there (my undying wish to break his nose maybe?) but he let me go.

"I am going home." There, for once, I gave the order. It was late anyway, and I could use the excuse of being tired. He just gave me the most searching look I have ever seen and I was reminded of something.

He does like my eyes. Creative imagery. Why did I have to inherit my Father's eyes? Hello, they have only got me into trouble (or out of it but who is counting?) and they really needed to be gouged from my eyes.

So I went home. Alone, I might add. A little maneuvering on my part, and Halia moved in like a piranha, never mind it was all her. I just gave her the opportunity. More creative imagination.

But the walk home was peaceful. Just me, the moonlight, and all the bugs of Mirkwood. Granted the biggest bug was still in the palace, but hey, what can a girl hope for these days?

Running a hand down the light blue skirt did make me wonder what type of dress up I was in. If it had been any other male, the dagger in my boot would have been long gone and buried somewhere vital. But, as I told myself, it was the Prince. I am always trying to keep Mirkwood safe and protected (but if I followed this line of thought I would be KILLING the Prince) and right now the only way I can is to not kill the Prince.

Lucky me.

Then I stubbed my toe. I told you I was a maundering Dwarf. I managed to get VERY creative in my choice of words, loudly too. Hopping on one foot is not normally a good idea, for gravity catches even elves once in a while. And it catches us hard. (Speaking from experience again)

My aching tailbone.

So I lay there for a while trying to find the courage to stand on the throbbing toe. After I stand up, I had all the intentions of taking that piece of wood home and burning it. Or turning it into a club. It was hard enough to crack skulls, much less poor innocent toes.

Revenge.

But first I had to stand up. Every tried standing up with thirteen pounds of dress? Okay, maybe five pounds, but still, it's hard. But I managed. By myself, I might add, since everything I do is that way. Except in Lorien. Haldir was under the most curious of impressions that I was a hazard toward all elven kind and needed constant watching. He never left my side.

I am a fumbling dwarf, not a hazard. I only crashed into the mirror twice! If Galadriel was all knowing, she could have stopped it. They're all against me, I swear it!

So I shocked my mother when I walked in. I must give myself some cake later in celebration. I had managed to sneak out, come home; my dress filthy, carrying a log. You can imagine her face?

"So how do you like my new weapon?"

My mother hit the floor with a satisfactory thud. My poor mother, I was going to send her to Valinor early! Such a shame, I mean really. Was it that surprising that I come home toting a new club like a young cave troll (do those things actually produce?) brings home its first stick to its Mother. It then probably proceeds to hit her with it. At least I wasn't so violent! My mother needs to be more optimistic!

I thought my dad was going to keel over and die on me. His shoulders were shaking in a completely unsatisfactory manner and I could only wonder why. Turning around, looking for some source of amusement, I saw him.

King Thranduil.

I swear to all the Valar my heart stopped. I froze like a dear in the path of an arrow. I have never been more humiliated in my entire life. It's one thing to scar my mother; it's another to scar the King.

But then I noticed he was laughing. Closing my eyes, I desperately needed some creative alone time. Perhaps there was a Gray ship leaving soon? Mirkwood hated me, of that I was certain.

"Celede, I can honestly say I have never met a she-elf quite like you." King Thranduil said in between chuckles. I, of course, could only blink at him and pray my mind was hallucinating.

I will never swear again if he will only disappear. I promise.

He was still there.

"I came by because the wood captains had to leave for an emergency and Legolas wanted to make sure you arrived home alright. I told him I would come myself. We were quite worried until you walked in." His eyes sparkled with laughter and I could only nod slowly.

"Lady Halia would like to extend the invitation to a Lady's tea," he continued. I froze. My eyes slid over to my now awake mother. "They would also like you to bring your mother."

I close my eyes and waited for the anvil to fall.

"We would love to go." There was a certain bite in my mother's voice and I knew she knew I knew. She was SO getting me back for the club.

"I am sure she will be pleased." There was almost a note of evil delight in his voice and I had to wonder if he wanted me to assassinate the entire royal family. I could take them out, I swear I could.

Except I found that I liked the King. There was just something about him.

The Prince, however, could die a bloody death.

"I am sure we would be honored." I personally would rather face a Balrog, but hey, losers can't choose. And I had just lost this round.

But there was always round two.

The King then took his leave, patting me on the head as I was still clutching my soon to be club like a lifeline, and left, his shoulders shaking once again.

Looking at my mother's face, I can only pray that the Valar really love us stupid, lowly elves.

Creative imagery.

~*~

So I did go to the tea. I had an even worse time than I had at the ball. I even spilled tea down my front to get away from that woman and her giggling, simpering friends.

When I got home, Mother had decided not to go; they had a nasty little surprise waiting for me. My mother and Father had decided to go to Valinor.

I was in shock.

I know I make jokes about sending my mother there early, but I never thought they would go. Apparently my Father is tired of the constant war (We have these really nasty spiders and lots of orcs that cause lots of problems. It keeps people like him very busy.

They where leaving in a week with a group of elves. I had several options, it seemed. Haldir had offered to take me in again and teach me the rest of what he knew; apparently he thought I had potential.

I had also just received a letter from Arwen saying that she wished I could come and spend time with her soon, and wouldn't I consider staying there for some time?

I could just see myself crashing into the Mirror for a record breaking third time, or better yet, working on embroidery with Arwen. Now wouldn't that be fun? I can mend; I can't do much else. Give me some credit. Do you THINK I have time to do little flowers around the collar of the dresses I already hate?

