Part Eight:

After Courtney died, I was pretty depressed to say the least. Girls were after me, but I ignored them all. I had no girl experiences for the rest of my fifth year and my sixth year. Part of that was due to Courtney.

The other part of it was Lily Evans.

After O.W.L.s, I chose to take Muggle Studies for N.E.W.T.s. None of my other friends chose to do that. But Lily did.

We were partners in the class. She'd known Courtney, a little, and she sympathized with me. We became very close friends, and I would faithfully put in a good word for James once in a while. He'd been crushing on her for a long time by then, and I wanted to help him out, especially after the talk we had after Courtney died.

But after awhile, I didn't want to put in a good word for him. Lily was pretty and nice...perfect. Her eyes were gorgeous...but not nearly as hauntingly beautiful as Courtney's. I saw her blue eyes everytime I closed my own. But Lily was so kind and lovely. I liked her alot.

But what could I do? My best friend was in love with her, and he'd claimed her first. And I had a feeling that she was starting to like him, too. I kept my feelings to myself.

Until the Quidditch final.

It was Gryffindor against Slytherin for the Cup. I was really nervous, barely eatting any breakfast that morning. James, who was the captain of the team by then, was snarfing everything in sight...I guess that was his way of dealing with nerves. As James nearly made himself explode, he said, "Come on, team. Let's go."

As we walked down to the locker rooms, I heard a voice call out from behind us: "Sirius! James!"

We turned around to see Lily Evans running towards us, her red hair flying behind her. She came up to us, her cheeks rosy from her little run. "I just wanted to wish you boys good luck." She kissed James on the cheek, then me (probably to make me not feel bad). James touched his cheek and had a silly little faraway smile on his face as he watched her walk towards the Quidditch stands. He turned to me. "I don't know what you did to convince her, but I think she's finally coming around."

I nodded, pretending to be happy for him. We walked down to the locker rooms in silence.

The game went better then anyone could've dreamed. The final score was 40-210, thanks in big part to James. When our Seeker caught the Snitch, our team took a victory lap. I saw Lily conducting the Gryffidor supporters in a rousing chorus of "We Are the Champions", pointing to the Slytherins when they sang the words "losers".

When the team landed, everyone rampaged onto the field, forming a circle around us. They lifted James high into the air, chanting: "POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!" I backed out of the crowd, watching with a mixture of adoration and jealousy. What the hell are the rest of us, chopped liver?

I felt a tap at my shoulder, and turned to find Lily Evans grinning at me. She wrapped me in a tight hug. "Oh, Sirius, you were brilliant!" I was no longer jealous of my best friend. Although I had a felling she would rather be hugging him, this felt good.

I tried to play it modest. "Nah, it was James, really..." but she shook her head.

"Come on, I saw you hitting all those Bludgers." She was watching me? Kick ass. "You were really great."

"Well...thanks." I suddenly felt shy, and I've never been shy around girls before.

The crowd carried James up to the castle to begin the celebration in the common room. Lily smiled at me and took my hand. "Come on, Sirius. Let's party."

**************

I woke up the next morning. I was surprised to find myself in Remus' bed instead of my own. Bright orange light from the rising sun was coming in through the window, and there was silence all around.

My head felt like it was splitting. I remembered the fire whiskey that some seventh years had snuck in, and how much I had been drinking...how much she had been drinking...

I sat up boltright. She was gone. But...had we really...

I remembered her taking my hand and leading me up to the dormitory. I remember her slipping out of her robes, and the way her pale skin was glowing in the moonlight. And the way that we made sweet love...

Oh my God. I'd had sex with Lily Evans.

I put on a bathroom robe and snuck out of the room. I crept down the stairs to the common room. It was dark, except for the dim, almost dead fire in the fireplace. I could see her hair sticking out for the side of one of the armchairs. "Lil?"

She turned around and saw me. "Oh. Sirius." She stood up. She was wrapped in an old quilt.

"I...did we...?" She nodded, and I sat down in one of the armchairs. She sat back down. I looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice was soft and weak.

"I didn't...hurt you?"

"No."

"Good." I wasn't sure what to say now.

"What are we going to do, Sirius?" She looked so lost and scared. I felt so horribly guilty. "That was my first time," she admitted softly.

"Yeah...mine, too."

She looked surprised, but didn't say anything. "I remember...it was... good."

"Thank God." She smiled at me, but it quickly turned to a frown.

"We can't tell anyone." I blinked at her, and she continued, "I mean, what would people think? No...we're going to keep this to ourselves. Agreed?"

"Um...yes." What eles could I say? She's ashamed that she was with me, I thought with a sinking heart.

"You can't even tell your friends. Not even James." She paused. "Especially not James."

"Um..."

"I like him a lot, Sirius."

"Yeah. He likes you, too." I felt like my heart was breaking again, just like it had the day I heard that Courtney was dead.

I gave Lily a hug, promised her I would keep our secret, and went to bed again. I remembered something about the night before. As I held her in my arms after it was all done, I'd whispered, "Lil, I love you."

She hadn't said a word.