Use your head here!

It was simply time to go and pack my bags for Lorien. Haldir could move his blond head over and make room for a walking disaster (yes he called me that too!) and to crash into the Mirror.

I honestly have no idea how I manage to keep running into it. After I crashed into it the first time, Haldir gave everyone strict instructions to never let me near it again.

Too bad no one pays attention to me! I am just too cute; I have the whole adorable kitten thing going!

The next week was insane. I was doing everything to help my parent out (in other words I was doing everything to make the packing memorable with out meaning to) and my brothers were helping me pack.

They both loved my club!

The most annoying visit came from Legolas himself. He showed up when I was walking around the woods (armed of course), and he decided to sneak up on me. We almost had Prince on a stick.

"Prince Legolas!" I could only scold him really. What else was I to do? I had put his life in danger three times since he had come home (did I mention dropping the basket of apples on his head?).

"Celede, I hear you are leaving." He tone was unusually serious. I blinked. He was trying to be serious, with me. Was he on something?

"Yes. Haldir has invited me for a few more years of training." Well okay, so it was more than likely that I was going to camp out there and never come home, but no need to tell him that right?

He turned his eyes on me; they were so pale, "So plan on finding any male candidates for position as husband?"

My eyes narrowed. Is that why he thought I was going over there? Because I wanted male companionship? If he had not noticed, I had enough of that over here! "Prince, there is no way I am going over there to find 'male companionship' or anything else. I am going to learn how to dissect orc and spider."

Hello, does it look like any male could put up with me long enough anyway?

He looked relieved. "I can't come with you." Did I say I wanted him to? "And most likely I won't be able to visit." I care why? "War is beginning to creep back into our borders and Dad will need me here."

"Is there something out of this conversation that is supposed to enlighten me?" I question, my tone grumpy. I am MORE than aware of all these facts, my brain had already gone over them, much to my disgust.

He grumbled under his breath before grabbing my wrist and yanking me against his chest and kissing me.

And all I am going to say is, what a kiss.

After a certain amount of time, I lost count; he pulled up and traced my lower lip with his thumb. "I will come for you one day, when this war is over." He dropped his forehead against mine and I could only stare at him in surprise. "Celede, you will me mine one day, I promise you that."

He dropped another light kiss on my lips and disappeared.

Now that was more like it!

Of course I would never admit it to him, because he is still a fumbling dwarf, but I think his romancing tactics have been improving.

He had better hope he has only been practicing on me!

~*~

To say Haldir was happy to see me was an understatement! He practically burst into tears and he about suffocated me with his bone-crushing hug.

As if you can believe that!

He promptly told me I had the disposition and smell of an orc and he prayed that the Valar could give him the patience to deal with my dwarf like behavior and hope I had learned how to walk like an elf.

I decided dropping a saddle on his foot was payback enough. He decided it would be a great time to enlarge my vocabulary, and I must say, he did an impressive job of it.

Lady Galadriel came and welcomed me back as well. I must say she is a tad creepy, but extremely nice. She leveled Haldir with a look I have been trying to mimic in the mirror for days now, with no outcomes. All I look like is a cross kitten.

Sometime being cute is bad.

But Haldir did show me around again (he was under the impression I would have forgotten it by now) and told me he would begin to wake me at dawn, as normal. I took it like a lady.

In other words, I yelled. And practice my colorful vocabulary, and got to clean swords for my hard work. Although he did admit later I had a way with words. Made the experience well worth it (that and tripping one of the pageboys into the swords so no one knew what I had or had not cleaned).

So life in Lorien went back to being normal. I bugged Haldir till I got what I wanted, which sometimes took weeks of planning. He kept me busy so I would have less time to plan, which never worked; I could plan havoc half-dead!

The years pass differently for Elves than they do for mortals. You notice time by the seasons more than the days. So when Haldir told me my training was done all I could do was gape at him. Had that much time really passed? My thoughts momentarily went to the Prince, but I shoved those down. Who cares if he was my first kiss?

And then Haldir dropped the bomb.

He wanted me to join up with his border guards. He said I could add a new outlook to the orc movements and possibly liven things up a little.

I raised a brow at that. Only a little? The elf had known me for a little over a thousand years now and he thought I could liven it up only a little? I was, and still am, insulted. I mean honestly, how many other elves did he know who had managed to fall into the mirror four times (yes the count had doubled), spill hot soup on Lord Celeborn, and survive HIM for as long as I had, and still be breathing?

Border guard. He was giving me my dream of protecting something. I know I come off clumsy as a dwarf, and as uncouth as a man, but I really do love to protect.

Oh, watch that apple. I really just need to invest in a 'duck' sign and hang it around my neck. Did he really have to tell me all this when I was picking apples?

So I joined the Border Guard. I have never been accused of sabotage until then. I mean honestly, it's not like I mean to knock people out of trees, and it only happened once, and I had been pushed!

For some reason as I neared my two thousandth birthday, I finally got some of the elven grace. Or maybe it was all the falling out of trees I had done, and it was simply a self-survival tactic that my body kicked in. I really was not sure, but I was not arguing either!

When your part of the Border Guard, you get to hear more rumors than anyone else, and the rumor that the one ring had been found penetrated our home the fastest. Apparently it was in Imladris and was being carried by a hobbit.

Nine Walkers had set out from Imladris almost a moon ago; four hobbits, two men, one wizard, one dwarf, and one elf.

Legolas.

He was aiding in taking the ring to Mordor, and they would be passing through Lorien in as close as four, maybe five months.

Oh goody.